Whatever

Bianca01 said:

I've pretty much had it with Christianity. What is "forgiveness" suppose to be anyway? Something to make me feel guilty because I can't do it. I will never forgive my brother for being inappropriate with me. It did mess up my life. I will never forgive myself for leaving this stupid town and then coming back. I feel weak and stupid. I would love a "personal" relationship with Christ but everyone keeps making me feel like I am the wrong one, that I should forgive and let go. Oh, so simple as that is it? God probably didn't choose me. And if he did how come I can't stand charismatic churches with people falling on the ground and speaking all wierd and I can't stand my sister's beliefs. I don't see it in the bible these things. It doesn't work for me!! I can hardly stand people and being around them because they always dissapoint me. So how can I stand being in a church. Does God have a place for someone like me? A quiet church, where I won't be scrutinized. I'm rambling, but, I just needed to get this off my chest. I feel completely lost and I've been a Christian for over 20 years.

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Hello Bianca,

God chooses the one that loves Him. If you love Him than you will get back up and continue carrying your cross. None of us can make this journey with out him, but with him we can and will reach the gates. i will pray for strength for you k.

If you would like to talk please IM me.

God bless you Bianca

And thank you for posting

KRINZ

Bianca01 said:

I've pretty much had it with Christianity. What is "forgiveness" suppose to be anyway? Something to make me feel guilty because I can't do it. I will never forgive my brother for being inappropriate with me. It did mess up my life. I will never forgive myself for leaving this stupid town and then coming back. I feel weak and stupid. I would love a "personal" relationship with Christ but everyone keeps making me feel like I am the wrong one, that I should forgive and let go. Oh, so simple as that is it? God probably didn't choose me. And if he did how come I can't stand charismatic churches with people falling on the ground and speaking all wierd and I can't stand my sister's beliefs. I don't see it in the bible these things. It doesn't work for me!! I can hardly stand people and being around them because they always dissapoint me. So how can I stand being in a church. Does God have a place for someone like me? A quiet church, where I won't be scrutinized. I'm rambling, but, I just needed to get this off my chest. I feel completely lost and I've been a Christian for over 20 years.

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Sis, I empathise and it would be quite natural for you to feel the way that you do.

Earlier this year, I had a BIG issue with forgiveness, similarly to forgive those family members who had caused me close to 39 years of pain.

The only thing I hadn't realised at that time was that the gift of forgiveness was not for them, but for me.

By forgiving those family members and people who'd hurt me, I enabled the Lord to come closer to me and heal my pain and wipe my tears. I kind of looked at it like me being a vase with stagnant water in it. The stagnant water represented me not letting go of what these people had done to me. Even if one pours fresh water in, the pollutants in the stagnant water soon mixes with the fresh water and it too becomes stagnant. Surrendering it to the Lord was the equivalent of pouring out the stagnant water leaving an empty vase to be filled with fresh living water.

I'll be honest, I shed the most tears I'd done in a LONG time when I did this earlier this year because I had to recall during my prayer times what these people had done to me (which was painful). BUT, immediately afterwards I was filled with such love that I had to shed even more tears

Remember that by forgiving yourself and others you are basically saying, "Lord, I'm surrendering any right I feel I may have to seek revenge, any right to feel resentful and I'm asking you to heal all this pain and damaged emotions".

Forgiveness is the ultimate gift for us because it sets us free from the bondage of bitterness.

Sis, hope this helps and feel free to pm me anytime you need a shoulder

Who has tried to make you feel guilty? Dont take in this kind of rubbish.

Paul says "there is no condemnation for those in Christ Jesus", that includes you.

Everyone one has pain that they struggle with, the pain you describe is worse that most, why do you think that you have to carry it by yourself? Have you ever read the proverb "a happy heart makes the face happy, but heartache crushes the spirit"

God understands your pain, a yes would like you to forgive your brother for the way he treated you, but it is a difficult thing to do, but one you can do when you are ready, not now when you are in emotional turmoil.

Another good scripture of encouragement is "Do not conform any longer to the pattern of this world, but be transformed by the renewing of your mind"

Renewing, this is written as a doing word, something that is in motion, constantly changing and moving forward.
God is saying that things in life are a process, not just do it now or else. Trauma takes time to deal with, you need time to heal before you can forgive.

Maybe you need to think about dealing with this first, through counselling. If this is an option then do it, for your own sake, you will reap the benefits of it in the long term although you may find the process difficult and painful to go through. Just remember to ensure that any counsellor you chose have the relevant qualifications and and is experienced, as it can cause more emotional damage if it isnt done correctly.

As lotuspetal said this is about freedom for you, and it is attainable.

Catrin xx

I could punch a whole in the wall or whip a cup b/c my expresso isn't right. We all have that side, all of us, so don't tear yourself in two over a natural process. Zackmunnys advice is so good I have little else to say. You will see if you try to repress an emotion where it goes, we can test this at anytime. You need to control actions but maybe you need to get even angrier? It will burn out this way and not keep you in that in between state that depresses.

peace