What makes a parent "Cool"?

[Redguard]

When I was a kid, I thought my parents were such nerds. Not in an insulting way... it's just that they didn't have a clue about anything that was "in-style" or "modern" at the time.

This was mostly evident in the clothing that they'd force me to wear. But there were other things as well. I just remember that I didn't want them around too often when my friends were around for fear of embarassment.

Do you consider yourself a cool parent? Or do you anticipate that you'll be one once your kids are older?

 

[Addicted2~Jesus]

LOL yeah I'm a real cool parent!! I'm gonna be one of em daddies hollarin for my kids an they gonna look right past me like I had th plague hehe.

Give it up man! There isn't such a thin as a cool parent... rather I should say that nother way, for my daughter I'm th coolest thin since peanut butter... that's gonna change bout time she hits 10 er so... then I'm gonna be th stupidest thin she's ever laid eyes on til she's 22 LOL then I'll move to status of jes ok LOL somewhere round er late twenties er sumthin I hope I make it back to th whole, my dad was cool th whole time I was growin up hehe.

Naw I think folks that try an stay cool or hip wit their kids often mess up an more often then not, tryin to please their kids so they maintain cool status jes lets th kids walk all over em an then th kids suffer ever bit as much. We're not called to stay cool, we're called to train our children in th way they should go so when they are old they won't depart from it. That means we've got to be th bad guy at some point an time.

 

[lucypevensie]

I really don't know if my kids think I'm cool in that way or not. I definitely like to look and dress and act decently. My 7 year old daughter is already showing signs of embarrassment when I hug her in front of friends at school or show up to eat lunch with her. I don't know what that's all about I know I don't wear nerd clothes or have bad hair. So maybe it's my scuffed old shoes, I dunno....I refuse to wear shoes that are uncomfortable, and that includes most stylish ones.

I just do the best I can with what I know. I dress and style myself the way I feel I can best express myself. I'm not out to try to impress people I don't even know. I think that's a good model for kids to follow.

 

[CarrieAg93]

In my opinion you can't be "cool" in yours kid's eyes when they're teenagers and being doing your job. I'm sure they'll be moments when they think you're "ok", but a lot of our job involves making them do things they don't want to and not letting them do things they think are "cool". I will be showing up places unexpectedly just so they know I can and will. How uncool is that? My dad's job in life was to embarass me as much as possible so now it's my turn.

 

[Andry]

I suppose "cool" encapsulates what we all desire to be and/or maintain even if we may not necessarily admit that in public.

As some have said, it will be cyclical - right now I'm the coolest guy to my 5 yo son. That'll change when he hits adolesence and teen years, and probably return when he gets married.

So while our 'coolness' may come and go, I plan to remain relevant to my son, which is more than just being a 'cool' dad. I have two older colleagues of mine who I've chose as my mentors in fatherhood because of the fact that they have remained relevant and have excellent relationships with their children - without spoiling them. So I know it's possible.

I think one of the ways to be relevant is to continue to have genuine interest in their lives and not always imposing ours.

 

[kate5kiwis]

well as far as i know, our eldest two kiddos, ds 15 and dd 11 still think we're *cool as*
i'm hoping that we can *stay in their world* thru the teen years, sharing life and walking together.. maybe that sounds *pie in the sky* ??
of course i believe that our kids should have their own space and individuate from us as parents, but i also believe that parents and their children can be each others big supporters throughout life...
that's been our experience to date
cheers
kate

 

[Peter]

My children, in order, are:

18
16
14
10
7
4

Sorry folks. I'm a "cool" dad. And I discipline. I have since they were young. I took the risk of not being cool when they were younger, and now it's paying off as they get older. As they got older, we gave them responsabilities. And they were big things like cooking dinner. Stuff where if they failed, the rest of the family was put out, not just mom and dad. And we have let them fail. My oldest daughter starved her rabbit to death. Now she is a very responsable pet owner. All three teens ask for my advice. My oldest brought his girlfriend to this past weekends Easter service at our Church.

We have our standards. But they have to do with morality and our Chrisitan faith. My second son is into wearing baggy pants. A couple of good "pants down" in public has at least gotten him to wear a belt.

My wife and I laugh at ourselves in front of the kids. We admit our mistakes. We allow the children to help with family decisions. (We didnt move to Michigan several years ago after a family vote.)

The Orthodox faith shows us a great example of how to think of children. In all of the icons of Christ as a child, he is never portrayed as a child, but as a small man. (Very unlike Western depictions). Children are small humans. They are from the very beginning. They nead to be treated humanely. If you treat your children as babies, they will resent you later when you suddenly change tactics. They need our direction and correction from the very beginning. If you are afraid to hurt your child's feelings when they are young, they will definately hurt yours when they get older.

My 18 year old still hugs me in public. But it's one of those cool, chest bumping, one hand clasped, man hugs. My 14 year old son bumps fists with me. My 16 year old daughter leans on me. (These are all forms of affection toward your children.)

'scuse me. I need to go hug my kids.

Peace.

Rdr. Peter

 

[Redguard]

Remember that episode of the Simpsons where Lisa was embarassed to have Homer around because of all the dumb things he said and the silly things he'd do?

I'm using that as my example here... as in, "Are you NOT one of these parents, and if so how do you maintain that".

After re-reading my original post, I realize that the question was a bit unclear. It's near impossible for parents to actually be "cool" unless we're number 1 on the billboards and all our kids friends listen to our songs.

But by "cool", I just meant not a geek.

