What should I do, and have done?

[~PICKLE~]

Saturday the 7th, was my baby shower at my mothers house. All my family was there. Everything went over pretty well. Until the kids started in on my 4 year old son. Let me explain, my son has been potty trained for about two years now. We live in a two story apartment and the bathroom is up stairs. At first he would come tell us he had to go #2 and we'd go upstairs with him, cause he won't go upstair by himself. But recently he has gotten in the habit of not telling us and holding it. Holding it until it just builds up until it is so big it hurts to come out. We've tried everything!!! Well Friday night he would go hide and we knew he had to go, so we'd take him upstairs. We did this 4-5 times. No success. We gave him a stool softener and still nothing. We got up early the next morning and he sat on the toliet again, nothing happened. We went to the shower and like I said everything was fine until I saw my husband carring my son to the bathroom crying and shaking. I went back there and he was so upset and shaking so much, I couldn't understand what he was saying. When I finally got him calmed enough, he explained that he two cousins had him pinned up against the fence in the back yard laughing and making fun of him because he did #2 on himself. They had my son so scared he didn't want to leave the bathroom. he told me he hated his cousins. I told him it was very mean what they did, but he couldn't hate them. He finally calmed down enough to join the party again, but very shyly. I went and found my nephews and told them that they didn't have a right to be meanand nasty and i wouls spank their butts if I hear of it again. OOOO I wanted to tear them up. I then told my sister in law, their mother. She blamed it all on the older son and said they were just being boys. It made me soooooo mad I had to walk away before I DDT'd her. I really wasnted to take her down. But I didn't I walked way. She didn't do anything, she didn't even go talk to her boys. What should I do? #1 About my son and him holding it when he has to go. #2 About the whole situation at the baby shower? I'm still angry and my son is still messed up from it. He won't allow anyone to laugh even if it's at the TV. And he keeps telling me he doesn't want to see his cousins anymore. please

 

[momof3blessings]

Best thing I guess you could do is talk to your brother about what happened. Let him know how you feel. They should be disiplined in some way, but unfortunately that's up to the parent. Sounds like you did a good job on them though. I would tell your brother though that the boys need to apologize to your son before any other get togethers. You don't say how old your nephews are. But age can have influance on things.
I have 13 neices and nephews(on my husband's side) 7 of them under 13 so we have stuff like teasing all the time fortunately we are all on the same page when it come to dicipline.

It looks like you did the best you could with your son. Best thing I would say is keep him talking on how he feels til he works through it.

 

[~PICKLE~]

oh yeah, my nephews are 9 and 6. I know boys are going to be boys, but there's no need for them to act like that

 

[momof3blessings]

Your right! I would talk to your brother he's probably your best bet. Another thing are they Christians? That can be a huge factor on how they(your Brother and SIL) handle things.

 

[~PICKLE~]

Yes they are Christains, I know my brother will handle it, but his wife on the other hand, Acts as if her son the 6 year old is angel. See My brother has 2 kids a girl(13)and a boy(9) She has 2 also a girl(13) a boy(6) She blames everything on the 9 year old and does nothing to punish either one, needless to say her 6 year old. She lets him do anything and everything.

 

[sioleabha]

I read in Focus on Your Child about children who become constipated, and because going potty hurts they avoid it, which makes the constipation worse. Over time the muscles int he colon and rectum can stretch out and the nerves send fewer signals to the brain about going potty.

You might want to take your son to the doctor to be evaluated.

__________________
well if you think that there is even one iota in my nakedness, then you severely underestimate me.
-- newsradio

 

[~PICKLE~]

Thanks, I'm going to make appointment 2 morrow morning, it's kindof gotten me concerned. My sister tells me to give him prunes and make him drink mineral oil. YUCK!! i can't do that. That doesn't even sound good. I'll see what the doc says though.

