What to do in this situation?

[proverbswisdom]

You love someone but it's not a super deep love. You care about them and they care about you but there have been ppl you've cared about more in your life. It is love but it's not the deepest you've ever experienced. But you want to get close to the person and connect on an intimate level. You also are getting tempted by them bc you care about them and want to get closer. You also have a very high sex drive and are not sure how much longer you can resist the person. Should you marry the person so you can be intimate with them and in order for the relationship to get closer? Or should you wait until you find someone whom you connect with on a very deep level (which may or may not happen)?

 

[K9_Trainer]

Just wait and find somebody who you connect with on a deep level.

If the relationship isn't satisfactory right now, if you aren't experiencing the levels of emotional intimacy and closeness that you want, sex isn't going to fix that. It enhances a relationship and brings you closer, it will put the relationship on a different level, but it cannot fill a void in the relationship or be used as a substitute to other kinds of intimacy in a relationship that is needed. If you try to use it to fill a void, it will only come back and bite you.

So personally, my suggestion is to wait. Find somebody who you can connect emotionally, spiritually, and intellectually first. Make sure that's all there before you marry them and start having sex. Don't think of sex as a way to make things better or solve problems. Sex is to enhance something that's already great.

 

[blackribbon]

I don't think you should get married until you find the person you can't imagine living your life without.

 

[The Nihilist]

No, don't get married to make the relationship better. That will absolutely end in divorce. How old are you?

 

[Grace51]

You love someone but it's not a super deep love. You care about them and they care about you but there have been ppl you've cared about more in your life. It is love but it's not the deepest you've ever experienced. But you want to get close to the person and connect on an intimate level. You also are getting tempted by them bc you care about them and want to get closer. You also have a very high sex drive and are not sure how much longer you can resist the person. Should you marry the person so you can be intimate with them and in order for the relationship to get closer? Or should you wait until you find someone whom you connect with on a very deep level (which may or may not happen)?

well, true love should come before marriage.

i mean, yes, there are definitely marriage that works the other way round, but, you do it at your own risk. especially if you are a chrisitan, i am sure you do want to get a divorce later on?

as in your situation, you said it is not a deep love between you too. and you are "super" tempted by that person in a sexual way.

if is definitely not a reason to get married.

in fact, it is a good reason to keep distance from them a while until you get your feeling sorted out.

ie dont get married for sex, period.

 

[proverbswisdom]

Just wait and find somebody who you connect with on a deep level.

If the relationship isn't satisfactory right now, if you aren't experiencing the levels of emotional intimacy and closeness that you want, sex isn't going to fix that. It enhances a relationship and brings you closer, it will put the relationship on a different level, but it cannot fill a void in the relationship or be used as a substitute to other kinds of intimacy in a relationship that is needed. If you try to use it to fill a void, it will only come back and bite you.

So personally, my suggestion is to wait. Find somebody who you can connect emotionally, spiritually, and intellectually first. Make sure that's all there before you marry them and start having sex. Don't think of sex as a way to make things better or solve problems. Sex is to enhance something that's already great.

It wouldnt be for the purpose the make the relationship better. The point isnt to make it better but to accept it for what it is and be content with that.

Of course a deeper connection would be ideal but that may never be found. Have been looking for many, many years and everyone I connected with deeply did not feel the same way about me that I did about them - and that was only about 2 ppl anyway throughout all the years.

How do you know how deep a relationship should be in order for marriage?

 

[K9_Trainer]

It wouldnt be for the purpose the make the relationship better. The point isnt to make it better but to accept it for what it is and be content with that.

Of course a deeper connection would be ideal but that may never be found. Have been looking for many, many years and everyone I connected with deeply did not feel the same way about me that I did about them - and that was only about 2 ppl anyway throughout all the years.

How do you know how deep a relationship should be in order for marriage?

It's a personal judgement call really. If you aren't happy or you feel like there's something missing, I personally wouldn't go through with a marriage in that situation. But that's just me. I'm a fairly independent person, I'd be fine living alone, I could support myself, and I don't want kids (unless they are of the four legged variety). I can afford all the time in the world to wait until I find the kind of man and relationship that I want. I'd be happier on my own than I would settling for something less than what I want. You are obviously a different person than me, so you have different needs and values that are driving you to potentially make the decision to marry this man even though you feel you could do better.

I would still recommend breaking this off and waiting, just for the sake of your own future happiness. But it is your call and you need to really sit down and think about what you want vs what he offers you. There are 7 billion people in the world, the chance of you finding somebody you connect with are higher than the chance of never finding somebody.

Also remember that if you marry him, you have to be able to truly be content. You have to choose to love this man every day, to be loyal to him, to want him. You have to live with this decision, and in the face of meeting a single man who you connect with better than your husband, you still have to choose your husband and not be resentful or bitter.

In regards to your last question, I guess the only thing I can really say is that you just "know". That's almost all anybody can say when they find somebody that they want to spend their life with. I've never been able to really gauge the deepness of the connection I've had with a guy. It's either been there, or it hasn't. The "semi-good connection" I had with one guy was not a romantic connection, it was a friendship connection and it took me 8 months to figure that out. I am very glad that I got out of that relationship. If I were to have married him, I would have been settling and I would have definitely been unhappy in the future looking back on it.

The guy I'm with now, the connection was there and we "knew" from the night we met. It's been my best relationship thus far and I can only shake my head at my past self for that last relationship and even considering marrying that person.

 

[LinkH]

Do you think you are able to connect with this person on a deep enough level to satisfy you? There aren't any rules on how deep your connection has to feel before you get married. You are to love your spouse, not just in word, but in deed.

 

[Brianlear]

Define "physical" and "deep." I'm surprised no one has said this but....are you looking for a connection with this woman that you should be finding in God first? And perhaps these various other people you have connected with in the past were just expressing their godliness in a clearer way so you wanted to get closer to them? Perhaps this new woman is just not as far along in her journey, not really expressing the spirit in her as clearly as other people, and thus you can't really get "deep" with her...yet. But you ARE attracted to her on some deep, some might say "physical" level but what does the word physical really mean? Physical attraction is deep. It is mysterious. What if your connection to her will grow over time in other ways as she gets closer to God, and you do as well? Taking this idea further....what if it is God's plan that you be with this person, and the way he is bringing you together is a mysterious "physical" attraction that neither of you can explain? Think about what God may be doing in your life. Because to me, the "deep" quality of my relationship comes in the journey we are both taking together. It may not start out very deep, but the further we go, the deeper it gets...if that makes any sense. When we first met, I just thought she looked great in a skirt and she had a irresistible smile. Nowadays we can talk about anything but I find that the innocent stuff, the pure attraction, is kind of like a recollection of childhood, the inner child we all long to recapture in ourselves, and in this way it is more "deep" than anything else really. Basically, the "deepest" thing I think we could do is to serve God WITH my partner, help her do it her way sometimes, and receive help from her at other times. And in doing those things we get closer together. If we just try to "do it on our own"...as in looking for some deep connection just between us without considering the bigger picture, everything dries up.

If you find yourself attracted to someone, don't discount it. And don't assume it won't evolve over time into something more complete/holisitc, as you guys grow in your faith together. Putting it all together, don't be so quick to move on--this could be the person you are supposed to be with, but you may need patience.

 

[Brianlear]

..

 

[Mrs. Luther073082]

My gut is to tell you this is not a relationship to pursue, but your post is kind of vague and I don't even know how to approach this. Are you currently dating this person? How long have you known them? Are they pressuring you for sex?

I would not advise marrying someone you are kind of "meh" on in regards to love.