When to speak up?

[Christgirl67]

I have a hard time knowing when to say something and when not to.I recently went to a vacation to my dad's out of state,and he got so angry and was yelling over the most simple things.It made me uncomfortable and I wanted to tell him to calm down,but I did not want to make it worse.I just hate being in awkward situations like that,and wondering is it best to say something or be quiet.This also causes me to end up suppressing my emotions,and pretending like everything is ok when it is not.I just do not know what to do.Its bothering me now because I cannot keep bottling my emotions up,and I just get so tired of having dysfunction going on and being silent just to keep the peace.

 

[HTacianas]

I have a hard time knowing when to say something and when not to.I recently went to a vacation to my dad's out of state,and he got so angry and was yelling over the most simple things.It made me uncomfortable and I wanted to tell him to calm down,but I did not want to make it worse.I just hate being in awkward situations like that,and wondering is it best to say something or be quiet.This also causes me to end up suppressing my emotions,and pretending like everything is ok when it is not.I just do not know what to do.Its bothering me now because I cannot keep bottling my emotions up,and I just get so tired of having dysfunction going on and being silent just to keep the peace.

I have found in those situations not "say" anything, but "ask". Ask, respectfully, "what causes you to yell at me like that"? That puts the ball back in the other court. If your dad then gives a reason for yelling at you, tell him it makes you feel bad and let him know he only needs to tell you what's wrong.

 

[maintenance man]

I just hate being in awkward situations like that,and wondering is it best to say something or be quiet.

More often than not when someone goes off like that it has more to do with other things that are lingering inside rather than that specific moment.

It may be best to find a time when the two of your are alone and you can ask what's going on that makes you so angry? That will likely be more productive than a confrontation at that moment.

 

[Christgirl67]

I have found in those situations not "say" anything, but "ask". Ask, respectfully, "what causes you to yell at me like that"? That puts the ball back in the other court. If your dad then gives a reason for yelling at you, tell him it makes you feel bad and let him know he only needs to tell you what's wrong.

My dad does not tell at me,but he yells at my other siblings about simple things,and it just makes me wonder if I should step in if he is being unreasonable.For example,my brother could not get out the car because my dad parked to close to the other car next to him.He yelled at my brother about it because he thought he was joking,but he was being serious.Even when he saw he could not get out,he just told him I do not care if you hit the car,just get out.I just sat their and said nothing because he was so angry over nothing.

 

[maintenance man]

My dad does not yell at me,but he yells at my other siblings about simple things,and it just makes me wonder if I should step in if he is being unreasonable.

How old are you and your siblings?

Do you have any clue why your father might be so angry with his life?

 

[Christgirl67]

How old are you and your siblings?

Do you have any clue why your father might be so angry with his life?

I am 21,my other siblings range from 3,7,and two are 12 years old.I have a sister who is the same age as me,and long story short,I think my dad may feel guilty for breaking the family up from a affair he had a few years ago which resulted in a divorce,and he ended up moving away to a different state.

 

[maintenance man]

It's commendable that you are trying to protect the younger ones from unnecessary anger. Clearly there is a lot going on in your father's life that he is not happy about. He will likely be the most open to a discussion about his anger when the two of you are alone and no one else is around. My guess is he feels bad about being overly angry with the young ones. If you catch him at the right time you could have an impact on the way he treats them in the future. Your goal should be to help him get beyond the anger not scold him for his bad behavior.

 

[Christgirl67]

It's commendable that you are trying to protect the younger ones from unnecessary anger. Clearly there is a lot going on in your father's life that he is not happy about. He will likely be the most open to a discussion about his anger when the two of you are alone and no one else is around. My guess is he feels bad about being overly angry with the young ones. If you catch him at the right time you could have an impact on the way he treats them in the future. Your goal should be to help him get beyond the anger not scold him for his bad behavior.

Thanks,this helps a lot