What to do when you've been as kind as can be, and they still torment you?

pdudgeon · Nov 18, 2019

AllDayFaith said:
I appreciate your kind words

hug, hug, hug. You've brightened my day and put a smile on my face. Thank you so much!

pdudgeon · Nov 18, 2019

Two words: Love Wisely! If when you first get to know people, their conversation and focus is mainly about themselves (without your prompting them) that's one of the sure signs that they will be self absorbed.
If they are in distress, then yes, they do need help. But it's always best to direct them to professional help first, in order to get them to a place where their needs can be addressed.

BFT · Nov 18, 2019

I always think back to 2016

after all these years...i fell to the floor put my head strait down...that day..i rose up after a tear...emphatically raised my hands to the sky...and said God...you made me from dirt..i am nothing,,,thank you so much for giving me life....it is so hard right now..i need your strength...wow ..powerful..that day..something in me changed..i bowed down & rose up...now the focus is on what i can do with the Lord..not others..they will always try to tear down..but if you got the rock..the creator of everything with you...you will rise up...become strong..that anybody & any situation will be able to be handled..people that are weak..pick on other people & try to drag them to their level..rise above..stay strong in prayer & scripture...hey..smile..its hard to challenge a smile

RaymondG · Nov 18, 2019

AllDayFaith said:
Yea that's the dream, but where do such people exist? I've lived in NJ, NC, CA, and FL, but still have bumped into the wrong people. I guess I have to wait on the Lord to guide me to the right people

Sometimes, when it seems that darkness follows us where ever we go.....it is we who bring that darkness.

"He that answereth a matter before he heareth it, it is folly and shame unto him."

Without more information....this is the only help I can give to your words.

Sure, I could say you are great and wonderful and righteous and everyone you speak of is evil......but what help would that give, besides increasing ego and pride?

We are the lights of the world....And if we let our light shine......there can be no darkness seen around us.

"Faithful are the wounds of a friend; but the kisses of an enemy are deceitful."

JacksBratt · Nov 18, 2019

AllDayFaith said:
I thought that by being kind and caring to the people who try to hurt me, that they would eventually become a friend. But after years of trying I am at a loss for what my next move should be. Do you guys have any thoughts about this type of situation?

Just curious. Are these family, friends, work colleagues?

ArmenianJohn · Nov 18, 2019

AllDayFaith said:
I thought that by being kind and caring to the people who try to hurt me, that they would eventually become a friend. But after years of trying I am at a loss for what my next move should be. Do you guys have any thoughts about this type of situation?

Just based on how you've written this it seems that you conflate "kind and caring" with friendship. They are not the same. You can be kind and caring with everyone, even those who aren't your friends. You shouldn't expect friendship in return; or anything in return, for that matter.

If you are seeking friendship with people and they are giving you signs that they don't want to reciprocate and be friends with you then just let them go. You can still be kind and caring to them without going out of your way to treat them like you would a friend. There's nothing wrong with not being in a friendship with someone and just being kind and caring as you would with anyone, like strangers.

AlexDTX · Nov 18, 2019

AllDayFaith said:
I thought that by being kind and caring to the people who try to hurt me, that they would eventually become a friend. But after years of trying I am at a loss for what my next move should be. Do you guys have any thoughts about this type of situation?

Joh_15:18 If the world hate you, ye know that it hated me before it hated you.
Joh_15:19 If ye were of the world, the world would love his own: but because ye are not of the world, but I have chosen you out of the world, therefore the world hateth you.

Joh_16:33 These things I have spoken unto you, that in me ye might have peace. In the world ye shall have tribulation: but be of good cheer; I have overcome the world.

There will always be those who hate you no matter how nice you are to them because they hate Christ in you. Kick the dust off your feet and move on.

RaymondG · Nov 18, 2019

AlexDTX said:
There will always be those who hate you no matter how nice you are to them because they hate Christ in you. Kick the dust off your feet and move on.

There are also those who see darkness because they havent taken off their shades. There are those as well who sow seeds of hate.....and latter have no choice but the harvest what they have sown.

How can you tell the difference? Why do we assume all is being hated for Christ's sake?

joshua 1 9 · Nov 18, 2019

AllDayFaith said:
I thought that by being kind and caring to the people who try to hurt me, that they would eventually become a friend. But after years of trying I am at a loss for what my next move should be. Do you guys have any thoughts about this type of situation?

Someone will come along that will more then make up for the abuse you take. Even then God has a plan and a purpose to help you to grow and become the person He Created you to be.

AlexDTX · Nov 18, 2019

RaymondG said:
There are also those who see darkness because they havent taken off their shades. There are those as well who sow seeds of hate.....and latter have no choice but the harvest what they have sown.

How can you tell the difference? Why do we assume all is being hated for Christ's sake?

First of all you are making assumptions about my statement as though I am saying this is a universal statement. It was a simple reply to the OP.

However, those who have "not take off their shades" want to remain in their sin. And those who "sow seeds of hate" are also people who want to remain in their sin. No one comes to Christ willingly. Our flesh does not want to die and knows death of the flesh is the only way to Christ, so all of us hate Christ and those who walk with Christ, subconsciously before we are broken over that rock of offense. Even as Christians we are all in different stages of self mortification, and other Christians can dislike you if you are pressing into Christ when they are not.

RaymondG · Nov 18, 2019

AlexDTX said:
However, those who have "not take off their shades" want to remain in their sin. And those who "sow seeds of hate" are also people who want to remain in their sin.

I do not believe this.....although I see no wrong in you believing it. I believe many will cry Lord, Lord and will be genuinely surprised when they hear "I never knew you."

