what is wrong with her(long read)

[fields316_2000]

i've been divorced for years. heres the cliffs-

we were together since highschool (1997 ) until 2008

-a few years back i had surgery. my wife was cheating and i found out and got served divorce papers and removed from my home while i was on recovery.

- the guy she ended up with is an athiest. she's supposed to be a christian

-her family called me to detail all the other affairs she had on me , i guess thinking that would

-she fought me for custody and puts the kids, who want to live with me because she's violent / aggressive with them, in the middle slandering me to them

now since the divorce i cut off contact. period. i do not speak to her, i do not talk to my kids about her i dont text her. every so often she'll call me 'about the kids' but then goes into church stuff, her work her family and all that. i cut her off and move forward. i have nothing to say.

now our kids are in baseball and she's now she's knit picking about what she pays for and what she did for them , when in reality we both are contributing.

today she went and sent them to me for the week but their equipment isnt with them and they have a game in the morning. the kids stated that she didnt send the stuff because she feels i should pay for my own gear (remember it's stuff i already bought) for my place so theres no going back and forth. i called her and told her that putting them in the middle is petty and she should tell me directly what she told them. she denied it all the way around and put all the blame on the kids.

see went on the defense an said despite what i think about her she does the best for our kids. i told her that i'd never tell the kids what i truely think about her, since her own family told me about the other guy driving my car while i was hospitalized and the other affairs she was having. she denied it then blew it off by saying that she doesnt care about what people say. she went on a rant about me needing to move on with my life and how she only did what she did because she fell out of love with me.

now, i didnt ask about her and i. but she brings it up every time (the few times over the years) we talk. i brought the situation back to the kids and stated that regardless of her reasoning im above talking bad about her to the kids and she should show me the same respect (she slanders me alot to them or blames me for her problems some how)

i was left confused. i made it very clear that i do not appreciate being the go to person when someone is mad at her or the blame when she's angry with the boys. im only responsible for myself and our children while they are with me and can only teach them to be respectful in conflict - other than that i have no business being the topic of discusssion. she went BACK to talking about how i need to let the past go-

the kids tell me she's miserable and angry alot of the time. the guy she's with doesnt like her talking about me much according to the boys and she only goes on these text / random calls when he's gone. my question is, why is she acting like this? the opposite of love isnt hate it's indifference. i honestly dont feel comfortable around her in the same room after everything that happened , but above all i truely dont care to hear about her or plan on getting back at her. i couldnt figure out why she would want to revisit the past so much. who cares? it's over , we are not friends anymore. period.

i can state that together i was there for everything. every thought, problem arguement and private issue she had. i was there giving bible studies from when she was a mormon and then got into christianity. we talked alot about the same subjects that the new guy makes fun of her about. but thats not my issue - so how should i feel and why is she revisiting the past so much?

 

[BlueJay83]

i why is she acting like this? the opposite of love isnt hate it's indifference. i honestly dont feel comfortable around her in the same room after everything that happened , but above all i truely dont care to hear about her or plan on getting back at her. i couldnt figure out why she would want to revisit the past so much. who cares? it's over , we are not friends anymore. period.
..................... why is she revisiting the past so much?

I know exactly how you feel on that one.
I think staring down the barrel of a gun is more comfortable feeling than talking to her. (been there done that)

To answer the question... I think she hasn't reached a "closure" point like you have.
She hasn't moved on because she is emotionally immature. That's the reason she was seeking other men out in your marriage. She constantly needs to feel like she is the centre of attention, and always loves to be being pursued by someone.
That's why she calls when her new guy is gone. She isn't being played with anymore so the emotionally immature puppy looks for something else to do.

I could be way off... but my ex wife is certainly like that anyway.
She needs to be constantly entertained and can't be the adult.

 

[fields316_2000]

That could be it also , because she's mentioned quite a bit that we don't talk anymore and made a big deal about it . With that she's gone on and reached out to me for all kinds of reasons. One was bizzarr she called at midnight because she cut her finger cooking and needed to know how to seal it without stitches

 

[mkgal1]

To answer the ? from your OP....."what's wrong with her" sounds to me that she thought YOU were her problem, and now that she is with another guy and found that the same problems went with her (because she sounds to have a problem seeing her reflection--and that SHE is the problem). She's angry (sounds like, anyway)........like mad at the world, because of being frustrated that life isn't the way she expected--and she's blaming everyone but herself.

 

[fields316_2000]

thats a great answer..and it's probably right on. she's mad at everyone and blames everyone so she has to avoid admitting she was wrong