When does someone do something?

[brokenman]

I mean really?

Who?

Is there anyone living that will tell my wife that her being with another guy while we are still married is wrong? Its killing me, there is no one right now. I want to storm out there and kick the crap out of him and I know that's wrong. I want to drive out there and see if they are there...and the only thing I will get from this is me 100% knowledge that they are together (and that might be "hidden" from me) and I couldn't even do anything with it. And I can't really confront her with it because I am on egg shells anyways and I already pretty much did it and she got [bless and do not curse][bless and do not curse][bless and do not curse][bless and do not curse]ed at me and told me they are still talking anyways.

But knowing for sure is better then not knowing at all.

I have to learn how to trust God but when there is NO ONE on this earth that is willing to tell her that this is wrong and she is obviously not convicting herself, and he probably won't. THEN WHO DO I TRUST?

man, I am nothing, I feel like such a hypocrite saying this but I know God wants to know how I really feel. But yeah...

 

[madison1101]

First of all, if she is a Christian, the Holy Spirit will tell her. Whether she obeys the Lord or not is another matter. Do you have a pastor that can counsel with both of you? I would suggest you try that route.

Most importantly, pray. God can change hearts.

 

[brokenman]

First of all, if she is a Christian, the Holy Spirit will tell her. Whether she obeys the Lord or not is another matter. Do you have a pastor that can counsel with both of you? I would suggest you try that route.

I and her both meet with the same counselor (the same that we counseled with while we were together) but at different times...but she doesn't tell him anything, no truth, no nothing.

She is a Christian but has made such irrational (there are so many other words to use) decisions that are hurting so many people including myself that she isn't even a glimpse of the person she used to be....at all.

She is obeying no one other then what makes her happy now. I can not sit idley by anymore.

 

[brokenman]

I know that God is moving, I know that God is refining me, I know that God is working on my wife, I know ALL of this...I do.

Can I trust God, yes....but like I said I can't side idley by and watch her destroy herself and this guy do the same. They are hurting more people then me. But I have to be the good guy. Its not even about the marriage anymore, its about this (them together) existing and NO ONE (in this realm) doing anything to stop it.

Pray for me.

 

[Brotherfromanothermother]

Sometimes God calls us to action sometimes to inaction
(more like waiting on Him)
Anything you could/would do probably would not help
things. Maybe make things worse. I tend to believe (I know
I'll have some detractors here) that once another person
becomes involved....It's Over. My opinion nonetheless.
It's tough when it appears no one will act in your defense
or hold accountable the person doing the wrong, or it
appears her behavior is even accepted by some. That's
(not only the hardest time) truly when you should lean on God.
He knows your pain (as do I) and He wants His best for you.
Even though you still love your wife she has chosen to walk
from under the divine protective umbrella that is Christ.
Don't follow her, she's God's property and only He can
transform her (and only with her willingness).

 

[4Christ2]

Brother,

My heart goes out to you in your situation. It sounds as if your wife has abandoned the faith to pursue the lust of her flesh. Of course this is devastating to you. You are her one flesh mate.

God makes provision for everything we will experience in this life. I believe you do have something available to you if you will use it...

Do you have a church that you attend or even better, a member of? If so, that pastor should know the church disciplinary process for wayward believers. The process is given to us in Mat. 18:15-17.

If there is no repentence of your wife and she stop her adulterous actions, then the provisions of I Corithians 7:12-15

I'll keep you in my prayers brother. Let God arise and His enemies be scattered. The enemy has your wife, rebuke him in the name of Jesus and reclaim your wife.

 

[FLANDIDLYANDERS]

Identical, gah, identical.

I'm gonna type some stuff, read it, weigh it, take or leave whatever.

My wife left for another guy. Left me and 4 kids, dog. And she comes by every day to see them and I get to hear all about her new life and lifestyle and the pains of her involvment with a married man.

So you think you got it bad huh? Yeah, me too. But mate, maybe you need resolution here.

The real reason she left is, of course, that she never loved me. I know this, known it since the start, it came up in our premaritals, but you know the Church right? Marrage cures all, right? Wrong. Without love there is no marrrage, even with kids involved.

So.

The issue is not who is she sleeping with or doing whatever with, the issue is why does it matter? Who of us can say we are better than any one else? Hell I've committed no affair or anything, but I know I am still in no position to judge my wife - I even had to go door-to-door to my church and get them to see straight and quit condemning her (opposite problem to you, maybe?).

