Starting today August 7th, 2024, in order to post in the Married Couples, Courting Couples, or Singles forums, you will not be allowed to post if you have your Marital status designated as private. Announcements will be made in the respective forums as well but please note that if yours is currently listed as Private, you will need to submit a ticket in the Support Area to have yours changed.
I shared this on Facebook tonight, but thought it was perhaps even more pertinent in the Singles forum based on my several years, and especially my recent years, of experience here. It's long, but I think it's important. Read if you please.
The irony that I am posting this on social media is not lost on me, but social media updates are what everyone reads nowadays, so I figured this is the best place to share.
There is something that I have been convicted to work on. It is a major blind spot for me and I think it is for the majority of people as well. We are living in a time when technology is being developed and thrown at us at a crazy rapid pace. It has a way of either shutting off or engaging our brains in ways that are difficult to perceive in the moment, so I think it's good to reflect on how much our engagement with technology is helping or hurting.
Human beings are really skilled at adapting to situations that are not the most healthy or the most ideal. Because of this we can quickly lose sight of the fact that we are not walking in what is best for us. We are the most "connected" and informed generation in human history, and yet loneliness, anger, division, depression, and anxiety seem to be on the increase. Studies have been done that, for various reasons, directly link social anxiety to social media use.
I am currently reading a great book called The Body Keeps the Score by Bessel Van Der Kolk that talks about the relationship between the brain, mind, and body in people who have experienced trauma. In the book the author writes this:
"Being able to feel safe with other people is probably the single most important aspect of mental health; safe connections are fundamental to meaningful and satisfying lives. Numerous studies of disaster response around the globe have shown that social support is the most powerful protection against becoming overwhelmed by stress and trauma.
Social support is not the same as merely being in the presence of others. The critical issue is reciprocity: being truly heard and seen by the people around us, feeling that we are held in someone else's mind and heart. For our physiology to calm down, heal, and grow we need a visceral feeling of safety. No doctor can write a prescription for friendship and love. These are complex and hard-earned capacities. You don't need a history of trauma to feel self-conscious and even panicked at a party with strangers--but trauma can turn the whole world into a gathering of aliens."
So my argument is this: The way that the majority of us utilize social media is harmful in that we turn to it as a substitute for relationship, but instead we come across a status update or an article or a video that triggers us as a threat. Social media more than any other medium has fueled the division that is currently rampant in our country. Every time you scroll through your newsfeed, you are more than likely going to see something that, rather than engaging you at a social level, engages you at a threat level. Think about any time you see a news article or a status posted that favors the political party that you wholeheartedly disagree with. Your heart starts to beat faster, your breathing and your blood pressure increase, and you move into fight mode. Attacking the threat becomes the priority over socializing. The goal of finding social comfort and security is completely gone.
Along with that, social media can only offer a shell of the return we hope to get when we log on. We forget how much in-person social interaction engages us and that social media can never replace that. Our brains are always going to register text and pictures, not a flesh-and-blood human being, which is evidenced by the faux bravery that people tend to have when posting online, saying things that they would never say in person. A few 'Likes' may trigger the pleasure centers of the brain for a moment, but it won't be long until we need more.
Social media also encourages the idea that everyone's opinion is important and worth sharing. At some level that may be true, but the reward of an in-person conversation about how we are processing current events or our own life events far exceeds the reward of several 'Likes' on a Facebook status. The reciprocity experienced connecting in-person with a good friend is going to do so much more for you than a 'Like' from that person you went to junior high with and haven't seen in 15+ years. It is just easier to type something up on a screen rather than say it out loud, but there is power in the spoken word. If you want to share your story, make sure you take opportunities to share it verbally with the ones closest to you.
Social media does have its benefits, but when it is used as a substitute for relationship or social interaction in any way, it is doing us harm and perpetuating the depression, anxiety, anger, and division that is currently plaguing our society. 10 minutes will fly by on that scroll through your newsfeed, and that is time that you will never get back. Our time and opportunities are limited. Take time to think about whether social media is really the best thing for you or if you have adapted to a pattern of usage that is taking away from your quality of life rather than enhancing it. Make an effort to have real conversations with your friends, to listen to them, and to encourage them and build them up. Social media carries so much more weight for us than it will ever be able to adequately bear. Join me in moving out of adapting to less-than-ideal and into meeting your needs the way they were designed to be met.
So what do you do when you're autistic and people want nothing to do with you in real life? Every "friend" I make in real life either moves away or uses me for my bank account.
Im not autistic but do have learning disabilities and have trouble fitting in also.
Im not autistic but do have learning disabilities and have trouble fitting in also.
So what do you do when you're autistic and people want nothing to do with you in real life? Every "friend" I make in real life either moves away or uses me for my bank account.
I think I just heard the collective sigh of 2 or 3 CFers in Singles give out at one time. Good for you.I have decided to be celibate. I've been reading a book on my faith and after reading parts about marriage and celibacy, I realized that it's better for me to stay single. It's highly unlikely that I'll ever want to get married anyway for multiple reasons, and after some thought I could feel that this is God's calling for me.
I have decided to be celibate. I've been reading a book on my faith and after reading parts about marriage and celibacy, I realized that it's better for me to stay single. It's highly unlikely that I'll ever want to get married anyway for multiple reasons, and after some thought I could feel that this is God's calling for me.
Great verses and article! Thanks for sharing them with me.
Cool, the Wonder Women film is now on Hulu.
You sometimes make me wonder man.
So what do you do when you're autistic and people want nothing to do with you in real life? Every "friend" I make in real life either moves away or uses me for my bank account.
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