When?

Ditto, but I'm not looking for a guy and I'm 3 years older then you. Keep praying about it, your time will come!

Sister, I totally relate!!!! (Love your line under your name! Our women's bible study is working through a book title, "Father, I Long for a Heart that Dances" by Catherine Martin...awesome book!)
Anyway, I'll be 25 tomorrow, I am working 2 jobs- my full time job is carreer oriented, my 2nd job is just to get my finances set so I can finally move out on my own!, I am taking correspondence classes to get some required certification, not only am I as single as they come, but I don't have any friends, my age and who share my love of God. Each time there is a major event in my life, or a certain activity or threshold that I cross that I am so sure is going to change my life, yet everything continues on the same as always I get discouraged! This is def not where I thought I would be by now 5 yrs ago...this is not what I had planned...and I am not happy about it!

I can understand being tired of praying and tired of trusting God. I've been there for a very long time now and it doesn't seem to be getting any better. But I do know that God has a perfect plan for me, for all of us. For me personally, I know that I need to focus in on Him, I need to get to the point that He is all I see. Get so close to Him that I can hear His heartbeat, so close that I can't see my surroundings, just Him and that I can hear the gentle whisper of His voice. How do I do this?? I don't know! And that is what is getting pretty frustrating. It seems the harder I try to just focus in on Him the harder Satan bombards me with different things, getting my focus back off Him. Besides, it gets pretty old having to refocus every single minute of the day. I know that if I just stuck with it, it would get easier and I wouldn't have to work so hard at it, but it seems like I can't even make it through one day. Sorry if I'm rambling, I don't think there really is an easy answer to this. Just know that you aren't the only one struggling with this, and I will be praying for you cuz I totally understand what you are going through.

This is a song by Matthew West, who I had the awesome privilege of seeing at the Winter Jam last week, that so totally spoke to me. Not only does it say exactly how I feel, but it also speaks of the total surrender that I would like to be able to do.

"Out of My Hands"

There you go changing my plans again
There you go shifting my sands again
For reasons I don't understand again
Lately I don't have a clue
Just when I start liking what I see
There you go changing my scenery
I never never know where you're taking me
But I'm just trying to follow you

It's out of my hands
It's out of my reach
It's over my head
And it's out of my league
There's too many things
That I don't understand
So it's into your will
And it's out of my hands

There you go healing these scars again
Showing me right where you are again
I'm helpless, and that's where I start again
I'm giving it all up to you

Move me, make me
Choose me, change me
Send me, shake me
Find me, remind me
The past is behind me
Take it all away
Take it all from me, I pray.


Among all the things I don't know, the one thing I do know is that God does have a perfect plan, although we may not see it now, and we may never understand why we went through the things we went through, He does know best and we can be saved so much heartache as long as we follow His leading. Not only does God tell us that His ways are above ours, that His foolishness is smarter than our wisdom, but that His desire is to prosper us, not to harm us, plans to give us hope and a future. He just doesn't reveal His timeline to us, which is what really frustrates me! There is another verse that has just recently been brought to my attention and I feel it applies to this situation, at least for me, although I haven't quite figured out how. Exodus 14:14 "The Lord will fight for you; you need only to be still." Right now, all it speaks to me is that I know that I can't stand not knowing what's around the next bend. So, I'm running all over the place trying to make sure I hear God's will for my life, yet at the same time try to figure out how it's all gonna come together...when all He wants is for me just to stand still so that He can bless me. Wow....now why is it easier to type those words then to live them?!

Okay, I don't know if that helped you at all. I will be praying for you!

Hello Living,


"When God?" is the question many of us singles ask Him during our alone time in prayer. It just doesn't seem like we are receiving what we really want in life. "Somehow my prayer seems to be more overlooked than the rest...." we think.

Truth is, this is the time when God wants to see us truly faithful to Him. He wants to see if you will throw in the towel or declare victory because you know "If ye shall ask any thing in my name, I will do" John 14:14.

