When will churches and leaders wake up to reality?

[Sir Robbins]

I often read threads from Desiring God which for those of you whom don't know, is compiled of pastors, casual writers and of course, the work of John Piper. Another post was made a few days ago titled "Waiting to Awaken Love".

Here is the article
Waiting to Awaken Love


It appears that many are either oblivious or ignorant to the fact that the world and the church for that matter are changing. Marriage is not in the plans of very many from my generation and that includes those in the church. Premarital sex is about as common as kids with cell phones today. Single men have left the church in staggering numbers, organizations like MGTOW are growing in size in the fight against feminism and the desire to be free from prior social obligations and live independently is overpowering the desire to be married with kids.

Article on leaving church
Should I Leave My Church? Three Questions to Ask One Another


I guess my point is that organizations like Desiring God seem to have some cheesy unrealistic expectations that were once admirable but now laughable, even to many devoted Christians and they appear oblivious to it. My favorite articles to laugh at are the ones about living as a single late in life and then you find out the author of the article has been married since the age of 20 and has 4 kids and is a stay at home mom. ugh... where do you think they have the authority to speak on such matters?

Then there is this article
Is the Church Breeding Loneliness? Interview with Rosaria Butterfield

I believe the churches across the globe are doing this slowly but steadily. They are questioning where the singles are going but not questioning why. People who are single by choice and NOT in ministry are apparently odd balls and potential targets for criticism and backlash. I know I am. I experienced it. Anyone else fit this bill?

 

[~Zao~]

40 And they laughed at him. Then he put them all outside, and took the child’s father and mother and those who were with him, and went in where the child was. 41 He took her by the hand and said to her, “Talitha cum,” which means, “Little girl, get up!”

 

[CodyFaith]

.

 

[Sketcher]

I often read threads from Desiring God which for those of you whom don't know, is compiled of pastors, casual writers and of course, the work of John Piper. Another post was made a few days ago titled "Waiting to Awaken Love".

Here is the article
Waiting to Awaken Love


It appears that many are either oblivious or ignorant to the fact that the world and the church for that matter are changing. Marriage is not in the plans of very many from my generation and that includes those in the church. Premarital sex is about as common as kids with cell phones today. Single men have left the church in staggering numbers, organizations like MGTOW are growing in size in the fight against feminism and the desire to be free from prior social obligations and live independently is overpowering the desire to be married with kids.

We have to consider the intended scope of the article. I don't think it attempted to convince people who have already abandoned the church or who have already adopted worldly dating values.

Article on leaving church
Should I Leave My Church? Three Questions to Ask One Another


I guess my point is that organizations like Desiring God seem to have some cheesy unrealistic expectations that were once admirable but now laughable, even to many devoted Christians and they appear oblivious to it. My favorite articles to laugh at are the ones about living as a single late in life and then you find out the author of the article has been married since the age of 20 and has 4 kids and is a stay at home mom. ugh... where do you think they have the authority to speak on such matters?

To what expectations in the article are you referring as cheesy? I see it as nothing but a partial guide for ministry workers as to how to have a conversation with parishioners who are leaving for a different church.

Then there is this article
Is the Church Breeding Loneliness? Interview with Rosaria Butterfield

I believe the churches across the globe are doing this slowly but steadily. They are questioning where the singles are going but not questioning why. People who are single by choice and NOT in ministry are apparently odd balls and potential targets for criticism and backlash. I know I am. I experienced it. Anyone else fit this bill?

I wish they fleshed out some of the buzzwords more.

 

[Sir Robbins]

We have to consider the intended scope of the article. I don't think it attempted to convince people who have already abandoned the church or who have already adopted worldly dating values.


To what expectations in the article are you referring as cheesy? I see it as nothing but a partial guide for ministry workers as to how to have a conversation with parishioners who are leaving for a different church.


I wish they fleshed out some of the buzzwords more.

Many of the wording they use is what I refer to as cheesy as well as the old tactics of dating they refer too when trying to communicate to essentially generation z.

 

[Sketcher]

Many of the wording they use is what I refer to as cheesy as well as the old tactics of dating they refer too when trying to communicate to essentially generation z.

What tactics of dating did they refer to exactly?

