What should I do?

[Indianguy112]

I have an issue with my girlfriend. She wants to have Christian children and I'm not religious. I want my children to be broad minded and know the difference between right and wrong. Most of the time, many religious help us have "conscience".I don't think that religion makes people narrow minded in any way. I'm neither spiritual nor religious but I do think its possible that is a super being which can make or destroy us and help us live on this planet. When i said the same to her she started crying and we nearly broke up but I think we loved each other too much to break up.

When i started dating her , I thought i will love her all my life and couldn't think of any other girl. She too said that she cant think of any other guy. I said to her that even though I'm not religious , I want my children to be born in the religion I had at birth. She seems very reluctant to this idea.

Do you think its normal for women to accept their husbands faith and give the same to their children?. It seems hard to convince her as I'm not religious. She once said that if my faith is strong and then she can convert to mine. But if she does change religion, it will be heresy in her world. She comes from a very conservative catholic country and I'm from a secular country. I said to her ..lets give our children ( if we have them) the ideals of both religions and make them good citizens with morals. Does it really work? I don't want to be divorced just because of religion in case I marry her.What do you think?

I don't want to be with her in case I have doubts about marrying her. I really like her a lot and don't want to hurt her at a later stage.Perhaps I'm deeply in love with her. I once thought that if we were meant to be together in life ( get married and have children ) then I don't need to worry as things will take their own course.I really considered a future with her and I still do.

Any matured people please advise me. I want to make the right decision

 

[AnnieBanannie]

mmm this is a tough question!.. and the best advice I can give you is this... You need to make a pro con list... lol I know it might sound super strange, but hey it works.. and its hard to be with someone that doesnt share your same beliefs...so you two need to talk and straighten all this out before you decided to get married, because you dont want to end up getting a divorce later on...
at the same time, I urge you not to be religious but to be a seeker for truth, God is there, it's just a matter of searching for him, take this from an ex-atheist, God is there, we jsut have to want him in our lives.. so I also exhalt you to get to know him... Shalom Shalom!

 

[Indianguy112]

I can say that I'm agnostic.I dont really know if I'm an atheist .
This is the effect of too much of scifi and science .. lol . GOD could be there but we dont know whether he/she/It !! exists ? I'm just thinking if its ok to be in relationship with a person who shares different beliefs ( in more superficial manner) as we put it. I do respect her religion . It doesnt matter what it is. I thought I should respect her religion and truly understand her concerns so that she doesnt have to lose her character if she is what she is now, because of religion . I've seen some people for whom religion is everything and their whole character is based on that. Sometimes I think that I'm "lost " in a way ...wandering without religion but at the same time I think it could be possible that religion was "invented" by humans to answer questions they couldnt ask at the early stage of evolution. Maybe they questioned their existence and religion was an answer that fits like a glove to prove how we could be so perfect and alive each and every day. But I'm really concerned that it could be that she is too dogmatic to change her view of the world because she cant think beyond what is said in her religion and I cant say one thing is right and the other is wrong.
Some people told me that it wont work if we don't agree in the most basic thing as religion .

But again. Can people change their view and stick to it without regretting it later on? If she agrees to what I have asked her . Is it possible she will stay like that ? I'm wondering if she can be affected by her fellow christians in her church who might brainwash her to view things only in one way and not the other if they think that it is evil to give your children a non christian religion ? The problem is that there this sort of people in every religion ( people who think other religions are not so good or better compared to theirs). If a person comes into contact with such people then they have one sided view of the world. I'm concerned if she will be trapped in this sort of thinking at a later stage in life.

Any Ideas?

