What Would You Do In This Case?

[~Beauty_from_Pain~]

Ok, I would like to know how you would deal with the following situation.

Let's say that you work in a professional setting. You are in a long term, serious relationship. One of your opposite sex clients whom you see several times a week, has started to flirt/hit on you. What do you do? Do you tell them that all though you are flattered, you are already in a relationship and that the one you have with them will never be anything but professional, or do you not think that it is a big deal and just let them keep on doing it?

 

[Arclight610]

I am male and I would let it continue if it were just friendly. If it goes past that then it needs to stop.

 

[~Beauty_from_Pain~]

How come people don't take the moment to vote on the poll when so many have visited this post? I just would really like some feedback...and you don't have to write anything....just post in the poll. Please?

 

[MN John]

I would ask them to stop, but I'd take it through proper channels by talking to my supervisor first. Asking someone to stop flirting can be turned around on you and called sexual harassment. The other person can claim that they never did anything and that you are wishfully thinking that they are flirting.

 

[Briseis]

I wouldnt tell them that I was in a relationship, because a lot of the time they dont care, and would flirt even if they already knew. You could tell them to stop, but I would have the nerve to bring it up, plus they may feel insulted. I would just make sure they knew I was not interested without being rude

 

[Maeyken]

I work as a nurse, and in general, many patiets like to joke around when they are in the hospital. Sometimes, the jokes are a little on the "flirty" side, but it's never been like "sexual harassment" bad. I usually end up telling my fiance about my day at work, and sometimes I'll include funny stories about my patients, and their dumb jokes, etc.

Sometimes, patients take it a little too far in their joking around, and I have said before, "that was inappropriate" or like if they ask for personal info, "this is a professional relationship", but most times it's just joking around. If I sense that a patient is taking it a little too seriously, I'll throw in some random comment about my fiance, or my upcoming wedding, or whatever, and that usually gives them the hint that I've figured out what they're doing, and I don't approve.

I've never had to talk to a supervisor about it, but I know some people have asked to change patient assignments because of inappropriate comments, etc.

I have a feeling this is about your boyfriend, Starling. I think you guys should sit down and have a good talk about this subject. Maybe start by asking him the poll question...

There are many different sorts of "flirting". Some people see just friendly joking around as flirting (which I don't think is bad- but I don't consider it flirting), while for some people it's only considered flirting if it's clearly beyond inappropriate.

I think you guys should discuss what is considered flirting... because that may be where the biggest misunderstanding is.

 

[Catholic Wife]

Most of the people I work with are men. They all know how I feel about my fiance and that I'm in no way interested in their advances. But even before I ever met my fiance, I kept my personal and professional lives separate (just my personal preference).

If this is about your boyfriend, you definitely should talk to him about what is bothering you.

 

[seamonster]

I voted that I would tell them to stop, but I do agree with Blue Impulse on this one, you should probably be talking about this with your boyfriend and getting things sorted out with him.

 

[faerieevaH]

I would just make a point of mentioning in the conversation somewhere that I'm in a relationship already. And further I would just use all other signs to tell the person 'not interested'.

 

[Redwolf]

Ok, I would like to know how you would deal with the following situation.

Let's say that you work in a professional setting. You are in a long term, serious relationship. One of your opposite sex clients whom you see several times a week, has started to flirt/hit on you. What do you do? Do you tell them that all though you are flattered, you are already in a relationship and that the one you have with them will never be anything but professional, or do you not think that it is a big deal and just let them keep on doing it?

May I ask you exactly what is flattering about a man making moves on you? Do you know what he wants?
In a nice way, you should have IMMEDIATELY told him you are not free.
Flattering? Lord have mercy, no!

 

[del66]

I would tell my boyfriend first.... then take action. I would tell him in a decent way to STOP.Him doing that would make me totally uncomfortable. And if it kept happening, I would tell my higher ups at work that I do not want to deal with this client any longer because it makes me uncomfortable.