 

[Sir Robbins]

What tactics of dating did they refer to exactly?

relying on your parents and close friends for approval and guidance when most of these parents and friends are already divorced or messed up in some way. I see in a situation where that is not the case to be beneficial but if you are not your authentic self around your family and friends, advice can be dangerous. I forgot to post the article referencing what I'm saying. I'll go find it

 

[Sketcher]

relying on your parents and close friends for approval and guidance when most of these parents and friends are already divorced or messed up in some way. I see in a situation where that is not the case to be beneficial but if you are not your authentic self around your family and friends, advice can be dangerous. I forgot to post the article referencing what I'm saying. I'll go find it

While that can be a mistake, I'm missing where any of the three articles refer to that directly. BTW I think that is usually a necessary layer, but that's not all you should lean on.

 

[Niels]

As much as I dislike the idea of married people leading singles groups, those articles seem benign to me.

 

[CodyFaith]

Was going to write more but am kind of switching up a bit and I'll just say I agree with the OP on the matter of older folks in the church who have been married since they were like 20 commenting on the struggles of singles in the church. They really have nothing to compare to.

 

[Sir Robbins]

As much as I dislike the idea of married people leading singles groups, those articles seem benign to me.

certainly it can seem that way and of course they are written with no harm intended but it seems they write it in a way that was more relevant 30 years ago versus today. The fact that many of the authors are from GenX or Baby boomers and telling younger ones how to deal with stuff the way they did really isn't effective.

 

[ThisIsMe123]

certainly it can seem that way and of course they are written with no harm intended but it seems they write it in a way that was more relevant 30 years ago versus today. The fact that many of the authors are from GenX or Baby boomers and telling younger ones how to deal with stuff the way they did really isn't effective.

The thing is, people Baby boomers and younger married young. Typically between the ages of 18 to 25. I recall this high school Christian couple that had wedding date planned right after their HS graduation. I chuckled when I was talking to a friend of theirs and I was like "How long do you give it?" I would likely place money that they divorced by age 40-ish as I've seen similar couples inevitably had their marriages ended a decade or 2 later.

I can't recall when this advice was given, but at the time, I had read over and over that it's best to wait until at least age 30 to marry, as we are still developing mentally between 18 and 30. By 30, they can wind up being two completely different people and no longer aligned in certain things.

Then there's the rush to the altar to make it so that sex before marriage wouldn't be a sin. So there's that. A recipe for disaster.

So, if people are marrying, they are choosing much later, this can leave us to having people being tempted to having sex before marriage. 40-year old virgins, esp. if they are men, are laughed at. They are seen as inadequate and to be avoided as dating prospects may see them as socially deficient. I saw the MGTOW acronym...they are usually seeking women overseas, also there are the INCELs (involuntarily celibate). Yes, men past a certain age don't want to be celibate until marriage. Some have a hard time finding a woman, they'll reach an age and think, 'Man, what if I never get married? Do I live like a priest? Forget that!"

Sure, they eventually find a girlfriend in their 40s...but by that time, they have left waiting for that "waiting until marriage" thing under the bridge.

Basically, waiting until marriage is something young people do, not people past 40. That's the reality of the situation. Not that I condone it, but I don't know a single person outside of the priesthood or missionary or whomever person of the cloth that's out there, to do this. Of course, I could get into THOSE scandals involving pastors cheating on wives, but we won't go there. It irks me that at least they have wives they can have sex with, but still go ......... the church secretary.

 

[dayhiker]

Then there are all the divorced singles. We don't want to repeat the same mistake we made last time yet we want meaningful connections. At least I do. I worked hard at being the husband the church said I should be, but that is just not who I am. The church has defined things so 50ish that all who are something else don't fit any more.
So I figured out how I can love the was Jesus said to love and that's how my relationships are ... but ofcourse that is not acceptable to the church I attend. So I attend and don't become a member because I can't live their requirements. Thankfully I can live a life that is acceptable to God.

 

[Niels]

certainly it can seem that way and of course they are written with no harm intended but it seems they write it in a way that was more relevant 30 years ago versus today. The fact that many of the authors are from GenX or Baby boomers and telling younger ones how to deal with stuff the way they did really isn't effective.

For as long as I can remember, popular church culture has been about 20-30 years behind the times. The message is timeless, but the other stuff that people try to sell it with it rarely ages well.

This underscores one of the many reasons why advice should be taken with a grain of salt. It comes from other imperfect creatures who are ensconced within their own set of circumstances. What worked for them, perhaps by chance or by providence, has grown easy and rose-colored with nostalgia. Their thoughts count for something, but our lives are uniquely our own.

 

[Single Life]

I am completely free as a single in Jesus even if I am married or not.