whats your thoughts on.....

Im_A · Jun 30, 2009

twistedsketch said:
Long term investment. But by now, he should know that the maturity gaps are making that less likely.

I agree. My point was, many times when we hear males going after the younger ladies its because of physical attraction, and I don't understand why guys can't seem to find someone in their own range, when at least I think there are many beautiful, hot, extremely attractive women in that age range.

Sketcher · Jun 30, 2009

Im_A said:
I agree. My point was, many times when we hear males going after the younger ladies its because of physical attraction, and I don't understand why guys can't seem to find someone in their own range, when at least I think there are many beautiful, hot, extremely attractive women in that age range.

You know, one more thing I didn't think of before. A lot of 30+ women are married.

Im_A · Jun 30, 2009

twistedsketch said:
You know, one more thing I didn't think of before. A lot of 30+ women are married.

That's a fair point. Still hard for me to see how one goes from, the playing gets smaller so that means I go to someone who just got out of highschool...how one makes that leap, yeeea, I missed the boat!

Stravinsk · Jun 30, 2009

Ok...15 years is something of a stretch...

However, my own parents are 10 years apart and have been happily married over 40 years.

I wonder a little bit at women who say they prefer an older man (say for instance, 10 years older) - then balk at an extra 3-5 years as if those few extra years make a world of difference.

GoodNewsJournalist · Jun 30, 2009

I think it really depends of the people.

If they can really relate with each other's ideas, thoughts, convictions, and they strengthen each other, than so be it.

I never meet a woman in my age range that I could really relate too, and discuss all the aspects of my life with, because there are parts I don't talk about - like the spiritual war I am involved in. But I found a great friend in Melissa, who is younger than me, and in a different age range, that I can totally relate too on a level I have never had with anybody else before, and all we are is friends.

I haven't seen how these two interact. Now, on how most guys are, maybe he is robbing the cradle, but then again, he could truly see her as the one that life makes sense with.

lostaquarium · Jul 1, 2009

Maybe they've been in love since she was 14, and decided to wait until she was old enough. RE Jane Austen's Emma. Just pointing out one example.

tori2 · Jul 1, 2009

Okay, more details on my original question.....

My friend, the 19-year-old, is male. His fiancee, SHE is 34. They met at work & began dating, then he quickly moved in with her. They are maybe 2 months into their relationship and now they're engaged.

She has 2 kids and can't have any more (tubes tied).

Her kids are 11 & 13 yrs old.

Hope that helps to clarify some things.

deliciousBass · Jul 1, 2009

tori2 said:
Okay, more details on my original question.....

My friend, the 19-year-old, is male. His fiancee, SHE is 34. They met at work & began dating, then he quickly moved in with her. They are maybe 2 months into their relationship and now they're engaged.

She has 2 kids and can't have any more (tubes tied).

Her kids are 11 & 13 yrs old.

Hope that helps to clarify some things.

Whoa! haha. She is teaching him things eh?

I don't understand why he doesn't go for someone more age appropriate... like you lol.

overit · Jul 1, 2009

Still doesn't change my perspective honestly....I have no qualms honestly with an older woman, younger guy...matter of fact I have recently started seeing someone who is 6 years younger then me

BUT unless the guy or girl is over the age of 25 I have a problem w/big age differences like that. To much power over the other person would exist and create a huge imbalance...the older one gets to "raise" the young one...if they are established enough as an adult they can still have a succesful relationship because they have BOTH had time to grow and come into their own w/out influence of someone older. So...creep factor is still there.

Jerimi · Jul 1, 2009

Hahahaha. wow.. misconceptions!!!

This is still a bad idea.

overit · Jul 1, 2009

deliciousBass said:
Whoa! haha. She is teaching him things eh?

I don't understand why he doesn't go for someone more age appropriate... like you lol.

And you know...I get that, I do...the whole cougar, older woman thing...and honestly if it were to be a physical deal only then I"m not as weirded out by it ...but a relationship long term, get married, move in together? EEEEE....(Borat voice) Not so much........

deliciousBass · Jul 1, 2009

overit said:
Still doesn't change my perspective honestly....I have no qualms honestly with an older woman, younger guy...matter of fact I have recently started seeing someone who is 6 years younger then me

lucky basta....

