What to do?

[ZACTAK]

Hey everyone. I come to you all with a common problem. There is this girl that I have gone on a couple of dates with. I enjoy being around her and I am pretty sure she enjoys being around me. I have never really had a feeling like this and I have never kissed anyone. I have prayed about dating her and knowing when the right moment to kiss her is. It seems that I want to kiss her, but I am too afraid to because as I said before I have never kissed anyone. I am afraid that kissing her and it not being a good kiss would turn off any interest she has in me. Any advice?

Also, neither of us are wanting anything serious, just dating for now. I would like to know where she is at with her feelings of me, whether she is really interested in dating, or not... I am too afraid to confront her about this... what to do, what to do. Thanks for all your help and God bless.

 

[MN John]

Hey dude,

It's not a confrontation, it's an honest & open sharing of your thoughts and feelings. Get used to it because it's what you need to do to make any relationship work. I didn't kiss my significant other for months (on the lips) but I did kiss her hand whenever saying goodbye after the first couple of dates. The first time I kissed her on the lips was after determining that she is the woman that God is leading me to marry. Even now, months later, I have only kissed her on the lips 7 times and only at very significant times. However, early on I let her know that I didn't want her to receive the mesage from me that the mainstream culture would suggest ... namely that "if he doesn't kiss you by the 2nd or third date then he's just not that into you" but rather I accurately let her know exactly how into her I was but that kissing would be very significant for me. That way, when I did first kiss her, she knew that it was truly a very significant moment.

You don't have to be as circumspect as me, you and she will determine where your bondaries need to be, but you do need to be completely open and honest.

Now is the time to start, no guessing how she feels and hinting how you feel. Telling, not hinting. Hearing, not guessing. You want to establish the core values of your relationship right near the beginning ... openness, honesty, keeping God central, seeking God's will, etc.

God bless you both as you seek to discern His will and as you begin the journey that is your relationship.

John

 

[ChildOfGod20]

if you're not dating her yet i wouldn't suggest kissing her. and if you do start dating, kiss her when you feel like the moment is right for both of u. and don't worry about it not being a good kiss. i was worried about that too but you really can't go wrong when you start with a peck.

 

[Maeyken]

Don't worry about being a bad kisser. Remember when you first held hands? It felt a little weird, right? Like they didn't really fit right? But now it feels like your hands were made for each other and they fit perfectly together. It's not like you stopped holding hands after one attempt...

 

[Breetai]

Bad kissing doesn't matter, as Maeyken just said.

As for kissing tips, here's one test to avoid rejection :

When the moment "feels right" (or pretty good, etc), play with her hair a bit, stroke her arm, neck, etc. If a girl is letting you do that, then she isn't likely to pull away if you go for the kiss.


If that works out, but she gives you the impression that it wasn't a good kiss... then call her on it! Tell her that you (we) need to practice some more, then go for it again.

 

[plum]

if you're not dating her yet i wouldn't suggest kissing her. and if you do start dating, kiss her when you feel like the moment is right for both of u. and don't worry about it not being a good kiss. i was worried about that too but you really can't go wrong when you start with a peck.

bingo. i say wait to kiss until you're sure about it being a relationship just a tip from someone who used to have loose lips

oh, and something that really charmed my socks off: one guy didn't just "movie in for the kill", he actually held my hand, touched my cheek and said "may I kiss you?"
SO cute. And it also makes sure both parties want to do it

 

[lunalinda]

Awww how sweet! It's nice how you're considering things before acting, especially her side of things. That's a trait that I wish more males had. My first kiss was when I was 21 and I was scared as ever. True, I'm a girl, but I'm sure both boys and girls can be equally nervous for the same reason.

Anyway, don't worry about the kiss being bad. It's understandable to be nervous and shaking and jittery and whatnot, but don't panic or anything. I for one think that the butterflies and the jitters are what makes it all worthwhile and it means you're really into the person.

