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What if...

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Living4Him03

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What if someone could potentially be the one you marry, they have all the qualities you would look for in a potential mate, and you know they are seeking God's will for their life and are becoming the person God wants them to be, BUT they aren't attracted to you, at least not yet? And also, you believe you are becoming the person God wants you to be and YOU feel sparks between you and that person, but you refuse to let that person know how you feel because you don't want to complicate things for them.

Has anyone ever been in a situation where the person you married was not initially attracted to you or didn't consider you their type, but you were persistent in prayer for that person to be attracted to you? Is it selfish to tell God that you would like to marry a specific person someday if it aligns with His will? Do you think if the person you think could be your potential future spouse does not intially consider you to be their "type" you should abandon all hope of a relationship with them and just forget about it?


Just wondering if anyone has been through this or something similar.
 

caitlincares

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I am going to give you my honest thoughts.


YES I believe it is selfish.

God wants what is best for you and you just need to accept things to happen in his time.

You might miss the person God has for you which is 20 times better than the person
who you think may be your potential future spouse.

It does not need to be all or nothing. Just continue to build a friendship.
But do not focus on making this guy YOUR guy.
Cherish your friendship for what it is.

 
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klewlis

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There will be many men in this world who fit your idea of what you want and need in a husband. So if there is not mutual attraction it is best to let it go, rather than hanging on and seeking something that is not for you. You will only hurt yourself that way. If it is God's will, he will make it happen.
 
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fishstix

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I'd say in such a situation you should pray about it to try to figure out what God's will is. Seek friendship with the person and give the whole thing time. If it's meant to be then one day God will let the other person know too. If it isn't, then at least you'll have made a friend in the process

Has anyone ever been in a situation where the person you married was not initially attracted to you or didn't consider you their type, but you were persistent in prayer for that person to be attracted to you?
Click to expand...
The marriage forum might be a better place to pose that question.

I'd say that as long as you don't forget the "His will" part it is reasonable to pray along those lines. Also try praying that He would align your will to match with His. Like I said before, I would pursue a friendship with them and leave romantic stuff alone for the time being. And if you already are friends with them, then just keep on being friends.
 
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Living4Him03

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Thanks for the replies. This situation has really been bothering me and I feel so bad that I can't just forget it and not think about it. He's everything I've prayed for, yet I'm pretty sure I'm not really his type. Lately though he's seemed interested in getting to know me. Which is great but I'm afraid to get to know him because I think I'll end up developing more and more romantic attraction to him. I guess I don't understand why he wasn't interested in me before and I guess I wonder if there's a possibility if he ever would be. I guess it's hard to think there could be someone else who is better out there. I mean, if I'm not even HIS type, how could I possibly be someone's type who is even more wonderful? It just doesn't make sense to me. Oh well.
 
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throwingbones

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Is it selfish to tell God that you would like to marry a specific person someday if it aligns with His will?
Click to expand...
It's not necessarily selfish to pray for God to unite you with a certain person. As long as it's not for selfish reasons. If you are just lonely and feel like you need someone to be there, someone to hold hands with and someone to hold you in close... don't pray that God gives you someone so you can be satisfied NOW.

If you honestly feel that it might be the right person and just the wrong time, then there is nothing wrong with praying for God to prepare yourselves for each other. Especially if you are seeking God's will in it. Even Jesus Christ asked God, in prayer, to let the cup pass from him; but God's will be done.

Do you think if the person you think could be your potential future spouse does not intially consider you to be their "type" you should abandon all hope of a relationship with them and just forget about it?
Click to expand...
Definitely not. God doesn't work through peoples' types. Most people don't even know what they want.
 
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Proverbs 31 Woman

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This is the situation I am in and have been praying about for a while. I have had dreams about this guy and my latest dreams have been of him trying to date my friends or people I know in my face. I'm probably just expressing a fear through my dreams. I have asked God to take these dreams and thoughts away if he's not the one I'm supposed to be with or if we are going to be together in the future, give me some confirmation, because I really don't want to set myself up for disappointment which is how I got into this situation in the first place (really long sentence ). I really thought this guy was trying to tell me he liked me in a deeper way and so I started trying to show through body language I liked him the same way. And apparently I got confused about his actions and things he said. He only thought of me as a more like a best friend. I wouldn't tell him what my feelings were because 1) I don't believe females should initate things, 2) I didn't want to complicate our friendship, but it still got complicated and I don't even want to talk to him or hear from him. I have told him this, because I still feel lead on to some degree and I need time to get over my feelings. It has taken a little longer than I thought it would, but I can gladly say I am much much much much better. I am past the point of not being able to concentrate at work and having to go lock myself in my car to cry, or having to leave work early to go home and cry. I can go almost a whole day without thinking about it. The devil will sneak into my thoughts every now and then, but enough about me.


Living4Him03 said:
Has anyone ever been in a situation where the person you married was not initially attracted to you or didn't consider you their type, but you were persistent in prayer for that person to be attracted to you?
Click to expand...
I'd like the answer to this question myself.
Living4Him03 said:
Is it selfish to tell God that you would like to marry a specific person someday if it aligns with His will?
Click to expand...
I don't think it is. You said if it is with God's will, which means if it's not God's will then you don't want it. You're basically saying, God's will be done. Correct?
Living4Him03 said:
Do you think if the person you think could be your potential future spouse does not intially consider you to be their "type" you should abandon all hope of a relationship with them and just forget about it?
Click to expand...
Do what I did. Ask God to confirm it or help you get over it. The only thing is, with my situation, I am confused as to how he could want me as a best friend and nothing more. Like I'm only good enough to be his best friend, but not his girlfriend. That makes no sense to me. It's like I'm his side dish. But enough about me.
 
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Iggster

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The person I'm with now, who I intend to marry, was not exactly my type. She's lived a sheltered life, compared to me. I was attracted to the kind of girls of this world's standards (slim, clubbbing type of girls). But the more I went out with those kind of girls, the more I just got fed up, and realized, those girls aren't my type at all. I never would've thought of Amanda being my future wife.

The Lord brought Amanda, and I, together about a year ago. Amanda loves the Lord. We pray together. We read the bible together. It's the best relationship I've ever been in. My feelings are reciprocated. I could go on for another hour, but I won't...

The Lord has someone in mind for you. Be it this guy now. Be it someone else. But whoever it is, I trust the Lord will make you happy.
 
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Living4Him03

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Well, when I talked to him a few weeks ago, he was telling me that he's not sure if the girl he is talking with now is the girl for him. He said she is not really grounded in her faith, although she is a Christian, and that the idea of being a missionary does not appeal to her. He said they are not exclusive and then asked me if I am dating someone. I just tried to be supportive and told him it would be best to pray about it and leave it in God's hands and that God has perfect timing (if only I took my own advice). I wasn't sure what to do because I had just told him earlier that I feel called to inner city missions. So then I was feeling like I shouldn't have said that just yet so he wouldn't think I was trying to pursue him. Still, it was hard to hear him say that without saying HELLO! It's me you're looking for!...but I know that I may not be the person in God's will for him, even if everything seems to line up. I guess I will just have to be patient and continue being his friend. Part of the reason I would like to date him someday is because I would like a husband, sure, that's a selfish reason. Also, though, I have asked God to bring me a man who I can serve Him with in missions or church ministry or in some form for us to be able to serve God together in our life's work. I always thought when I was younger that I would probably marry someone who isn't doing ministry full time. Now I realize that it's also possible I will marry someone who is doing ministry full time or missions and that we may very well work together.
 
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