Most "with Shades on" do not know it. Most who "sow seeds of hate," are unaware of it. It takes self-examination....which is why i find the assumption of wrong doing by whoever isnt writing the post, sometimes harmful. It can lead one to continue in their path, unchanged, thinking that, if there is a problem, it must be with those outside of themselves.

AlexDTX said:
Even as Christians we are all in different stages of self mortification, and other Christians can dislike you if you are pressing into Christ when they are not.

I agree with this......I just also believe that there are many other reasons that one can be disliked that have nothing to do with their relationship to the Lord.

I know Im replying to you, but my words are for the general reader.......just wanted them to have an idea of the idea I am talking about.

AlexDTX · Nov 18, 2019

RaymondG said:
I do not believe this.....although I see no wrong in you believing it. ...
I know Im replying to you, but my words are for the general reader.......just wanted them to have an idea of the idea I am talking about.

That is fine. This is not a hill that am going to die on.

Tropical Wilds · Nov 18, 2019

AllDayFaith said:
I thought that by being kind and caring to the people who try to hurt me, that they would eventually become a friend. But after years of trying I am at a loss for what my next move should be. Do you guys have any thoughts about this type of situation?

Without context it’s hard to answer in specifics, other than to say that the problem looks like it is in your expectations and your less-than-honest motivations.

Chiefly, we are kind because it is what we deserve, not because others earn it. Saying “they hurt me, so what’s the point of being kind?” is the wrong mentality. Saying “they hurt me but I continue to act with honor and kindness because I don’t want to be like them. I deserve better” is the right mentality. You don’t control their character, only yours.

People meeting kindness with kindness is a byproduct, not the purpose.

yeshuaslavejeff · Nov 18, 2019

As Jesus Lived ?

AllDayFaith said:
I thought that by being kind and caring to the people who try to hurt me, that they would eventually become a friend.

------------------------------------
Ask Jesus or the Father in heaven directly (like for wisdom in James, etc etc etc ) .
and see what His Answer IS, IN His Word, and by His Spirit. (much much different than man's ways)

AllDayFaith said:
But after years of trying I am at a loss for what my next move should be. Do you guys have any thoughts about this type of situation?

Swan7 · Nov 18, 2019

You remind me of my younger self. When I was growing up I saw the good in everyone, even when my parents saw more darkness than the little light they still had in them (friends or people I hung out with then).

As a child I was always hated and without warrant. God has been calling me ever since I can remember, He has called everyone out of darkness when Jesus Christ died on that cross, and gave us Hope when He rose again.
Even though I didn’t know what was going on when everyone around me suddenly hated me, God was there cutting people out of my life so I can have a better one with Him. I didn’t realize all this until I chose to become a follower of Jesus Christ.

Im not saying that is what’s going on in your life, but rather to share with you something about my life that might resonate with your current experiences. Follow God rather than what people say to you because He knows your life better than anyone. He knows you and He knows His own.

Be as gentle as a dove, but also as wise as a serpent: Matthew 10:16

Rescued One · Nov 18, 2019

AllDayFaith said:
I thought that by being kind and caring to the people who try to hurt me, that they would eventually become a friend. But after years of trying I am at a loss for what my next move should be. Do you guys have any thoughts about this type of situation?

Yes, I have thoughts. I spent most of my life believing that kindness was the key to getting friends and approval from relatives. I learned from experience that some people don't change their attitudes ever. I went to a professional counselor who explained that I couldn't do anything to change my father. For years I had been depressed about Dad's attitude towards me. No one could please him, except perhaps my older sister.

So we should still be kind to others, but stay away from people who always hurt us.

Rescued One · Nov 18, 2019

AllDayFaith said:
I have learned that the grass isn't greener on the other side. I have moved away and have found even more evil. I just pray that God has a nice place for me to live when I'm ready to move on with my life.

There's a variety of people no matter where you live. You won't find a Utopia. I know because my mother moved consrantly with six children(from school district to school disrict, and from state to state).

We are blessed by God, but our new lives are for His glory. Concentrate on that.

Colossians 3
23 And whatsoever ye do, do it heartily, as to the Lord, and not unto men;

Ephesians 6
With good will doing service, as to the Lord, and not to men:

Maria Billingsley · Nov 18, 2019

AllDayFaith said:
I thought that by being kind and caring to the people who try to hurt me, that they would eventually become a friend. But after years of trying I am at a loss for what my next move should be. Do you guys have any thoughts about this type of situation?

I don't know anything about your situation. I do know that sometimes people can not let go of things. Sometimes issues have not seen closure and come up without warning because it is unsettled. These people who try to hurt you ,though you are kind and caring, does not resonate for some reason. Only you know that reason and only God can judge. Meanwhile, maybe consider settling the unsettled.
Be blessed.

Bible Highlighter · Nov 18, 2019

AllDayFaith said:
I thought that by being kind and caring to the people who try to hurt me, that they would eventually become a friend. But after years of trying I am at a loss for what my next move should be. Do you guys have any thoughts about this type of situation?

At the end of 2 Corinthians 6 says do not have fellowship with unbelievers. For what fellowship does light have with darkness? We always have to remember that. If we are around unbelievers, it is only to evangelize them or to reach them for Christ.

The beginning of 2 Corinthians 6:1 says that we do not receive the grace of God in vain. Then Paul concludes his point, do not have fellowship with unbelievers. So stay away from them if they are not open to hearing God's Word, and they remain unchanged. Do not try to be their friend, but pray for them in the fact that they will accept Jesus as their Savior.

AllDayFaith · Nov 18, 2019

Anguspure said:
The motto of this world: Nullum beneficium est impunitum

Hahaaa! It's pure madness to punish someone for doing good deeds.

What to do when you've been as kind as can be, and they still torment you?

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