When can you divorce?

[Bazman1]

Hi,

I have been separated for a while from my wife. She left me and took the children. I have now recently lost my job but I have got another one it is just quite a distance away and will probably mean selling or renting out the family house. Something which my wife is still entitled to.

I am in limbo and am completely confused as to what the Lord wants from me at the moment. I don't know whether to divorce my wife or spend huge amounts of money on travel costs as I can't sell the house as I don't know what I will be entitled to if I did and what my wife could do if I did without us getting divorced.

She has a new fella as well I don't ever see us getting back together she has told me that in no uncertain terms.

All in all divorce seems my best bet but all I get from the Lord is it isn't his will but if that is the case why put me with all this burden if there is no way out. Why give me a job so far away so I have to pay for all this travel as well as dealing with huge upkeep costs of the family home and child maintenance.

I feel I am completely caged and to be quite honest I don't feel like the "truth has set me free" infact I feel imprisoned by Gods word.

I am angry with God as well as I don't feel any help from him at all.

Anyone else with any thoughts I want to do Gods will but I just can't see any way out.

 

[Camalinda]

I'm so sorry. It makes me so sad every time I read a spouse has left- for seemingly selfish reasons- and taken the kids and made it very difficult for the remaining spouse to have a relationship with the children.

Here's what a wise person told me not too long ago. God has ordained rulers and laws over us. There are very specific marital/divorce laws and very specific laws regarding the division of marital property. We can look at these things as God's provision or covering for us when we're forced into a situation like yours- your wife left- or mine- my husband was abusive. We do have a path we can follow by just doing what the laws allow. I don't know where you live. I know in my state of the US, division is "equitable" which doesn't necessarily mean 50/50. All kinds of things play into it, such as who has the children the most, etc. I do not think you can sell your house without filing for divorce first. That is true in my case, anyway. I have to file for divorce to sell our property and divide up what we have.

Here is how I am looking at it, and maybe this will help you as well. God has provided certain monetary assets. I need to be the best steward of those that I can be. In order to do so, I need to legally file for divorce and have things divided. Otherwise, my husband will continue to give me a hard time about money and will continue doing as HE pleases with our property. So maybe for you it is the same- do what you can do legally knowing that God has put into place rulers and laws as a means of protection for us. Sure, divorce isn't His perfect plan, but it's happening anyway. I think you are free to protect what you own so that you know you can continue to provide for your children in the future.

And again, I am so sorry for all you are facing. It is tough.

 

[BlueJay83]

Maybe He gave you a new job somewhere away from all the reminders of your former life? Maybe that could be Gods cue for you to move on, but you're hanging on anyway.

I'm not saying that it IS Gods will for you to move on.... i'm just pointing out that His leadings are very subtle. Don't expect burning bush every time you want to hear from God.

 

[HeKnowsMyName]

Does moving away mean you will have no contact with your children? That concerns me. No job is worth it IMO.

 

[Autumnleaf]

If she commits adultery you write her a writ of divorce and send it to her. Voila, you are divorced. That is Biblically how its supposed to go, based on what I recall of it.

 

[Bazman1]

The job is a couple of hours away from where I live and about an hour and half away from the wife. So yep I will still be able to see my children but I can't still live in the family house. In answer to the question about not seeing my children.

 

[Conservativation]

Well, you will get to see the kids if she wants you to

 

[hope4today]

Hi Bazman,

I'm really sorry to hear about the situation you are in. Can I ask a question though? What is it that makes you feel God is telling you it isn't his will for you to get a divorce? Is that a sense of a personal directive from God or what you believe is a general instruction from your understanding of his Word/Law?
(hope I'm making sense)

Bless you heaps
Hope

 

[Erth]

I'm really sorry, and all I can throw in even if I've no idea if it's adding anything or not is that you can be honest with God and question what he's putting you through.

 

[Bazman1]

It's reading his word that makes me think he doesn't want me to divorce. However, the situation that I am in getting a divorce would be the only way out. Anyway, I start my new job Monday going to see how that goes wait a couple of months and see what happens. Thank you to all who have responded. God loves us all and he knows how much you are all suffering and he cares for all of us. I need to trust him more.

 

[hope4today]

Your question was 'when can you divorce?. You will probably get different answers to that question from different understandings of scripture but my understanding from what you have said is that you are scripturally free to divorce any time given that you state your wife is in a new relationship hence in adultery. That I believe gives you the right to divorce although not the obligation to.
The reason I asked why you believed you shouldn't is because although I believe scripturally you can divorce, you are of course free to choose to continue to wait and hope for reconciliation with forgiveness and grace if you wish. If you felt God was specifically asking you to do that then it would be wise to follow his lead however I would still seek good Christian counsel on that because we sometimes believe God is saying something when it is our own preconceived ideas about his Word that we are hearing.

Hope that makes sense and is just my understanding of the scriptural perspective.

I pray you will know the peace and comfort of Christ as you go through this difficult time. He is faithful and he will stay with you in your struggle and understands your hurt and pain.

Bless you heaps

Hope

 

[Conservativation]

after 11 marriages it dont matter....see the thread below

 

[dayhiker]

Ya, God doesn't want want us to get a divorce. But in fact you are divorced. Its just in the eyes of the US government(state) that your not divorced.

I say sell the house. Ya, when the divorced is settled you'll have to give some of that to your EX.

Its time to move on in my opinion.