What is courtship?

[AutumnDreamer]

Someone asked me my views on courtship so I want to share and also see what others views are as well. I am married and wish we had gone the courtship route, but alas we did not. But I have three children who I will raise with the beliefs of courtship.

When I think of courtship, my first thought is not being along together. By this I mean always in view of someone that can hold you accountable. I would like for any man courting my girls to want to spend time with us as a family, not only getting to know her but also getting to know us as well as giving us a chance to get to know him. As far as couples having "alone time" that is fine if it is in view of other family members, for example if we have a front porch, they could sit on the porch together and talk, I would make sure other siblings know that during that time, the porch would be off limits for them. I will also start early with my children about how specal that first kiss is and pray they will wait for their wedding day to give it away. I do not like the idea of group dates. Unless it is a youth thing where there will be adults present, reason being is I don't feel my children's friends who are going through the same things will make good accountability partners. I also don't agree with just "being in public makes it safe" movie theaters are dark, taking seperate cars and meeting at a place just gives them the opportunity to not go to that place and sneak off and go somewhere else. Yes there is a measure of trust involved but trust is earned not freely given. All of these depend on the child themselves but those are the basic principles of my views on courtship.

 

[CarrierOfChrist]

See my response to holyroller2005 in this same forum....

 

[lunalinda]

Errr, courtship to me (in short) is just spending oodles of time with only one person with the intention of marrying. And yes, the time-spending thing applies to them and my family as well as me and HIS family. No random dating without commitment or the like. Learning everything about them. I personally don't see anything wrong with being alone with a guy, but it's true that for some people, that's already too much temptation, which is understandable. Of course, not everyone can be tempted with everything, even the minor things, but I most certainly do understand the risk. I guess it depends on me and the guy, and what we agree on. If he's drowning in temptation whenever he's alone with me, then it's my responsibility to be the "smarter" person and not put a stumbling block in front of him.

But regardless, people do still have different ideas. I was sitting on the couch leaning my head down on an ex-boyfriend's chest with my hand on his stomach one time while his arm was around my shoulder (perfectly innocent if you ask me), and my mom all out freaked out. "Oh he's not your husband you shouldn't be doing that!!" Um? Doing WHAT? To a lot of people out there, physical touch in general can be a sin. If that works for them, okay, but that's not for everyone. So we all obviously have very different convictions as far as what is or isn't proper. I feel during courtship, it's important to be not just emotionally/mentally comfortable, but physically as well. And no, I don't mean sexually comfortable. Just basic in-my-space comfortable. I don't want to forbid myself from being affectionate with a man I'm interested in, especially if it's affections that will help express my feelings for him.

Anyway...I'm rambling. It's after 2 in the morning and I feel like I wanna pass out into slumber...

 

[vibrant]

http://boundless.org/2005/articles/a0001196.cfm

defends courtship.

 

[inchristalone221]

I agree very much with lunalinda. I do have some reservation about creating the "appearance of evil" in being alone with the person one is courting, but I agree with her primarily in the sense that she makes very good statements of Christian liberty and provides a non-legalist look that I appreciate very much.

 

[reverie_maiden]

I just want to say at first that my boyfriend and I believe that courting is dating with the intent on marrying that person. There is definite commitment...I mean I already am wearing a promise ring and our wedding is still two years down the road. My boyfriend starting out not wanting to kiss until marriage too, but I soon talked him out of that. He was very glad I did too. I think it is foolish to wait until marriage for that first kiss. I mean how does the couple truly know there is a spark there without that kiss. Well...at first I didn't think there was a spark between my boyfriend and I when we kissed. The thought of that scared me too, but him and I realized that that spark had instantly burst into a fire between us. It makes both of us feel better that we know that.

 

[AutumnDreamer]

I think it is foolish to wait until marriage for that first kiss.

What if something happens and you don't get married? Personally I think the first kiss is just as important as the first "time"

 

[reverie_maiden]

What if something happens and you don't get married? Personally I think the first kiss is just as important as the first "time"

I don't agree with that at all.

