when friends just don't get it!

[BlackRain]

my friends keep setting me up with guys. like, secretly!! we'll go hang out and then there's this random guy that they've brought along. i've told them how i feel about dating...i'm not for it! i just don't want to date anyone. i don't need them bringing guys to my front door!!! God will provide me the *mr. wonderful* when he finds it nessessary. i, for one, do NOT need a relationship right now at all! so, i've talked to them about this in a serious way and they don't get it!! how the crazy do i get them to just QUIT! it's so frustrating for me because they talk about how i need a guy and how i'd have so much fun with a boyfriend. do what? have i even mentioned to them an interest in a guy right now? NOOOO!! i'm at the point of anger over it. i hate the way i feel about it, but it's so old! can't they go "help" someone else. i'm not unhappy being single...i'm not in despair over it. i'm not going insane in any way! i'm satisfied and content in Christ, at the moment...and i pray forever!! so...what do i do?

 

[caitlincares]

I would grand stand and walk away from the "get together" to make a point.

 

[TriptychR]

I would grand stand and walk away from the "get together" to make a point.

I'd feel kind of bad for the guy, though...

 

[PastorJer]

Ya, I would feel bad for the guy too...

And I can understand what you mean about the whole dating thing ... relatively pointless ... but really would it hurt you to talk to, hang out with, be friends to guys period... even if NOTHING ever developes romantically...

I have quite a few gal friends like that, that some of the guys I hang with brought around to introduce me... they are friends, nothing more nothing less... but honestly how can you ever expect God to move, unless you give him oppertunity to do so...

Oh, and a hint of advice... maybe your friends aren't bringing him around "just for you" - maybe someone in your group of friends is interested in them - maybe You should start pointing out to some of them how good they would work together, and how happy they would be...

Biggest thing of all, try to avoid being nasty or prudish or something like that... a Good reputation can be destroyed faster than a drop of rain can fall from the sky...

Peace Out
Pastor Jer

 

[JPPT1974]

Tell them you aren't interested and that though it's nice, still tell them that you aren't interested and that you just want them to leave you alone and let you be!!

 

[SorensScapegoat]

I hear you. The only thing worse than having your friends set you up is having your mother do it. The really horrible thing about it, in my case, is that she's a much better judge of character than I am. The people she picks are utterly phenomenal, attractive, bright, fun. Nobody seems to get that it's not right, at least not now.

Thing is, I've run out of excuses for not being married, y'know. The six figure salary at the Wall Street law firm, apartment with a balcony, I'm tall reasonably attractive, know with which fork to eat. I can ball room dance and have backpacked through Europe and Canada, had my heart well and truly broken and gotten over it. I'm pushing the really wrong side of thirty and truth be told I just don't want it.

So maybe you've got some advice on how to convey that to Mom and Dad without getting disowned.

-S

 

[reverie_maiden]

Yeah, I've been there. Everyone is trying to set you up with a guy because they think you will be alone the rest of your life. Well that is what the people in my life are doing. I mean my dad has set me up with a guy, and so have my friends, my friend's parents, people at church, and my pastor. So, I know what you are going through. It is ok to be frustrated, because you think they are trying to run your life. Well....that isn't exactly true....they're just trying to help. Yeah I didn't consider it helping in my case either...but have you ever thought of just taking a chance with any of these guys. I mean every guy my family and friends have thrown my way I have given him a chance. You will know if it feels right or not...so far none of these guys have clicked in place...so of course I am still looking. I am definitely at the other end of the what you are going through though. I am lonely, but at the same time I am trying to be patient and let God do the navigating. If you are happy being single right now....awesome...but don't blow these guys off. Like others in here have said, they might be really great guys and turn into great friends. I mean you are listening to a girl who has only one true friend who is a girl and all the rest of my friends are guys....and nope I have never had a boyfriend, I have just snagged more guys as friends because if they get out of line I can smack or kick them...unlike my friend that is a girl, that could end up in a cat fight. Wouldn't be pretty.

 

[JPPT1974]

I hear you. The only thing worse than having your friends set you up is having your mother do it. The really horrible thing about it, in my case, is that she's a much better judge of character than I am. The people she picks are utterly phenomenal, attractive, bright, fun. Nobody seems to get that it's not right, at least not now.

Thing is, I've run out of excuses for not being married, y'know. The six figure salary at the Wall Street law firm, apartment with a balcony, I'm tall reasonably attractive, know with which fork to eat. I can ball room dance and have backpacked through Europe and Canada, had my heart well and truly broken and gotten over it. I'm pushing the really wrong side of thirty and truth be told I just don't want it.

So maybe you've got some advice on how to convey that to Mom and Dad without getting disowned.

-S

Tell your parents that you really don't need a person to satisfy your relationship as you already seem content with just the way you all. You also seem to be content with the Wall Street law firm and a great apartment as well as also know that you also seem content with your life right now.

