When to call it quits?

[3Princessmom]

We are a Quiverfull home, with some reservations from dh (mostly money worries), but I do have some health issues.

I have high blood pressure, which luckily has always stayed under control so it isn't a huge issue. But another thing is I ended up with an emergency c-section with my last baby, from what I hear they will only perform 4-5 c-sections before you must call it quits with babies. I am choosing to get another c-section with this baby simply because I have issues that up my risk for uterine rupture and simply trying a VBAC doubles the infant death occurance. We can't take a risk like that. So I'm already faced with only having 2-3 more after this one.

But last pregnancy I began having trouble with my hips, and they never went back to normal after I had her. This pregnancy they've gotten worse. For about 3 weeks I have not had full movement in my right hip and I've had a lot of pain. Some days it's almsot normal, other days I can barely get up and down without help and I'm limping. Sleeping with this is a whole other issue, ow! I don't know for sure what's going on, but I seem to be having more and more trouble with my hips with each pregnancy. What's next? a wheelchair?

I wish I could have 12 kids honestly. And I do not want to go on bc or get my tubes tied. But with my medical issues, at some point we will have to call it quits (if only for the c-sec issue). And what about my husband's mental health? I feel this whole quiverfull way of life is something God placed directly on my heart - I can not go against it. But dh is losing it a little more with each addition.

So I guess I'm asking, if I would get my tubes tied at c-section #5 - at which point my uterus would be so weak it could not carry a baby to term - can we still believe in the quiverfull way? And at what point would you call it quits if there were medical issues as mentioned above? I'm not doing anything this pregnancy, that's for sure. Just wodnering what you guys think. And I know this may be a non-issue. God may have this be our last pregnancy, we just don't know it yet.

 

[jgonz]

Obviously this is something you would have to pray about and decide for yourself, but I understand where you're coming from. Typically, the advice is "just take one baby at a time".

Have you tried the chiropractor? That is the ONLY way I could have gotten through my last 3 pregnancies, and now with this one too. What you've described with the pain in your hip is SO what I went through with my last baby. The chiro was Literally a G-d-send. Literally. I could walk and not be in constant pain.

If you don't already have a chiropractor and want to try it, look for a Palmer School of Chiropractic chiropractor. The technique that they use is different than a typical chiro, easier on the body, and is segment by segment (vs just whip-snapping like some do). My chiro also does my kids~ I've started off my last 3 babies with getting adjusted at 2 or 3 days old and it's made a lot of difference for them (between adjustments and breastfeeding they Rarely ever got sick).

I'll get off my soapbox on that subject. LOL

As far as your DH goes, I can understand that one too. Not in exactly the same way (my DH never cared how many kids we had, he'd always wanted a very large family) but in his case, we've never been on the same page with bc. He believes that G-d gave us a brain and we should use it... so to use bc but be open to any babies the L-rd would give us. I, on the other hand, usually thought we should skip the bc because G-d was going to open & shut my womb Anyway, so why bother with the expense & inconvenience? Ah well. G-d worked it out.

I'm at the point of calling it quits though myself... I'm 48, due in May with #9 (technically #10). I was Shocked to find myself pregnant this time... my youngest will be 6 shortly after this one is born. I had been dealing with peri-menopause issues and thought we were done. In fact, Both DH and I thought we were done. We had a Peace that we were done. But no! Here we go again... I'm honestly thinking of having my tubes tied after this one is born. There, I said it. The thought of having Another baby in 2 or 3 years is beyond my comprehension... :o

 

[Sabertooth]

We are a Quiverfull home, with some reservations from dh (mostly money worries), but I do have some health issues.

I have high blood pressure, which luckily has always stayed under control so it isn't a huge issue. But another thing is I ended up with an emergency c-section with my last baby, from what I hear they will only perform 4-5 c-sections before you must call it quits with babies. I am choosing to get another c-section with this baby simply because I have issues that up my risk for uterine rupture and simply trying a VBAC doubles the infant death occurance. We can't take a risk like that. So I'm already faced with only having 2-3 more after this one.

But last pregnancy I began having trouble with my hips, and they never went back to normal after I had her. This pregnancy they've gotten worse. For about 3 weeks I have not had full movement in my right hip and I've had a lot of pain. Some days it's almsot normal, other days I can barely get up and down without help and I'm limping. Sleeping with this is a whole other issue, ow! I don't know for sure what's going on, but I seem to be having more and more trouble with my hips with each pregnancy. What's next? a wheelchair?

I wish I could have 12 kids honestly. And I do not want to go on bc or get my tubes tied. But with my medical issues, at some point we will have to call it quits (if only for the c-sec issue). And what about my husband's mental health? I feel this whole quiverfull way of life is something God placed directly on my heart - I can not go against it. But dh is losing it a little more with each addition.

So I guess I'm asking, if I would get my tubes tied at c-section #5 - at which point my uterus would be so weak it could not carry a baby to term - can we still believe in the quiverfull way? And at what point would you call it quits if there were medical issues as mentioned above? I'm not doing anything this pregnancy, that's for sure. Just wodnering what you guys think. And I know this may be a non-issue. God may have this be our last pregnancy, we just don't know it yet.

Is your DH saved? Does he recognize that you and the children that God sends are his primary ministry?

"Where there is no vision, the people perish:..." Proverbs 29:18 KJV

As to growing health concerns, listen to your doctor, in the absence of inspired direction from God. It is a less-than-perfect system, but infirmity is a reality in this fallen world. Attach James 4:13-15 to all of your decisions. If God wants you to continue, He can still step in and stop it. He stopped Abraham, before his blade broke Isaac's skin (Gen. 22:10-12). God knows the dilemma you are facing and will grant wisdom (Jas. 1:5) and direction (Prov. 3:6) as you come to Him.

 

[3Princessmom]

Thank you both. I truly appriciate your words, and the fact that you didn't accuse me of not being quiverfull because I'm suggesting calling it quits.

It all came to a head tonight and dh both sat down and discussed it. He is very strained right now in his role as provider (and teacher, father, leader, ets.). He's feeling he can't keep up and do a good job of it. Money is also a huge issue. We are currently going through the Dave Ramsey class, and so I'm hoping that will no longer be an issue in the near future.

After a lot of talking and eventually seeing the other's veiw or at least concerns, we have agreed on a compromise. I'm not totally happy with it, but then again that's what meeting in the middle is all about. As of now, when I have this baby I will go on bc or at least NFP if the bc doesn't work out (I tend to have TONS of side effects, but haven't tried this kind yet). I will stay on that for 2 years to allow my body the time to recover from two very close pregnancies. I had thought about this in the past honestly, since I do not / can not bf and I believe two years is what your body needs to recover. At that time we will come back together and see what's on our plates and pray and see how we feel about it. We'll seek God's heart and see what He says about it all and then make the call for the next step.

It's not ideal considering my very strong quiverfull view, but it's not permanant and will allow dh to catch his breath a bit. I truly believe God will bring us both to be on the same page at the end of the two years. And hey, how many times has a woman gotten pregnant even on bc? It won't stop God if He's really wanting us to have another one in the next two years!

 

[sweetangelmum]

It is good to see that you have reached a compromise like that.