What's your reasoning behind your "singleness"?

Contrary to popular belief, God just doesn't intend every person to be married. Sometimes it is His will that a person never marries.

I think that no matter how painful that sounds, each one of us have to be open to that possibility.

The other thing we have to be open to is that it might be OUR fault that we are still single. It may be that we have character issues or maturity issues to resolve before we can be attractive to the right kind of person. In my ministry and in my life, I see that a lot; people want to complain against God, but they don't want to look at how their own character isn't suitable for marriage.

psycmajor said:

I'm not AT ALL implying that being single is bad or wrong, or that you even need an excuse.

I'm just curious to see if people have any reasoning in their minds about why they are single, even though they don't want to be. Do you think the problem is related to you? Is it other people? Both? Neither?

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About two years ago, (after a long string of sinful, sick and painful relationships) I met a most wonderful man - he is Christian, smart, stable, good looking and absolutely no excess baggage - plus everything else I'd ever wanted in a mate. Before we met, I had prayed (on and off as it suited me) for someone like him. After I did meet *him* I found out that he had been praying for someone too - we both thought our relationship was designed by God. Even though I was a professed Christian being with him pulled me closer to knowing God.

We aren't together now, and I will admit that it's one of the hardest things I've ever had to deal with, but I think I found the answer, my answer, as to why God took this man from my life: I loved him too much. I let him take God's place in my life and our God is a very jealous God...

Needless to say, when the relationship ended (it's been a little over a month now) it devistated me. I'm still suffering from residual pain. I want more than anything to get married and live happily ever after, but I've realized that I can't decide this. If I force it to happen against God's designed plan, I'm not going to be happy. Every day I pray that God send me that perfect mate that he has designed for me - but only if I'm ready for it and only if it's what He has in mind for me. It is so hard to let go of my desire to marry, and though I ask for it every day, I also ask that He remove the desire to marry if I'm supposed to be single for the rest of my life. So far he hasn't done that...

So in response to your question, I think that I am in the midst of learning a few things and growing closer to God. The problem of my singleness is directly associated to my desires vs. God's desires. I want kids, I want a husband, I want the "perfect marriage" and I'm scared because (along with a mix of insecurities) I feel like time is running out. (I'll be 28 in few weeks) I think God wants this for me too, but I think he also wants me to trust Him fully with my life and be willing to do anything He guides me to do - and not to just be saying/feeling this to get what I want. I have to live it, feel it, prove it, and cherish it before I will be rewarded... I welcome any prayers.

About a year ago, a great lady came into my life. I was convinced it was by God's divine work. She was simply to good to be true. Then everthing fell apart. I questioned why God had allowed this to happen to me. I was angry that God had let someone that seemed so perfect in my eyes come into my life, and then take her away without any apparent reason.

I learned that this lady had became my top priority and I had let my relationship with God deteriotate. The ordeal was very painful, but through it, God matured me both emotionally and spiritually. I beleive God let this woman come into my life, but not for the reasons that I had hoped. He was refining me to make me a better person.

I have learned to keep him first, seek his will, and trust him with my life, and he will take care of me. Right now, I have been studying up on "the gift of singleness". I'm trying to be thankful for and appreciate what he has given me now.

Why would I expect him to give me more, if I don't truly appreciate what he has already given me? That's something to think about.

So, the reason I'm single is that God is still working on me.

my reasoning... just because.

Well, I am also one of those who has never really even had a bf/gf relationship. I kinda did in 6th grade, but I don't really count that as it didn't mean a whole lot, and the only thing we did was hold hands.

I think I am still single because I know I have a lotta baggage to work through to ever even think of hitching myself and that up with some poor soul! Yeah. I do get lonely, and I think it would be nice and great to get to share your life with someone who feels the same way towards you. I really don't know though, I just figure if its meant to happen then thats what will happen. I notice a lot of you who have been in past relationships that have failed were putting the other person first before God, and I imagine you can get carried away pretty easily.

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I am single by choice ( not my choice though...) the ladies choose not to go for me. I guess my weight has alot to do with it

Just waiting on the right man to come into my life.......

I'm single because I left an abusive husband to protect my kids and myself and since that time, the few guys I have met (dealing with excessive shyness myself) made it quite clear that while they would tell me I'm a "nice person and fun to talk to, I'm just not their 'type'" (that's a whole other rant LOL)

I've since quite worrying about it (being single) and just go about the business of raising my daughters (youngest has her First Communion this Sunday) and just enjoying my life....besides, I've gotten pretty used to the idea of being solo so that even if Mr. Right were to suddenly appear I probably wouldn't notice unless he kicked me in the pants and yelled "hey I'm here" LOL

i'm ugly and shy and awkward and boring and I work too much and i'm scared of being hurt and that's about it.

mina said:

i'm ugly and shy and awkward and boring and I work too much and i'm scared of being hurt and that's about it.

