When is it time for counseling

[pokeyliz14]

Hi all. I was in an abusive situation for a long time, but I have just recently left that abusive situtation. Very naturally I moved about a month ago. So I am no longer in this situation. Although this is a relief it, is also very strange because unfortunatly abuse has been part of my life for so long.

Well my question comes as I have professional counseling avaiable to me here at school totally private. But i was just wondering what your opinions are? Should I wait to see if I need counseling? Do all or most abused people need counseling of some sort? How does one decide if they need couneling at all? Should I just wait and see what healing happens for me? The scars from the abuse are there but I feel that I am doing well at dealing with them It's not really much of an issue, but I don't want my past to kind of "come to haunt me" as I mature. If you are in counseling when did you decide that it was time for you to begin? I am just not sure counseling may mean me having to talk to my family and I'm not sure if I'm ready for that. They don't exactly agree that I was abused. Well thanks for reading this and of you have any questions feel free to pm me. Thank you.

 

[restore]

If it is serious matter, better talk to a counselor but little by little, in your age maybe thinks there is nothing happened, but it is there...

 

[FallingWaters]

pokeyliz14 in black:
FallingWaters in Blue:

Hi all. I was in an abusive situation for a long time, but I have just recently left that abusive situtation. Very naturally I moved about a month ago. So I am no longer in this situation. Although this is a relief it, is also very strange because unfortunatly abuse has been part of my life for so long.

Well my question comes as I have professional counseling avaiable to me here at school totally private. But i was just wondering what your opinions are? Should I wait to see if I need counseling?
You have counseling available to you right now. It might be a good idea to take advantage of it while you have it. You could give it a try - maybe a half dozen visits - to see if you can relate to the counselor. Also, once the counselor knows you a little, if a crisis comes up, they'll be there to help you. I've read that once a person is in an emotionally "safe" place, the issues start surfacing.

Do all or most abused people need counseling of some sort?
I'm not an expert, but from what I have read, yes. Abuse or victimization sets people up for further victimization in their lives unless they deal with the abuse properly and heal from it. All the books suggest counseling. My abuse affected my ability to enjoy sex with my husband, my ability to love my children, and my ability to receive love from God, just to name a few things.

How does one decide if they need couneling at all?
How do you decide if you need to go to the dentist? Are you a troubleshooter or a maintainer? If you're a troubleshooter, you go when there's trouble. If you're a maintainer, you go so little problems don't become big problems. I would think people decide whether to go to a counselor the same way.

Should I just wait and see what healing happens for me?
You could. For me it's a money thing. But when I started having suicidal thoughts, I thought that was a good time to see a counselor. (Obviously, I'm a troubleshooter.) I don't think healing just happens by itself. I think we need to be pursuing it.

The scars from the abuse are there but I feel that I am doing well at dealing with them It's not really much of an issue, but I don't want my past to kind of "come to haunt me" as I mature.
Maybe you are dealing with it just fine. It will probably eventually haunt you. And that reminds me to say this: your recovery will probably happen a little at a time. There's no rushing it. God knows how much we can handle. Just be sensitive to the cues and get help when you need it.

If you are in counseling when did you decide that it was time for you to begin?
Like I said, suicidal thoughts.

I am just not sure counseling may mean me having to talk to my family and I'm not sure if I'm ready for that. They don't exactly agree that I was abused.
No two counselors are alike, but I believe if you make it clear you are unwilling to do that, your wishes will be respected. I personally don't believe in confronting the abusers. Most of them deny they did anything wrong, and then we feel hurt and betrayed that they don't see the pain they caused us. Only God can open their eyes to that.

I have found healing from my abuse when I have grieved what was done to me and forgiven the abuser. It's not easy. It's emotionally draining. But it's worth it. It is unnecessary to confront your family in order to have these results. They could even be dead.

Of course, having a continuing relationship is another struggle altogether because we are re-exposing ourselves to their abusiveness.

Well thanks for reading this and of you have any questions feel free to pm me. Thank you.

 

[ArielHosanna]

It seems like trying out counseling would be a good idea, especially when it's available for free through your school. Later on, if you have to pay out of pocket for the counseling it may become even more of a barrier for you to go, and I think that counseling can be a huge part of the healing process. It really helps just to tell someone who is unrelated to the situation about what you've experienced, and sometimes just saying out loud to someone else what's happened to can feel like an enormous relief and place things in perspective. Also, a trained counselor can help you problem solve and work through any difficulties you're having. Whatever you decide to do, our heavenly Father is there for you.

 

[Surviving]

When I was at school, I went to different self help groups, which didn't really help me that much. I was never offered any counciling, and didn't really think of it. I wish that someone had though.

