What is wrong with me?

Raiyuu said:

Thank you for the scripture but I'm already a Christian so He is already in or ismy life.



The latter. I love God but I really do think He put me in this situation

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You are wrong to think that God has placed you in a bad situation when
it is our lack of faith and trust, our own actions or the work of the devil that causes
us to go through difficulties.

You have made choices that have brought you where you are now and how many
of those choices can you say were God's will or your own will?

How many choices did you seek God's wisdom on instead of just going
through any door that opens for you.

Before we can say that God has brought us to the place we are now, we need to understand the fact
that for the most part we do life our own way and as we do not yeild ourselves as fully to God as He
desires so that when trouble come, we blame God instead of admitting that
we have been running the show in God's name.

Blaming God is wrong because if His perfect will for our lives was done, we would not
be in the messes we find ourselves in.

Who prevents God's perfect will for our lives? We do, we do not fully yeild ourselves to God as we should.

God is the solution, not the problem.

The Israelites wandered for forty years in the desert not because that was God's will for them but
because they grumbled, complained and faulted God for all their problems and so God could not bless
such evil and wicked behavior as His blessings would lead to their eventual destruction because
they would not trust God when it matter most, in the face of their enemies.

God could not bless a people with such evil hearts because even if He took them straight to the
promise land, they would turn their backs on God and be destroyed by those who hated them because
they would not listen to God and allow Him to direct them to victory over their enemies.

God will not bless us when we fault Him as we are the ones who are imperfect and do not yeild
ourselves as we should, trusting fully in loving hands of our Heavenly Father.

God must never be faulted especially when we are the one driving our life
in the directions we have chosen and never have really sought God's wisdom
and direction in many of our decisions until we find ourseves at a dead end.

As we trust God, He will deliver us.

Did you read the scriptures I gave you or are you content to believe God
is behind your problems while your lack of faith has nothing to do with your difficulties.

Cry out to God as you surrender your life to Him completely, knowing
that no matter if you live or die, you belong to Him and that you will trust
Him to bring you to Himself or else deliver you from your problems in this life and
use you for His own glory.

God will act when we trust Him and stop believing that He is the source of our problems.

Surrendering to God, knowing He is love and He is good, will cause God to act.

I am praying for you sweetheart; I know life can be hard sometimes it can almost be unbearable. That is when we need our faith the most. I have buried my mother, father, brother, best friend, and three years ago my 18teen year old daughter, but I have my father in heaven and that keeps me going.
3 John 1:2
Beloved, I pray that in all respects you may prosper and be in good health, just as your soul prospers.
Hebrews 13:5
5 Keep your life free from love of money, and be content with what you have, for he has said, “I will never leave you nor forsake you.”

Raiyuu said:

Where God literally has taken me and threw me in the worst trial ever with no kind of comfort or encouragement or a kind word or something to sustain me. I must be the worst of them all to have to go through such a trial. I've been trying to read Psalms looking for some type of promise. I may even find one but it just seems unbelievable. He must hate me more than the rest of the Christians to have to go through this. I hate my life. I'm always in a trials and it sucks. There's no relief.

I guess all I want is some encouragement or some honest advice. Maybe it's not meant for me to be happy? I just want to curl up and stop existing. Really I do.

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Self-respect is the linchpin to life, if you can't respect yourself you can't properly respect others.
If you can't feel sorry for yourself you can't properly feel sorry for others.
Keep your heart with all diligence - really respect it, and your hurts.
There may be many times of sorrow for yourself, and your plight - which are needed, and gradually this deep part of your life can begin to be healed.
Some things you never get over - you are entitled to this.

But look after yourself by giving yourself time for all this.


……

Raiyuu said:

Where God literally has taken me and threw me in the worst trial ever with no kind of comfort or encouragement or a kind word or something to sustain me. I must be the worst of them all to have to go through such a trial. I've been trying to read Psalms looking for some type of promise. I may even find one but it just seems unbelievable. He must hate me more than the rest of the Christians to have to go through this. I hate my life. I'm always in a trials and it sucks. There's no relief.

I guess all I want is some encouragement or some honest advice. Maybe it's not meant for me to be happy? I just want to curl up and stop existing. Really I do.

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How about Psalm 22:


Sound familiar? It was spoken by your Lord while suffering a worse trial than yours. And the trial he suffered was not because his father hated him, but rather because he loved you.

You are in Friday; Sunday will come.

sorry I have not read through every single other posts, so forgive me if I me repeating.

now have you talked to your lecturer about your problems?

also can you borrow blood pressure equipment from friends or something or even invest in one of your own so you could at least practice this skill at home?