 

[inchristalone221]

I'm not sure about the first kiss. I already decided that I won't kiss my fair lady until I'm pretty sure I plan to marry her. I'll kiss her on the cheek or the hand, but not on the lips until I think she's the one.

 

[ahmunmun]

I will also start early with my children about how specal that first kiss is and pray they will wait for their wedding day to give it away.

Hi AutumnDreamer!

I used to think that too. However, I also believe that a girl like me, who think sex is disgusting, need to kiss a guy and then from there, slowly change my thoughts on sex. For some other people, however, kissing might stir up sinful thoughts. For me, I need that transition from a kiss to sex so I won't be scared to death after my wedding. I don't think it would be fair to my future husband if I ask him to wait too long after marriage to have sex. What kind of a man would want to wait that long after marriage?

Yes, it would be unfortunate if I kiss the guy, and then he ended up not being the right one for me. However, it would be even more unfortunate if I marry someone, then end up making him wait so long for the "first time" because I needed time to get used to being intimate with him.

 

[AutumnDreamer]

However, it would be even more unfortunate if I marry someone, then end up making him wait so long for the "first time" because I needed time to get used to being intimate with him.

I disagree, a husband that loves his wife, puts her needs before his own. My husband would have waited on that first night, as it was it took hours before I was finally not terrified enough to proceed, and we had even done everything but that while we were dating(HUGE mistake I know) But even having done everything else I was still terrified of actually having sex. My husband loved me enough to go at my pace even if it meant he had to wait a little longer.

 

[Mr.Cheese]

courtship is a fancy word for dating, preloaded with more confusion than usual.

 

[Ryokeen]

I think I'm having a serious conversation with my Girlfriend right now.
Thank you so very much,
Wow.
God needed to tell me something and you just told me for Him.
Wow.
Thanks soo much PM me if you want details. I'd rather not share. But I feel... Like I don't know myself and I don't want that.
Thanks again
Aaron

 

[vibrant]

I disagree, a husband that loves his wife, puts her needs before his own. My husband would have waited on that first night, as it was it took hours before I was finally not terrified enough to proceed, and we had even done everything but that while we were dating(HUGE mistake I know) But even having done everything else I was still terrified of actually having sex. My husband loved me enough to go at my pace even if it meant he had to wait a little longer.

but the same can also be said about looking after the groom's needs as well. the love necessary to meet one another's need is not just a one way street. so i think it's excellent that she was thinking of others, and not just herself.

 

[Ryokeen]

"What kind of a man would want to wait that long after marriage?"

One who truely loved you.

 

[vibrant]

1Cor 7:3-4 (NRS) The husband should give to his wife her conjugal rights, and likewise the wife to her husband. For the wife does not have authority over her own body, but the husband does; likewise the husband does not have authority over his own body, but the wife does.

so it's not your right to constantly deny your husband sex and expect him to understand and "truly love" you.

 

[AutumnDreamer]

1Cor 7:3-4 (NRS) The husband should give to his wife her conjugal rights, and likewise the wife to her husband. For the wife does not have authority over her own body, but the husband does; likewise the husband does not have authority over his own body, but the wife does.

so it's not your right to constantly deny your husband sex and expect him to understand and "truely love" you.

No one is saying anything about constantly denying marital rights. Please read all the posts and understand what we are talking about before posting something like this, it could be very hurtful.

 

[vibrant]

No one is saying anything about constantly denying marital rights. Please read all the posts and understand what we are talking about before posting something like this, it could be very hurtful.

i don't want to act as though the bible provides no guidance on the issue.

 

[inchristalone221]

i don't want to act as though the bible provides no guidance on the issue.

To determine whether or not it does would require that you first understand the issue. I agree with AutumnDreamer.

 

[ahmunmun]

I guess it depends for everyone.

I would want to give my future husband the assurance that he will be blessed with God's gift for married couples. I don't want him to have to wait that long after marriage. If for some reason I still find sex disgusting after I get married, I would have to make my husband wait for all my sessions with a psychiatrist (and who knows how many there would be?). I would rather have my issue solved before I marry him.