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Mina, If you speak that way about yourself; you are heaping word curses upon your soul to be fufilled. Do not underestimate the power of your words. Start looking at yourself the way God has intended for you too. Satan puts those condemning words in us not God. We become what we say. I would pray about that. No offence. I just wanted to point that out to you.

Beauty4Ashes said:

Mina, If you speak that way about yourself; you are heaping word curses upon your soul to be fufilled. Do not underestimate the power of your words. Start looking at yourself the way God has intended for you too. Satan puts those condemning words in us not God. We become what we say. I would pray about that. No offence. I just wanted to point that out to you.

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sorry but i've tried and tried to overcome this and all I keep coming back to is that. I try and try to look at myself the way God does. I try til I'm so frustrated it hurts and it feels like i'm dying. I've prayed and prayed and prayed about it. It is NOT that easy to just get over it. Especially since circumstances since birth seem to confirm the same things over and over again. God made ugly people. Even the Bible says that leah was "dull-eyed" and indicates that she was not that pretty. So it happens.

It's hard to believe that country singer Shania Twain once considered herself "ugly" and this probably is where she came up with these lyrics for "Any Man of Mine"

This is what a woman wants...
Any man of mine better be proud of me
Even when I'm ugly he still better love me
And I can be late for a date that's fine
But he better be on time

Any man of mine'll say it fits just right
When last year's dress is just a little too tight
And anything I do or say better be okay
When I have a bad hair day

And if I change my mind
A million times
I wanna hear him say
Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah I like it that way

Any man of mine better walk the line
Better show me a teasin' squeezin' pleasin' kinda time
I need a man who knows, how the story goes
He's gotta be a heartbeatin' fine treatin'
Breathtakin' earthquakin' kind
Any man of mine

Well any man of mine better disagree
When I say another woman's lookin' better than me
And when I cook him dinner and I burn it black
He better say, mmmm, I like it like that yeah

And if I changed my mind
A million times
I wanna hear him say
Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah I like it that way

Any man of mine better walk the line
Better show me a teasin' squeezin' pleasin' kinda time
I need a man who knows, how the story goes
He's gotta be a heartbeatin' fine treatin'
Breathtakin' earthquakin' kind
Any man of mine

Let me hear you say yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah I like it that way

Any man of mine better walk the line
Better show me a teasin' squeezin' pleasin' kinda time
I need a man who knows, how the story goes
He's gotta be a heartbeatin' fine treatin'
Breathtakin' earthquakin' kind
Any man of mine

You gotta shimmy shake
Make the earth quake
Kick, turn, stomp, stomp, then you jump
Heel to toe, Do Si Do
'Til your boots wanna break
"Til your feet and your back ache
Keep it movin' 'til you just can't take anymore
Come on everybody on the floor
A-one two, a-three four
Hup two, hum
If you wanna be a man of mine, that's right
This is what a woman wants...

what we have to understand is that God does not create anything ugly we are all beutiful creations its just that everybody sees buety in different ways what is ugly to some is pretty to others and vice versa I dont think I dont t hink Im ugly others might not agree with that though

Shania, the feminist/man-bashing, pop/country singer.

Jesus is a tough act to follow.

Because society has brainwashed men into believing the Barbie is the only type of woman they should desire. I look more like a Baroque painting...guess I'm single because I was born in the wrong century! lol!

Other reasons:

1. I REQUIRE that my 'soul mate' is a hockey fan and since I live in Indiana I am not going to find him here.

2. I require my 'soul mate' by intelligent...again, because I live in Indiana.....

3. I require my 'soul mate' has a sense of humour

Maybe I expect too much. ;-0

Believe me , not all men want barbie, all my female friends ride their own harleys ----- tend to resemble Zena more than barbie.

I don't know why I'm still single, I always have been. I've never had a girlfriend, I used to have issues where I thought I was ugly etc etc, but since I'm not fat anymore, I don't think this way. Women seem to show a lot of interest in me, but I just don't want a g/f, I don't know why. I like women, talk to them, be their friends, but never had a real g/f. I'm currently exploring why this is...

Hoosiercanuk - Don't worry, not all guys want the skinny type of girl, I certainly don't, if she hasn't got handles to hold onto, then I don't want her...