When even keeled, do you ever feel...

[tallyn75]

...that you must have made up or at least exaggerated symptoms while in an episode?

Thoughts like these keep hovering on the edges of my mind even though I know they're not true.

 

[bipolarbear]

I feel ashamed at my behaviour, adn I question why I did what I did, or said... I am often imbarraced,adn feel guilty... I do not feeel accepted by the outside world,and most of my family and frriends.Although I think I just isolate myself from my friends because of the shame, adn burdan this put on those who help someone with bipolar, adn I get sad about it, and sometimes irritated. When i am Ultra rapid cycling, I can haedly wrap my brain around how I could have possibly thought / felt such thing one minute, adn shte suddenly i am the complete opposite... I try my best to embrace the moments whe Level and balance have found me, adn though very short lived, I try to note them, or remember them for encouragment in the future... I have seriously neglected my journal again this summer, adn I always fel really bad about that, because if only I could have actually journaled out my feelings, maybe I could better understand my depression...

 

[Alaskamomma]

Yes, Tallyn, I do. I will sometimes create little dramas so that other people will feel sorry for me. I will distort relationships in my mind and have, in the past, made devastating choices that have affected those relationships... only to later once I have regained a normal perspective... be blown away by what I did and not able to mend those broken ties. It sucks.

I have done many things during an episode that I am ashamed of.

 

[DoubtingThomas29]

To Tallyn,

I know what you are saying, when I feel completely normal I think like was I really that crazy?

However I have to remeber that no matter how normal I feel right now I cannot forget that I was crazy when I was twenty three. I am thirty and I have not been in the hospital since, but I know full well, that it is the medication that makes my life possible.

Through my therapy I recognize my paranoid thoughts as delusions. I now know no one is out to get me. I can think very clearly now, my thoughts don't just lock up and get hard to think, or clouded for that matter. I can enjoy conversations, and I couldn't do any of that without my medication. It is amazing how much that stuff works, but still you got to get plenty of rest, and relaxation.

You guys take care,

Thomas