When to tell the truth?

[~PICKLE~]

As some may know, I'm a very concered parent. My son means everything to me, he is such a blessing to me everyday, and I cherish his love for me. So I have a concern that just popped up about 30 mins ago. let me explain, Dec 6, 2002 my husband And I got a phone call from a hospital in Arizona, we had to leave immediatly, my husbands father was in an acciedent and in ICU. WE thought the best of letting My son stay with His Meemaw and Peepaw while we flew to Az. We didn't know how long we'd be there, the hospital didn't give detail, so we were going on a spur of the moment thing. My son has a very good relationship with his grandparents so I thought it was for the best. Well When we got to Az, it was worse than we thought. (I'M not going to go into detail, to long and off the point) My husbands dad was in ICU for 10 days then on another floor for 3 then another for 2. So that's 15 days we were away from our son. He knew his Pappy was in the hospital, we talked to him everyday about 10 x's a day(I'll never 4 get that phone bill) Anyways, the 16th day my husbands dad passed away. We had to stay In AZ another month to get things settled and to pack up the house. We talked everyday to our son, and day after day you could hear the depresssion in his voice cause we were not there. We tried, we were gonna meet my mom half way just to get him then it snowed in Flagsstaff and New Mexico and my mom doesn't drive in snow. The airlines wouldn't even let my mom and my son trade our return tickets so they could fly out. We really tried everything. It was sooooooooooooooooo hard without him, we both needed him so much. ( Man, I didn't want to cry all over again, it just saddens me, to tink about it) Well finally everything got settled and we loaded up in a U-Haul and started towards Texas. My mom knew we were coming, but she didn't tell our son, just in case something happened. Didn't want things to get worse. Anyways, we surprised him. You should of seen his face light up when we walked into the house. Man had he grown, I think we loved and kissed on him and cried for 3 hours.
Since then My son has asked where his pappy is and why he hasn't visited. We haven't had the heart to tell him. He thinks he's still in AZ. I feel like I'm lying to him, well in a way I am, cause I'm not telling him. Is he old enough to understand? He talks often about his pappy, but just awhile ago he asked me if I talk to Pappy in my dreams. I told him no, he then told me that he sees and talks to his pappy in his dreams. I had to give him a hugs cause I didn't want him to see me tear up. It told me it doesn't scare hom though, it helps put him to sleep. What is that suppose to mean!!!!!!!!!!! He's 4, is it possible that he does see and talk to his pappy in his dreams? Or is that something normal for a 4 year old to say when they miss someone? Help me, My husband is asleep and it would crush him if I said anything right now anyways. When should I tell my Son what has happened also. He's a very smart kid, but this one has me stumped. I have no clue what to do next. My mom says he won't understand, I just need more opinion about it. Please help, I think i have 3 or 4 ?'s - I'm not sure, my mind is slipping.

 

[Tangnefedd]

Children often see things like this, it is quite normal. He has probably picked up on things and this is the way his subconcious is dealing with it. Tell him the truth in words that he will understand, you must not keep it from him any longer, or you are storing up a load of problems for your son and yourself!

 

[Evening Mist]

I agree that he has probably already picked up on the fact that something happened to his grandfather. Its hard to hide something like that from a child, and he probably has suspcians. He will make the conversation easier than you think. Tell him right away -- don't give him time to worry and guess. Allow for his sadness, but also allow for the fact that he might not completely understand, or he might take it as a matter of fact. Tell him that he'll see his grandpa again in heaven someday.

 

[mle]

Me too I think you should be honest with him. He will be upset that his Pappy died but he will be even more upset if you break his trust by holding back or lying to him. It sounds to me like he already knows and he wants you to tell him.

 

[mamaneenie]

I think you need to tell him. I think at 4, he is able to understand a little bit about death. He will be sad, but he will be even sadder if he hears it from someone else and thinks you were lying to him.

 

[set free in Christ]

......"I think at 4, he is able to understand a little bit about death" oh boy ever. Our dog got killed by a car. We told our 2 1/2 year old grandson about it. "P.J. got hit by a car today." His reply "can you fix her" We told him no and he understood.

Little kids are nothing but a brain on legs if you ask me. They understand a lot more than you five them credit for.