I understand where you are coming from, that you need time to get a hang of those skills, but I think you might also need to get inventive on how to improve those skills.

Raiyuu said:

I ended up getting placed in an endocrinology office *insert lightening and thunder here* that's somewhat far from where I live. I say that because I don't like traveling there -,- but that's irrelevant. This office is small and fast paced. The job requires me to be outgoing and confident and fast and I'm NOT those things. All the things I sucked at in school they want me to do there. Such would included but not limited to: drawing blood with a butterfly needle, doing blood pressures manually, taking pulse, calling in prescriptions... I guess things that MA's have to do that I just am not comfortable doing right off the bat. It's not like I don't want to do these things. I just want time to open up and do them. This place gets upset over having me there even though I'm trying and is learning little by little and my employees treat me like crap. One doctor is always yelling at me. I just hate going in. I hate my job and it hates me. I'm wondering if I should just suck it up and go to a HBCU for free so I can explore a different career path but I'll just be running away from the problem.

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So you're either learning where you need to grow if this sort of job is for you, or that it may not be the kind of job for you.

I would start praying about which of those two God thinks it is, and for help with getting through the rest of the externship. Also, counting the blessings you do have and thanking God for them helps. You have plenty of them.

Raiyuu said:

I must be the worst of them all to have to go through such a trial.

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Or you could be going through trials because you are the best of them all. Look at why Job suffered.

Sweetie- don't take this the wrong way- but a sense of perspective may help a little.


I am IN NO WAY suggesting that your pain isn't real or valid- of course it is- but - and this is the tough love bit (it's not all tough, I promise) - don't let yourself fall prey to self pity- as in believing that you must be so awful to suffer so much. There are plenty of severely abused, very ill, traumatised, trapped, persecuted people who'd make what you're going through look like a picnic- and who are able to praise God and hold on to Him through it all....so troubles in a job/ study placement are hardly grounds for claiming to be the 'worst of the worst'.

Honey- it sucks, what you're going through- but it isn't the kind of suffering so deep that it looks like God has abandoned you.

I know that sounds horribly unsympathetic- but it's healthy to be able to be mature enough to put it into perspective as a Christian.

It is absolutely foul when you're not happy in your placement- I'd never deny that- and it can feel like hell at the time- but as Sketcher wisely said, maybe you're there to learn or even be tested in a very necessary way. If it's this tough now, doing some of those tasks (which don't seem horrifically unreasonable) is this something that's sounding warning bells for the future?

If it is completely unfair- maybe your resolve is being tested. Maybe one day you will need to know that you wanted this so much you were willing to go through this to get it? Maybe it's a way of building your character. I once had a job I was so unhappy in that I felt ill before I went to work, cried most nights and prayed constantly for an 'out'. I couldn't just leave because I had financial responsibilities. It was a year later that I was able to move to another job- and, while I hated every minute of that one- it taught me that I can be strong enough- that my principles matter- and it gave me the reassurance that I could turn to God in tough times. Which was good- because much, much tougher times came- and I needed that 'training ground' experience to be able to face them.

I'm not saying you'll have even worse times ahead- of course I'm not- but life won't be easy and this is where getting tough enough begins. Any career in medicine is going to need you to be tough, strong and have a hide as thick as a rhino yet maintaining your compassion.
My daughter's chosen career is medicine and she's had some stinkers to work with in placements. She reckons they give the newbies and placement and work experience people a tough time on purpose to sift out the wheat from the chaff early on.

If they're making you do things you don't like and are not your strong points, then, to be honest, they're doing a good thing. You won't be able to avoid those things in a medical career and they'd be failing miserably if they let you avoid them. The only way you'll stop sucking at them is to do them- like it or not.

If you really can't handle those things- if you don't have the personality for the job (and it's not a special personality type that only this branch will use- you'll have this issue of needing to be confident, even outgoing in the majority of medical fields) - then it's good now to see if this is right for you. Maybe God is showing you areas you need to seriously think about or need to develop. Medicine is about having people's lives in your hands one way or another- so of course it won't be easy in the early years. We wouldn't want it to be, in all honesty.

If there is genuine unfair treatment, however- if you're not being given the experience you're supposed to be getting and if there is victimisation- then you MUST, of course, speak out against that. Speak to whoever is in charge of your placements. They may question why it's the second placement you're having complaints or problems with- which is fair for them to do and you'd need to be ready to give responses and reasons that show it's a real problem- not just that you can't hack it.

You're only 19 , hon- and that's very young to cope with the realities of the medical world without feeling it's all too much- but, as I said before, they'll be tough early on for a reason.