 

[suzybeezy]

What parent can afford to look cool when they spend all their money letting their kids look cool?

 

[BeanMak]

What parent can afford to look cool when they spend all their money letting their kids look cool?

Too funny!!

I made my son kiss me good by EVERY day I drove him to high school. Some days it was further down the driveway than others, sometimes it was right at the door
I tortured him to no end- "Carpe Deim" was usually hollered as he was closing the car door.

 

[bliz]

All children will regard their parents as uncool or embarassing at one point of time or another. No matter what we do or how we do it. The very fact that we exist will at times be a major affront to our kids. The great irony, of course, is that these are the same people who want us to accept them for who they are.

Many parents who think they are being very cool are not - as far as their kids are concerned. Other people's children may think you are cool but you may be humiliating your own children. Coolness is quite elusive and should never be a goal for parents.

 

[Peter]

bliz,

I disagree. you are saying it is to be accepted that our children will rebel. Scripture teaches no such thing. In fact, it says "train up a child in the way he should go, and when he is old he will not DEPART from it." This says nothing about "and when they are old they will return."

If we parent from the expectation that our children will rebel, then they will rebel. It becomes a self fulfilling prophecy.

I do not adhere to the RCC theological view that we inherit the guilt of Adam and are born with a pre-disposition to sin. Nor do I hold that we are trapped in this life to be slaves to sin, only to be rescued after death. I fully believe that we can "be holy for I am holy." (I Peter 1)

If I coached a football team with the mindset that some parent, we'd lose every game. I expect my team to execute and to win. I do not say to the assistant coaches, "Well, you know, it doesn't matter what we do, they're just going to go out and call their own plays any way." Meadow Muffins!

Such negative talk about our children dooms them to following through. May it never be!

Rdr. Peter

 

[bliz]

bliz,

I disagree. you are saying it is to be accepted that our children will rebel. Scripture teaches no such thing. In fact, it says "train up a child in the way he should go, and when he is old he will not DEPART from it." This says nothing about "and when they are old they will return."

If we parent from the expectation that our children will rebel, then they will rebel. It becomes a self fulfilling prophecy.

Whoa! Did you read what I wrote? I never once used the word 'rebel'. I do not believe that rebellion in teenagers is inevitable. Thus far none of our 3 has done so (the youngest being 18) and I don't think he is going to do an about-face now. I am one who is always telling parents of younger children that the teen years are wonderful, as are teenagers. I have spent most of my professional years working with teens and I am quite fond of the age group.

I said nothing about

"and when they are old they will return."

Have you confused my post with someone elses?

Children thinking that parents are uncool is hardly the same thing as being in rebellion and that is what I was saying, that teens will seldom consider their parents to be cool. That does not mean that they will not love then, respect them or obey them.

I do not adhere to the RCC theological view that we inherit the guilt of Adam and are born with a pre-disposition to sin. Nor do I hold that we are trapped in this life to be slaves to sin, only to be rescued after death. I fully believe that we can "be holy for I am holy." (I Peter 1)

We certainly don't agree theologically and I have to wonder why you think Jesus came to die in our place since we can be holy... but that's a conversation for another day...

If I coached a football team with the mindset that some parent, we'd lose every game. I expect my team to execute and to win. I do not say to the assistant coaches, "Well, you know, it doesn't matter what we do, they're just going to go out and call their own plays any way." Meadow Muffins!

Such negative talk about our children dooms them to following through. May it never be!

Again, I don't think I said anything negetive about teens or doomed my own or any of the, by now, hundreds of young adults with whom I have worked.

 

[Zoomer]

I am looking forward to embarrasing my kids. I remember how mortified I was to be seen in public with my mother. I have been waiting years for my turn....

 

[LegacyOfLove]

I think I am a fairly "hip" parent...no "nerdy" clothes or anything obviously embarrassing here! And yes, I have two teenagers (and two younger kids)! I like to watch TV with them, go outside and play with them, go to the mall (when we have time), listen to "their music" together. I don't see any reason not to. Of course, there will always be times where a parent is going to hear "that song is SOOO not in anymore!" Or "ewww, those sneakers are sooo last year!"

But, overall my personal goal right now is to remain friend and parent with my children. It (to me) is about achieving a balance between discipline and communication with my children, regardless of their ages or levels of maturity.

Will it always be this way? Maybe not as I am sure they'll go through their "phases" just as I did growing up. But...at the end of the day, when I get those hugs and "I love yous," I will still believe that I am "one cool momma." (giggles to myself)

 

[Ruhama]

My mom was "cool."

Because she respected my boundaries, took the time to really know me, and was current with everything that I was current with. In other words, we were like very close friends facing life's challenges together as I grew up and especially when I was an awkward teenager. She was my support.

Sure, she did stuff that embarrassed me, and got bugged when I didn't want to hold her hand, but she didn't force "mom" stuff on me most of the time, she was just my friend.

That, people, is how to be a "cool" parent. Know your kids and walk alongside them.

 

[Ruhama]

Of course, then after high school when I went to college, I learned the whole "cool/uncool" thing was a stupid invention that evaporated once one reached adulthood.

Or, ideally so.

And then life became so much less stressful.

 

[Lena75]

Well, I don't know if I classify as "cool". But I've been told by my kids that I'm a friend and a good mom. That alone is good enough for me! I kiss them before they get on the bus, even in front of the neigbour's kids and they don't have a fit. It's mom and that's what moms do, according to them. I know, in a few years they might think different...but that's what we call "phases".