What is your opinion on this marriage issue?

[bruce987]

Hello everyone. I'm a new member

I have been married for about 3 years. My wife and I have had lots of problems, much more than the average couple. The source of the problems is largely the fact that she goes into anger rages over almost anything. She gets violent when she doesnt get her way. Long before she met me she was abused and traumatized, which may be the root cause of her anger. I have been faithful to her and have tried very hard to be patient and to work together to resolve the problems. Yet her anger rages continue, (over seemingly nothing) and it would drive us apart emotionally.

We went to Christian counseling, regular professional counseling, most of which she resisted, and cancelled appointments. One night she assaulted me for no reason, gave me a bloody nose, and the police came and almost put her in jail.
At that point I left, went to a motel. She refused counseling. We've been seperated for 2 months.

Rather than hang in there and try to resolve the issues, she has filed for divorce. She goes to a Christian church and says that she has accepted Jesus into her life. I said to her Jesus is opposed to divorce and if she was really following the Christian way, she would not be filing divorce papers. A local Christian pastor agreed with me about this.

What is YOUR opinion on this?

 

[AdJesumPerMariam]

Moved from intro thread

 

[talitha]

You are right, but you may have to wait for her to come to that realization. There are issues in her life that may need to be worked out before she can be a wife to you. Are you a believer?

blessings in Christ
tal

 

[5aret]

Welcome to CF!


God Bless!

 

[Hisbygrace]

Hello everyone. I'm a new member

I have been married for about 3 years. My wife and I have had lots of problems, much more than the average couple. The source of the problems is largely the fact that she goes into anger rages over almost anything. She gets violent when she doesnt get her way. Long before she met me she was abused and traumatized, which may be the root cause of her anger. I have been faithful to her and have tried very hard to be patient and to work together to resolve the problems. Yet her anger rages continue, (over seemingly nothing) and it would drive us apart emotionally.

We went to Christian counseling, regular professional counseling, most of which she resisted, and cancelled appointments. One night she assaulted me for no reason, gave me a bloody nose, and the police came and almost put her in jail.
At that point I left, went to a motel. She refused counseling. We've been seperated for 2 months.

Rather than hang in there and try to resolve the issues, she has filed for divorce. She goes to a Christian church and says that she has accepted Jesus into her life. I said to her Jesus is opposed to divorce and if she was really following the Christian way, she would not be filing divorce papers. A local Christian pastor agreed with me about this.

What is YOUR opinion on this?

Marriage in and of itself is a lifetime work in progress. God doesn't like divorce, but neither does He want any of us to be in an abusive relationship. Pray for your wife that she can give forgiveness to her past and those that wronged her. Then she will be freed from this dark area of her life. May God's peace be with you on this part of your journey.

 

[DarwinsApe]

Bruce,

Is your wife seeing anyone? Her behavior is pretty typical of someone who is having an affair.

 

[NothingButTheBlood]

No it's pretty typical of someone who has been physically and maybe even sexually abused. She will continue to be aggressive until she gets couseling to root out the source of her anger.

 

[DIVA_for_Christ]

No it's pretty typical of someone who has been physically and maybe even sexually abused. She will continue to be aggressive until she gets couseling to root out the source of her anger.

In total agreement with you.

She needs to face her past, take all of her anger, hurt, pain, frustration, etc and give it to God. God will and can deliver her and break the yokes on bondage on her life.

Stay in prayer for your wife. Seek His counsel. He might have you two separated right now so that He can heal both of you individually. Afterwards, He will be able to reunite the both of you and it will be a healthy and Godly relationship.

God bless you as He keeps you during this time.

 

[Sketcher]

Rather than hang in there and try to resolve the issues, she has filed for divorce. She goes to a Christian church and says that she has accepted Jesus into her life. I said to her Jesus is opposed to divorce and if she was really following the Christian way, she would not be filing divorce papers. A local Christian pastor agreed with me about this.

What is YOUR opinion on this?

I agree with you and the pastor.

 

[bethdinsmore]

Yes, the Bible says God hates divorce. Even where it's permitted for adultery, that's not God's perfect will.

Some other ideas: Some people who are resistant to one-on-one counseling will attend a Christian support group, such as Overcomers Outreach. These are people who have been there, done that. They will be in all stages of progression toward the peace that passes understanding in Christ. They will take her seriously, not condemn her, and be open in sharing their experience, strength, and hope.

There are also Christian sexually abused support groups in many large churches, if that is the situation.

The rages could also be physical in origin, whether or not they were caused by post traumatic stress disorder. Medical treatment might help.

I pray she would give these a try.

Lastly, I left my husband with the understanding that I would return as soon as he started getting Christian counseling. Because I came back when that happened, but before he had started changing, healing was probably delayed a year or two. But with God all things are possible, and for the last 7 years we have had one of the happiest marriages around. (If interested, read "Marital Madness" and "Wayne's Testimony" in my website listed on my profile page.)

I'll pray for you both. I'm very sorry for the pain you must be feeling. God bless you for wanting to do things God's way. Aloha in Jesus

 

[ITBM]

Hi Bruce,

You are so very blessed to recieve such good advice as those who have posted thus far.

You and your pastor are correct. Two believers should do everything they can to stay together. God created marriage. And what God has brought together let no Man seperate.

There is the possibility that your wife might not fully have her faith in Christ. In such case believers are called to continue to love their spouses and be a example of Christ for them.

But like the old parable goes: You can lead a horse to water but can't make it drink. You can show your wife the path to reconciliation but can't make her walk it.

The first and best thing you can do is pray for your wife. Pray that her heart would be healed of rage that's inside her. Pray that she would share God's heart about marriage and seek to reconcile.

In interaction with your wife I would reinforce that you love her, you want the best for her, just like God, and the things you do and say are to help her to those ends (counselling, marriage counselling, & prayers).

In the meantime... I will pray for you both.

Peace & God bless you