A description of my dad's and I relationship, which is fairly short!
My mom and dad divorced when I was 5, he was a "summer-time" dad. I would stay with him for maybe a week (if I didn't get homesick LOL) in the summer time (if he wasn't overseas). We usually stayed with my grandparents during my visit and I truly don't remember spending much time with him alone.
He has been remarried for I think maybe 23 +/- years; which puts me at about 7 or 8 yrs old when he remarried. She brought 2 daughters into the marriage, they were I believe like 2 and 4 at the time. I am my dad's only child BTW.
I have never developed a relationship with my "step mom". Mainly for the reason when I was 13 I was trying to contact my dad; he had his phone number changed and had moved from his previous address, my mom ended up having to go through the Red Cross to locate him. I was crushed to say the least when he said to my mom it had just slipped his mind to inform me of the phone/address change. When I wrote a not-so-nice letter to him, his wife responded that I was just trying to drive a wedge between them and I wanted him and my mom back together (ummm please).
Another issue that didn't help was in my teens he had sent a birthday card and she signed the card from Lia and Ken (not dad). LOL
And probably the last issue (I can think of) when I got married the only help they were willing to give was to buy the balloons for the reception, WHAT, balloons, really?!?!?
Ok so here is what I struggle with.....I am 33 yrs old. I still don't have a relationship with my dad. I am the one that initiates contact (i.e. calling/emailing); we live about 4 hrs away from each other, we have gone up for visits. He comes down here but never to my house, he goes to my aunts and when my grandparents were living he would stay there. He will come down to visit and not even let me know he is in town.
He is a MAJOR Nascar fan and I even started to become interested in Nascar so we would have something to talk about; well that didn't work.
What started this again (I deal with this off and on) is this morning I went to my cousins MySpace and was flipping through her recent photos, well he had come down again and didn't let me know. This truly crushes me he has no interest in having a relationship with me or his granddaughters.
Several years ago expressed to him the hurt I feel when he doesn't let me know when he is coming down or that he never calls me or emails me; his excuse is he is bad with the phone and keeping in contact.
Even when I do see my dad I get no alone time with him. When he goes outside to smoke I will follow (it seems like a little puppy) but then so does the step children or the wife.
I feel I am too old to be crushed like a little girl, at time I think I just need to grow up and get over it, but I can't seem to get passed the not having a relationship I so want with him. I am VERY jealous of his step children and it drives me absolutely insane when they call him "dad". Which brings me to another issue - I had called his one day and asked if dad is home, his step daughter asked, "Who is this?", well let's see WHO DO YOU THINK?
Ok yes I obviously have several issues to work on like jealousy and resentment.
Has anyone else struggled with this?
Also I'm hoping maybe a dad that doesn't keep in touch with his children reads this and maybe he will initiate a relationship with them. I believe no matter how old you are, a child still craves a relationship with the parent!
My mom and dad divorced when I was 5, he was a "summer-time" dad. I would stay with him for maybe a week (if I didn't get homesick LOL) in the summer time (if he wasn't overseas). We usually stayed with my grandparents during my visit and I truly don't remember spending much time with him alone.
He has been remarried for I think maybe 23 +/- years; which puts me at about 7 or 8 yrs old when he remarried. She brought 2 daughters into the marriage, they were I believe like 2 and 4 at the time. I am my dad's only child BTW.
I have never developed a relationship with my "step mom". Mainly for the reason when I was 13 I was trying to contact my dad; he had his phone number changed and had moved from his previous address, my mom ended up having to go through the Red Cross to locate him. I was crushed to say the least when he said to my mom it had just slipped his mind to inform me of the phone/address change. When I wrote a not-so-nice letter to him, his wife responded that I was just trying to drive a wedge between them and I wanted him and my mom back together (ummm please).
Another issue that didn't help was in my teens he had sent a birthday card and she signed the card from Lia and Ken (not dad). LOL
And probably the last issue (I can think of) when I got married the only help they were willing to give was to buy the balloons for the reception, WHAT, balloons, really?!?!?
Ok so here is what I struggle with.....I am 33 yrs old. I still don't have a relationship with my dad. I am the one that initiates contact (i.e. calling/emailing); we live about 4 hrs away from each other, we have gone up for visits. He comes down here but never to my house, he goes to my aunts and when my grandparents were living he would stay there. He will come down to visit and not even let me know he is in town.
He is a MAJOR Nascar fan and I even started to become interested in Nascar so we would have something to talk about; well that didn't work.
What started this again (I deal with this off and on) is this morning I went to my cousins MySpace and was flipping through her recent photos, well he had come down again and didn't let me know. This truly crushes me he has no interest in having a relationship with me or his granddaughters.
Several years ago expressed to him the hurt I feel when he doesn't let me know when he is coming down or that he never calls me or emails me; his excuse is he is bad with the phone and keeping in contact.
Even when I do see my dad I get no alone time with him. When he goes outside to smoke I will follow (it seems like a little puppy) but then so does the step children or the wife.
I feel I am too old to be crushed like a little girl, at time I think I just need to grow up and get over it, but I can't seem to get passed the not having a relationship I so want with him. I am VERY jealous of his step children and it drives me absolutely insane when they call him "dad". Which brings me to another issue - I had called his one day and asked if dad is home, his step daughter asked, "Who is this?", well let's see WHO DO YOU THINK?
Ok yes I obviously have several issues to work on like jealousy and resentment.
Has anyone else struggled with this?
Also I'm hoping maybe a dad that doesn't keep in touch with his children reads this and maybe he will initiate a relationship with them. I believe no matter how old you are, a child still craves a relationship with the parent!