 

[Evening Mist]

Poor baby boy! What a sad story. I would have had a hard time not tearing into my nephews too, if it happend to my child. We sometimes turn into mother bears, don't we?!

I Momof3blessings made the best suggestion, IMO. Tell your brother there will be no more gatherings until your nephews have made peace with your son in a manner that convinces you they are genuinely sorry and will not behave that way again. Until that happens -- it would be unfair to your son to bring them together again.

My 3.5 yo. refuses to go upstairs to the bathroom alone as well. He gets scared by himself up there. He generally tells me and I take him right up, but we have started suggesting that he take a special teddybear, that he sing songs to himself, that he pray out loud, etc... I don't think he is ready to be alone yet, but I think we are working towards more independence and less fear by teaching him to try these things. Also, sometimes he will go up with a walkie talkie, if I'm talking to him through the other one from downstairs! Heh.

Let us know what the dr. says.

 

[desi]

Your son needs to be reassured the cousins were wrong and they got spanked hard and cried like babies because they were naughty, doesn't matter if its true or not so long as your son believes they got their just deserts and cried like babies. Then your son needs to know it is okay to laugh but not at people when you make fun of them. Don't let him determine when you can laugh, at the TV, because that gives him something he can control and hang onto which he should not have and which will be another issue when you have to break him of it. Then you need to say to your son since his cousins got their whoopin and cried alot they will not do that to him again and he is not to make fun of them for getting spanked and crying like babies because that would be mean too, best if he doesn't bring it up again in front of them because it would hurt their feelings and he might have to get spanked for making them feel bad, but you know he's too nice to be so mean. Then you minimize the issue by letting go. When your son talks about it change the subject or give short answers, by doing this you cut him off from playing the same nasty, hateful, self destructive record in his head about the incident. Give him a low dose of magnesium citrate and titrate it up if he won't poop until he does and wait a couple days without making poop an issue to see if things start up again. The plan is to demasculinize his cousins via a perception of justice and minimize your response and the attention he gets from the issue to diminish it and get him to move on with his life.

 

[momof3blessings]

Your son needs to be reassured the cousins were wrong and they got spanked hard and cried like babies because they were naughty, doesn't matter if its true or not so long as your son believes they got their just deserts and cried like babies. Then your son needs to know it is okay to laugh but not at people when you make fun of them. Don't let him determine when you can laugh, at the TV, because that gives him something he can control and hang onto which he should not have and which will be another issue when you have to break him of it. Then you need to say to your son since his cousins got their whoopin and cried alot they will not do that to him again and he is not to make fun of them for getting spanked and crying like babies because that would be mean too, best if he doesn't bring it up again in front of them because it would hurt their feelings and he might have to get spanked for making them feel bad, but you know he's too nice to be so mean. Then you minimize the issue by letting go. When your son talks about it change the subject or give short answers, by doing this you cut him off from playing the same nasty, hateful, self destructive record in his head about the incident. Give him a low dose of magnesium citrate and titrate it up if he won't poop until he does and wait a couple days without making poop an issue to see if things start up again. The plan is to demasculinize his cousins via a perception of justice and minimize your response and the attention he gets from the issue to diminish it and get him to move on with his life.

Don't lie to your child and say they got in trouble when they didnt'. Kids do talk and if he asks them if they got in trouble and they say no. Then your trust with him is broken and the issue will start all over again.( I think you already know all this though. )
I agree take your son to the doctor. I was focused on the other issue and didn't say anything about that one. Prune juice will help but kids don't care for it.
Yes please keep us posted on how things are.

 

[mle]

aww I'm crying. I am so sad and hurt by what those kids did you your little one. Being a kid is so hard. I think it will take time to get over this and time will do the healing. There is not much you can do with the way other people choose to raise thier kids and the kind of discipline they choose to give them. I think that there should be a potty time a little whileafter each meal. I suggest reading books for a distaction from the poopy bum in order to allow him to relax and even enjoy his toilet time.