To be safe to start, just go for the simple peck on the lips (AFTER you do what the poster before me, missju, suggested. Gawsh that IS cute!). I personally think pecks are more affectionate than the bigger kisses. And to be asked if he could have a kiss? SWEEEEEET! I know if I'M the one in that picture, and the guy I'm into asks for a kiss after building up the moment by gently stroking my cheek or something, I'd definitely be for it. Even nowadays, I'm still fond of those cute kisses, the pecks. Something that says "I respect and adore you." Not something that says, "I want you bad!"

*giddy* This is so exciting lol. It just brings back memories from my first-kiss experience, as well as what I was feeling BEFORE it happened, especially when he confirmed he wanted to kiss me. I'm like "Oh gosh no! No! He wants to kiss me! What'll I do????" Haha such good times. My friends were all happy for me, though, when I finally did it. Good luck!

 

[ZACTAK]

Don't worry about being a bad kisser. Remember when you first held hands? It felt a little weird, right? Like they didn't really fit right? But now it feels like your hands were made for each other and they fit perfectly together. It's not like you stopped holding hands after one attempt...

Wow, I had never thought of it that way. This was a very interesting way of putting it and it actually puts my mind at ease a little bit about wanting to kiss her. Thanks a lot!

Thanks everyone for your comments on the issue, it has really helped me to understand where I stand and what I need to do to see where she stands too. I am just so new to all this stuff and I have never really experienced any of this before. Thanks and God bless.

 

[ZACTAK]

Bad kissing doesn't matter, as Maeyken just said.

As for kissing tips, here's one test to avoid rejection :

When the moment "feels right" (or pretty good, etc), play with her hair a bit, stroke her arm, neck, etc. If a girl is letting you do that, then she isn't likely to pull away if you go for the kiss.


If that works out, but she gives you the impression that it wasn't a good kiss... then call her on it! Tell her that you (we) need to practice some more, then go for it again.

hehe, she has done a lot of that to me.. stroking my arm, neck and head... I have been told by many of mine and her friends that she wants me to kiss her, so I know she wouldn't pull away... its just my fear of sucking...lol. But your response is good, tell her that we need to practice more lol.

 

[gracefaith]

Keep it short and sweet and you should be fine. Don't feel pressured to make your first kiss be this 10 minute movie moment where the camera spins around you and the violins start playing really loud. I'm not sure that ever really happens.

I tried to make one of my first kisses be real intense that way and I think it might have instead been the worst kiss ever. Of course, I'm not sure my memory of it is all that good. I've been married to the guy for 5 years now and all the good kisses have sort of blotted out the less than perfect ones.

 

[heartnsoul]

All the advice here is great. I just want to add that anxiety is normal during these uncertain times. I would say to be patient and you will know when it's the right time to kiss her. As others have already said, be open and honest about your feelings. From a woman's viewpoint, it would mean more to her heart if you shared feelings from your heart than just a kiss. Kisses are one form of a love expression but "spilling your guts" and being completely transparent and sincere speaks volumes to women. Hope all works out well between you two.

 

[unjustwar]

Hey everyone. I come to you all with a common problem. There is this girl that I have gone on a couple of dates with. I enjoy being around her and I am pretty sure she enjoys being around me. I have never really had a feeling like this and I have never kissed anyone. I have prayed about dating her and knowing when the right moment to kiss her is. It seems that I want to kiss her, but I am too afraid to because as I said before I have never kissed anyone. I am afraid that kissing her and it not being a good kiss would turn off any interest she has in me. Any advice?

Also, neither of us are wanting anything serious, just dating for now. I would like to know where she is at with her feelings of me, whether she is really interested in dating, or not... I am too afraid to confront her about this... what to do, what to do. Thanks for all your help and God bless.

yeah this has troubled men... since the beginning i assume... they want to plan out the perfect moment to kiss a girl. They want to know exactly what they are thinking... because kissing a girl is somehow the next "big" step in a relationship. I would really just relax... you can't plan kissing someone... it just happens... you've only been on a couple dates... take it slow

 

[adnilgnav]

Go a head and just ask her or share with her your feelings. Nothing wrong with it. Honesty is great!

 

[ZACTAK]

Hey, thanks everyone! I talked to her a few nights ago and she told me that she is willing to wait until I am ready...