What's the point

[Loopi]

in waking up and facing yet another day.

I don't want to climb out my bed at 7am anymore, drag myself into college and pretend that everythings ok
I don't want to face the confusion with my boyfriend as he pushes me away telling me i deserve better
What's the point in going to college only to have my tutors decline me for picking up the course i need, to get into Uni next year
What's the point in keeping promises when no one keeps the one's they've made to me.
What's the point in fighting this depression, hell, in even bothering to live. Where's the point in it all.
Everytime i seem to be coping, something else hits me and lands me back on my butt again
Everytime i think i've found someone to talk to they leave, get problems of their own, or something happens that means i can't talk to them
What's the point in waking up, just to have another person leave me alone. First my step mom going back to Canada. Then my sister leaving for uni. My blood mother doesnt want to know me. My boyfriend seems set on pushing me away. My dad and me lost our closeness when i moved in with him. I've lost the people i valued most in life. What's the freaking point.

 

[Taylor43]

Big hugs to you, Can you seek a counsellor or a friend to talk to? You are not alone here please use this forum for support and reachout to a counsellor who is non judgemental but listens.

Have you been to a medical doctor to get a checkup. Sometimes Meds do help but only if monitered and are ready to accept the fact Meds do help. I know allot of people my own age Christian who are taking meds. It takes a few weeks to let the med work out. Also it can take time for the right med to help you. If you choose this root just work with the doctor closely and never quit without your doctor knowing.

You are a Child of God and he see's you special to the kingdom. God knows your pain and what you are going through. My prayer is you feel the comfort of Jesus today and days ahead. Just keep asking for loving christian support. The days will get better I do not know when but God there is always hope

 

[Loopi]

I'm meant to have a psychotherapist, but no scheduled appointments at the moment as we can't fit it around her schedule and my college timetable. I'm free when she isn't, and visa versa.
I was on prozac this time last year until december. They made me try to kill myself. Ended up begging to be put in a psych hospital, came out feeling ok and since the end of august i crashed. I don't want to try tablets again, going through all that was such a nightmare. I feel bad enough without medication driving me that close to the edge yet again.

God has felt a million miles away for a long time now. I don't feel like a child of God anymore. I feel like a five year old saying "i want my mummy" but having any parental love, including gods, magically disappear.

 

[zaksmummy]

The tablets you took, Prozac are from a family of medications called SSRI's. They can make you feel more agitated which was probably why you felt so suicidal.

There are other tablets in that family of drugs you can try and there are other families of drugs you can try. Dont give up on them because of this bad experience - anti-depressants can make a big difference to your mood and how you cope with life.

You said you've not long since come out of hospital, have you not been allocated a CPN or social worker? If not you need to contact your local Community Mental Health Team to get some support or go back to your GP.

Getting through the other stuff in your life will take time, there are no easy answers. Part of the problem with the way we see God is that it very much depends on the relationship with our parents. My dad as an example was very strict, very authoritarian, it has taken for me to have a child of my own to understand just how much God loves me, and I only was able to recognise this by realising how much I love my little boy.

What I'm trying to say is that because of your experiences it seems that God runs away each time there is a problem, you dont feel that he loves you or cares for you. Sometimes part of the answer to this is to read the bible where it talks about Gods love, or how Jesus cared for the children that were brought to him, find a verse that you can recite to yourself when you are feeling alone and remember it, recite it to yourself often and dont forget it, sometimes this can be way of bringing God closer to you and reminding you that you are close to him, even if it doesnt feel that way.

Catrin xx

 

[dbot]

If the therapist you're supposed to see doesnt work out, I would strongly recommend another one. Others will suggest a Christian counseler, as they can help you out with your spiritual troubles, and I would agree. However, even a normal counseler can do a great deal of good. Does the school you go to have counseling services? The school I go to does, and I've taken advantage of it, and it really helped me.

For what its worth, I believe that sometimes God puts people through awful experiences so that when they come out the other side, they'll be able to better help others who walk the path behind them. I feel that might be part of why I went through what I did, and I'm sorry to say that if it is, I've fallen behind on my duties.

 

[zaksmummy]

If you decide to go for a christian counsellor make sure that the have a diploma in counselling and are professionally registered.

This is important as counselling done wrongly can cause more emotional damage, I've looked after people who went to see "Christian counsellors" and they have ended up with much worse mental health problems that their original problem.

Catrin xx

 

[Loopi]

I had a CPN for a while. She decided i was better (which to be honest, i was), and so i was effectively discharged and left to see a psychotherapist. I don't really know what's tripped me back into this. Until the end of last month i was doing fine. Happy, confident, looking towards a future, all the positive things.

I've had a good cry tonight and feeling a bit better.

My school does have counselling services but the availability of the counsellor clashes with my classes, and i'm behind enough as it is unfortuantely which reminds me, instead of whining i should probably do some maths. Not that it matters. this year is pointless on my current qualifications.

Catrin - can you suggest any verses? The bible is a big book and feeling this low my concentration manages to read very little before i just can't read anymore and get infuriated.

 

[aflower4God]

in waking up and facing yet another day.

I don't want to climb out my bed at 7am anymore, drag myself into college and pretend that everythings ok
I don't want to face the confusion with my boyfriend as he pushes me away telling me i deserve better
What's the point in going to college only to have my tutors decline me for picking up the course i need, to get into Uni next year
What's the point in keeping promises when no one keeps the one's they've made to me.
What's the point in fighting this depression, hell, in even bothering to live. Where's the point in it all.
Everytime i seem to be coping, something else hits me and lands me back on my butt again
Everytime i think i've found someone to talk to they leave, get problems of their own, or something happens that means i can't talk to them
What's the point in waking up, just to have another person leave me alone. First my step mom going back to Canada. Then my sister leaving for uni. My blood mother doesnt want to know me. My boyfriend seems set on pushing me away. My dad and me lost our closeness when i moved in with him. I've lost the people i valued most in life. What's the freaking point.

Hi loopy

I want to tell you that people like you make me feel like there is good in this world. You are so kind and have a great big heart. The world needs people like. I will say a prayer for you sister and I am glad that you are here. I know it is hard cause I am battling depression too. God bless you!

 

[zaksmummy]

I will look some up for you and post them asap

Catrin xx

 

[zaksmummy]

OK here goes,

The Psalms are very good for dealing with the whole range of human experience, they often have a lot to say about happiness and depression, so its worth reading through them to find verses that you can relate too.

I found one for me after a miscarriage, that really summed up how I felt at the time, that was Psalm 31v9-13.

Psalms which are encouraging are

23 "the Lord is my Shephard, I shall not want"
27v1 " The Lord is my light and my salvation - whom shall I fear"
46V10 "Be still and know that I am God"
All 139 this is about God knowing who you are, that he made you and loves you.

Another verse which is good to remember and absorb is Romans 8v1 " There is no condemnation for those in Christ Jesus" Its easier to say than to believe especially when you are depressed, but nevertheless it is true.

It can be good to write them out and put them on your fridge or somewhere you can see them every day, that way you can remind yourself over and over again that God is with you and cares for you even when you are feeling like hell.

Catrin xx