What is your "Love Language"?

Lordbay · Mar 15, 2005

I love the quality time very much, but thinking alittle, I can also see that I like some words of Affirmation also. I love to cook and I love it when I get praise for a good meal I have made. I like it when other tell me it is good, but When it comes from my Wife(OH BOY!!!), it makes my whole world flip and I see hearts in front of my eyes. My Wifes input mean alot ot me. I guess that is why She has put some pounds on since we have been married.

LegacyOfLove · Mar 15, 2005

My first choice is physical touch, followed by a very close second choice of quality time. It's a little disconcerting, but I honestly do not know what my husband's love language would be. If I had to guess it, I'd probably say Words of Affirmation. Hmmm...I may just have to go out and pick up that book to start reading! This has certainly given me something to think about!

Redguard · Mar 16, 2005

I think my wife would either be Words of Affirmation of Acts of Service... or Quality Time... sometimes I think she wants all 5.

Yitzchak · Mar 16, 2005

A church I used to go to did a wednesday night 3 month study of that book. We had many interesting discussions.

As I remember it, almost everyone experinced love in all five love languages. Just that one was higher than the others. In our church discussion group we did questionaries and had a scale of one to a hundred. So we had a score for all five. My love language was somewhere around 80 I think but I had a few others that were over 50.

One thing that I have discovered is that as a touch person, I enjoy more than just physical touch. I enjoy emotional touch as well. I think about the story of Mary and Martha from the bible. I think that Mary was a touch person even though she wasn't receiving physical touch in the story.

I find that when I relate to God , I desire to be touched by God. I want to be able to feel something when it comes to God's presense.

searle29678 · Mar 16, 2005

I'm definately an acts of service kind of person. I get lots of words of affirmation but it doesn't mean much. For me cleaning, cooking, working, paying bills, etc...are all ways to say on a daily basis "I love you so much that I do this and this" It's easy to buy presents and say "You are great; I need you" and hug someone. It's not that easy to do all you can for the other person on a daily basis. I know the whole point of this book is to determine what makes you feel loved so that is what makes me feel loved.

erin74 · Mar 17, 2005

I am quality time, my hubby acts of service. Better get going, he's just made me dinner!!!

fruitrach · Mar 17, 2005

LOL Erin, make sure he spends time with you while you eat it

Mrs. Enigma · Mar 17, 2005

I picked physical touch. I love it when my husband pets my head. I love being touched by my kids and my parents too.
I also rellt need words of affirmation though. My husband tells me I am pretty and that kind of stuff I love.
My husband likes acts of service, like me cleaning, cooking, etc. makes him feel like I really care.

Redguard · Mar 18, 2005

Looks like most women like quality time and physical touching...

Which leads me to wonder why so many men find their wives to be averted to sex.

searle29678 · Mar 18, 2005

My personal opinion on that is most women find that men feel physical touch is only necassary when wanting sex. Women need to be hugged and kissed and held while they are cleaning the kitchen, after changing a diaper, when they get home from grocery shopping, etc...Not just when it's time to get randy. It means more to me to get a hug for "no reason" than to only get one when he wants some.

HeatherJay · Mar 18, 2005

searle29678 said:
My personal opinion on that is most women find that men feel physical touch is only necassary when wanting sex. Women need to be hugged and kissed and held while they are cleaning the kitchen, after changing a diaper, when they get home from grocery shopping, etc...Not just when it's time to get randy. It means more to me to get a hug for "no reason" than to only get one when he wants some.

Amen, sister. Plus, when he's affectionate with me when he's not just trying to get some action, it makes me much more likely to respond when he IS in the mood...because I know that he touches me because he loves me and is truly concerned about my emotional needs, not just because he has a physical need that it's 'my job' to fulfill.

FaithAlone · Mar 18, 2005

I feel loved by physical touch but I don't show it that way except with my husband. I grew up in a family where we were never huggy or personal and so I trained myself to not need any touch but once I got married that was obviously my language. Only from my husband and close friends though. I feel very uncomfortable with people I don't know well coming very close at all : )

searle29678 · Mar 18, 2005

HeatherJay said:
Plus, when he's affectionate with me when he's not just trying to get some action, it makes me much more likely to respond when he IS in the mood...

That is an excellent point. Women don't necassarily use sex as a reward or lack of sex as punishment, but our lives outside of the bedroom definately have an effect on our sex drive. If my husband is really good to me all day, sure I'm willing to have sex and probably want to...if he wants to be a butt head all day, am I gonna want to have sex with him.....uh uh!

jazzbird · Mar 18, 2005

Redguard said:
Interesting that nobody has chosen "receiving gifts" as their love language.

I just voted for receiving gifts.

For many years I thought that my language was acts of service. I hadn't read the book, but understood the general premise of each, and service seemed to make sense. Once we read the book, I realized that my language is actually gifts. I think Heather may be right that people feel it is a materialistic language - I always thought it was until I understood it more.