 

[Eagle_Wings]

BlackRain,

I totally understand where you are coming from!!! I've always taken a rather serious outlook on dating, have never had a boyfriend, and while my parents totally understand and are cool with it...no one else seems to get the hint!

A lady in our church tried hooking me up with her co-worker simply because we were both waiting for marriage, weren't too crazy with the dating game, (in her words we were only interested in dating our mate) and we were both crazy about God. Well, other then those three things we had absolutely nothing in common, and even our relationship with God was on different levels. He left town shortly after that! Any time she mentions wanting to hook me up with someone again all I do is remind her that the last guy she tried that with left town after meeting me and that seems to quiet her down for a few weeks.

My biggest struggle is with my brother and his wife...they just don't get me at all~ and it's more then just not playing the dating game. My brother wasn't raised with me and wasn't raised in a Christian home, so he doesn't understand where I'm coming from alot of the time. Unfortunately, instead of really talking to me about it he just assumes that Dad has me under his thumb, I've lived a very sheltered life, and because I'm not like him I must be miserable. So they try to be helpful, like suggesting at the restaurant that as I leave drop a napkin with my name and number on it next to a cute guy. First off...that's just not me, period. I'm not forward like that, if the guy were to look my way I would make eye contact and smile, it there was an oppurtunity to say Hi I would, but other then that I'm not comfortable being the initiator...NOTHING WRONG WITH THAT!!!! (sorry, slight frustration coming through) Only problem is that I can't explain to them that I am the way I am based on the choices I made and while maybe I'm not totally happy being single I am content because I know it's where God wants me to be right now. I try to explain it and they think I am being condescending and judging them because of their lifestyle. A bikini suit issue caused a major blow-up a few years ago where they didn't speak to me for over a year! I'm not sure if it's a good thing that they live over 3,000 miles away or not.

All that to say I totally understand, and have no idea how to change it either!!!

 

[BlackRain]

Ya, I would feel bad for the guy too...

And I can understand what you mean about the whole dating thing ... relatively pointless ... but really would it hurt you to talk to, hang out with, be friends to guys period... even if NOTHING ever developes romantically...

no, i'm nice to them. i talk with them, but since my friends say i'm single they assume i'm looking for someone. it's not like all of them are interested in me anyway...i'm just saying, i'm not mean to them.

I have quite a few gal friends like that, that some of the guys I hang with brought around to introduce me... they are friends, nothing more nothing less... but honestly how can you ever expect God to move, unless you give him oppertunity to do so...

i have kept that in mind. but, every guy just doesn't do it for me. is that so wrong? so far when i start to think, hey maybe there's something here..there hasn't. they'll say something or do something that totally rubs me the wrong way. i'm not being picky..i'll give them another shot of whatever, but usually it's an on going behavior that doesn't cut it for me.

Oh, and a hint of advice... maybe your friends aren't bringing him around "just for you" - maybe someone in your group of friends is interested in them - maybe You should start pointing out to some of them how good they would work together, and how happy they would be...

haha...all my friends are dating someone. so, i'm kind'a the left out one. go me! yay! and they do bring the guys around for me to scout out. it's really getting annoying.

Biggest thing of all, try to avoid being nasty or prudish or something like that... a Good reputation can be destroyed faster than a drop of rain can fall from the sky...

thanks for the advice

 

[Tenorvoice]

I have a theory about this....

I have been thinking about it for some time now....



Married people, and couples can not stand to see single people enjoying themselves and just being single. If they are misserable in thier relationships then they want to you be in the same boat that they are in too. It's kind of sad IMHO.

Just think about it, who are the ones that are always trying to "set" up the single people. The married people.

Come on admit it.......you know its them.

Its a consperacy...they want no one to be happy at all.















And for all you people that think that this was supposed to be serious

 

[justasinner]

My take on this is a little different!

God uses many forms to tell us something and one of many ways is by using our friends. Therefore, when your friends set you up it might be God's way of telling you it time for you to marry. That your single life is ending and your married life is just beginning.

As for stopping your friends, well if the message is from God you can not stop your friends from setting you up until God says it OK.

What I would do is make a new friend and if this friend is from God well in time you will see God's plan for you. And if it is just from your friends well you have a new friend that can help you in other ways. Look at it this way as someone once said "You can never have to many friends." So, might need to learn to enjoy the way your friends have away of increasing your supply of friends.

 

[trust_faith]

yeah. some ppl just like to do this.. I also duno why.. they just dun get it. true enough...

 

[JPPT1974]

My take on this is a little different!

What I would do is make a new friend and if this friend is from God well in time you will see God's plan for you. And if it is just from your friends well you have a new friend that can help you in other ways. Look at it this way as someone once said "You can never have to many friends." So, might need to learn to enjoy the way your friends have away of increasing your supply of friends.

Make sure that these friends see it as God's perspective as well as plan for their lives and not just what they are saying on their own.