Now by no means i'm suggesting this is the easiest thing to do, but i will say that you believe in Jesus because you know the word of God is true... since you believe, then you know it will be given to you... But! Only when God says that its yours to have. Be patient and faithful and your cup will overflow with blessings.

I'm currently being tested on my faith, so i'm speaking as a person in the same shoes... I've cried and pleaded with the Lord almost everynight (still till this day), but I hear the Lord reminding me to be patient and theverse John 14:14.

Stay prayful!
-Lady

I think it helps to not focus on finding a significant other - take up hobbies you enjoy doing, work towards personal goals, etc. It helped - for me at least - to not view marriage as necessary for contentment: in my case it really wouldn't have been.

That's how I feel. When will it end God? I do your will and each morning is the same as the one before. I tire of waking to a city of changeless days. All I long for is repose. No pomp or circumstance. No parade or party. Just the end of the weariness which dogs me day and night. I'm not special or extraordinaory. I don't ask for miracles or riches, just the comfort of the shade to embrace me and take me home.

Well, you're doing one better than me-I'm still looking for a job after quitting grad school last March. Please keep me in your prayers that I find a good job soon so that I can move out of my parents house.

Have idealistic goals and work towards them - does a lot for taking emphasis away from the present

Living4Him03 said:

When will my life get better ... ? ...every day I just become more aware of my singleness .... But, I really do have a desire for a husband ...to share my life with someone! ... Sorry for the rant, I am just really frustrated with my life right now and I'm at a point where I just want to ask God, "okay, what is the point? What am I doing here? Why did you put me here? When are things going to get better? Will I ever see the fruits of the work I do?"

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waterbear said:

I think it helps to not focus on finding a significant other - take up hobbies you enjoy doing, work towards personal goals, etc. It helped - for me at least - to not view marriage as necessary for contentment: in my case it really wouldn't have been.

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Alright, here I go again. First of all, don't be sorry for ranting! Ranting certainly isn't always a bad thing.

Secondly - what Mr. Waterbear there said is right on the money. Absolutely. As I read your post in pink there I was saying to myself, "No, no no no no no no no, she's got stop dwelling." There should be NO need in your life to rush to marriage. No. No need. None. Just because you're ready now doesn't mean you are. I'm not saying you're not ready I'm just saying that for some people it's not true - when they think they are they're really not yet. Also, just because you're ready doesn't mean it should be happening yet.

I also have a desire to be with someone, to spend precious moments with someone, to have someone there... but there's a super humongous giganto key to life and being content - and they key is to BE HAPPY ALONE just all by yourself and with God. If that can be achieved then you are a better person. Now as i preach this I know full well that I get down sometimes myself but I keep myself occupied. When I find myself getting down I refocus and I do that FAST. I used to be a smoker and I get a craving from time to time but what I do is refocus, say, "God, get me to thinkin' something else quickly, please!?" And it happens and the craving's gone. I don't necessarily get a craving for a wife but I get a feeling of loneliness. Like the disgusting cigarette craving I snap myself out a funk of loneliness by asking God to steer my mind away and fast, please.

Having things to do is important. No. Wait. I could backspace but let me re-state that - having things to do is VERY important. Not just "things" but things you enjoy. My work as an EMT is very rewarding plus it gives me enough time off to pursue other interests. So work for me is a positive. (For some people it's not, they hate what they do and even though they bust their butt at it, at the end of the day they may be satisfied at how hard they've worked but not enjoying a job can help bring someone down.)

I read. A lot. I have about a dozen books right now that I've purchased and are waiting to be read. I have dozens more that I'd happily read a second time. These books enrich my life, they suck me into the topic I am reading about, they fill me with knowledge, and they keep my mind off any kind of loneliness.