Yeh I'm hurt, yeh I still love her, yeh I'm resolved it's over... but grief is grief. For me, I found resolution is finding the guy, sitting him down, trapping him, looking him in the eye and saying, "i forgive you, dont fear me. she loves you, never did me, you gotta sort this out without fear of reprisals from me". OK, so I'm Ghandi or something, right? Wrong. I just been given a whole lotta grace to carry my kids and their mum thru a whole lotta rubbish and sort my own denials, fantasies and addictions out along the way.

Mate, just go look in the mirror and ask yerself, "what can man do to me?"

If you require any clarification, PM me mate. Believe me, you wont believe what I;ve been thru. But who are any of us to judge each other? Even in adultery?

Every day we throw the freedom God gives us away as we seek out our own freedoms in his name. And God cries right next to us, but rejoices in the theme-park-freedoms we attain. Cos freedom costs, it costs God every second of the day; we are all adulterers in terms of our commitment to God. So it aint no issue of who she does with whom. Cos we all do it in our hearts with the one person in this world who truly deserves much better - God.

Let go, mate. Grace in all things, or you'll go nuts. I guarantee it.

No offence, eh? Sorry for any, I mean none.

 

[BrBob]

Is there anyone living that will tell my wife that her being with another guy while we are still married is wrong? Its killing me, there is no one right now

How about you? Where in the Bible does it say that you have to let her cheat? Where does Jesus say that you have to just put up with it? NO!

Eph. 5:28 Even so husbands should love their wives as their own bodies. He who loves his wife loves himself.

She is of your own body according to the Word of God. Would you let your own body harm yourself?

But I have to be the good guy

What does this mean? The "Good Guy" is the one who comes across as 'nice'? You are being sinned against. Period. Confront the sin, not the person. Tell her (gently) that you are married and that you are willing to forgive but that you will NOT stand for adultery. Tell her (gently) that she does not have the right to cheat. Tell her that she MUST stop or you will have no choice but to 'put her away', which means divorce.

Here's another thought. Your responsibility to your wife is to love her as Christ loved the church. It is not love to allow her to get away with adultery! It is wimpery of the worst kind. It's the kind of baloney that was spouted in the "Jonathan Livingston Seagull" story, it sounds good but it's not Biblical. People think they have to be totally unconfrontational in order to be a Christian. That's just plain wrong! Jesus was anything but unconfrontational. Look at what he did with the money changers in the temple. Look at how he talked to the Pharisees. Look at how he talked to Peter (Get thee behind me satan!).

Jesus was a Man! He was strong. He grew up in a carpenter's shop long before there were power tools. He lived on the road, so to speak, outside most of the time. He was a leader of men and withstood a gang that wanted to stone a woman.

I don't know which philosopher it was who said it but I believe it to be true. It is a responsibility inherent in those who are strong to take care of those who are weak. Your wife is being weak. She is giving in to the good feelings of the flesh. That is weakness. Your responsibility as her husband is to help her see her own sin and gently lead her back to the Lord. If she does not want follow your leadership, that is her choice but you must lead.

Now, about this other man. Pray, seek the Lord's direction and go to him in a spirit of humility and strength. Tell him that you believe he is having an adulterous relationship with your wife and that you want it to stop. Do not threaten him. Just tell him and leave. If he wants to ask forgiveness and repent then you have an opening to lead him back to the Lord. If not, you have made your position clear.

Do all of this deliberately and with a lot of prayer. Keep an attitude of humility (not wimpy) but make sure your position is known. Your wife wants to respect you. She may not be able to put it into words but that is what she wants. She needs strength from you, not emotion and dependency.

In all of this may God bless you and I pray that He heals your marriage!

Bob
Spearfish, SD

 

[brokenman]

Thanks for the advice everyone, I debate with much that is being said because of the contrasting answers. But I thank you very much for them. Many of these things have weighed heavy on my heart before and continue to this day. I am always in deep prayer about this all. I am just afraid of shattering what little relationship there is between us, but I grow tired of being "scared" of every little thing I do.

I do agree that Jesus was definately not one thing....scared.

 

[FLANDIDLYANDERS]

Jesus was so scared in Gethsemane he sweated tears.
Jesus faced his fears. He was scared, but saw beyond the fear to the real issue. Do likewise.

 

[brokenman]

You are right, He was scared, I should rephrase that then.

Jesus was definately not one thing...a wimp.