JonMiller · Jul 1, 2009

If her (and his) maturity level is high than there is probably no problem.

I personally rarely consider girls younger than 23 or so because they are too immature.

By maturity I don't mean looks/etc, I just mean that in the US people act like kids well past 18.

JM

overit · Jul 1, 2009

deliciousBass said:
lucky basta....

hA!! It would be border creepy w/you...well wait..that's 8, almost 9 years right? LOL

Originally I thought he was 31...I somehow didn't buy it so he then admitted to 30...I demanded the drivers license...it was 29-JUST turned 29 lol...that's ok..I'm cool with it-I just felt he was prolly being a little insecure about the age difference so he "fibbed" and added a cpl years....girls do that a lot but shave them off

JonMiller · Jul 1, 2009

BTW, in general (And in history) men have used their experience/achievements/accomplishments to get fertile women.

Fertility in women is somewhat determined by age (younger is better) and beauty (most of female beauty is fertility oriented).

This, on the other hand, also drives men to be greater risk takers/more competitive (particularly before they start a family). Probably some of the reason I am still single is that I am not a great risk taker.

If you think about it, for this prime factor of marriage of fertility, a younger woman with an older man is natural. While right now I am happy with women older and younger than me... my limit is still and will always be upper 30s. Even if I am 50 and unmarried (assuming that I don't have a family). This is just a fact of fertility.

The biggest concern with younger women is that they aren't ready to settle down yet. That is more our culture, and less an age only dependent thing.

JM

ido · Jul 1, 2009

Here we go with the cougar comments. lol

My BF is 8 years younger. I would never in a MILLION years have thought I would date someone that much younger. But, here I am and it doesn't seem weird or cougar-ish or anything. We are extremely compatible. Of course, he served 6 years in the Army and has been married/divorced - so his life experiences are a bit different than most 27 yr olds.

As for the kids thing. Maybe the OP's friend doesn't want children but he's OK with her having children. Or maybe he can't have children.

GoodNewsJournalist · Jul 1, 2009

Again, with the situation, it would have a lot to do with the actual relationship.

To me, and I'm going to get flak for saying this, age is just a number. I have meet dirty of boys who are 60 years old, who are just as immature as they were when they were 13 years old, and I have meet 15 year olds who are far more mature than people 20 years older than them.

Sure, in this day and age, there is a lot of immaturity going around. Me and Mel talk about it fairly often, because we both don't like what we see from behaviours from our perspective gender.

My idea of maturity in a relationship is, you are ready to live together when you are ready to take care of any children your arrangement will produce. Since there will be no children produced in this union, because she's got her tubes tied, I know this relationship is kinda immature. She wants all the benefits without any of the responsibility, and I assume she has been divorced once.

What will happen when her lover decides he wants to have children with her? There will probably be huge fights, and the relationship will break up.

So, I don't really see much of a future for this relationship.

And to all the people who say, this is creepy, get off your high horses, and stop judging people you don't know without all the facts.

ido · Jul 1, 2009

To your point about fertility, Jon - sex drive peaks in the late teens/early 20s for men and in the early thirties for women. lol

overit · Jul 1, 2009

It's ok flnt--my new friend is 6 years...and for his age is pretty mature-also has been married/divorced and has a daughter my youngest sons age....so...it works so far.
It seems it's becoming more common though...in a way at our age as women perhaps we feel more established, and not needing the "career/status/financial" security a younger girl looks for in a guy....if we have our life, finances, together you can pretty much be open to go for someone who is just simply compatible with you, makes you laugh and who's company you enjoy- taking the pressure of your "lists" off..kwim?

And yes-this young is a first for me also

JonMiller · Jul 1, 2009

Yep, because it forces men to start taking the risks needed to catch a woman. And for women it is the pressure that will get them to find a spouse before they are unfertile.

It wouldn't do women a lot of good after 40 to have a high sex drive (as far as fertility goes). At at 20, they have the men after them anyway (and women, if you are 20 and you feel like you don't have the men after you... you probably do, you are just being too picky).

JM

whats your thoughts on.....

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