I enjoy the outdoors. Not just a lot but a lot lot. Unfortunately here in these parts of Alaska it's wicked cold and when I say wicked I'm not being a wimp about cold weather I mean it's -20 and -30 and -40 below zero Fahrenheit. When it's not this bad I'm outside enjoying nature. Depending on the season I ski, snowboard, snowshoe, go for day hikes, go overnight backpacking, climb mountains, mountain bike, if I was near a warm enough ocean I'd also be surfing. So I have those activities to give me joy and keep me occupied.

I'm also a pilot with the ultimate goal of flying for God and doing His work in the skies because He needs pilots to help do his work, too ... but I'm still working my way up the chain of certificates so eventually I can be certified to be employed to fly twin engine planes with passengers. So there's something else I actively take part which includes studying and practicing. That ultimate goal is one that beings me so much joy and I'm not even half way there yet!!!!!!!!!!! I'd LOVE to share with someone the results of that goal when the time comes and even right now I'd love to share the experience of going towards that goal... but since I have no one special I don't dwell on the fact I have no one to share it with, I just praise God and keep so much joy for myself.

One more thing is I am interested in is environmental matters. I spend some time writing letters to affect change because it pains me to see God's creation being ruined.

One final thing is I volunteer between 1 and 3 nights or days a week at the Red Cross and/or the soup kitchen here in town.

The point of all this is - keep yourself surrounded with good things in your life, things that will allow you to take your mind of any thoughts of loneliness. Do not dwell. Do not dwell. Just don't do that at all. Do not be frustrated. I cannot stress that enough. You cannot dwell on your desire to have someone, you cannot be frustrated at sitting home on the couch alone. You need to be able to have near-complete joy in life all by your lonesome, just you and God. WHEN THE TIME comes, if that's what God has designed for your life, then you'll have your spouse to enjoy the pleasures of courting/engagement/marriage with. But you CANNOT dwell on when when when.

Times that you feel down don't just ask God to help you steer your thoughts away from trouble. ALSO lean on him. His arms are reaching down to you. They are ALWAYS there. Lean into his arms. What are they there for? Do you know? His arms are there for you in all your times of trouble, all your times of darkness, times of depair, suffering, and all your times of loneliness. His arms are not there to pat you on the back saying, "There, there, you just keep suffering for awhile, okay?" NO! His arms are ALWAYS there for you to be comforted. His everlasting arms are there to take away your despair and loneliness and frustration... to TAKE AWAY. Recognize those arms, lean into those arms, praise those arms, give thanks for those arms... they're right there for you. Know that God has seen your life, He knew yesterday what's in store for you 20 years from now. He doesn't want you to suffer loneliness, he wants you to grow in the knowledge of Christ and with that increase you should also be growing in your love for Christ and you should always be striving to conform to Christ... every day. Increase in those three things will lead you ever closer to personal joy in yourself not to mention joy in your relationship with God!!! Ongoing frustration and feelings of despair and MURMURING will be nothing less than a roadblock to those goals.

Lord, Our Father in Heaven, thank you. Thank you for your graciousness. Thank you for Jesus. I pray right now that for all those who suffer feelings of loneliness, myself included sometimes, that you'll reach down and help us along, give us the wisdom and the ability to know that what's good and right will happen when you've chosen for it to happen. Help us to be patient, help us to be more patient, help us to be the most patient children you've ever had! And help us to be released from thoughts of loneliness, help us to increase our joy in you and our joy in living a single life. That is possible, God, I know it is but others sometimes do not feel it so much. I pray, God, that you will help us all a little more right now. In Jesus' wonderful name, I pray. Amen!

I have to second what Chris Winston said. Bravo!