I am now 25 and have only just started my counciling. (I have only had one session so far!) My abuse finished 14 years ago. I only wish that I got something sorted out then. I don't know if I was ready though.

If you have had the offer, I would take it. You won't lose anything by taking it. Whereas, if you don't, you might regret it in future. You need to do a couple though to see if it is beneficial. Healing doesn't happen over night.

I hope you make the right choice for yourself. Hang in there.

 

[UnitynLove]

If you feel that you need it then you should. Me and all of us here are praying for you. Amen.

 

[lilymarie]

Yes, I'd agree that counseling is a great part of your healing as it helps you understand your feelings and how to cope with them, and I thought FallingWaters had a great post!

My thoughts and prayers for your healing go out to you!

 

[pokeyliz14]

Thank you all for your prayers and advice. I appreciate it.

 

[Andi @ Cirrutopia]

They don't exactly agree that I was abused.

Now THAT feels familiar. It's a struggle for me to work through everything because I can talk about it at school and in counseling, but then when I go home, they keep telling me that I'm crazy... that "nothing happened" and that they were always good parents.

If you're not sure whether or not to go for counseling, maybe try it at school and see if anything turns up, or what the counselor's opinion is. Are you still in high school too?

 

[FallingWaters]

Now THAT feels familiar. It's a struggle for me to work through everything because I can talk about it at school and in counseling, but then when I go home, they keep telling me that I'm crazy... that "nothing happened" and that they were always good parents.

If you're not sure whether or not to go for counseling, maybe try it at school and see if anything turns up, or what the counselor's opinion is. Are you still in high school too?

Sorry to hear you struggle with that. That makes it all so much harder. They all have their own pain to protect, I guess.

 

[ForHisGlory]

pokeyliz14 in black:
FallingWaters in Blue:

Hi all. I was in an abusive situation for a long time, but I have just recently left that abusive situtation. Very naturally I moved about a month ago. So I am no longer in this situation. Although this is a relief it, is also very strange because unfortunatly abuse has been part of my life for so long.

Well my question comes as I have professional counseling avaiable to me here at school totally private. But i was just wondering what your opinions are? Should I wait to see if I need counseling?
You have counseling available to you right now. It might be a good idea to take advantage of it while you have it. You could give it a try - maybe a half dozen visits - to see if you can relate to the counselor. Also, once the counselor knows you a little, if a crisis comes up, they'll be there to help you. I've read that once a person is in an emotionally "safe" place, the issues start surfacing.

Do all or most abused people need counseling of some sort?
I'm not an expert, but from what I have read, yes. Abuse or victimization sets people up for further victimization in their lives unless they deal with the abuse properly and heal from it. All the books suggest counseling. My abuse affected my ability to enjoy sex with my husband, my ability to love my children, and my ability to receive love from God, just to name a few things.

How does one decide if they need couneling at all?
How do you decide if you need to go to the dentist? Are you a troubleshooter or a maintainer? If you're a troubleshooter, you go when there's trouble. If you're a maintainer, you go so little problems don't become big problems. I would think people decide whether to go to a counselor the same way.

Should I just wait and see what healing happens for me?
You could. For me it's a money thing. But when I started having suicidal thoughts, I thought that was a good time to see a counselor. (Obviously, I'm a troubleshooter.) I don't think healing just happens by itself. I think we need to be pursuing it.

The scars from the abuse are there but I feel that I am doing well at dealing with them It's not really much of an issue, but I don't want my past to kind of "come to haunt me" as I mature.
Maybe you are dealing with it just fine. It will probably eventually haunt you. And that reminds me to say this: your recovery will probably happen a little at a time. There's no rushing it. God knows how much we can handle. Just be sensitive to the cues and get help when you need it.

If you are in counseling when did you decide that it was time for you to begin?
Like I said, suicidal thoughts.

I am just not sure counseling may mean me having to talk to my family and I'm not sure if I'm ready for that. They don't exactly agree that I was abused.
No two counselors are alike, but I believe if you make it clear you are unwilling to do that, your wishes will be respected. I personally don't believe in confronting the abusers. Most of them deny they did anything wrong, and then we feel hurt and betrayed that they don't see the pain they caused us. Only God can open their eyes to that.

I have found healing from my abuse when I have grieved what was done to me and forgiven the abuser. It's not easy. It's emotionally draining. But it's worth it. It is unnecessary to confront your family in order to have these results. They could even be dead.

Of course, having a continuing relationship is another struggle altogether because we are re-exposing ourselves to their abusiveness.

Well thanks for reading this and of you have any questions feel free to pm me. Thank you.

Wonderful Answer!