When do you have "the" relationship talk

[SelfProtect]

When do you have "the" relationship talk and isn't it his responsibility to initiate it?

Here's my story...We met online in November, we are both divorced with three kids (so we are very busy). We have gone out 4 times. We don't talk on the phone, email is about once a week and very short. I'm trying to let him lead by not initiating anything but also being responsive and available when he does.
Is it too soon to ask him for his expectations and define the relationship or should I assume he's not that into me?

 

[BouncedBack]

4 times.........I don't know really. Depending on how much time you got to spend together on your dates. I could see discussing it after 4 dates if you talked on the phone or had some interactions other than your dates. I mean, are you sure that YOU would like to define the relationship so soon? I don't think the time frame is off, but with the (seemingly) little contact during that time, it would just seem odd to me if I were in his shoes. But, thats just my two cents.

After reading your other post I want to add this. If you are worried about whether or not he digs you, just ask. Its win win if you think about it. Either you know that he and you don't have to sit around and consume your time thinking about it, or you know that he isn't and you don't have to sit around and consume your time thinking about it. It sounds like the not knowing is worrying you more than anything.

 

[SelfProtect]

The thing is...I like him, or at least I think I do. It's hard to tell with the little time we have spent together. I would like to spend more time together to get to know him but I do not want to scare him off. We had two 1 hour lunch dates and two 4 hour dinner/movie dates. Our schedules are crazy because of work and kids, but I would make the extra effort to see him, if he would just ask. I'm not sitting around waiting for him to ask, I have a very full schedule with out him BUT I want to make time for him. Is it to forward for me to ask when we can get together again or do I wait for him to ask. Thanks for your feed back BouncedBack.

 

[BouncedBack]

I don't think it would be too forward

 

[eatenbylocusts]

I have two kids so I can relate. I think you should spend this time going out with others. Everyone around me in the last year got serious fast and stopped dating other people. It wasn't a good thing.

Two months (in my booK) is not enough time to making an exclusive decision even if you were spending more time together. Things show up after people are more comfortable with each other. This is something that I have decided this past year and I never did before. But after reading a few books and living it, it makes perfect sense.

However; I was so smitten with my ex-bf that I didn't want to even look at another man. He wanted to court after the second date (and long, deep conversations). He, I believe at 45 and never having been in love, was an emotionally unavailable person in a hurry to get married.

So, I've been legally divorced for more than 3 years and separated for more than 8. I've been dating an online match for more than 10 months (actually our first date was 1.5 years ago before I met my dream ex-bf). We've been exclusive (early) and actually broke up for a week. He's dated some and I dated several people and we're getting closer to making a decision. Through dating others I have learned a lot. It also made me less likely to tolerate some things. I really think for most people, the exclusive part should wait at least 6 months. What's the hurry? If it's right, it's going to happen. I don't think there's anything wrong with telling him you'd like to spend more time with him, but asking him to clarify the relationship could make you seem needy and scare him off. Nothing wrong with asking if marriage is something he's looking for though.

 

[Jenster]

Maybe it would be helpful to talk with him about a few different (yet related) topics. One would simply be, "Where are you at in your life, and are you looking for marriage again?" If he says yes, then ask what timeframe he's thinking of. So that topic is all about him and his goals, not about the two of you.

The second question would be, "How are you enjoying our dates? Would you like to us to see more of one another, or is this pace okay with you?" If he says things like, "Well, I'd love to see you more often, but you know, my life is very busy right now," then I would consider him to be telling you that your relationship is not a priority for him.

Hope you get the answers you need, SelfProtect!

 

[OhhJim]

It is never too early in the courtship to ask what a man's intentions are. In former times, it fell upon the lady's father to ask this question, but nowadays, it is often up to the lady herself. Even if he doesn't know what his intentions are, the question (and more importantly, the answer) can be very instructive.

Do you want me to call him up and ask him?

