What is fate?

[n3w3xp]

Hi Everyone... I'm new to this, but I find this forum to be quite interesting. I have a scenario that I'd like to get your opinions on. How does one know if something is God's plan or when it isn't?

I don't know if there are many people that have gone through something similar or not, but no one we know have gone through this same thing. People usually break up and move sooner or later. But this one's complicated. So here it goes... give me some ideas to help my friend with her problem.
I have a friend who has been through a rollercoaster in her relationship. It's been 4 on/off years, but during the "on" times, they never really openly declared themselves as bf/gf. The first time it didn't work out because she wasn't ready, and then about a year later they got close again. Then a lack of communication caused it to end again. Then about another year later, they got talking again for just about a month, met up a few times, and got physical one time (no sex). Then they stopped talking for another year. The last time, they talked for about 8months or so, and saw each other maybe only 3 or 4 times the whole time. During those rare meetings, they got physical again 1 time, (no sex again). All of a sudden they were supposed to go out and he cancels and tells her off for no apparent reason.

My friend and I have talked about her relationship and pretty much disected it the best we can, but now I'm just trying to seek other opinions besides our own. Now, the first 2 times that the relationship didn't work out was probably her fault, because she wasn't ready and then she didn't communicate with him. But isn't that the past and afterall, they've talked about it. The thing that makes it hard for her to move on is I think because during their entire rollercoaster relationship, neither of them have even gone out with anyone else. So I think she is still holding on to that... That PLUS the fact that they have known each other since elementary school. That is a long time and a great story to tell if they were to make it!

So if anyone has any opinions or advice, please respond to this post. Sorry for the length of this message... I'm just a little confused... hearing her story makes me think about what I would do if put in the same situation. Thanks in advanced!

 

[Warrior Poet]

1. A fixed decree by which the order of things is prescribed; the immutable law of the universe; inevitable necessity; the force by which all existence is determined and conditioned.

When the outcome(s) of sitaution(s) and decision(s) you been in/have made come together for one enevitable event.

Fate.

Warrior Poet

 

[LifeInYou]

I am an 'open theist' which means that I believe God is very capable of exhaustively knowing the future in advance, but He chooses (through restraint of power) not to have foreknowledge of all things. So when we make most of our choices in life, it is not until that time that God learns what we have chosen (This is not to say that He isn't aware of the possiblities we have to choose from). Along the same path, I do believe there are certain 'key' events that God wills to happen in our lives which will shape our character and, ideally, will aid us in accomplishing our unique and special tasks for Him. As for all other matters, however, I believe He simply 'permits' our choices or 'allows' various events to take place in our life. As far as 'life-mates' go, I believe there are many partners in the world that would be just as suitable for you as (hopefully) the one you will end up with. Certainly God is aware of the different mates which would BEST suit you, and He has provided ways (through His word) for us to determine which people (in marital relationships) would be the most pleasing and productive for Him. In the event you choose to marry someone who turns out to be all wrong for you, you are not condoned, but simply must live with the consequences of your choice. Sorry if I bursted bubbles for all the romantics here , but, in my mind, there isn't just one person that's suitable for us, or that God determines for us, but rather *many* individuals whom God would 'permit' for us to marry.

 

[desi]

This is not fate so much as the refusal of either party to make their intentions manifest. This is not fate, it is two friends hooking up once in awhile.

 

[DaveKerwin]

I think they should have broken up, they are too fickle to be about each other. Time for some self examiniation so there is not so much drama next time she dates. My advice is to go witht the flow, and grow from the experience.

 

[n3w3xp]

Thanks for the responds everyone! Dave, you're right... there definitely is too much drama between them. I think he's waaay too emotional of a man for her. The strange thing is, they get along great when everything's fine. But within the snap of a finger, he can suddenly be all emotional and dramatic with her.

I guess my main question was whether or not she should move on, or keep waiting for him to come around again? I guess it's hard for her to decide because he was her first "relationship" and she was his first serious "relationship", and through all these years, they haven't been with anyone else. Personally I think it would be great if they can work things out, but like you said, some self examination wouldn't be such a bad idea.

Why do you guys think people can't move on and forget about their past anyway? Does that usually mean their feelings are truly strong and that person is really someone special, or is it just human nature to not welcome change?

 

[William Nunn]

Fate is the excuse we use when our mistakes come back to haunt us. Tell her to move on, this doesn't sound healthy and they won't be able to have normal relationships if they hang on to each other.

I think it is human nature for the most part to shun changes. We like our comfort zones, and we hate to think that if we lose something (be it a bf/gf, a house, or a remote control) that there might not be another to replace it. Change is scary, and most people don't like being scared.

 

[Mr.Cheese]

Good grief. I don't know either of them, but I feel confident enough to say that the past four years have been a pretty big waste of time. It looks pretty obvious that by this time, if they haven't established a good relationship, they're never going to.

 

[Warrior Poet]

Well you dont forget your first, most tend to cling on to it, and gage similar experiences to it, it in many ways sets the standard for future situations that may arise. The first time you burned yourself on the stove you remember and try not to do it again. Emotional "firsts" seem to have their own decree. Most find the something about their "first" and try to replicate it, it seems that even harmful emotional experiences are tried(maybe some arent tring but find themselves in that exact same situation over and over) to be duplicated as well, it not a healthy thing nor safe for that person. There is alot to learn from "firsts" especally emotional first, but you have to first detache yourself from that emotionsl cliging, to have your eyes open and then start to learn from it, not let it be your guide. Its a hard thing to do, and everyone will do it differnt and at their own pace, your friend need to come to that realization, that the "first" in many cases will be the last, if she can learn from it.

Warrior Poet

 

[n3w3xp]

You guys are definitely right in your advices. Like Mr. Cheese said.. after all those years and it still didn't work out, then chances are it's never going to work. You can't change people, that's for sure. Warrior Poet, I agree with you... many people get "stuck" with their firsts and they often think that person is "the one" for them or something. I've told her this too, but of course it's hard for her to accept that it's just not working. I see so many relationships that fail, and it makes me wonder... why don't people just stay as friends instead of stepping into the boundaries of more than friends and have it be ruined and then they lose the friendship?