Does it help at all to know that no one's life ever arrives at the point where everything is just great? And if it does, it doesn't stay there for long. Look around you at church next Sunday - everyone you see, even those with perfect hair and shiny new minivans and 2.5 beautiful children, will be dealing with some kind of uncertainty. EVERYONE. What will the biopsy show? Is my son doing drugs? Will my brother ever be saved? What if I'm pregnant? What if I'm not pregnant and never will be? Is she The One? How will I feed my kids if I'm laid off next month? How do I confront my friend? That check I just dropped into the offering plate - what if it clears before my paycheck gets deposited? What if the call comes when I'm on the road and I can't get to the hospice in time to say goodbye? And on and on and on. If you're lucky, one thing gets resolved before the next one pops up. If you're really lucky, you get a lull in between. But things aren't ever going to fall into place, and I think that it's a lot easier to be content once you stop expecting that they will - or at least that they should. Does that sound weird?

The same is true for the specific issue of singleness. This is probably going to sound horrifying, but it's true: In order to be content as a single, you have to make peace with the idea that you may never get married. This doesn't mean you decide never to marry, and it definitely doesn't mean you stop wanting to get married. But you have to stop seeing your single life as some kind of warm-up act for your REAL life, which will start when you're married. Your life RIGHT NOW, married or single, IS your real life. It's the only one you're gonna get, and it's nonrenewable, so make the most of it!

This is a difficult thing to do - partly, I'm afraid, because of the way marriage is viewed in some Christian circles. It's idolized - "You're struggling now, but God is preparing you for ... <drum roll>... YOUR HUSBAND!" (Actually, what He's preparing you for is eternal life with Him. Whether or not you get married is kind of beside the point.) It's idealized - "When God brings you that special person it will be more wonderful than anything you can imagine." (How's that for an unrealistic expectation? I hope some guy's not out there expecting me to be better than anything he can imagine, because I don't think I can live up to that!) Most disturbingly, marriage is treated as a reward and a sign of divine favor - "Concentrate on your relationship with God, and then He will bring you that special person." This only turns singleness into a punishment - "Hmmm ... she's not married yet - must be there's something wrong with her relationship with God." These are all fallacies that cause a tremendous amount of hurt, guilt, and confusion among singles. But I digress ...

Anyway, I don't mean to minimize your feelings or make them worse. I recognize them and still struggle with them myself on occasion. But the point I'm trying to make, I guess, is "Welcome to life!" It's a struggle for everyone, and I think this collective longing we all have for that "golden moment" when everything is resolved and we have all the answers and live happily ever after - it's not a sign that we're doing something wrong. It's really a longing for heaven.

Stay strong Living, God's holding you in his hands. Just try to keep to James 1:2-4 in mind.

Princess Pea said:

The same is true for the specific issue of singleness. This is probably going to sound horrifying, but it's true: In order to be content as a single, you have to make peace with the idea that you may never get married. This doesn't mean you decide never to marry, and it definitely doesn't mean you stop wanting to get married. But you have to stop seeing your single life as some kind of warm-up act for your REAL life, which will start when you're married. Your life RIGHT NOW, married or single, IS your real life. It's the only one you're gonna get, and it's nonrenewable, so make the most of it!

This is a difficult thing to do - partly, I'm afraid, because of the way marriage is viewed in some Christian circles. It's idolized - "You're struggling now, but God is preparing you for ... <drum roll>... YOUR HUSBAND!" (Actually, what He's preparing you for is eternal life with Him. Whether or not you get married is kind of beside the point.) It's idealized - "When God brings you that special person it will be more wonderful than anything you can imagine." (How's that for an unrealistic expectation? I hope some guy's not out there expecting me to be better than anything he can imagine, because I don't think I can live up to that!) Most disturbingly, marriage is treated as a reward and a sign of divine favor - "Concentrate on your relationship with God, and then He will bring you that special person." This only turns singleness into a punishment - "Hmmm ... she's not married yet - must be there's something wrong with her relationship with God." These are all fallacies that cause a tremendous amount of hurt, guilt, and confusion among singles. But I digress ...

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Pea, if you had a rep button I'd be clicking it. I think I already got you too, Chris.

