what to say to a churchmember whose husband

[janny108]

What can you say to a churchmemeber whose husband is giving her a hard time about coming to church? This was VBS.
Jan

 

[salida]

First, this women should pray for her husband. Give him scriptural answers for coming to church and ask him why he isn't coming to church with her. Also, I would witness to him and ask him, Does he think he is a good person? The Good Test Can he keep all the 10 Commandments 100% of the time all the time. Only Jesus did. I don't mean a good or bad natured person. He may not understand why he needs a personal Lord and Savior.

If this fails, then she should totally ignore him when he gives her a difficult time and walk into another room. If it gets overwhelming mentally, then she should ask for a separation but not divorce. She needs to pray and seek God the whole time for a change in heart from him in that he gets a desire to be saved.

 

[wonderwaleye]

What can you say to a churchmemeber whose husband is giving her a hard time about coming to church? This was VBS.
Jan

I would tell her to be a CHRISTIAN and do what GOD'S WORD directs her to do. She is subject to her husband.

What did JESUS say to you?

HE said you are to preach the GOSPEL to her!

So tell her where she can fill her bowl with all of GOD'S MILK and prepare herself to partake in the REAL FOOD that comes only from GOD. Remind her of what the supreme goal for any CHRISTIAN should be and that this goal can be reached in the middle of the desert with no one around for 1000 miles. She becomes FREE in CHRIST.


LOVE


steven

 

[ephraimanesti]

What can you say to a churchmemeber whose husband is giving her a hard time about coming to church? This was VBS.
Jan

MY DEAR SISTER,

Were i you, i would share with your friend what St. Paul writes on this subject in I Corinthians 7:12-16: "If any brother has a wife who is not a believer and she is willing to live with him, he must not divorce her. And if a woman has a husband who is not a believer and he is willing to live with her, she must not divorce him. For the unbelieving husband has been sanctified through his wife, and the unbelieving wife has been sanctified through her believing husband. . . .How do you know, wife, whether you will save your husband? Or, how do you know, husband, whether you will save your wife."

My wife took Paul--and God--at their word concerning the above and, inspite on my virulent, merciless, and and all-consuming verbal mental and spiritual abuse of her for her Christian beliefs and practices, she remained true to the Faith and prayed for me in spite of the unspeakable evil i was perpetrating on her by my abuse--practically 24/7 for many many years. God was faithful in answer to her faithfulness and now we have been formed into the Body together and our blessings are beyond measure.

Tell your friend to be faithful--both to God and her Christian beliefs, and to her husband in his time of darkness and need. God will honor her faithfulness and loving concern in His own time--by blessing her and saving him. If it could happen to me, it could happen to anybody!

ALL GLORY TO OUR LORD,
ephraim

 

[childofGod31]

If her husband is too much against her going to church, maybe she could go to a friend's house and secretly study the Bible there... The Bible is the true way to God anyways. The church is more for fellowship. (so if there is barriers to attending, then fellowship could be found with a friend...)
One could have a fellowship with God in his heart. So she could study something and then just keep meditating on it during the rest of the days. Learn a song and keep singing it in her heart. Talk to God in her thoughts. He can hear and she will know there is a shoulder she can cry on: He always listens.
Maybe doing it this way will even bring more spiritual life than than simply going to church.

But she should be gentle in her manner and show a good example of a better person and not argue IF arguing will not bring any desired responses.

 

[heron]

Often fear is the reason that spouses oppose involvement. Fear of losing the (wife's) attention and loyalty, fear of being eventually pushed into something beyond their will or wisdom, fear that time is money and time is being spent.

Suggest that she do things to reassure him of her devotion to him. For every time at church, plan a time doing something he enjoys. Change always seems to take twice as much energy as it should... this happens with children too. Resistance is often more about jealousy than beliefs.

If he talks about a time when someone he knew got too involved or caught up in warped teaching, then it's a great time to talk about faith in general. She can even support him in some of the logic, without trying to change how he thinks.

 

[Dixiecup]

What can you say to a churchmemeber whose husband is giving her a hard time about coming to church? This was VBS.
Jan

Well, if your like most people who go to church then you will ignor her and make her feel worse. If your not like most church goers, you will be her friend and fellowship with her. She has the free will that God gave her and if she wants to go to church it's her call, not her husbands. Her husband also has free will.

 

[janny108]

MY DEAR SISTER,

Were i you, i would share with your friend what St. Paul writes on this subject in I Corinthians 7:12-16: "If any brother has a wife who is not a believer and she is willing to live with him, he must not divorce her. And if a woman has a husband who is not a believer and he is willing to live with her, she must not divorce him. For the unbelieving husband has been sanctified through his wife, and the unbelieving wife has been sanctified through her believing husband. . . .How do you know, wife, whether you will save your husband? Or, how do you know, husband, whether you will save your wife."

My wife took Paul--and God--at their word concerning the above and, inspite on my virulent, merciless, and and all-consuming verbal mental and spiritual abuse of her for her Christian beliefs and practices, she remained true to the Faith and prayed for me in spite of the unspeakable evil i was perpetrating on her by my abuse--practically 24/7 for many many years. God was faithful in answer to her faithfulness and now we have been formed into the Body together and our blessings are beyond measure.

Tell your friend to be faithful--both to God and her Christian beliefs, and to her husband in his time of darkness and need. God will honor her faithfulness and loving concern in His own time--by blessing her and saving him. If it could happen to me, it could happen to anybody!

ALL GLORY TO OUR LORD,
ephraim

She helps out a lot, is on the praise team and is a teacher at my daughter's school and I've known her for some time. Her husband works 2nd shift.