 

[Rafael]

I can say that I'm agnostic.I dont really know if I'm an atheist .
This is the effect of too much of scifi and science .. lol . GOD could be there but we dont know whether he/she/It !! exists ? I'm just thinking if its ok to be in relationship with a person who shares different beliefs ( in more superficial manner) as we put it. I do respect her religion . It doesnt matter what it is. I thought I should respect her religion and truly understand her concerns so that she doesnt have to lose her character if she is what she is now, because of religion . I've seen some people for whom religion is everything and their whole character is based on that. Sometimes I think that I'm "lost " in a way ...wandering without religion but at the same time I think it could be possible that religion was "invented" by humans to answer questions they couldnt ask at the early stage of evolution. Maybe they questioned their existence and religion was an answer that fits like a glove to prove how we could be so perfect and alive each and every day. But I'm really concerned that it could be that she is too dogmatic to change her view of the world because she cant think beyond what is said in her religion and I cant say one thing is right and the other is wrong.
Some people told me that it wont work if we don't agree in the most basic thing as religion .

But again. Can people change their view and stick to it without regretting it later on? If she agrees to what I have asked her . Is it possible she will stay like that ? I'm wondering if she can be affected by her fellow christians in her church who might brainwash her to view things only in one way and not the other if they think that it is evil to give your children a non christian religion ? The problem is that there this sort of people in every religion ( people who think other religions are not so good or better compared to theirs). If a person comes into contact with such people then they have one sided view of the world. I'm concerned if she will be trapped in this sort of thinking at a later stage in life.

Any Ideas?

Hello and welcome to the forums,
As a Christian, first, I'd like to see you open your mind to the evidence of the God of the Bible who has certainly made a great impact upon mankind. I'm a sci-fi fan, myself, and see that mankind is constantly searching to know more about this great gift of life we enjoy as sentient beings, and the Bible has amazing information inside it for those that seek with a whole heart for truth. We, as mankind, pridefully like to think we know how it all came about, but in truth know little and have even less power over the basic elemental powers of this universe and world we live in. New science reveals that our reality is actually governed more by the unseen dimensions than seen,and the Bible confirms this fact long before there were microscopes or string theory. God has given us life with great purpose behind it that we should all seek out and know to the best of our abilities in life. Life, itself, is very good evidence of God and His creative power, and the Bible says that all men know that God exists at some time in their lifes.
In the Bible, the husband is the example of God's love to his family. The man shows the sacrifice and commitment that Jesus showed us by dying for our fallen nature of sin and the result of sin, death. He is light and life to his family, but if a man remains in darkness, how can he bring his family that light, and lead them in truth about the great gift they possess in life?
I would say that if you truly love this girl and find worth in her, study up on what the Bible says in the New Testament and see if it really is true by asking for God's help - so that you could be those things to your wife and family that it tells us we should be if we want the right way for them and ourselves. Their lives are part of our responsibility before God as leader of the family. Otherwise, two cannot walk together unless they are in agreement. They eventually pull in different directions unless they can come to agreement about life. The Christian is told in the Bible to not marry an unbeliever because of the strife that could happen with this strong difference in opinion about life.
I hope you can find God in your life, and I can say from experience that He is real and talks real loud with the most sophisticated language there is - life. Slowly, but surely life unfolds all the answers, and we are prudent to know and prepare ourselves for the life that follows which is eternal; where there is no dimension of time. We need having a relationship with the God of the Bible who is the very definition of what true love and life is...
The books by Lee Strobel are very good for reading, as he was an atheist that set out to prove the God of the Bible as false. His book, "A Case for Faith" and "A Case for a Creator" are both very good reading for the seeker, and you seem to be a seeker of truth to me and I hope you find Him....

 

[Tavita]

I can say that I'm agnostic.I dont really know if I'm an atheist .
This is the effect of too much of scifi and science .. lol . GOD could be there but we dont know whether he/she/It !! exists ? I'm just thinking if its ok to be in relationship with a person who shares different beliefs ( in more superficial manner) as we put it. I do respect her religion . It doesnt matter what it is. I thought I should respect her religion and truly understand her concerns so that she doesnt have to lose her character if she is what she is now, because of religion . I've seen some people for whom religion is everything and their whole character is based on that. Sometimes I think that I'm "lost " in a way ...wandering without religion but at the same time I think it could be possible that religion was "invented" by humans to answer questions they couldnt ask at the early stage of evolution. Maybe they questioned their existence and religion was an answer that fits like a glove to prove how we could be so perfect and alive each and every day. But I'm really concerned that it could be that she is too dogmatic to change her view of the world because she cant think beyond what is said in her religion and I cant say one thing is right and the other is wrong.
Some people told me that it wont work if we don't agree in the most basic thing as religion .