Possibly the best thing you can do for yourself is realize that, aside from asking God, there really isn't much else you can do to find the person God has for you. In fact, it's even better to come to terms with the fact that God might not have a person in store for you! Once you come to terms with that, it's easier to stop worrying ("Am I doing something wrong?" "Is the 'perfect' person out there not seeing me because I'm not 'perfect' as well?" "Why do others have significant others?") and begin noticing the things you can have in your life aside from it.

Er, sorry. I went off the OP topic, didn't I? It still applies to life in general, though. Unfortunately, God's plan doesn't always make us the most comfortable or happy at times. But if we come to terms with it we can see the brighter sides to it.

I want someone from God too and also have a lot to do in a day. One day, I heard someone said " If you ask for a one million dollars from God, by His power, He can give you. However, are you able to handle such money?" So some questions came to my thought. Was I able to handle a serious relationship? Was I ready to share my personal life with some man or be a girlfriend as God want me to be? Did I have time for him? Was I mature enough? Then I realized I was not ready to have a serious relationship. I just wanted a romance not a family life. Serious relationship needs sacrifice, patient and humble. The most important thing is that I have to clean up my christian life first because it is basic of christian family life. Therefore, my love life will be a witness of God love.

God know I am not ready because of my many activities and my personality. Though I'm God's daughter, God won't let me do something bad to His son also. So I still in learning process. If I am ready, I believe God will bring me to him. I will be his supporter to help him succeed his work as God's will as stated in Genesis 3:18

Moreover, maybe the one you are looking for is a guy next door. Maybe he is near you than you think. You just can't see him because of your expectation. I have high expectation too. This expectation maybe prevent him to come to me.

If you are ready and he is also ready, God will give you a love relationship. Just wait and explore you relationship with God first and get rid of the habits that can destroy a relationship. Just another different viewpoint. Um..can help???

Wow, Chris and PrincessPea had awesome posts! Some very good wisdom in them both.

I would just also add that perhaps things are exactly as you want them because God still wants you to depend on Him. I have a tendency with things are going my way, to think "I" was responsible for it. When my life seems like it is going anywhere or maybe in a direction I didn't intend for it to, it forces me to cling to God for strength and support and direction and lot's of other things. Maybe this is part of God's way in strengthing your trust in Him.

Did you know the Girl From Ipanema Went to Greenland?

That's another story but listen, I've got some more to say on loneliness and wondering when.

"WHEN GOD??????" Some people keep asking that, don't they? You might be fed up with the loneliness so you want that spouse now. That's arguing with God. We should not be in dispute with God. If now was the time then you'd sure as heck know it. God would be right in your face putting a relationship with someone before you, telling you, "Here, now's the time, be careful, enjoy." Right? Right. But when you dwell on the loneliness, when you murmur how you want it now, now, now, I want it now, you're causing strife in your own life and you're choosing that strife. Are you really a [bless and do not curse][bless and do not curse][bless and do not curse][bless and do not curse][bless and do not curse][bless and do not curse][bless and do not curse][bless and do not curse][bless and do not curse]? Do you truly take pleasure in feeling like crud? You're not crud. And you have the choice to, i said - YOU HAVE THE CHOICE - to not dwell in loneliness and despair. You're blessed by God, you have God given purpose. Do you think God wants you to feel like crud? No, of course not. He has created us wonderfully and that includes our SINGLENESS being WONDERFUL. Philippians 4:11 tells us to be content in whatever state we are in and I'm not talkin' whether you're in Oklahoma or New Hampshire or any of the other how ever many states there are. Be content in singleness. In Hebrews 13:5 we're told not to be covetous. Well, what is it when you see married people happily holding hands and kissing and you long for that yourself? That's coveting what they have. I know we all have our desires but tis not good to dwell. That word - dwell - to me is such a key. When you dwell you're unable to properly praise God and all he has given us. Philippians 4:4 - Rejoice in the Lord always. Again I will say, Rejoice! Do you rejoice when you're feeling down in the dumps in darkness and wondering and loneliness? You're not worthless but God wants you to be single right now so rejoice. You're single for a reason. Maybe you don't have an answer exactly what that reason is but push forward without murmuring about it. Psalm 146:3 says "Do not put your faith in princes, Nor in a son of man." Put your faith in Christ.

