What would cause a parent to do this?

[Brandlynn]

At two this morning, I had to rush my husband to the ER because he was having problems swallowing and some other problems. I called his mom and she met us there. While he was gone to chest x ray, my mother in law told me that Cody's dad and two brothers to Stutgart to Mac's Prairee Wings which is a hunting store, for some "Father/Son" time. When I told my Cody about it, he almost started crying. He was hurt that he was never invited since it was to be a father/son day. He then opened up to me and started telling me that there was different times when Austin, his brother would get 4 wheelers for christmas or birthday and his dad would only get him a pack of baseball cards if even that. His dad would take his brother hunting or fishing, but Cody could never go. His dad would get Austin a pair of shoes, but Cody never got a new pair even when he needed them.

I don't know what the deal is. I don't know if it has something to do with the fact that Cody is disabled, or that he is a Christian, or what. Why would a dad treat his son like this? I was an only child, and my son is an only child, but I would think that it would only be fair to treat both children equal. Why show more attention to one, and totally reject the other one?

This is the same people who will have nothing to do with our son because he was conceived out of wedlock, and the way that it is figured, his mom was 4 months pregnant when they were married, so given that, my husband was conceived out of wedlock as well. May be this is the reasoning. I don't know. I just know that he is not being treated fairly, and it hurts me to see my man hurting. I am not sure that there is anything more painful than being rejected by a parent.

 

[Spiritmace]

It could be any number of reasons, and you might never really know. But you are right, rejection by a parent is rejection at the highest level. It all depends on how his dad sees it. It's possible he might not realise that your husband feels that way. In the end, you won't know unless you talk to him. And might I suggest that if anyone does that, it should be your husband. What you can do for now is to care for him as much as you can, and then you've done your part.

 

[Johnnz]

The parents have been dishonourable. Probably for reasons related to their own background and values they have practised rejection as they please. That is very wounding for the rejected person. Some outside counsel may be useful. But above all accept that your Father accepts you all unreservedly and base your life within that wonderful security.

John
NZ

 

[Just_Anton]

He must Honor his father and mother but I also believe he must talk to them in a honor way what is on his mind.
Pray for his parents and brother let Jesus open their eyes before he speaks to them and before he goes to see his parents he must forgive them. Ask that the Holy Spirit will put the right words in his mouth and to keep him calm, do not get into a fight because this wound solve the issue.
And you as his wife don't get involve in this matter.
Get in contact with your leaders at church and get advice from them let them also pray for this situation.

 

[Singermom]

It's like my husband's mother.

His parents divorced when he was 16, but his father was never really "there", even when he WAS there. His mother always treated him differently than his 2 sisters (one older, one younger). It just got worse after the divorce.

He had to cook all of the meals...even after he had to have surgery on his feet. If my MIL had a party, he had to cook for the party, then go out and "detail" the guests' cars. When it came time for driver's ed and cars, both of his sisters were financially assisted (assisted? They were given flat-out) while he had to pay his own way. If they girls got a bad grade, they were helped; if HE got a bad grade, everything was taken out of his room except for his bed and bureaus; all books, toys, radio, etc. were removed, then the DOOR was removed.

When we got married, she was heard telling the other guests, "I'll give it 6 months; he doesn't know how to make a marriage work. When my daughters get married, it'll be forever." (both sisters had gotten divorced.)

When his father died, she managed to keep my husband's part of the inheritance, giving him only enough to respect one of my FIL's dying wishes...that each of his children got a computer and on-line to communicate. We didn't know until a few years later that he was supposed to get more money, but she spent it.

It's only been in the last few years that she has shown any affection towards this side of the family, and even then she totally blew off our daughters' first birthdays. We're keeping it simple, and taking a bit of a "high road". We send a birthday card, Christmas card, and Mother's Day card every year. If she sends us a letter or e-mail, we answer it. No more, no less.

 

[k450ofu3k-gh-5ipe]

It's like my husband's mother.

His parents divorced when he was 16, but his father was never really "there", even when he WAS there. His mother always treated him differently than his 2 sisters (one older, one younger). It just got worse after the divorce.

He had to cook all of the meals...even after he had to have surgery on his feet. If my MIL had a party, he had to cook for the party, then go out and "detail" the guests' cars. When it came time for driver's ed and cars, both of his sisters were financially assisted (assisted? They were given flat-out) while he had to pay his own way. If they girls got a bad grade, they were helped; if HE got a bad grade, everything was taken out of his room except for his bed and bureaus; all books, toys, radio, etc. were removed, then the DOOR was removed.

When we got married, she was heard telling the other guests, "I'll give it 6 months; he doesn't know how to make a marriage work. When my daughters get married, it'll be forever." (both sisters had gotten divorced.)

When his father died, she managed to keep my husband's part of the inheritance, giving him only enough to respect one of my FIL's dying wishes...that each of his children got a computer and on-line to communicate. We didn't know until a few years later that he was supposed to get more money, but she spent it.

It's only been in the last few years that she has shown any affection towards this side of the family, and even then she totally blew off our daughters' first birthdays. We're keeping it simple, and taking a bit of a "high road". We send a birthday card, Christmas card, and Mother's Day card every year. If she sends us a letter or e-mail, we answer it. No more, no less.

Wow. That's one of the saddest parent/child relationship stories I've heard. I'm so sorry for your husband that he has to be the son of such a woman.

 

[UpTheWaterfall]

My parents were the same way. They would always make a difference between my brother and I. So I know were your husband is coming from it is a deep hurt. The best thing for you to do to help him is to be there for him when he wants to talk and to always let him know you love him. It will not take away his hurt but it will help him deal with it.

 

[Cute Tink]

I've heard good things from coworkers about the book Toxic Parents. Perhaps it would be worth checking out.

As a father of 5, I do know that each child is treated differently. However, my wife and I would never deliberately leave one of the kids out of a special trip or event that they wanted to go to. I cannot relate how sickening I found both of the stories here, but I don't know what I can offer as a suggestion.