- Sep 17, 2005
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My husband is an alcoholic. He has been one throughout the whole five years that we've been together, although I didn't realise it at first.
He also suffers from depression. Whether or not this causes him to drink, or if alcohol caused the depression in the first place, I don't know. He was taking anti-depressants and drinking at the same time for a while, but he has stoped taking anti-depressants now. When he went off the anti-depressants (without medical supervision), this resulted in many suicide threats, a week-long drinking binge (funded but taking out loans against nearly everything of value we own at pawnbrokers), him threatening to kill me and nearly hitting me (while I'm pregnant, by the way), and me sending him packing to his parents.
We have a two-year-old daughter who really doesn't need to see any of it. As I mentioned, I'm pregnant (four months), and am going through so much stress because of my husband, that I really believe it is through the grace of God alone that I haven't miscarried.
He spent a week or so with his parents, calls and says he had an epiphany, he's sorry for everything, he'll go to AA and relationship counselling, never drink again, etc.. (later I found out that he and his father had had a fight, resulting in him knocking his father out twice, so he couldn't actually stay there anymore). I let him come back, and a week later it starts again. He has to have a drink to deal with the stress of everything/boredom/because his life is cursed.
He has basically ruined us financially, largely due to alcohol. I now have a thorough knowledge of how pawnbrokers work, whereas before I met him I really had no idea what they did. Whenever I've tried to budget it just doesn't happen, because I don't allow for several drinking binges. One time all I had left was money I'd put aside for my daughter's playgroup. When I wouldn't give it to him for beer, he punched the computer. It makes me sick, that I've needed a new pair of shoes for a year, that is the same price as one of his drinking sessions. But I've been putting it off because someone needs to think of bills. We've been nearly evicted ten times, honestly I would have evicted us we've been messing the landlord around so much.
Drinking isn't the only thing money gets spent on. He had a sports car that got smashed a few years ago (because he was too drunk to drive it home, his cousin had to do it instead, he grabbed the wheel from her and it smashed. But it was her fault because if she'd really been able to drive she should have been able to handle someone doing that
). He also loves radio controlled gliders/planes/helicopters.
So any bit of money we've gotten that could possbily have gone towards paying debts, every tax refund, has gone towards restoring the car, and buying various model aircraft. Yes, in the plural. Because they crash, it's the nature of the hobby. Some have been destroyed that way, one he set fire to because the kit he'd made it from was faulty (he was drunk when he did this), and the latest was a helicopter. He sold his sports car to pay for the helicopter, it crashed, could have been repaired for a few hundred dollars, but instead he smashed it to bits. And it was worth thousands of dollars.
He has gotten us stuck with several hire-purchase contracts that we really don't need, that he didn't tell me about before he bought the things. Apparently we desperately needed a $5,000 LCD TV.
He isn't working at the moment. He never really worked consistently, because he hated being a slave to the government, blah blah blah, but now he's not working at all. And we are seriously living in the negative. Now he;s finally realising how much debt we are in. His solution? Since we're in so much debt anyway, he thought he'd go out last night and spend the rest of our money at various pubs and clubs. About $200. Money that would have paid off some of our debts at least. He has done this twice before.
Also, we were scheduled to have relationship counselling this week. The money for that was spent on alcohol. That pretty much sums up our relationship, doesn't it?
That's why I'm on the computer typing this at 5am. I actually started at 3:30am (when he finally arrived home). I'm four months pregnant, exhausted, have had a very restless night's sleep, worrying about him being dead, in hospital, in jail, because he was drink-driving the whole night. When he finally got home, I couldn't even try to go back to sleep, I had this urge of angry adrenaline.
I'm not looking for an excuse to leave. Because quite frankly, that's looking like a pretty good option right now, and I don't need an excuse to do so. I'm looking for a reason to stay. Is there hope? Has anyone persevered with it all and had everything work out okay?
I know I can't change him. But I keep hoping and praying that he will want to change himself. That he will take some responsibility for his life, and stop blaming everyone and everything for his problems. And he really needs to see a counsellor.
I probably sound cold and unfeeling, but I've had enough. I've done compassion, and supportive, now I'm onto exasperation and numbness. I don't even know if I love him anymore. I am so overwhelmed by anger and disappointment that any love that may be there is overshadowed by these feelings. My child, and child-to-be deserve some stability in their lives, and I do too. I need to know that they will have a roof over their head, and food on the table.
Thank you for listening to my rant, I am so tired it probably makes no sense at all. Any prayers, words of wisdom, and comfort would be greatly appreciated.