 

[faithopelove]

Jim,

You're too funny . But I totally agree. You can't ask too many questions IMHO.

 

[MN John]

I believe that it is important to be honest all along the way in a relationship. That honesty includes not only refraining from misleading, but being open about what is on your heart and mind. Yes, it is a risk. But honesty and communication are key to building a trust foundation in any relationship.

 

[Uniting]

It is never too early in the courtship to ask what a man's intentions are. In former times, it fell upon the lady's father to ask this question, but nowadays, it is often up to the lady herself. Even if he doesn't know what his intentions are, the question (and more importantly, the answer) can be very instructive.

Do you want me to call him up and ask him?

LOL Good one

 

[~HopeFloats~]

Do you want me to call him up and ask him?

You know if you do it for one women-- you gotta do it for us all.

 

[MN John]

We'll start a service. Jim and I will take the father's "what are your intentions with my daughter" role for anyone who requests. Just don't call us "Dad"!

 

[~HopeFloats~]

We'll start a service. Jim and I will take the father's "what are your intentions with my daughter" role for anyone who requests. Just don't call us "Dad"!

Good to know

 

[Heart of a Seeker]

I believe that it is important to be honest all along the way in a relationship. That honesty includes not only refraining from misleading, but being open about what is on your heart and mind. Yes, it is a risk. But honesty and communication are key to building a trust foundation in any relationship.

I agree with what John said here. I hate guessing. I want to know where I stand. And I want to be honest and forthright also.

It isn't a game. Some people think it is. You get hurt playing 'the game'.

 

[CoolMom6]

I agree with what John said here. I hate guessing. I want to know where I stand. And I want to be honest and forthright also.

It isn't a game. Some people think it is. You get hurt playing 'the game'.

Amen, gf.

 

[OhhJim]

We'll start a service. Jim and I will take the father's "what are your intentions with my daughter" role for anyone who requests. Just don't call us "Dad"!

For a fee, of course!

 

[MN John]

For a fee, of course!

I'll do it for free, or you can upgrade to the deluxe service and Jim'll do it for a fee!

 

[Gregged]

Hang on a minute... I'm a guy - I can do some too! And a super duper deluxe service* costing only 50 blessings including :

* Doesn't matter where you're from... All accents imitated

* Any "mood" from "SO you think you're getting my daughter " through to "can you come now and we'll all go to dinner and set the date? "

* Fresh pizza for every applicant (beware of stale pizza served by one of our competitors)

* Although I'm really too young to be most/any of your Dads, with practice (and at a squeeze) I too can sound as oldmature as Jim or John.

* Complete 2 week interrogation of the possible future spouse including lie detection testing and a 3000 page report (single spaced, double sided, font size 7) sent to you so you can see exactly who you will be getting and so make your decision fully informed.

* A post made in the "Courting Couples" section of this forum declaring your new found love.

Any takers?!





*subject to availability
.

 

[Gregged]

I believe that it is important to be honest all along the way in a relationship. That honesty includes not only refraining from misleading, but being open about what is on your heart and mind. Yes, it is a risk. But honesty and communication are key to building a trust foundation in any relationship.

Too true!

 

[Jenster]

Hang on a minute... I'm a guy - I can do some too! And a super duper deluxe service* costing only 50 blessings including :

* Doesn't matter where you're from... All accents imitated

* Any "mood" from "SO you think you're getting my daughter " through to "can you come now and we'll all go to dinner and set the date? "

* Fresh pizza for every applicant (beware of stale pizza served by one of our competitors)

* Although I'm really too young to be most/any of your Dads, with practice (and at a squeeze) I too can sound as oldmature as Jim or John.

* Complete 2 week interrogation of the possible future spouse including lie detection testing and a 3000 page report (single spaced, double sided, font size 7) sent to you so you can see exactly who you will be getting and so make your decision fully informed.

* A post made in the "Courting Couples" section of this forum declaring your new found love.

Any takers?!





*subject to availability
.

ROFL!