What would you do?

[CCGirl]

I came across this interesting problem on another internet site and was wondering what you would do in this situation.

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I work in an office that I share with two other people. The desks are in a triangle with short partitions between us, but it is possible to see one another through the gaps. One co-worker is part-time, so I am frequently alone with the third. Lately, I have been hearing and then seeing him participating in a solo activity usually done in the bedroom. Once I figured out for sure what he was doing, I went to human resources. The manager told me that as she has only my word about this, I should go find her when he does it again so she can know for herself. The problem is, she is never around when it happens. He stops if I get up to go out the door and starts when I sit down again. I feel violated, abused, and totally grossed out. What should I do?

 

[Polycarp_fan]

Ask HR to set up a camera.

It is well within your rights for them to take this seriously.

 

[wanderingone]

What is he doing snoring?
I guess the allegation is that the coworker is masturbating in his cubicle? Personally I would tell my coworker that I from where I sit he appears to be masturbating and tell him to knock it off.

If he didn't I would request that human resources find me a new place to sit while they contemplate their legal responsibilities regarding a hostile work environment.

 

[ChaliceThunder]

I think she should just shout out:

"You ain't all dat!" and make some other remarks about size.

It will stop right away.

 

[Washington]

What wanderingone said.

 

[Allister]

I feel violated, abused, and totally grossed out.

I can understand him/her feeling grossed out but violated and abused?

 

[Wiccan_Child]

Confront him. If that doesn't stop it, inform the company about the potential for sexual harassment suits.

 

[Beanieboy]

Wow. That's really sleazy.

I can't believe that HR said they only had your word for it, and needed you to come and get them when it happened again.

Again???

So, if some guy walks by and grabs your breast or your butt, does HR expect you to go get them, and have them stand there to see if it happens again???

1) Camera phone
2) Confront them. Say, "Hi. I'm really glad that the two of you seems to be getting along. But if you are going have sex, would you mind going somewhere else, because I really don't want to hurl in my work station. Thanks a bunch."
3) HR is doing you a huge disservice.
It's like the police telling a woman, "we only have your word for it. If you get raped again, come and tell me."
I would speak to your supervisor, and talk about how gross it is making you feel, what a violation that is, how inappropriate it is, and you need them to go with you to HR and have something done about it, and express your concern for their inaction.
I would also go above whomever you spoke to, to tell them how HR did nothin'
4) I would tell another coworker whom you know, and IM them a msg to walk in, and you have an instant witness

 

[Autumnleaf]

Mind your own business and do your job. Unless the person exposes themself you don't really know what is going on. If they do expose themself take a picture on your phone and get them fired for it. Basically, mind your own business unless you can prove it.

 

[Beanieboy]

Mind your own business and do your job. Unless the person exposes themself you don't really know what is going on. If they do expose themself take a picture on your phone and get them fired for it. Basically, mind your own business unless you can prove it.

I work in an office that I share with two other people. The desks are in a triangle with short partitions between us, but it is possible to see one another through the gaps. One co-worker is part-time, so I am frequently alone with the third. Lately, I have been hearing and then seeing him participating in a solo activity usually done in the bedroom. Once I figured out for sure what he was doing, I went to human resources. The manager told me that as she has only my word about this, I should go find her when he does it again so she can know for herself. The problem is, she is never around when it happens. He stops if I get up to go out the door and starts when I sit down again. I feel violated, abused, and totally grossed out. What should I do?

You were saying?

Honestly, I have to say something Autumnleaf...
It's a little uncaring and uncallous, and I'm surprised that she's supposed "mind her own business" while they are getting on in an office that they share where she can here and see them doing it.

You say, "mind your own business."

If that were happening to you, you working on the budget report, while 2 coworkers were moaning, and panting, rocking, whatever, could see it, and you felt uncomfortable, and kind of violated, would you want someone to say that to you?
Would it feel loving?

Or like they wanted to know why you had a problem with it?

 

[Avatar]

I'd just ask him if he wanted to borrow my magnifying glass.

 

[Beanieboy]

Get a camera, then secretly siip the tape in at the next staff meeting

 

[Autumnleaf]

You were saying?

Honestly, I have to say something Autumnleaf...
It's a little uncaring and uncallous, and I'm surprised that she's supposed "mind her own business" while they are getting on in an office that they share where she can here and see them doing it.

You say, "mind your own business."

If that were happening to you, you working on the budget report, while 2 coworkers were moaning, and panting, rocking, whatever, could see it, and you felt uncomfortable, and kind of violated, would you want someone to say that to you?
Would it feel loving?

Or like they wanted to know why you had a problem with it?

My point is you don't know what is going on. You are assuming a lot which could get someone fired or make you look incredibly stupid, if you are wrong. I can think of several reasons why someone would moan or act in an odd way other than masturbating at work. Personally, I would go to that person's cubicle and ask them if they are okay because it sounded strange over there. You should be honest straight forward about such concerns. Maybe the coworker got a charlie horse.

 

[Wiccan_Child]

My point is you don't know what is going on. You are assuming a lot which could get someone fired or make you look incredibly stupid, if you are wrong. I can think of several reasons why someone would moan or act in an odd way other than masturbating at work. Personally, I would go to that person's cubicle and ask them if they are okay because it sounded strange over there. You should be honest straight forward about such concerns. Maybe the coworker got a charlie horse.

With all due respect, the OP quite clearly said that she saw him masturbating*, and that she had figured out for sure what he was doing. Since we're discussing the hypothetical as laid out in the OP, we discuss that scenario. Anything else is moot.

Well, I can only assume the OP was talking about masturbation... "solo act performed in the bedroom"?

 

[Koeppi]

With all due respect, the OP quite clearly said that she saw him masturbating*, and that she had figured out for sure what he was doing. Since we're discussing the hypothetical as laid out in the OP, we discuss that scenario. Anything else is moot.

Well, I can only assume the OP was talking about masturbation... "solo act performed in the bedroom"?

Autumn's suggestion might actually work if you ask the person what's wrong in a way that implies that you know about the masturbation thing.
If he/she doesn't touch he/she probably won't get the hint and might explain what the ... is actually going on.
Otherwise, kindly ask the person to stop it or you'll get him/her fired.