 

[bigsierra]

Your son needs to be reassured the cousins were wrong and they got spanked hard and cried like babies because they were naughty, doesn't matter if its true or not so long as your son believes they got their just deserts and cried like babies....The plan is to demasculinize his cousins via a perception of justice and minimize your response and the attention he gets from the issue to diminish it and get him to move on with his life.

Do you have children?

 

[mamaneenie]

That is disgusting that the childrens mother couldn't (or wouldn't discipline their children) I really don't know what I would've done, although the cousins wouldn't be invited over to play for a very, very long time. If that was my child, I would've smacked his bum until he couldn't sit down for a week.


How is your son now?

 

[sunshine]

I don't have any advice, just wanted to let you know that I said a prayer for your son. please let us know how he's doing. kids being so cruel to one another just tears me up.

 

[~PICKLE~]

I called my son's doctor, she can't see him until next week. He's doing fine now, he's playing like nothing ever happened, but one mention going to my brother's and he says no or he wants to say with meemaw or a friend. he wants nothing to do with them right now. And that's okay, he has to take his time on this. I talked to my brother and he said he handled it. He also said he had a talk with his wife too, and natuarlly it caused a fight. I feel bad now, I don't want to cause problems with him and his family, but yet my son was hurt and is still stand offish because the situation wasn't handled right at the time. My brother said when my son is ready, he would bring the boys over so that the boy can apoligize and my son will unstandstand there's no need to fear, CAUSE IT WON"T HAPPEN AGAIN. And if it does I'll handle it myself, and I'll DDT my sister in law. Just Kidding, no not really, sounds good though!!!!
Thank you for your advice and your prayers. I'm just a concered mom, and my son's happiness means the world to me.

 

[momof3blessings]

I'm glad things are working out. Don't feel bad about your brother and his family. Your son comes first and your brother sounds like he can handle himself. I hope you get an apology from your SIL for not handling like she should have.

 

[pmarquette]

I read in Focus on Your Child about children who become constipated, and because going potty hurts they avoid it, which makes the constipation worse. Over time the muscles int he colon and rectum can stretch out and the nerves send fewer signals to the brain about going potty.

You might want to take your son to the doctor to be evaluated.

a little Mazola , Corn , or mineral oil 2-3 teaspoons
in a 1/2 glass of chocalate milk [ kill taste of oil ]
in the morning or evening ...

should lubricate the plumbing ... and
soften the stool ...

 

[~PICKLE~]

Get this: It's been a week since all this has happened. All week, my son hasn't wanted anything to do with his cousins. And that's hard cause daddy works for my brother. For a 4 year old my son is very verbal, he knows what he wants and doesn't want. Today it snowed in Texas, so my son and his daddy were out playing in the snow. Out of the blue he told his daddy he had to come inside and tell mommy something. He came in, and took off his coat all serious. I was on the computer. He said " Mommy, we have to talk." I said okay Bubba, what do you want to talk about." He said, "I'm serious, get off the computer, we need to talk about something." I turned off the computer and sat with him on the couch and asked him what he wanted to talk about and why he was so serious. He said" Mom, (cousins name's) were very mean to me at your party, it scared me and made me mad." I didn't say anything, cause I knew if I did, he yell at me saying "your not listening" So I let him continue. "Aunt So-in so didn't spank them, and it made me madder" "I always get a spanking when I'm mean" "I was mad, but now I feel better, and I forgive them for being mean to me" " Then he chimes in that's all, I want to go back out and play in the snow." I said okay, and let him go. I was stunned, if I wanted to speak, I couldn't. He's had a pretty good vocab for about a year and a half now, it just cracked me up the way he wanted to have a one sided adult conversation.
So I guess everything is okay, He won't talk about it now. Guess he had to say what he wanted and then drop it. He cracks me up sometimes.

 

[lucypevensie]

That's amazing! What a sweet little boy you have

 

[~PICKLE~]

Thank you!!!