What is your opinion please?

Elthuin · Jun 12, 2004

I hope it is ok to raise this topic but I was wondering what people thought about christian DD and does anyone here practise it? I would be ever so grateful to know what people think as it is a subject that has recently come up between us and I am not sure of how to proceed. I need some advice please.

jko · Jun 12, 2004

What is DD?

pegatha · Jun 12, 2004

Are you asking because this is something you want to do, or something she wants? And what do you realistically expect to get from it?

Personally, I don't exactly see it as cherishing your wife the way you cherish your own body, which the Bible commands you to do. It puts her in the position of being just another misbehaving child, not a partner/helpmeet/joint heir in the grace of life. There's a good article on it here: www.themarriagebed.com/dd.shtml

Edited to add: the Bible tells wives to submit to their husbands, but nowhere does it tell husbands to force their wives to submit. Subtle distinction. I'm not saying you can't practice DD if you both really want to, it just seems immature to me.

jko · Jun 12, 2004

Oh, I understand now. I don't think that sounds like a good thing to do. Your wife is not your child. Yes, they should submit to the husband, willingly. But I don't think spanking your wife in a bad way is a good thing.

cazza · Jun 13, 2004

jko said:
What is DD?

I must have lived a sheltered life

What is DD?

GirlieGirl · Jun 13, 2004

I read that marriage link - I think I'm going to be sick.

Svt4Him · Jun 13, 2004

Domestic Discipline. From that site:

Let's start with the basic premises of DD. There are some variations, but these seem to be the main beliefs:

The husband is in authority over his household and has the right/responsibility to discipline his entire household, including the wife.
DD is "responsible authority," meaning that if the husband is to have authority then he must be able to take action and mete out consequence in a tangible form.
Discipline is seen as a practical expression of love, a proactive way of helping a wife to grow and mature; motivating her to re-align her priorities so that she will not end up in mediocrity.
Discipline is expressed in loss of privileges, spanking, corner time, and writing appropriate sentences multiple times. DDers may include prayer, godly examples, and encouragement in their list of ways to discipline.

Jenna · Jun 13, 2004

Pardon me, I'm going to be the real off-color nut here. *laughs* My husband and I practice domestic discipline, but our own brand and by the willing participation by both of us. As far as my opinion, I don't think that it is for everybody, but folks shouldn't look down on people who do embrace it. Not everyone who looks to discipline looks to degrade or abuse their spouse, so hopefully folks will keep that in mind throughout the conversation.

Cordy · Jun 13, 2004

pegatha said:
Personally, I don't exactly see it as cherishing your wife the way you cherish your own body, which the Bible commands you to do. It puts her in the position of being just another misbehaving child, not a partner/helpmeet/joint heir in the grace of life.

Well put. I agree.

GirlieGirl · Jun 13, 2004

Jenna said:
Pardon me, I'm going to be the real off-color nut here. *laughs* My husband and I practice domestic discipline, but our own brand and by the willing participation by both of us. As far as my opinion, I don't think that it is for everybody, but folks shouldn't look down on people who do embrace it. Not everyone who looks to discipline looks to degrade or abuse their spouse, so hopefully folks will keep that in mind throughout the conversation.

I am genuinely curious to know how you implement a flavor of domesitc discipline in your marriage. I promise not to look down on you for sharing.

And to further explain my own feelings on the matter, the idea of discipling your spouse (spankings and time outs as the article described) absolutely makes my skin crawl. So hopefully, and I am being sincere here, you can tell me how any variation of this practice works successfully in your marriage.

desi · Jun 13, 2004

Svt4Him said:
Domestic Discipline. From that site:

Let's start with the basic premises of DD. There are some variations, but these seem to be the main beliefs:

The husband is in authority over his household and has the right/responsibility to discipline his entire household, including the wife.

DD is "responsible authority," meaning that if the husband is to have authority then he must be able to take action and mete out consequence in a tangible form.

Discipline is seen as a practical expression of love, a proactive way of helping a wife to grow and mature; motivating her to re-align her priorities so that she will not end up in mediocrity.

Discipline is expressed in loss of privileges, spanking, corner time, and writing appropriate sentences multiple times. DDers may include prayer, godly examples, and encouragement in their list of ways to discipline.

Sounds a bit like how Proverbs suggests the right way to raise children.

Whitestone · Jun 13, 2004

The concept seems very foreign to me. From my very limited understanding I see it as skirting the edge of being non biblical in theory. Yes it has points of scripture to refer to, but I think that in general men could easily abuse such a system.

Then again if someone used this system in their household, and abided by all scriptural commands for both spouses I do not see how the system could then be questioned. Not all Christian households run the exact sameway.

Whitestone

sarah marie · Jun 15, 2004

desi said:
Sounds a bit like how Proverbs suggests the right way to raise children.

It does. If a woman is treated like a child, like she hasn't been fully "brought" up, where's the incentive to be an adult. Where's the motivation to be accountable to God for your own actions?

pegatha · Jun 15, 2004

I'd be really curious to know what effect DD has on the children of a marriage. How does a child react to the idea of Daddy spanking Mommy? The idea of DD between consenting adults bothers me less than the idea that it might distort a child's view of the husband-wife relationship. I've never seen this question raised in anything I've read about DD. Actually, it's very hard to do any research at all on the topic, because almost all of the DD websites I've found are pornographic to one extent or another (which is probably significant, but I won't go there).

Flipper · Jun 15, 2004

I think I'm going to throw up.

LadyDJ · Jun 15, 2004

Flipper said:
I think I'm going to throw up.

I'm with you on that one...

bliz · Jun 15, 2004

I took a quick look on the web at DD. I've always had a cast iron stomach, but it was tested today.

This is distorted, focused on self gratification, and there are way too many distorted sexual overtones, and that's in the mild stuff. I counseled a college student several years ago who had been sexually abused by her father and uncle. Those men would have loved DD!

This is disgusting!

Jenna · Jun 15, 2004

Everything can be used in a disgusting manner. That doesn't, however, mean that everything that can be used as thus is disgusting in and of itself.

There are always those who will see absolute power as being in their grasp and be corrupted by it. Not every situation is like that though, which is something that I hope everyone will understand. Also remember that when you read things under the heading of domestic discipline, they are not neccessarily being utilized with Christian ideals, and will therefore be compromised.

Flipper · Jun 15, 2004

If this is some sort of master/slave, or BDSM roleplay, then, hey, whatever one does behind closed doors is fine by me, as long as it is consentual, but please call it what it is. Putting a Christian label and twisting the Bible to justify it, is what is revolting to me.

Jenna · Jun 15, 2004

*laughs* Each couple is free to decide how they will work out authority and submission issues within their marriage. What I don't think that anyone needs is to be painted with such a broad brush. Without knowing the nuances of each couples interaction, I just think that people need to be a little more careful about how they choose their words for fear of harming someone with a judgemental tongue.

What is your opinion please?

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