 

[janny108]

Well, if your like most people who go to church then you will ignor her and make her feel worse. If your not like most church goers, you will be her friend and fellowship with her. She has the free will that God gave her and if she wants to go to church it's her call, not her husbands. Her husband also has free will.

You are right!

 

[janny108]

Often fear is the reason that spouses oppose involvement. Fear of losing the (wife's) attention and loyalty, fear of being eventually pushed into something beyond their will or wisdom, fear that time is money and time is being spent.

Suggest that she do things to reassure him of her devotion to him. For every time at church, plan a time doing something he enjoys. Change always seems to take twice as much energy as it should... this happens with children too. Resistance is often more about jealousy than beliefs.

If he talks about a time when someone he knew got too involved or caught up in warped teaching, then it's a great time to talk about faith in general. She can even support him in some of the logic, without trying to change how he thinks.

I think it has to also be the amount of time being involved and I don't know what that is for her, I know what it is for me. Good point about the jealousy thing. Since I helped out with VBS I asked my husband what he thought about us being gone and we talked about it.

 

[Johnnz]

My first thoughts were "How much time is she involved in church activities?" His anger is very understandable if he sees her beliefs taking away his wife.

John
NZ

 

[freeport]

My first thoughts were "How much time is she involved in church activities?" His anger is very understandable if he sees her beliefs taking away his wife.

John
NZ

/agreed

OP:

Relationships need to keep the peace. God does not ask for us to leave our homes in disarray. Our good deeds and words come by grace, freely. We do not have to do anything to be saved. Keeping a house in peace is especially important for children to learn by.

This does not mean she has to sacrifice her enjoyment for her husband's, but she should consider compromise: maybe she can set out to do what he wants when they are together. Men often want different things then women do. They always need something.

Personally, I appreciate it when my wife socializes and gets out there. I am generally happiest when I have all family stuff set aside and taken care of, so I can focus on projects.

You might advise her to talk to her husband and try and find some way to broker the peace. There is surely some agreement they can come to.

I am sure these church activities make her happy (I hope so, if not, she should not be straining), therefore she should be able to overflow that happiness into meeting him on some other matter which would make him happy.

Maybe this is going with him to a football game. Or a movie. Or taking care of something in the house which he hates.

 

[heron]

I think it has to also be the amount of time being involved and I don't know what that is for her, I know what it is for me.

The worship team puts her at the forefront too, which might make him uncomfortable... squirming through transference of how embarrassed he would feel up front.

At times being on WT can also put her in a position where she leads the congregation, and initiates spiritual involvement. This could make him more uncomfortable than the amount of time spent. But he might also appreciate people knowing him through her, without having to break the ice.

My first thoughts were "How much time is she involved in church activities?"

She helps out a lot, is on the praise team and is a teacher at my daughter's school and I've known her for some time. Her husband works 2nd shift.

Depending on the church, praise team would take one evening per week to practice, then all of Sunday morning for practice and 1-2 services. Add to that working and helping out, and he probably is dealing with what he thought marriage was going to be like.

 

[wonderwaleye]

My first thoughts were "How much time is she involved in church activities?" His anger is very understandable if he sees her beliefs taking away his wife.

John
NZ

After seeing the Janny108 post I am sure you are right. I really wonder if she is ever HOME? Church games can take up a lot of time. Folks often forget what real worship is all about. A home is a good place of WORSHIP.


LOVE


steven

 

[JCFantasy23]

God comes before the husband. If she feels called to be in church for her walk with God, then by all means she should continue going to church, while praying for her husband in the meantime.

 

[heron]

People with an increase in faith usually express it with involvement, and the excitement of activity can make the same old home life and husband appear distant and stale. Sometimes people avoid their spouses intentionally, but don't express it to friends because it sounds so horrible.

She needs a life of her own. But she also needs to guard herself against sabotaging her own stability.

There are no scriptures that say God prefers us caring for church people over family and neighbors. One statement Jesus made indicates we should be willing to let go of family obligations that bog us down from following Him. But other verses balance this -- a person not caring for family being worse than an unbeliever.

Studies have shown that more people make a commitment to God through personal contacts, than through evangelistic efforts.

We make up our own assumptions on "serve the Lord" verses, assuming this always means church activity. (Ex 23:25, Col 3:24, Lu 4:8, Zep 3:9, Jer 30:9) Jesus sent the apostles outward, to minister to people in unstructured personal ways. It is important that people serve in music and children's ministries, but in balance with the rest of their lives.

If a person owns a home, then they need to keep up with bills and repairs.

If a person has children, these children need their love, attention and care.

If a person needs to continually upgrade their professional skills for their field, then learning new software could put them into a pay bracket that helps them support their family; reading a medical journal might save a client's life; studying an extra court case could save an innocent person's reputation; attending a green conference could lead them to cost savings for the household over the years (or not).

God is involved in all parts of our lives, and secular activities are not necessarily inferior in God's eyes.

But caring for the people around us has been consistent through scriptures. And living our lives wisely.


​

 

[janny108]

I'm not really sure. I hear what has been said here and I've gone thru the same thing myself. But one thing I always believed is communication regarding ANYTHING. I'll see if I can ask her about this.

 

[heron]

But one thing I always believed is communication regarding ANYTHING. I'll see if I can ask her about this.

Be careful -- if she brought it up with you and asked for help, then she might not mind an answer. But if you just overheard it, commenting on solutions might feel very intrusive to her. Or caring... you never know how people will take things until you make a mistake.

 

[Bridgit]

It is not easy to give advice as we do not know much about the situation and why he does not want her to go to church.

If the husband is not happy that his wife goes to church on Sundays then I would make him a proposition: either I go to church on Sundays or I can have a group of people coming over to have bible study. Which one does he prefer?