Above all of it- you know, deep down, I'm sure- that God is not a liar. When He says He loves you- He didn't mean 'I love everyone but Raiyuu- her, I'm not so keen on, so I'll make her suffer'. When He says He'll be with you, He meant that.

He adores you, hon. However bad this feels- keep it in perspective. Be very realistic- is this just the tough competitive world of medicine at work here, or are you genuinely being treated unfairly? Hang on to what you KNOW, regardless of emotions- that God loves you more than you will ever, ever comprehend and He will NEVER leave you alone.

I'd speak to someone, hon. Do you have student support? It's a tough world which leaves many medical students in tears- and there's usually someone to listen.

Are you in a church where you can get some prayer support?

.

Matt 5:4 "Blessed are they that mourn: for they shall be comforted."






…

Raiyuu said:

I studied to become a Medical Assistant (MA) at a vocational school and got through that fine. Then when externship (or internship) came around I was initially excited. They first placed me in a relatively small podiatry office that was in a really nice neighborhood. I liked it there because I mainly got to clean and do laundry and often got commended for my hard work. Well after three weeks of being there (extern is 5-6 weeks) the other extern who was there with me from a different vocational school ended up leaving because our supervisor wasn't letting us do actual MA work and she needed that to pass her externship class. Two days after she left, they started belittling me and yelling at me over things that weren't my fault (they're pretty good at that to all their employees) and they also increased the work load to the point where I couldn't finish it all on my own. In addition to being a meanie they also put me in situations that could compromise my health so I called the school and explained all that was going on and they pulled me (or removed me) from that site.

I ended up getting placed in an endocrinology office *insert lightening and thunder here* that's somewhat far from where I live. I say that because I don't like traveling there -,- but that's irrelevant. This office is small and fast paced. The job requires me to be outgoing and confident and fast and I'm NOT those things. All the things I sucked at in school they want me to do there. Such would included but not limited to: drawing blood with a butterfly needle, doing blood pressures manually, taking pulse, calling in prescriptions... I guess things that MA's have to do that I just am not comfortable doing right off the bat. It's not like I don't want to do these things. I just want time to open up and do them. This place gets upset over having me there even though I'm trying and is learning little by little and my employees treat me like crap. One doctor is always yelling at me. I just hate going in. I hate my job and it hates me. I'm wondering if I should just suck it up and go to a HBCU for free so I can explore a different career path but I'll just be running away from the problem.

I often pray to God from some type of encouragement, read the Word or something but there's nothing there that's fulfilling with the exception of Psalm 36:5-12. I don't know what to do with that verse. I know life is hard but is it supposed to be hard ALL the time. I just want this one thing, that God will move me so I could be happy.

I know I'm going to get scolded for sounding selfish, whiny, irrational or immature but who's perfect? Are we not going through sanctification?

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Welcome to Real Life 101, where petty belittling, backstabbing, politics, corruption, and power play comes in handy.

But the list of those factors are all garbage. The qualities that really matter are endurance, honesty, communication, and intelligence. Most important of all is love, as said by the 'love chapter' in 1 Corinthians.

Nobody starts off perfect when they're newbies at a job, especially new grads. You're going to get a lot of flak and hurls of insults from your employers because that's how you'll be able to learn quickly.

And since the economy's getting worse, chances are, many bosses are scrambling around trying to get their jobs in fix. Everyone's very stressed, overworked, and preoccupied right now.

This isn't school anymore. It's reality. You'll soon learn that work is never going to replace playtime or recess. You'll never have enough time to complete every tasks that you don't want to do.

You can't get by by learning little by little. Even at busy fast food joints, managers always hurl insults at their co-workers and trainees because it's part of their duty. It's operation. Business won't run smooth if you try to do things your way.

Nobody's happy fetching someone's coffee in the beginning or forcing themselves to laugh at their boss's stupid jokes. But there's a lesson in that. Sometimes, you have to endure it all to make it through. What we think is happiness is not happiness. It's a fairytale.

You're still very young, but during this time, it's all about investment. It's all about learning. You will get through this when you believe that you can do this because God gave you the power to do your job.

It's going to be hard, and it will get harder. But it'll become easier as time goes by because there's a pattern to all this. There are walls that you'll be able to jump through when you thought that it was too hard to make it through.

In the end, there are many things to be grateful about in your position. The economy's pretty bad right now, as you know. Many, many new grads can't find jobs in their chosen field. I'm not telling you to suck it up and be demure, passive, and submissive about all this. I'm telling you the opposite. Kill it all like you mean it because you're a professional now in your field, and you're going to be the best.


By the way, what would you major in if you went to HBCU for free?