God Bless.
Kristy
He also suffers from depression. Whether or not this causes him to drink, or if alcohol caused the depression in the first place, I don't know. He was taking anti-depressants and drinking at the same time for a while, but he has stoped taking anti-depressants now. When he went off the anti-depressants (without medical supervision), this resulted in many suicide threats, a week-long drinking binge (funded but taking out loans against nearly everything of value we own at pawnbrokers), him threatening to kill me and nearly hitting me (while I'm pregnant, by the way), and me sending him packing to his parents.
We have a two-year-old daughter who really doesn't need to see any of it. As I mentioned, I'm pregnant (four months), and am going through so much stress because of my husband, that I really believe it is through the grace of God alone that I haven't miscarried.
He spent a week or so with his parents, calls and says he had an epiphany, he's sorry for everything, he'll go to AA and relationship counselling, never drink again, etc.. (later I found out that he and his father had had a fight, resulting in him knocking his father out twice, so he couldn't actually stay there anymore). I let him come back, and a week later it starts again. He has to have a drink to deal with the stress of everything/boredom/because his life is cursed.
He has basically ruined us financially, largely due to alcohol. I now have a thorough knowledge of how pawnbrokers work, whereas before I met him I really had no idea what they did. Whenever I've tried to budget it just doesn't happen, because I don't allow for several drinking binges. One time all I had left was money I'd put aside for my daughter's playgroup. When I wouldn't give it to him for beer, he punched the computer. It makes me sick, that I've needed a new pair of shoes for a year, that is the same price as one of his drinking sessions. But I've been putting it off because someone needs to think of bills. We've been nearly evicted ten times, honestly I would have evicted us we've been messing the landlord around so much.
Drinking isn't the only thing money gets spent on. He had a sports car that got smashed a few years ago (because he was too drunk to drive it home, his cousin had to do it instead, he grabbed the wheel from her and it smashed. But it was her fault because if she'd really been able to drive she should have been able to handle someone doing that
). He also loves radio controlled gliders/planes/helicopters. So any bit of money we've gotten that could possbily have gone towards paying debts, every tax refund, has gone towards restoring the car, and buying various model aircraft. Yes, in the plural. Because they crash, it's the nature of the hobby. Some have been destroyed that way, one he set fire to because the kit he'd made it from was faulty (he was drunk when he did this), and the latest was a helicopter. He sold his sports car to pay for the helicopter, it crashed, could have been repaired for a few hundred dollars, but instead he smashed it to bits. And it was worth thousands of dollars.
He has gotten us stuck with several hire-purchase contracts that we really don't need, that he didn't tell me about before he bought the things. Apparently we desperately needed a $5,000 LCD TV.
He isn't working at the moment. He never really worked consistently, because he hated being a slave to the government, blah blah blah, but now he's not working at all. And we are seriously living in the negative. Now he;s finally realising how much debt we are in. His solution? Since we're in so much debt anyway, he thought he'd go out last night and spend the rest of our money at various pubs and clubs. About $200. Money that would have paid off some of our debts at least. He has done this twice before.
Also, we were scheduled to have relationship counselling this week. The money for that was spent on alcohol. That pretty much sums up our relationship, doesn't it?
That's why I'm on the computer typing this at 5am. I actually started at 3:30am (when he finally arrived home). I'm four months pregnant, exhausted, have had a very restless night's sleep, worrying about him being dead, in hospital, in jail, because he was drink-driving the whole night. When he finally got home, I couldn't even try to go back to sleep, I had this urge of angry adrenaline.
I'm not looking for an excuse to leave. Because quite frankly, that's looking like a pretty good option right now, and I don't need an excuse to do so. I'm looking for a reason to stay. Is there hope? Has anyone persevered with it all and had everything work out okay?
I know I can't change him. But I keep hoping and praying that he will want to change himself. That he will take some responsibility for his life, and stop blaming everyone and everything for his problems. And he really needs to see a counsellor.
I probably sound cold and unfeeling, but I've had enough. I've done compassion, and supportive, now I'm onto exasperation and numbness. I don't even know if I love him anymore. I am so overwhelmed by anger and disappointment that any love that may be there is overshadowed by these feelings. My child, and child-to-be deserve some stability in their lives, and I do too. I need to know that they will have a roof over their head, and food on the table.
Thank you for listening to my rant, I am so tired it probably makes no sense at all. Any prayers, words of wisdom, and comfort would be greatly appreciated.
God Bless.
Kristy