But again. Can people change their view and stick to it without regretting it later on? If she agrees to what I have asked her . Is it possible she will stay like that ? I'm wondering if she can be affected by her fellow christians in her church who might brainwash her to view things only in one way and not the other if they think that it is evil to give your children a non christian religion ? The problem is that there this sort of people in every religion ( people who think other religions are not so good or better compared to theirs). If a person comes into contact with such people then they have one sided view of the world. I'm concerned if she will be trapped in this sort of thinking at a later stage in life.

Any Ideas?

I agree with Rafael, who happens to be my husband . Unless the two of you can walk together in agreement then you will be pulled apart. I have experienced this in life by marrying someone who feigned belief in Christ just so he could marry me. Over time we pulled so far apart our marriage was severed because of our differing values and beliefs.

You say in your posts that you are not spiritual or religious yet you want your girlfriend to give up her faith to follow you in.... what?? Unless you have a solid base of faith to build your own life on then how can you expect her to follow you in your faith, which is really no faith at all? Have you thought that asking her to give up her faith for you is not acting in love towards her? The only way you will make it is if you both agree.. in faith, in your values, and your morality.

I can also understand why your girlfriend cried when you presented this to her, and because she loves you so much she has pushed it away probably hoping you will change your mind. Your girlfriend is not being brainwashed by anyone else at church, she has her own faith based on her own knowledge of God. If you truly love her and want to marry her, not having a true faith of your own, I urge you to 'discover' God for yourself. Seek Him out, read the bible, and ask questions. I hope you find Him, Indianguy, He's truly worth it, and with Jesus as your source of life, you will have an amazing marriage!

 

[Indianguy112]

I didnt ask her to change her religion .Sorry you read it wrong. I only asked my offspring be born into a different religon and they should know both cultures / religions as they will have both our roots.
Again , you are advising me to "turn to christianity" which I think is not the correct decision . Even though Im not a hindu. If I ask you to change to hinduism ( if its supposedly the best religion in one point of view ) would you change yours?

Thanks for your input.

 

[Indianguy112]

I think that all religions are equal, but apparently not all people share this view . Be it Hindus, christians , jews etc. Religion was invented by us to help us differentiate between right and wrong , thus giving us conscience. If you look at all religions broadly, they teach you the same things . It doesn't matter what religion it is.
But one issue is important. Children usually get religion from their mother and If I want mine to be in a different religion and I dont teach them anything as Im not into that kind of stuff, they might end up not having any religion at all . There is a good chance that they might be screwed up in their life if they dont know anything guiding them. Its possible that parents teach their children right and wrong without forcing any religion.

Are there any couples in a similar situation? Thanks for your time.

 

[Tavita]

I didnt ask her to change her religion .Sorry you read it wrong. I only asked my offspring be born into a different religon and they should know both cultures / religions as they will have both our roots.
Again , you are advising me to "turn to christianity" which I think is not the correct decision . Even though Im not a hindu. If I ask you to change to hinduism ( if its supposedly the best religion in one point of view ) would you change yours?

Thanks for your input.

I'm sorry I got that part wrong, it sorta does read that way. But tell me, if you are not going to try christianity then why are you asking christians for their advice? Do you think a christian will tell you to go ahead and marry her anyway, when the bible tells us not to be unequally yoked, or put together with, an unbeliever? You ask me if I would change my religion.. no I wouldn't. Is this what you want your girlfriend to do? Because it does sound like it. For her to agree to raising children with you in your religion or faith (of which you have none?) means she would have to totally go against her own faith. Can you not see what a terrible dilemma this would put her in?

 

[Indianguy112]

Yes . It is is dilemma for her as well as for me. I thought if we really loved each other deeply . We will find a way. Perhaps religion isn't as important compared to love in a relationship . Although some people do believe religion helps us to love others .