EDIT: And to answer your title question, there's nothing wrong with you. Everyone goes through the same thing because it's the beginning. It's like riding a bike. It's hard at first, but then it gets better.

Dear Rayuu. God is Love and God made us in His image. That seems to me,
we are all capable of Love and Compassion. A Christian`s weapon is LOVE,
and Jesus tells us how to fight with it, or use it. In Matthew 22: 35-40:
Jesus tells a Lawyer: " The first and great Commandment is: Love God with all thy heart, with all thy soul, and with all thy mind. The second is like it:
Love thy neighbour as thyself." Jesus told us also: " On these two Commandments hang all the Law and the Prophets." Jesus will give us His Love and Joy, and the Holy Spirit will empower us with His Love, also. All we do is:
ask God for Love and Joy in prayer, then we fight whatever God`s enemy
throws at us. ( Matthew 7: 7-8 ) I do not know what makes you think that something is wrong with you, but it seems to me that Satan is throwing bricks at you.
Keep asking God for Love and Joy, then treat all you know and meet, friends and enemies as well, treat them as you would want to be treated. God sees
your efforts, and God will bless you. As for Satan or other enemies, they run away from Love. It is Love what always makes us victorious, fight with Love,
and overcome all enmity and attacks from Satan or your enemies.
God is Love, and God is always on our side, if we are being wronged.
I say this with love, Rayuu. Greetings from Emmy, your sister in Christ.

Raiyuu said:

I studied to become a Medical Assistant (MA) at a vocational school and got through that fine. Then when externship (or internship) came around I was initially excited. They first placed me in a relatively small podiatry office that was in a really nice neighborhood. I liked it there because I mainly got to clean and do laundry and often got commended for my hard work. Well after three weeks of being there (extern is 5-6 weeks) the other extern who was there with me from a different vocational school ended up leaving because our supervisor wasn't letting us do actual MA work and she needed that to pass her externship class. Two days after she left, they started belittling me and yelling at me over things that weren't my fault (they're pretty good at that to all their employees) and they also increased the work load to the point where I couldn't finish it all on my own. In addition to being a meanie they also put me in situations that could compromise my health so I called the school and explained all that was going on and they pulled me (or removed me) from that site.

I ended up getting placed in an endocrinology office *insert lightening and thunder here* that's somewhat far from where I live. I say that because I don't like traveling there -,- but that's irrelevant. This office is small and fast paced. The job requires me to be outgoing and confident and fast and I'm NOT those things. All the things I sucked at in school they want me to do there. Such would included but not limited to: drawing blood with a butterfly needle, doing blood pressures manually, taking pulse, calling in prescriptions... I guess things that MA's have to do that I just am not comfortable doing right off the bat. It's not like I don't want to do these things. I just want time to open up and do them. This place gets upset over having me there even though I'm trying and is learning little by little and my employees treat me like crap. One doctor is always yelling at me. I just hate going in. I hate my job and it hates me. I'm wondering if I should just suck it up and go to a HBCU for free so I can explore a different career path but I'll just be running away from the problem.

I often pray to God from some type of encouragement, read the Word or something but there's nothing there that's fulfilling with the exception of Psalm 36:5-12. I don't know what to do with that verse. I know life is hard but is it supposed to be hard ALL the time. I just want this one thing, that God will move me so I could be happy.

I know I'm going to get scolded for sounding selfish, whiny, irrational or immature but who's perfect? Are we not going through sanctification?

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Have you tried talking to the school about the second place they put you? If any mental health is at risk, they (usually) have to re-located you to a place that fits your personality better. However, I think with MA's, you will need to learn to become outgoing and gain some confidence in yourself.

If a doctor is yelling at you, tell them calmly (do not get angry or upset) that they're distracting you from learning how to do everything correctly and you would appreciate them being a little more patient with you. If you need help, it's okay to ask someone for help and more training if you need it. Like everything else, things like drawing blood with needs, taking blood pressures and whatnot, it comes to you with practice and experience and if you need extra practice, talk to your professors when you go to school or talk to the one training you how to do all of that.

If you're not confident in what you're doing, and you go into the medical field, patients won't be quick to trust what you're doing and it is very obvious if someone isn't confident.

As time goes on, you'll become more and more comfortable with calling in prescriptions when it's needed (though I think doctors do that and not medical assistants?) and more and more comfortable with being alone. You can't just expect to be right away, especially in a fast-pace environment where you're still a student.

Before you take to changing your career path, is being an MA something you really want to do? Will you be happy with what your choice was in college in twenty years?

Speak to your adviser when you get the chance, they know what to do. You're not the only one who goes to them about similar problems.

It's okay to be upset about this, I'd be a little worried if you weren't at least a bit stressed out.