 

[California Dreamin']

I'm female and I would tell them "I'm in a relationship, you are one of my clients, let's be professional" etc.

Something to that degree... but I highly doubt someone would hit on me!

 

[heatherq17]

Well I would tell him that I am in a relationship and Im not intrested in a nice way

 

[ahmunmun]

Does he flirt only with you, or with other females as well?

If he flirts only with you, then I think you've got a problem on hand, and I would think that you need to speak to him directly.

However, if he flirts with every women, then I think it's part of his personality. I don't find that right either, but at least I wouldn't freak out and be confrontational.

So it depends whether he flirts only with you...

By the way, my eye is not in the best condition right now. I skimmed over the other replies and I believe I didn't see anybody ask you my question. If somebody had already asked and I'm just repeating someone, then my apologies. I wish my eye would feel better soon so I can read better...

 

[Ryokeen]

Pretty much my sentiment exactly. I believe that this is directly related to Starling's life..

Starling, you have posted so much about the things you are uncomfortable with in your relationship. How much longer can you go on asking the opinions of strangers before you just sit down and talk with your boyfriend about these things? You have to. If you don't, your relationship is going to self-destruct before you ever have a chance to work it out, if it was even meant to be worked out. The hard facts of life are that not every relationship is meant to end in marriage. It just seems to me that you may have some hard thinking and even harder decisions to come to in your relationship, but you shouldn't do it alone.

That being said, we aren't necessarily the people who can help you. All of us here? People with opinions that really apply not one lick to your life. Our opinions can't change your relationship. Only you guys can do that.

From everything I've read from you over time, it sounds like you are more than uncomfortable in your relationship, and all I can say is: why would you put yourself through that? You don't have to settle for being uncomfortable. Any guy who makes you feel like that day in and day out either through actions or words is not worth the trouble.

Too many people on this forum come through here who we all see are "Settling" for second-best. You don't have to settle because there is a "best" out there for your life. And it could be this guy, but certainly not how it is now. And it might NOT be this guy at which point you need to face reality right in the face and ask "Is this relationship over?" because all too often people continue in a relationship that really isn't a real relationship any longer.. the relationship ended some time ago and yet people still go through the motions day in and day out because they don't want it to end.

Think about that, please, please please. And while I'm not saying don't post polls and don't ask for advice, all I'm saying is, go to your boyfriend *first*, or let him read your thoughts from this forum, or *something* that involves him and not us.



~ ~

That is all that needs to be said really. I too have noticed you coming HERE for your problems and I believe me I'm sure it's soo much easier to have people, who don't even KNOW you or your boyfriend, tell you what they think. I don't really think I've brought up anything on here that I haven't first comfronted with my girlfriend and then we decided that some outside advice would be nice.

If you can't come to him with your problems, there's a problem. I'm thinking that you need to fix YOUR issue( not trying to sound rude ro mean! ) before you worry about his because as said, self destruction is at the end of this path and I'm not so sure you want that.

I'm not saying, you're a wreck or anything even *close*. I'm just saying, that perhaps you need to trust in your boyfriend to be willing to change the little things that bother you out of love for you. And if he can't, such as the introduction thing, then you'll need to fix the problem yourself with some of the advice thrown in. If it's something big niether oen of you can fix, then well obviously, and sadly there's not much you can do. Don't settle for second to best.

It really doesn't have to be like this. I promise you, if the relationship is meant to work, it will. However, things will need adjusting. You have to be able to come to him for *EVERYTHING*. If you were to marry this guy, how would that work if you don't get comfortable. You'll be a mess and he'll hear you upset, and he won't know what to do. Then you'll both be A mess.

Don't worry! Don't be jealous of other girls and deffinately don't be afraid to *talk* to him about things. Talk it through, don't raise your voice right away and scare him. Don't make him feel bad, or anything.

And this may not be your final relationship. It may be, or it might not be. Either way, if you don't feel comfortable talking with him about it you should try to, or maybe consider other options...

Either way stay positive and keep smiling!