What to do when im being judged?

[Wolfy36]

Hi all, I need some advice on a problem I'm having with the person I'm in love with. She was in a horrible relationship before she began going out with me and she keeps having fears that the same thing is going to happen again. She keeps thinking that I will do the exact same thing. It is hurting our relationship because of her ideas that because I am a guy that I will do the exact same thing.
The only thing I want is some good advice on what to do. I want to help her get over this fear so that we can have a healthy relationship. Thanks.

 

[Malachi425]

I'd say the best thing to do is to show her in some way that you aren't going to hurt her like her ex did. You can tell her a hundred times that you won't do the same thing, but she won't get over that fear unless you really show her.

 

[Wolfy36]

thanks for the advice

 

[LilLamb219]

I don't know what it is exactly she's fearful of...

But, what you can tell her is that it's ok to be cautious in relationships and set up healthy boundaries where they are needed. If she needs time to learn to trust you, then go ahead and grant her all the time she needs (if you know she's truly worth it). Let her know that you don't have intentions of hurting her (I can't say whether you should promise that you won't do what the other guy did because I don't know what it is and I don't know you) but you will try your best to treat her with the utmost respect.

 

[Wolfy36]

Yea, I truly hope she understands that I have no intentions of hurting her. The reason she got hurt in the previous one was because the ex-boyfriend slept with another girl while dating her.

 

[LilLamb219]

Yea, I truly hope she understands that I have no intentions of hurting her. The reason she got hurt in the previous one was because the ex-boyfriend slept with another girl while dating her.

It will take a LONG time for her to trust you then. What YOU can do is be on your VERY BEST behavior...even when she's not around you...to show her you can be trusted. Watch what you say and do to and around other women...don't let your eyes wander or she'll suspect something is up, don't text women (yeah, it's strict but needs to be to gain her trust) and don't find yourself alone with other women (even "friends"). I'm suspicious by nature, so these are the things that make me distrust men.

 

[Wolfy36]

Thank you, that is very good advice. She means a lot to me and has done a lot for me as a friend. Strict or not I will do whatever it takes to show her that I am different. I'm also praying to God to give both of us strength in this relationship and I am entrusting him fully no matter what happens in this relationship.

 

[Polycarp_fan]

Hi all, I need some advice on a problem I'm having with the person I'm in love with.

Fist you are eighteen. Try, if you can, to seek some slightly older guys within your Church for advice. Love is not always as permanent a thing as you may feel it is right now. But, always try to enderstand how this young woman feels. There is hardly anything worse than a broken heart.

She was in a horrible relationship before she began going out with me and she keeps having fears that the same thing is going to happen again.

She keeps thinking that I will do the exact same thing. It is hurting our relationship because of her ideas that because I am a guy that I will do the exact same thing.

The only thing I want is some good advice on what to do. I want to help her get over this fear so that we can have a healthy relationship. Thanks.

NEVER be jealous. Jealousy attacks honor.

Live on a path you make and try not to make promises, but rather just be strong in yourself, while at the same time, showing her that your path includes her.

And, not only includes her, but leads to her from beginning to end. Even if your relationship fades away (and hopefully you are not in a physical relationship), she will have her honor and value "as a person" restored by you.

 

[David2000]

The complete Inner healing of soul also involves the intimancy with God almighty,she should see church leaders for help,I believe through ministers, Jesus will restore the wounded soul and make it whole.
I speak these words from personal experience.I once tried to uncover the hurts of my past in my own strenght and wisdom but it only made the matters worse.

"Come to me all you who are weary and under heavy load and i will give you rest"( Mathew 11:28)