I do understand I put her and myself in a dilemma and she too thinks the she put herself and me in a dilemma. I didn't plan anything if i start any relationship with her and neither did she. We didn't think of this issue before we "accidentally " fell in love or what we think of each other at this stage. I didn't plan love with her.It just happened

 

[talitha]

I said to her that even though I'm not religious , I want my children to be born in the religion I had at birth. She seems very reluctant to this idea.

Any Christian woman would be "reluctant to this idea". Christians believe that nonChristians will not be with them in Heaven for ever. How could she bear the thought that her own children might not be with her in Heaven? She already has to deal with the thought that if you don't accept Jesus, she will lose you.... and now you suggest that she raise her children in a faith that not only is incompatible with her own - but that you yourself don't even believe in?

I said to her ..lets give our children ( if we have them) the ideals of both religions and make them good citizens with morals. Does it really work? I don't want to be divorced just because of religion in case I marry her.What do you think?

The God of Christianity (which is the same God of Judaism) is a jealous God. He is not pleased with syncretism (mixing religions). I think that any marriage not founded upon shared spiritual beliefs is on shaky ground. What happens when people get married while they are in the infatuation stage of love and they do not share some basic beliefs and views is often that when the proverbial honeymoon is over, they find themselves very lonely within the relationship...... and divorce does often result. Divorce or a falling away from faith or both.

I'm wondering if she can be affected by her fellow christians in her church who might brainwash her to view things only in one way and not the other if they think that it is evil to give your children a non christian religion ?

Hopefully she will be effected by her fellow-Christians. That is how Christianity is designed. Hindus tend to believe that you can have syncretism, but that is not acceptible to strong Christians.

Again , you are advising me to "turn to christianity" which I think is not the correct decision . Even though Im not a hindu. If I ask you to change to hinduism ( if its supposedly the best religion in one point of view ) would you change yours?

According to Christianity, we are supposed to present the Gospel to everyone we can, in the hopes that they will worship Jesus with us and live forever in Heaven with us and with Him. That is all my sister and brother were trying to do. In obedience to our Lord.

blessings
tal

 

[Digit]

I have an issue with my girlfriend. She wants to have Christian children and I'm not religious. I want my children to be broad minded and know the difference between right and wrong. Most of the time, many religious help us have "conscience".I don't think that religion makes people narrow minded in any way. I'm neither spiritual nor religious but I do think its possible that is a super being which can make or destroy us and help us live on this planet. When i said the same to her she started crying and we nearly broke up but I think we loved each other too much to break up.

When i started dating her , I thought i will love her all my life and couldn't think of any other girl. She too said that she cant think of any other guy. I said to her that even though I'm not religious , I want my children to be born in the religion I had at birth. She seems very reluctant to this idea.

Do you think its normal for women to accept their husbands faith and give the same to their children?. It seems hard to convince her as I'm not religious. She once said that if my faith is strong and then she can convert to mine. But if she does change religion, it will be heresy in her world. She comes from a very conservative catholic country and I'm from a secular country. I said to her ..lets give our children ( if we have them) the ideals of both religions and make them good citizens with morals. Does it really work? I don't want to be divorced just because of religion in case I marry her.What do you think?

I don't want to be with her in case I have doubts about marrying her. I really like her a lot and don't want to hurt her at a later stage.Perhaps I'm deeply in love with her. I once thought that if we were meant to be together in life ( get married and have children ) then I don't need to worry as things will take their own course.I really considered a future with her and I still do.

Any matured people please advise me. I want to make the right decision

Hi Indianaguy,

This I think is one of the reasons that Christians are taught against unevenly-yoked relationships. Where one partner does not share the same views and outlooks in terms of their beliefs as another. Until this point is reconciled, I would really urge you to think about the childrens future. I don't want to rain on your parade, however I feel compelled to warn you against marraige with a non-believer. I feel almost hypocritical saying that, as I was a non-believer before I met my fiance, and she stuck by me whilst I discovered this God I had heard so much about. Looking back, knowing what I do know, I am not sure I could have done the same thing. If your girlfriend is strong in her faith, it will be hurting her each day you are not a Christian.

