What is cheating?

Your wife talking to people isn't cheating. Even if it's of the opposite sex.

What's the background here? I mean, something has to be going on beyond that for you to mention it. Wanting to divorce over her talking to people is kind of like going 0 to 60. If it irritates you, fine, but what's the inspiration to divorce over it?

cheating in a healthy relationship would be doing something that you wouldnt do when your spouse is around

also, there are several kinds of cheating.

there is the actual physical touching kind that the movies made people automatically associate with the cheating stuff

then there is emotional cheating. this is overlooked because of hollywood (no twilight). emotional cheating is what happens prior to the physical stuff. Jesus said adultery is when a man looks apon a woman and lusts - he thinks about it. then after the thought it becomes action. so when two people start chatting online privately, texting or emailing they may not actually touch but that emotional / mental connection is started that God frowns on if it's not with your spouse.

Hi mkher,
Welcome to CF. Please stick around long enough to interact with the Christians here long enough to learn a few things. Maybe even make some friends.

OK lets say your wife is emotionally cheating. That's a symptom. From your post it feels like you have not found what the symptoms of your relationship with your wife are that got you two where you are now. I think your just aware of your wife add more friends and this is hurting you. But why did she need to go find these friends? How had your intimacy in marriage got so non intimate that you didn't talk about this a couple yrs ago? You two have grown up, years older, we all change as we grow older, but you two didn't talk about that, you know your wife of years ago, but who is she today. I think she heard you ask her to go back to who she was when you got married. She can't go back there. You need to learn to lover her for who she is today. An same for you, you have changed as well.Do you know who you are today? Have you told her who you are today?

mkher ... well, hard to put too much blame on your father-in-law. He is naturally going to want to protect her. But maybe more to what happened, since you know your wife has lied, I suspect she didn't tell him the full truth of the situation, so her father would make a decision based on wrong to limited data.

Sounds good mkher.

In general, cheating is anything we choose to do that could or would hurt our spouse that we wouldn't [want] them to do.

The 'exception' clause does not say 'cheating.' I know someone who said she divorced her husband for cheating on his taxes, though.

The phrase is 'except it be for fornication.'

I've heard or read 'cheating' defined in a variety of ways. When I was a teenager, someone could 'cheat' by 'going' with someone else while going with their other boyfriend or girlfriend. Probably going to a movie with someone could be 'cheating' by those standards. I read once where some presumably unbelievers did not think it was cheating to commit adultery if a couple had an 'open marriage.' If one accepts that way of thinking, he should realize that adultery is a serious sin, whether it violates his own rules or not.

I am sorry to hear about your wife. I'll pray for the Lord to get a hold of her. It must be a bad thing to have a woman who is not committed to marriage.

mkher said:

Her heart isnt here and I've read some other cases where the best thing is to let her go.

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It would be heartbreaking, but if my wife weren't doing anything physically, I don't think I would consider letting her go. You can fight for her. If you are a decent husband, I don't think the 'Fireproof' method may work for you. Standing up for yourself and telling her you aren't going to put up with her adultery, and telling her what you expect of her might be part of a way to handle it. I don't know if she'd be receptive to that. That's only if she's really having some kind of affair, though. Is she doing online dating or something like that? Is it possible she's been pretty well-behave other than stating her lack of commitment to marriage, and that you have a jealousy problem?

Do you have any common ground when it comes to beliefs? If she claims to be a Christian, or if she has some background you can appeal to, you can point out what Jesus said about divorce and remarriage, talk about how heinous a sin adultery is (e.g. death penalty crime in the Old Testament, maybe read the passage), and tell her how you have been a good husband to her if that is true, and how she is treating you.

I wouldn't recommend a soft, gentle amicable parting of the way--A wimpy, "Well, dear, if that is what you think is best for you, I will just let you go fly away like a little bird and be free."

Part of the problem is your marriage. The other part is that if she is having an emotional affair it sounds like she might be bent on following a path of rebellion against God that leads to tragedy for her and others. You also need to confront her about her sin, and not make it easy for her to decide to choose that route. But is she really having an emotional affair? How are you so sure of that? You said she talks to women, too. You don't consider that to be an emotional affair do you?

You can 'fight for her' by being firm about where you stand and what you expect from her, and exuding an attitude that you aren't going to put up with her flirting with men, etc. The other front you need to fight for her on is the arena of prayer, interceding for your marriage.

Please give me help. I can't find closure if it is against gods words if this isnt cheating.

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Facebooking other men and telling you she isn't committed to marriage, may be 'cheating' but I don't think it is Biblical grounds for divorce. It's not a fun place for you to be as a husband. That's for sure.

Also, is she apathetic about the marriage, or does she seem to hate you. I've heard the theory that apathy is more dangerous than hatred. At least if she hates, you, she is emotionally invested. If she doesn't care at all, that is more dangerous for the marriage. But God can even get through to apathetic people at times.

Because if I hang on. I am sure she is definitely going to cheat. FYI, she told me strait to my face there is no fixing this covenant. It is to late for anything.

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People say a lot of things when they are going through marital problems. Not everything turns out to be true.