G'day lenac03,
It's not so much that I'm not a non-Christian, as I am more or less a seeker, and that's what I put my title as, so I can't post in the Christian forums. So I guess that this is the next best place to post this. If I'm wrong, moderators, feel free to correct me.
I guess I'll start by copying and pasting this info out of my new member intro post, to give you some background.
I had gone to church almost my whole life, until something happened that ended up with my family involved with a lawsuit with another member of the church. The details aren't important, but long story short, my family ended up uprooting themselves and moving across the state in order to start over. We were also successful in the lawsuit itself, which actually gave me some faith in our legal system.
I know it's not necessarily fair of me to not want to go to church any more because of this, but, truly, this is why. I guess maybe this means I haven't forgiven them or something, but, it's not easy. And I'm human.
I haven't been in a church since Christmas 2005, and I've recently begun thinking about it more and more. I'm not sure where to go from here, so I'm hoping that I can get some advice from some of you all.
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I'm completely at a loss. Can I ever go back? I have really done a 180 from where I once was, growing up. Does God still want me? Where should I start?
I'm in college, so I'm not really sure where to even attempt to attend services, or who to talk to there.
I've been where you seem to be many times before!
There have been things that some people have done or said that really stirs feeings of discontentment when I'm around them. Naturally by myself I am unable of forgiving them because my flesh naturally wants vengence and to get back at them. The only way that we can resolve our problem feelings of hatred and anger toward fellow people is, ironically enough, by giving it away ... away to God to deal with.
Return to Christ and learn about and become more like Him and you'll find it easier to forgive people and to view the world through His eyes. I can't explain how it works, but I know it does because I've experienced it.
As to answer your question about whether God still loves you, I think that you know what I'll say, "Of course He does!" Should He? Probably not [given all the times even today we've sinned and hurt Him], but He does; truly, for me, that is the greatest mystery in the universe ... why the Son of the living God would give up His life for a sinful "scum" like me is mind-blowing. I honestly don't know why God loves me or why He loves you, but He does because it is in His nature to do so.
In one of Jesus' parables, He talked about a shepherd who had 100 sheep. One day, He counted only 99 of them and so He left the 99 sheep and went in search of the missing one. When He found that sheep He was over-joyed and chucked a party! This story is found in Luke 15:1-7, although this theme is carried onto Luke 15:8-32, but the main part that I wanted to quote from Scripture is Luke 15:7 which says:
"In the same way, there is more joy in heaven over one lost sinner who repents and turns to God than over 99 others who are righteous and haven't strayed away."
Personalize this for yourself: There is more joy in heaven for "lenac03" when she repents and turns to God than Billy Graham, Greg Laurie, Joyce Meyer, Chuck Swindol, Charles Stanley, "LivingLifeHisWay," "Key," "Confess," myself, and all the others on this forum who haven't strayed away!
Wow ... just think about that for a while ... God is more joyful when you return to Him than He is joyful about some of the greatest evangelists who haven't strayed away! If this passage alone doesn't tell you what God thinks of you and how He wants and begs for you to come back to Him, then I don't know what will.
There is a beautiful song called
So You Would Come by Russell Fragar and the lyrics are so Biblical and apply so beautifully to this discussion:
Before the world began, you were on His mind.
And every tear you cry, is precious in His sight.
Because of His great love, He gave His only Son.
Everything was done so you could come.
Nothing that you do, could make Him love you more.
And nothing that you've done,
Could make Him close the door.
Because of His great love, He gave His only Son.
Everything was done so you could come.
Come to the Father, though your gift is small.
Broken hearts, broken lives, He will take them all.
The power of the Word, the power of His blood.
Everything was done so you could come.
I want to reassure you on the basis of God's Word that no matter what you've done, God loves you the same and His love will never flucuate or go away. God is with you where ever you go and He is thinking wonderful thoughts about you (Psalm 139), He wants you to come to Him. He wants to make you His child (1 John 3:1) and carry out His good and prosperous plans for your life (Jeremiah 29:11). As you grow deeper in Christ you'll notice that you'll become more like Him. It is in this process of discipleship that we can find forgiving people a lot more easier and
natural.
Finally, as for what you should do now? Most colleges and universities should have a group of "Jesus-freaks" or believers on campus that are made up primarily of students ... meeting with them might be a great start because my friend who goes to a secular university finds them a great help in keeping His eyes set on God and strengthing His faith.
Other wise, just get out of the campus every now and then and while you're walking down the streets take notice of where some churches are and go to a few of them to get a feel of what they are like before choosing one. That's in my humble opinion anyway as I don't know your exact circumstances.
May God bless you and give you a peace that passes all understanding, from,
Scorch (a.k.a. RC-1262).
P.S. If you want to chat about this or anything else, please feel free to PM me.
