where do i go from here?

[magdelena]

I've been in church all my life.

Everything was good up to a few months ago. I was right w/God, I was happily married. Until someone caught my attention. I began to enjoy it too much. I began to fanticize about this person, until i had to get there name! From there things went kinda fast and i found myself falling for this person. We did things no christian married person should be doing, yet alone someone in the ministry.

So now this person has dissappeared. And im left hurt and empty and feeling differently towards my spouse. I can't stop thinking of this person. It's hard to pray since i obviously feel so distant from God. I don't think things will ever get back to the way they were. Confessing such sin would be soo disastrous since i am in ministry. I fear of affecting the way others view God. (i know a lot of people look up to me.) And i've soo failed them, my spouse and mostly God!

I can't help but wish my life was different.

 

[Hentenza]

Dear Magdalena,

Living with this inside of you will be much worse. It hardens the heart just like is doing right now. Our Lord knows that we are sinners and weak. He knows. Repentance is the only way. You might, and probably, be surprised at the love that the Lord will pour. I am not saying that there might not be repercussions but these are here and now. Your heart is of much more consequence than anything else that happens. God loves you.

 

[Lucis]

I agree with Hentenza that it is worse to live with all that inside. Look at what you are writing yourself that it makes you distanced from God, your spouse and also from yourself and the life you used to have.

And I think it would be far more disastrous for those that look up to you, if someone found out that you have been hiding all this. Anyone can understand that this is a problem that can happen, but hypocrisy is more difficult to accept for most people. I know with myself that hypocrites was one of the reasons why I hated Christianity before I learned who Jesus really is. People that said one thing and did another, people that was "holier then thou" and putting on a religious face.

God bless you. Said a prayer for you, good luck

 

[UnitynLove]

I've been in church all my life.

Everything was good up to a few months ago. I was right w/God, I was happily married. Until someone caught my attention. I began to enjoy it too much. I began to fanticize about this person, until i had to get there name! From there things went kinda fast and i found myself falling for this person. We did things no christian married person should be doing, yet alone someone in the ministry.

So now this person has dissappeared. And im left hurt and empty and feeling differently towards my spouse. I can't stop thinking of this person. It's hard to pray since i obviously feel so distant from God. I don't think things will ever get back to the way they were. Confessing such sin would be soo disastrous since i am in ministry. I fear of affecting the way others view God. (i know a lot of people look up to me.) And i've soo failed them, my spouse and mostly God!

I can't help but wish my life was different.

#1 we all make mistakes do not feel bad about that. God has forgive you for all your sin past, present and future. Remember what God said, "For if we confess our sin [to God] God is just and righteous to cleanse us of ALL unrighteousness. So just confess your sin to God and receive his mercy and forgiveness. YouTube - Broadcast Yourself.

#2. The question is why where you tempted to look at this other person? Are you having troubles in your marriage?? Are you offended at your husband, do you need to forgive him? What is your husband lacking to do for you that you were searching for in this other person. I would talk to your husband about what you are lack in your marriage. And try to get some counseling if it is really serious. Here is some teaching on marriage if you would like YouTube - Broadcast Yourself.

 

[Criada]

I've been in church all my life.

Everything was good up to a few months ago. I was right w/God, I was happily married. Until someone caught my attention. I began to enjoy it too much. I began to fanticize about this person, until i had to get there name! From there things went kinda fast and i found myself falling for this person. We did things no christian married person should be doing, yet alone someone in the ministry.

So now this person has dissappeared. And im left hurt and empty and feeling differently towards my spouse. I can't stop thinking of this person. It's hard to pray since i obviously feel so distant from God. I don't think things will ever get back to the way they were. Confessing such sin would be soo disastrous since i am in ministry. I fear of affecting the way others view God. (i know a lot of people look up to me.) And i've soo failed them, my spouse and mostly God!

I can't help but wish my life was different.

Sweetie, I know how you feel. Except in my case it was a woman I fell in love with, which makes it even more complicated.
But the guilt and the pain were horrible. Still are sometimes, to be honest. In the end I couldn't live with myself, and had to tell my husband. I also had to step down from the ministry I was leading... I didn't tell many people why, we didn't feel that was a good idea, as I really didn't want to be a stumbling block to others.
The thing is, I was terrified and convinced that confessing would be the end of the world.. or at least my marriage. But my husband, and the few others I told, were all very forgiving and gracious. It wasn't easy... sin has consequences, and some of those just have to be lived with.
But, the relief and the freedom that came with being honest are indescribable... and being able to come to God with a clean heart is worth any price.

I know, believe me, how frightening it is.
But God will bless you in it, sweetie. And it isn't worth compromising your relationship with Him, however hard it is.

I am praying for you, sister.. and here if you want to talk... PM me any time

 

[magdelena]

Thank you all for your kind and encouraging words, i really do appreciate them. Please continue to keep in your prayers.

 

[Chaplain David]

I've been in church all my life.

Everything was good up to a few months ago. I was right w/God, I was happily married. Until someone caught my attention. I began to enjoy it too much. I began to fanticize about this person, until i had to get there name! From there things went kinda fast and i found myself falling for this person. We did things no christian married person should be doing, yet alone someone in the ministry.

