When a friend is grieving

[gtp40]

Hi,

I have a question for those of you that are suffering from the loss of a loved one, or suffering in general. I have a friend who is losing his father, and he's been dealing with it for about a year now. Recently he's been acting quite strange, and being rather mean/rude to me and his other friends. He'll often flat out ignore me, or walk off and talk to someone else when I'm mid sentence with him. He also takes everything as a personal attack and he is always very quick to attack me (verbally) and basically has been downright mean on occasion, and it's starting to happen more and more often.

Is this something that is a normal part of grief? Or is this a bad part of his personality and there is no excuse? Sometimes I feel that he's wants everyone to feel sorry for him and that it has nothing to do with his father, but I really have no idea as I'm basing my judgment on how I handle sadness or anger, and I've never gone through something like this. I don't really know what to do in this situation because I don't enjoy putting up with this but I also don't want to hold it against him if it's purely because of his current pain. I've been quite angered by this whole situation lately, but I feel that it's wrong that I feel this way. If I need to put up with it I will, as that's nowhere near as bad as what he's going through.

Sorry for such a confusing paragraph, I don't know how else to type it. I guess I just don't know how to react to this situation, so I figured I'd talk to some people with experience in this situation.

I've never lost a parent, and I don't want it to happen soon, but for those of you that have gone through this kind of pain I'd love to hear your advice.

Thanks

 

[Nilla]

Hi,

I have a question for those of you that are suffering from the loss of a loved one, or suffering in general. I have a friend who is losing his father, and he's been dealing with it for about a year now. Recently he's been acting quite strange, and being rather mean/rude to me and his other friends. He'll often flat out ignore me, or walk off and talk to someone else when I'm mid sentence with him. He also takes everything as a personal attack and he is always very quick to attack me (verbally) and basically has been downright mean on occasion, and it's starting to happen more and more often.

Is this something that is a normal part of grief? Or is this a bad part of his personality and there is no excuse? Sometimes I feel that he's wants everyone to feel sorry for him and that it has nothing to do with his father, but I really have no idea as I'm basing my judgment on how I handle sadness or anger, and I've never gone through something like this. I don't really know what to do in this situation because I don't enjoy putting up with this but I also don't want to hold it against him if it's purely because of his current pain. I've been quite angered by this whole situation lately, but I feel that it's wrong that I feel this way. If I need to put up with it I will, as that's nowhere near as bad as what he's going through.

Sorry for such a confusing paragraph, I don't know how else to type it. I guess I just don't know how to react to this situation, so I figured I'd talk to some people with experience in this situation.

I've never lost a parent, and I don't want it to happen soon, but for those of you that have gone through this kind of pain I'd love to hear your advice.

Thanks

I haven't lost a parent so I don't know what that's like. I did lose my brother two years ago so I have experience loss. I can't say if your friend is reacting this way cause of what he is going through or if it's something else.

The best thing you can do is either ask him....and see what he says. Or ride it out and see what happens. Sorry I haven't got any better advice to give you.

Even if you haven't lost a parent you can do a lot. Pray, just be there, listen.

I hope everything will be better soon. For both of you.

Nilla

 

[lavenderskies]

I lost my father in 1996. I am sure I was quite unbearable at times. Has there been a change in his father recently where his condition has gotten worse? The stress and pain of losing a parent is really horrible. I would suggest you pray, and try to be there for your friend. This does not mean that you have to allow yourself to be verbally abused however. If you feel that way I would suggest talking to your friend about it.

 

[wizdim10]

I lost my mother suddenly 8 years ago, and to a certain extent I acted like your friend has been acting. I felt, for a period of time, that everyone was against me and that I was alone in the world. I think my closest friends and family received the worst of it. You just want to block off the outside world and try to either deal with or bottle up what is going on inside. If it wasn't for the continuous support of my friends whom i shunned in my time of need, I don't know if I would have made it through. I believe that this is a common reaction to grief. So the best thing you can do as his friend is be there for him, even if he doesn't want your support you need to be waiting for him on the otherside when he comes out of this stressful period and needs a shoulder to cry on. Don't take any of his actions personally. Hoped that has helped.
Love and peace, you are in my prayers

 

[gtp40]

Hey, thanks for all the replies, I appreciate it.

Sounds like this is pretty normal, I'm just going to try and deal with it and help him out then. Thanks for all the advice, if anyone has more feel free to keep replying!

Thanks everyone.

 

[angel82]

Hey, thanks for all the replies, I appreciate it.

Sounds like this is pretty normal, I'm just going to try and deal with it and help him out then. Thanks for all the advice, if anyone has more feel free to keep replying!

Thanks everyone.

Just wanted to say I have been in his place and know when you are about to lose a loved one you sometimes build up a wall around your self to prevent any more hurt from getting to you. Being mean is not to hurt you but as a protection to him from being hurt again. Try not to take in personally, but if you must, take a step back from the situation and pray for him and his father.
I hope this helps and I will pray for you and your friend that you will see this is Gods will and his Grace is with you all