Before jumping ahead to the children, I would suggest focusing on this area of your relationship first if I may.

Christian couples are often shown a picture of a triangle, with the two partners positioned at two of the points, and God at the third. If the relationship is unevenly-yoked (unbalanced in faith terms) then as the Christian moves closer to God, they remain the same distance from their partner. If the partner refuses to move towards God, then the only way the Christian can get closer to their partner is to move further away from God. In a Christian life, God is first. Everyone else is second. A Christian partner will not sacrifice that relationship with God, for an earthly partner. In a relationship where both partners are Christian, they can both move towards God, and by doing so, natually move towards each other too. This is a truly wonderful relationship to be in.

All the best, and God bless.

Digit

 

[jak]

I come from a similar context to yours, and have lots of friends with mixed marraiges. They work okay if both partners are at the same level of belief/ agnosticism, and are willing to be creative and innovative in the way they deal with the issues of living together and bringing up the children with two sets of beliefs and attitudes to teach.

They don't work so well if partners are at different devotion levels, or if one or both want their faith to be primary, and the other is unwilling to accept that. The wife quietly accepting husband's faith is old-fashioned, don't expect it anywhere now! <grin> Even those women who say they accept it, don't practise it really; if anything its the other way around: the wife usually has at least a little more direct contact with the kids, and often its what she practises in her own life that the kids take to.

In your case, it seems your girlfriend is more devout than you are; your unbelief upset her, and the two-faith thing also seems too much for her. So teach the children values and let-them-choose-their-own-faith-when-they-grow-up seems out for her; which is a little unfair; she should have thought about that before getting so involved with you, and she needs to respect your different way of seeing it.

Seems like you have to try again to convince her to accept a dual-religion home as the price for being together, or you accept that the kids are brought up as Christian or you opt out of the relationship now.

Wishing you well as you both decide.

 

[CharliesAngel]

Yes . It is is dilemma for her as well as for me. I thought if we really loved each other deeply . We will find a way. Perhaps religion isn't as important compared to love in a relationship . Although some people do believe religion helps us to love others .

I do understand I put her and myself in a dilemma and she too thinks the she put herself and me in a dilemma. I didn't plan anything if i start any relationship with her and neither did she. We didn't think of this issue before we "accidentally " fell in love or what we think of each other at this stage. I didn't plan love with her.It just happened

I had a similiar problem, but i had been Moslem 9born and raised in a sem-consevative Islamic society) at the time; now i am a Christian. My ex was a hindu; we were deeply in love. he told me he was liberal until he told his parents about us-then they went crazy on us. And I am sure if my dad had found out he would have gone crazy too LOL...Anyway, if being a hindu is so important to you and if you think you will get aggravated when your wifey "tries" to impose her views on you kids and vice versa if you teach your kids Hindu beleifs, then may be you and/ or she ought to call it quits...Looking back on my relationship, i should have never embarked on what was...LOL..to a Christian Christianity is mroe than a relgion-it is a relationship, a relationship that ought to mattter way much more than one's reltionship with one's family, friends, etc...To me being a Christian is lot more about the relationship than "differentiaing" between right and wrong...even if I know what is right and/or wrong and I "do" all these great nice things, I am still imperfect, but that relationship with Jessu Christ takes me back into time where i was the perfect image of God....in fact, this relationship with Jessu is so intense and so personal and so pervasive for many Christians that it is likened to a marriage, where the Beleivers become the spouse and/or bride....anyway, so if she herself is not so deeply in grained in Jesus, then for a while things might work out, but if she gets older and mroe experienced she may turn to Christ for A LOT of her help and answers, in whcih case, you are stuck..Give it a couple of years, be platonic friends...lol..u dont need to rush into romance..sheesh...my God...you seem young and inexpereinced anyway, take a break, no need to get this serious this quickly..lol and spend time getting to explore your spirtual needs before u embark on a serious realtionships...sheesh the young ones keep you in my prayers lol...

Love,
Valbona