So now this person has dissappeared. And im left hurt and empty and feeling differently towards my spouse. I can't stop thinking of this person. It's hard to pray since i obviously feel so distant from God. I don't think things will ever get back to the way they were. Confessing such sin would be soo disastrous since i am in ministry. I fear of affecting the way others view God. (i know a lot of people look up to me.) And i've soo failed them, my spouse and mostly God!

I can't help but wish my life was different.

I am sorry this has happened to you and I know that it is very difficult. A.A. has a step within their twelve steps that is "Made amends to such people wherever possible except when to do so would injure them or others. I bring this up because as a minister I do not think it is prudent or helpful to announce this in any kind of public fashion. I believe it does more harm than good.
Also, God does not ask us to make a spectacle of ourselves. He and we require admission of our sin and repentance which can be done privately. But I would suggest doing it with clergy, say, a pastor you can trust.

A lot of prayer is needed here because of the different "attitude" you have about your spouse but I have seen wrong things righted so many times. I know that nothing is impossible for God. I have been involved in a similiar situation. But we must do what is right and righteous or we will be slowing consumed by all sorts of negativity from the inside out. And don't think satan hasn't had a hand in this. Everything like this he's right there, egging us on, manipulating circumstances and trying to manipulate us. God bless you Magdalena.

 

[myanchor]

Awww man. I'm so sorry you are dealing with the aftermath. I'm glad the dirtbag showed his true colors before you did some things that ruined your life. Get a life recovery bible. Get into some therapy and then come clean with your husband after a while. Not now, you are too vulnerable. But speaking as a guy, I would want my wife to be miserable just as you are until she finally had to tell me and accept what happened. Only then could we repair things. Her having a dirty secret would be a permanent distraction and disability on our marriage. You likely won't feel able to be clean before God until you come clean with the man who committed himself to you. But that's just my opinion, I'm not a counselor, nor am I a trained minister.

 

[bluelime2]

Using other peoples faith as an excuse to hide your own sin will only do more damage in the long run. And it isn't in Gods nature to 'have our backs' so to speak in deceitful situations like this. The devil can sit and wait and wait and then strike when he can do the most damage that he can in the situation - and that can mean far worse for you, as well as other people for hiding it.

When you became a minister you chose to live your life according to Gods ways, to turn your back on that promise, is doing exactly that. A mistake is bad enough when it's in this sort of arena and carries consequences, but to lie to other people in front of God, as his servant is far worse. We either choose God or we don't, and eternal judgment is a worse thing to face then temporary public disgrace. You sinned. We all do. If you have to step down from ministry then so be it. But at least you won't be risking your eternal destiny over it. That consequence is far more serious then the pain and embaressment of coming clean now.

 

[Johnnz]

Your time in ministry needs to end for a while. Why?

You cannot go on concealing what happened from your husband, especially since you still are drawn to that relationship,and you wonder whether your own marriage can get back to where it was. There is no way you can offer meaningful, Spirit led advice to others while you are in that position.

You need to get to the roots of why it happened. That may well include your husband, which is why he needs to know. Otherwise you will have distortions and gaps in your own ministry to others. And, such problems are pretty common within the church. You must not become the blind leading the blind.

I don't see sexual sins as any more serious that others. In fact I see the power base within the pulpit led ministry, and the tragic absence of really sound biblical teaching as widespread issues that are undermining the vitality and witness of the church, and are causing far more grief amongst Christians than sexual demeanours.

I am fully supportive of you as a person. More condemnation is not what you need right now. But there are some very hard decisions and some very real issues you and your husband must face. Work through them properly and you will see this time as a turning point for a far more comprehensive life of service later. A once over lightly and you will miss a life changing time.

John
NZ
I am more than happy to correspond if in any way I can help you through what lies ahead.

 

[magdelena]

Thanks you all for your kind words. I appreciate all the advice. Please keep me in your prayers.

 

[Criada]

How are you doing, sweetie?

 

[magdelena]

Im somewhat in the same position i was before...nothing much has changed except my feelings for this other person has probably grown. I find myself longing to see and hear from him. (he seems to come around every once and a while...) I know its wrong, but i can't seem to win this fight.... :*(

 

[Criada]

I'm sorry, sweetie... I'm not going to give you advice or anything, you've had plenty of that...
But if you need to talk anytime, please PM... I know how you feel.

 

[annrobert]

Please run away from this person as fast as you can and do not look back.
It is the best thing you can do
for Jesus
He is the Way and the Truth and the Life
He knows what is best and loves His sheep so deeply
He leads us to still Waters and restores our souls
He can be trusted that His ways are higher than ours as the heavens are higher than the earth
Please do not hurt Him
for yourself, your spiritual well being and wholeness
for your husband also

all in all
Jesus is the answer

I wish you all the best

Jesus bless you

 

[RuthD]

Im somewhat in the same position i was before...nothing much has changed except my feelings for this other person has probably grown. I find myself longing to see and hear from him. (he seems to come around every once and a while...) I know its wrong, but i can't seem to win this fight.... :*(

I am praying for you. I hope you will be able to be happy without him.