For me, I confused what I thought was service with what is actually gifts. For example, I love to cook and bake for others. Growing up, I lived next door to my grandparents, and I frequently took cookies, breads, etc. to my grandpa - this is actually a gift and not service. With my hubby, it is important to me that he enjoy the dinners I make. I try to put thoughtfulness and effort into our dinners; this too is giving a gift, though I used to think it was service. Last year for Valentine's Day, I wrote something that I love about him on about 20 notecards, and placed them all over the house as part of his V-Day gift. I also enjoy receiving flowers and thoughtful material items. It's not about money at all. A gift whether something bought or made, symbolizes love to me. If dh brings flowers home - whether its a dozen long stem roses or a fistful of wildflowers he picked in a field - it makes me feel good because I know that he was thinking of me and he took the time out of his day to do something for me that he knows I would like.

At Christmas and birthdays, I appreciate it when people put a lot of thought into what they give me - that's what makes it special - not how much it cost and not how much stuff I can get from another person.

Another thing that I learned while reading the book is that gift giving includes the gift of time - something that I had confused with quality time, but this is different. It makes me feel loved when my family is there to support me if, for instance, I am giving a recital, or going through something that is stressful. Physical presence is a gift too.

wykael · Mar 18, 2005

I would fall under physical touch, and words of affirmation. Neither of these two is a strong one for my wife, however. She is definitely a gift giver. Giving and receiving gifts is far and away her main love language. Since that one is way down the list for me, I have to make a conscious effort to remember to do that for her. This book was awesome! I've learned a lot thorugh it. Just bringing it to my attention made such a difference.

roni754 · Mar 24, 2005

mine is acts of service. When my husband does something for me, it makes me feel loved. The worst thing he can do is do something for someone else when I have asked him for weeks to do something for me and yet he jumps when other people ask him to do something.

seebs · Mar 24, 2005

Quality time. It's the D&D games that win me over.

Risen Tree · Mar 24, 2005

Redguard said:
I recently had this book introduced to me in my church's Men's Group meeting.

The premise is that we all have a preferred "Love Language". In most cases, this is the way that our spouses can best show their love for us in a way that we can appreciate.

Vote on an option and then proceed to explain why you answered the way you did.

Definitely physical touch.

Words of affirmation, I think, come in second.

lonelypilgrim · Mar 24, 2005

For me, I choose physical touch. I love to be held and touched and in these moments I feel safe and secure, loved, and I feel it is quality time as well.

searchingforGodlyanswers · Mar 25, 2005

fruitrach said:
I really liked this book although I felt it put too much emphasis on working out what your partner's one language is. I think there's scope for far more...

fruitrach said:
I also think there's benefit in looking at all of them and finding ways to increase your communication in all of them - everyone likes a little bit of each language surely?

I surely agree!

That's what I thought when I first saw this thread, that what if I am all these and more. I'm not voting right now, but I might come back and check service (such as taking care of me when I'm sick, going to get medicine for me, taking me out to eat on a date). I hope that includes just how people act in general. But words in general can affect me too (such as what he says and does not say to me and even to and about other people). I guess to me I see his words as being like actions or service. Then there's always food! motives. appearances (if they groom themselves or wait a few days to take a bath and shave). communication in general.
My husband thinks I'm in the gifts category, but to me the act of buying a gift is a way to SHOW/DEMONSTRATE the icing on the cake: if you feel it, show it! I've been asking him to write me a letter straight from the heart lately, but it will mean nothing to me if it is not straight from his heart and he just gets something from the store without even bothering to sign it (I think this should become a pet peeve when he doesn't even sign his own cards to me with a loving or apologetic note to lol).
I just wonder if everything really can be lump summed into just 5 categories, and if they go under 2 or more, then where do you put them? With communication, you can give a gift that has affirming words on it (a telegram, a poem sung by someone with a violin, an engraving in cement in the yard or in the house on pewter or china, a raised or hanging garden, a magazine article if the spouse wants popularity, a birthday surprise bash with childhood huggy touchy feely friends holding up signs of affirmation, and so on...), and that can be seen as a service you are doing for that person and time well spent on doing this. But then again some spouses would think all this is a waste of time and money and get upset about it.....
I just think all these really overlap and there are so many actions that can be put into more than one category or even five....

What is your "Love Language"?

How do you like to be loved?

Words of Affirmation... and I'm a WOMAN

Words of Affirmation... and I'm a MAN

Receiving Gifts... and I'm a WOMAN

Receiving Gifts... and I'm a MAN

Quality Time... and I'm a WOMAN

Quality Time... and I'm a MAN

Acts of Service... and I'm a WOMAN

Acts of Service... and I'm a MAN

Physical Touch... and I'm a WOMAN

Physical Touch... and I'm a MAN

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