I'm not so much asking the question I stated in the title, just more of a vent. It's long, so be forewarned:
My boyfriend and I have been together for almost 5 months. I'm 25 and he is 29. He was raised Christian, but turned away because of divorced parents and teenage rebellion, but came back to it about 3 years ago. I was not raised Christian, but very recently became one- long after we started dating. He's a year out of law school, and I just finished grad school. Just wanted to give some background about who we are first...
Lately, he's been acting a bit weird. Since mid-June, he's been unhappy with his job situation. He's almost 30 and he feels like he doesn't have a 'purpose' and is also disappointed because many of his friends who live back in Cincinnati, where he's from, have houses. Well, he just finished law school and he lives in DC! Of course he doesn't have a house yet! I don't see that as being bad. He worries about money and then feels bad because as a Christian, he thinks he shouldn't worry about money. Then yesterday, he bought an $1800 road bike- yet he complains he's broke. He's very athletic, but doesn't take care of himself. He says "food is expensive", so he lives on granola bars and powerade. Then he wonders why he's tired all the time and is getting injured from the vigorous running and cycling that he does. Because he hates his job, he thinks his whole life isn't going well- including things with me (which is in his head). His brother was down here for a month, and he started acting weird around then. I don't know if it has something to do with his brother- he's super-close to his family, to the point where he has little trust for others. Which is understandable given his background, but he has plenty of people who love him and care about him.
Then with me becoming Christian- I told him, 2 weeks ago and he barely said anything (he'd had a bad day at work), until 4 days later when I asked him why he hadn't seemed happy about it. Then he asked me a bunch of questions- like he was making sure that what I had done was sincere and that I understood it all. Because apparently, it was a longer process for him. In the end, he seemed happy about it, but not as happy as I'd hope. He has been somewhat helpful though- lending me books he thinks I should read and making me a few cds with worship music on them. As to his own beliefs, he said recently that he's having a hard time trusting God- due to the recent funk he's been in. Last night, before I said good-bye (we'd gone to a BBQ), I asked if he wanted to meet up and go to church, like we do every Sunday. He said that he wasn't sure that he wanted to go. Now, he'll blow off church once in awhile if he's out of town, or wants to go biking, but this was just a flat out "no". And that seems weird for him, and I'm worried. In our relationship, he's seemed a bit distant (again, since his brother came to town, and also, I moved 20 minutes away, which in DC-time, is a big deal). He doesn't hug me much anymore, or greet me with a kiss, like he used to. I try to give him space, and I don't see him as often as I used to. He still calls me to spend time together, and we still make plans and he's good about calling when he says he will, etc. But I don't know.
I'm not sure what's wrong with him, and I can't force him to tell me, of course. I've made it clear that I am here in case he wants to talk, but I also feel like he's not talking to ANYONE about this stuff. Maybe his mom or brother, but I think it would do him good to talk to someone other than family, just because family members have a certain level of bias and subjectivity that can get in the way of stuff. I hate seeing him so miserable. And it's not always like this- at the BBQ last night, he was around some friends that he hadn't seen in awhile and he was perkier than usual. He's a sweet, sweet guy, who is great with kids and animals, everyone adores him, he has a great sense of humor, is playful and has the capacity to be caring and affectionate, because I've seen it. He thinks about others and is incredibly thoughtful. But the comment about not wanting to go to church really bothered me, especially in light of his comment about "not trusting God" a week ago.
I don't know what to do. I pray for him every night, but sometimes it feels like there's something else I could do, ya know? I know it's his thing to deal with, but it's making me really sad to see him like this. Prayers would be greatly appreciated.
PS- if you got through this entire thing, God bless you!
Oh, and if anyone has any Bible quotes I could send his way, please feel free to suggest some! I'm new at this and am not comfortable enough with the Bible to just know where to find that sort of stuff, though I have been looking.
My boyfriend and I have been together for almost 5 months. I'm 25 and he is 29. He was raised Christian, but turned away because of divorced parents and teenage rebellion, but came back to it about 3 years ago. I was not raised Christian, but very recently became one- long after we started dating. He's a year out of law school, and I just finished grad school. Just wanted to give some background about who we are first...
Lately, he's been acting a bit weird. Since mid-June, he's been unhappy with his job situation. He's almost 30 and he feels like he doesn't have a 'purpose' and is also disappointed because many of his friends who live back in Cincinnati, where he's from, have houses. Well, he just finished law school and he lives in DC! Of course he doesn't have a house yet! I don't see that as being bad. He worries about money and then feels bad because as a Christian, he thinks he shouldn't worry about money. Then yesterday, he bought an $1800 road bike- yet he complains he's broke. He's very athletic, but doesn't take care of himself. He says "food is expensive", so he lives on granola bars and powerade. Then he wonders why he's tired all the time and is getting injured from the vigorous running and cycling that he does. Because he hates his job, he thinks his whole life isn't going well- including things with me (which is in his head). His brother was down here for a month, and he started acting weird around then. I don't know if it has something to do with his brother- he's super-close to his family, to the point where he has little trust for others. Which is understandable given his background, but he has plenty of people who love him and care about him.
Then with me becoming Christian- I told him, 2 weeks ago and he barely said anything (he'd had a bad day at work), until 4 days later when I asked him why he hadn't seemed happy about it. Then he asked me a bunch of questions- like he was making sure that what I had done was sincere and that I understood it all. Because apparently, it was a longer process for him. In the end, he seemed happy about it, but not as happy as I'd hope. He has been somewhat helpful though- lending me books he thinks I should read and making me a few cds with worship music on them. As to his own beliefs, he said recently that he's having a hard time trusting God- due to the recent funk he's been in. Last night, before I said good-bye (we'd gone to a BBQ), I asked if he wanted to meet up and go to church, like we do every Sunday. He said that he wasn't sure that he wanted to go. Now, he'll blow off church once in awhile if he's out of town, or wants to go biking, but this was just a flat out "no". And that seems weird for him, and I'm worried. In our relationship, he's seemed a bit distant (again, since his brother came to town, and also, I moved 20 minutes away, which in DC-time, is a big deal). He doesn't hug me much anymore, or greet me with a kiss, like he used to. I try to give him space, and I don't see him as often as I used to. He still calls me to spend time together, and we still make plans and he's good about calling when he says he will, etc. But I don't know.
I'm not sure what's wrong with him, and I can't force him to tell me, of course. I've made it clear that I am here in case he wants to talk, but I also feel like he's not talking to ANYONE about this stuff. Maybe his mom or brother, but I think it would do him good to talk to someone other than family, just because family members have a certain level of bias and subjectivity that can get in the way of stuff. I hate seeing him so miserable. And it's not always like this- at the BBQ last night, he was around some friends that he hadn't seen in awhile and he was perkier than usual. He's a sweet, sweet guy, who is great with kids and animals, everyone adores him, he has a great sense of humor, is playful and has the capacity to be caring and affectionate, because I've seen it. He thinks about others and is incredibly thoughtful. But the comment about not wanting to go to church really bothered me, especially in light of his comment about "not trusting God" a week ago.
I don't know what to do. I pray for him every night, but sometimes it feels like there's something else I could do, ya know? I know it's his thing to deal with, but it's making me really sad to see him like this. Prayers would be greatly appreciated.
PS- if you got through this entire thing, God bless you!
Oh, and if anyone has any Bible quotes I could send his way, please feel free to suggest some! I'm new at this and am not comfortable enough with the Bible to just know where to find that sort of stuff, though I have been looking.
