Several years ago I had a little encounter, and I've periodically thought about it ever since. This time I happened to think about it while on CF, so I thought I'd throw it out there and find out how others would have responded.
A co-worker, Linda, invited me to dinner at her house, along with a few other friends. When I got there, I discovered that the only other single there was a man a few years older than me. I was 31 or 32 at the time, and he was probably in his mid to late thirties. My co-worker introduced us, pointing out a few interests we had in common and basically talking each of us up to the other. He seemed friendly, confident, and interesting, and we chatted throughout meal and dessert, although we also talked to the other people who were there.
When it came time for me to leave, he said he'd walk me out to my car, which wasn't really necessary because it wasn't anywhere near dark, and the neighborhood was quite safe.
(Raise your hand at this point if you think you know why he wanted to walk me to my car.)
So we got to my car, and he said ...
(Go ahead and predict what you think he said here)
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He said, "Well, if you'd like to take a walk together or go for a bike ride some time, give Linda a call, and she'll give you my phone number."
My reaction:
But I smiled, and said, "Well, I just got a new bike."
Him: "Okay. Well, goodnight ... " and walked away with what I interpreted as an uneasy look on his face.
I didn't know what to make of it. I really thought he was going to ask me out - or, failing that, ask for my phone number - or, failing THAT, maybe give me HIS phone number. I told him about my new bike to encourage him to keep going - to maybe say "Well, how about next Saturday" or something like that. Instead, it felt sort of like he was trying to manipulate me (for lack of a better choice of words) to be the one to make the effort - to track down his phone number, and call him, and basically be the one to ask for the date. It wasn't a dynamic I was comfortable with, so I didn't follow up.
I told a friend about it, and she was horrified that I hadn't pursued this man. She thought he must have been so interested in me - he'd gone through all the trouble of walking me to my car and then put himself on the line by telling me where I could find his phone number, so clearly he wanted me to use it. Why hadn't he just taken the more traditional approach I was expecting? Well, he was just shy, that's all, and it was up to me to take the lead in a situation like this, and if I didn't want to, well, then I should stop complaining about being single. (This friend met her hubby at 18, pursued him, and married him at 20.)
So here I am, still single years later. It's not that I look back and regret how I handled this and what might have been, but I do wonder sometimes what that was all about. Did he chicken out at the last minute? Did he suddenly realize he didn't have a pen or a scrap of paper with him? Did he know Linda had set this whole thing up so we could meet, and he didn't want to disappoint her, even though he wasn't really all that into me? Or did he really believe this was a great way to ask a woman for a date, and went home and waited by his phone for days, and was disappointed when I didn't call?
What would you have done?
Also, did you raise your hand? And what did you predict he'd say?
A co-worker, Linda, invited me to dinner at her house, along with a few other friends. When I got there, I discovered that the only other single there was a man a few years older than me. I was 31 or 32 at the time, and he was probably in his mid to late thirties. My co-worker introduced us, pointing out a few interests we had in common and basically talking each of us up to the other. He seemed friendly, confident, and interesting, and we chatted throughout meal and dessert, although we also talked to the other people who were there.
When it came time for me to leave, he said he'd walk me out to my car, which wasn't really necessary because it wasn't anywhere near dark, and the neighborhood was quite safe.
(Raise your hand at this point if you think you know why he wanted to walk me to my car.)
So we got to my car, and he said ...
(Go ahead and predict what you think he said here)
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He said, "Well, if you'd like to take a walk together or go for a bike ride some time, give Linda a call, and she'll give you my phone number."
My reaction:
But I smiled, and said, "Well, I just got a new bike."Him: "Okay. Well, goodnight ... " and walked away with what I interpreted as an uneasy look on his face.
I didn't know what to make of it. I really thought he was going to ask me out - or, failing that, ask for my phone number - or, failing THAT, maybe give me HIS phone number. I told him about my new bike to encourage him to keep going - to maybe say "Well, how about next Saturday" or something like that. Instead, it felt sort of like he was trying to manipulate me (for lack of a better choice of words) to be the one to make the effort - to track down his phone number, and call him, and basically be the one to ask for the date. It wasn't a dynamic I was comfortable with, so I didn't follow up.
I told a friend about it, and she was horrified that I hadn't pursued this man. She thought he must have been so interested in me - he'd gone through all the trouble of walking me to my car and then put himself on the line by telling me where I could find his phone number, so clearly he wanted me to use it. Why hadn't he just taken the more traditional approach I was expecting? Well, he was just shy, that's all, and it was up to me to take the lead in a situation like this, and if I didn't want to, well, then I should stop complaining about being single. (This friend met her hubby at 18, pursued him, and married him at 20.)
So here I am, still single years later. It's not that I look back and regret how I handled this and what might have been, but I do wonder sometimes what that was all about. Did he chicken out at the last minute? Did he suddenly realize he didn't have a pen or a scrap of paper with him? Did he know Linda had set this whole thing up so we could meet, and he didn't want to disappoint her, even though he wasn't really all that into me? Or did he really believe this was a great way to ask a woman for a date, and went home and waited by his phone for days, and was disappointed when I didn't call?
What would you have done?
Also, did you raise your hand? And what did you predict he'd say?
Not sure what the other half of it was supposed to do. 
I'm glad I'm not the only one who would have been confused!
