What you didn't know...

[ChildOfGod15]

I've been struggling with anorexia for at least the last six months. I've been getting a lot better since late June/early July, but I'm starting to cut back on what I eat, when there's no need to.

Lately, I only eat what I need to to keep my family from becoming suspicious...but I get so hungry sometimes that my stomach starts to hurt. I feel like a bad example...I have a ton of friends who have eating disorders and I always beg them to eat...yet I tell myself that it won't hurt to skip a meal or two each day.

I feel really ashamed...and guilty about it...but I almost feel worse when I DO eat.... It's not so bad now..my dad has noticed a bit of it, and I've talked to him some. I just need prayers that I'll continue eating throughout the week, as I'm home alone for most of the day.

I'll be praying for all of you who have similar struggles.

Love and blessings,
~Sarah​

 

[ChildOfGod15]

8 views and still no replies...

I no feel very special...

 

[PureGrace]

Oh Sarah...

I am sorry that I didn't see this before now. I will be praying for you so much. We are in almost identical places, and I know exactly what you are talking about. Keep us updated, and please dont hesitate to PM if you need anything at all.

God Bless You

Kate

 

[pockleberry]

I'll pray for you I wish I could do more than that but I'm not in a particularly good place myself.

Susanna

 

[blessedmomof5]

sarah, i didn't see this at all.... i am sorry......


since you have been through this before i can quess you have been through treatment? if so apply what you have learned, do not let it get a hold of you again....you know what it does to you...fight back,,,,let us know how you are doing.....i care.
Denise

 

[ChildOfGod15]

Aww! Thanks guys! I'll be praying for all of you, too.

I've had breakfast today..yay! ^.^ Ok..it was just granola bar and two sausage biscuits...but I ate! Usually, if I start the day off right, then I'm fine for the rest of the day...but sometimes it changes...

I actually got up the courage to flat-out ask my parents to keep an eye on what I'm eating, and how much, for a while. They know about me having problems before, and since things have been really stressful and I feel kinda helples, I'm pretty sure they understand why the old habit's starting to resurface...

I'm not sure what I'm gonna have for lunch yet...but I am planning on having it! Oh, and yesterday, I told my therapist and she thinks that another thing that might be upsetting me is that I don't get to spend a lot of time with my mom anymore, 'cause she's been so busy and I usually stay home with the dogs during the day. (I'm on homebound until I get into a new school. Please pray for that, too. It's a private school and I'm not completely sure that they're going to 'let me in'.) My mom and I are extremely close..and sometimes even when we are together, we don't get to talk a lot...or I'm feeling really upset and she's pretty much 'walking on eggshells'.

I guess this also has something to deal with it...but..anyway.. I got a call from my best friend last night, and I could tell she'd been crying. She kept sniffing and she didn't sound perky, like she usually is when she calls me. First of all, let me tell you that her four sisters are her half sisters, and she lives with them, her mom, and her step dad. She never knew her birth father. I think she's seen some pictures...but that's it. Her younger sisters have always been very rude to her, mostly because they're half sisters and I guess they don't think that they have to be nice to her...but lately, things have gotten much worse. They're always 'manipulating' her emotions 'cause they know exactly how to push her buttons. She's usually a very VERY calm and extremely kind person, but they get her so upset that she gets mad and starts trying to stick up for herself (something that she finds very hard to do, and not just with her sisters). Just the other day, the name calling and .. insults got so bad that they ended up just telling her to go drown herself in the ocean. She's been struggling with thoughts of hurting and/or killing herself lately b/c of what they'e been saying, so she just replied, "ok...I will!" When she went upstairs to calm down...her mom started fussing at her for not doing homework..and when she explained that she was calming down from having an argument with her sisters, she was fussing at her for arguing with her sisters and not doing her homework. But it had all started b/c she'd asked them to quiet down so she could concentrate. She's so sensitive and sweet..and it kills me to see her hurting like this.....and she's asked me for advice, but so far I can't really give her any except to try and get her parents to listen to her 'cause her sisters definitely outnumber her and trying to stick up for herself always makes it worse...

I know that was extremely long..but...anyway... I'm gonna copy part of this and paste it into my blog.

Love and blessings, guys.
~Sarah