I get down too sometimes. I'm human. And believe me, I can get pretty blue but I recognize it. When I get a craving for a cigarette I recognize that having one would blow my (hopefully for the rest of my life) refrain from another. One won't kill me but it could really set me back 'cause I'd probably smoke the whole pack and then I'd want another pack and that'd be six bucks down the drain and my lungs would be wanting to cut my head off. It could very well be a set back in my life to give in to a craving. When I get down and blue about being single I snap the heck out of it just as fast as I snap out of a cigarette craving. Prolonging a spell of feeling depressed is not a good thing and it is something that always needs to be recognized right off the bat so the train doesn't take off down the track for longer than it should. Put an immediate halt to loneliness and despair, make an immediate turn to God or at the very least turn to something something something else that will take your mind off the troubles you feel: a book, cartoons, a movie, jogging, gardening - SOMETHING!

Do you think Katrina & The Waves would be happy about you not walking on Sunshine? Of course not! And God sure as heck ain't happy about it either. Grief, depression, sadness, darkness, constant wondering and murmuring - those are all things that will help bury you. Living your life with any of that hanging over your head isn't what God wants. If you wanna disappoint God that's your choice. I don't want to. I hope you don't want to either.

cw

God wants you to depend on him as well as also rely on him through the good and not so good times.

Statistically, you most likely will get married.

I think you should keep asking God to work in your life, and keep telling Him your desire for a husband and why you want that.

It would not have worked to tell me that "You have to be content being single" and whatnot..... because I have had a very difficult and isolated past, when it comes to close friendships and relationships. Also, I am an introvert and thus by definition function best and most naturally (and grow the most as well) when having a few very close relationships (rather than many slightly less close and connected ones). I knew this about myself, too, and after wanting to find *that* guy for forever, praying about it... finally came to the conclusion about why I really needed/wanted that. I am also very much the type to be introspective and analyze myself, all the ins and outs..... So I ended up telling God this and He delivered.. hehe... I've now been with an amazing Christian guy for almost two months, and we are following God's leading day by day.

The truth is that God designed us for community and intimacy, and if He thinks you need marriage in order to have what He designed us for relationally... He will give that to you. We cannot grow and develop apart from close relationships (and I don't mean marriage exclusively.. though my theory is that one incredibly close relationship i.e. marriage can make up for the lack of that earlier in life, and facilitate much more rapid growth in a shorter amount of time).

God wants you to be whole, both individually and relationally. He wants to bless you. If marriage will be His best for you, then He will surely lead you there.

Dear dear L4H I now how you feel and to quote a little of your thread .i'm tired of waiting for God to bring the right guy into my life...every day I just become more aware of my singleness and if I say anything about it to my friends, I know I know, you see I have been waiting many years, and im 42! At 21 I wanted to be married, and at 35 i still wasnt ready. At 41 i discovered the true JOY of life, when i discovered true happiness in Jesus. I still long for a wife to care for and cherish and I still get hurt, but my love and affection for Jesus is stronger than more longing for a wife. God had to teach me these things, and waiting has brought me very close to Him. I wish I wss only 22 yrs old, I would feel more hope for my self, yet I rely on God. Trust me, the longer you are made to wait, the stronger your relationship wiht God will be and the better wife you will be. The more you wait the more stable you will become when satan attacks the marriage, because as you wait you hurt and as you hurt you pray and as you pray you become closer to Jesus and as you do you become more spirit filled and more chilled.
Oh its easy for me to say, Im sure it doesnt bring you much comfort when you see all your friends getting married and having kids..yes it hurts...but it WILL GET BETTER as my life as even though as yet I have no dear one to cherish. The Lord is with as He is with me, be strong, and remember that It is working for you good, and not evil.
Bless you John