I am new to this forum, but I have recently been doing a lot of self evaluation and I have come to a stumbling block. I have read a lot of different perspectives and opinions on the internet, but as of yet I am lacking a Christian perspective on the issue.
I used to self injure, and due to this I have many scars on my arms. They are very noticable, and as they are over my entire arms I can't hide them without always wearing long sleeves. Due to the extent of the scarring, it is very obvious what they are from. I am working on my self confidence, but I still struggle immensly with my scars and people's reactions to them.
Now to my dilemma... What is the Christian approach to dealing with scars and reacting to others? Should I be ashamed or hide them? Or should I trust God has a reason they are there?
I have been thinking a lot about this. In recent years I have come to realize just how many people there are hurting in the world. While it is true not everyone has self injured, if not this they have struggled with drinking or drugs or broken relationships or some coping skill that never worked. Many Christians especially have powerful testimonies of past full of pain, and yet God used this to bring them to where they are now, and to use them to help others.
I recently shared my testimony with a friend and he responded by saying this: Our testimonies are a way to show the glory of God through our lives. We shouldn't be ashamed of them, but rather use them for His glory. Now this is a deep statement... one that struck something within me that I haven't been able to shake.
I am not saying it is by any means easy, or that I am suddenly insprired to face the world in short sleeves. Every part of me wanted to justify myself: my scars are so noticeable, not like other peoples' who can go unnoticed... many people respond by saying rude comments, and even if they don't ask what happened, you can see them trying to figure out a way to not stare or ask... and so many people stare at me as I go by, I hate it....
I am not who I was, but when people see my scars, they don't see me, they see who I was. And many people get so stuck on this they can't see past them. I am so different then who I was and yet it is like part of me is always stuck there. I can't escape my past because it is always right there. There are many times I forget about them, because most of the time they are just like any other part of me. But sometimes I catch the reflection of my scars and the extent of them surprise me.
Like I forgot they were there.
But I was thinking. If I spend so much time regretting my past, wishing my scars weren't there... In doing so am I so focused on me and my pain and my desires that I am missing the whole point? Am I missing something?
Maybe God really does have a plan bigger than my, he is just waiting for me to let go and trust in him. We don't choose the plan for our lives. So much of the time faith requires just waiting and knowing He will come through. Why then is this different?
Maybe I have these scars because God plans to use them to do something I can't do without them... to open up opportunities that I won't have without them. Maybe he will use them to reach more people than I can imagine. Because my scars are like my testimony written on my arms. They are full of pain and hurt, and when people see them they know that. I can't hide my past. It is like it is all layed out there for the world to see whether I want it to be or not. And so much of the time I just want to go by unnoticed.
I feel conflicted, because maybe God has plans. But sometimes I think I don't want to be the one. I don't want his plans. I want to be normal. I want to be with friends and not stand out. I want to look like everyone else. I want to walk through a mall full of people without them staring. But I will never be able to do those things. And it is hard to wear such a powerful testimony out there for everyone all the time. It is a heavy burden to carry.
But maybe in some ways, as hard as it is, maybe my scars are also an immense blessing. Because maybe they will open up the doors to amazing possibilities. Imagine the power you can have if in a room full of people, you stand out. If where ever you go, people are looking at you. And if wherever you go, people talk to you. And when you speak they listen. Because they see the scars and they want to know. How much power could we have to touch the world....
There are so many hurting people in the world. They are searching for someone, something. Maybe our scars are like a lighthouse. In a world full of people passing by, they stand out. And people are drawn to them, because unlike the rest of the world, we can't wear a mask. They can see past the perfect image people portray to the hurt underneath. We can't act. They see us, to the hurt that we once felt, or are feeling now. And in being so vunerable and unprotected, people come to us. They notice us. How awesome could we be if our lives were a walking testimony to the world.
And how overwhelming that thought is.....
I used to self injure, and due to this I have many scars on my arms. They are very noticable, and as they are over my entire arms I can't hide them without always wearing long sleeves. Due to the extent of the scarring, it is very obvious what they are from. I am working on my self confidence, but I still struggle immensly with my scars and people's reactions to them.
Now to my dilemma... What is the Christian approach to dealing with scars and reacting to others? Should I be ashamed or hide them? Or should I trust God has a reason they are there?
I have been thinking a lot about this. In recent years I have come to realize just how many people there are hurting in the world. While it is true not everyone has self injured, if not this they have struggled with drinking or drugs or broken relationships or some coping skill that never worked. Many Christians especially have powerful testimonies of past full of pain, and yet God used this to bring them to where they are now, and to use them to help others.
I recently shared my testimony with a friend and he responded by saying this: Our testimonies are a way to show the glory of God through our lives. We shouldn't be ashamed of them, but rather use them for His glory. Now this is a deep statement... one that struck something within me that I haven't been able to shake.
I am not saying it is by any means easy, or that I am suddenly insprired to face the world in short sleeves. Every part of me wanted to justify myself: my scars are so noticeable, not like other peoples' who can go unnoticed... many people respond by saying rude comments, and even if they don't ask what happened, you can see them trying to figure out a way to not stare or ask... and so many people stare at me as I go by, I hate it....
I am not who I was, but when people see my scars, they don't see me, they see who I was. And many people get so stuck on this they can't see past them. I am so different then who I was and yet it is like part of me is always stuck there. I can't escape my past because it is always right there. There are many times I forget about them, because most of the time they are just like any other part of me. But sometimes I catch the reflection of my scars and the extent of them surprise me.
Like I forgot they were there.
But I was thinking. If I spend so much time regretting my past, wishing my scars weren't there... In doing so am I so focused on me and my pain and my desires that I am missing the whole point? Am I missing something?
Maybe God really does have a plan bigger than my, he is just waiting for me to let go and trust in him. We don't choose the plan for our lives. So much of the time faith requires just waiting and knowing He will come through. Why then is this different?
Maybe I have these scars because God plans to use them to do something I can't do without them... to open up opportunities that I won't have without them. Maybe he will use them to reach more people than I can imagine. Because my scars are like my testimony written on my arms. They are full of pain and hurt, and when people see them they know that. I can't hide my past. It is like it is all layed out there for the world to see whether I want it to be or not. And so much of the time I just want to go by unnoticed.
I feel conflicted, because maybe God has plans. But sometimes I think I don't want to be the one. I don't want his plans. I want to be normal. I want to be with friends and not stand out. I want to look like everyone else. I want to walk through a mall full of people without them staring. But I will never be able to do those things. And it is hard to wear such a powerful testimony out there for everyone all the time. It is a heavy burden to carry.
But maybe in some ways, as hard as it is, maybe my scars are also an immense blessing. Because maybe they will open up the doors to amazing possibilities. Imagine the power you can have if in a room full of people, you stand out. If where ever you go, people are looking at you. And if wherever you go, people talk to you. And when you speak they listen. Because they see the scars and they want to know. How much power could we have to touch the world....
There are so many hurting people in the world. They are searching for someone, something. Maybe our scars are like a lighthouse. In a world full of people passing by, they stand out. And people are drawn to them, because unlike the rest of the world, we can't wear a mask. They can see past the perfect image people portray to the hurt underneath. We can't act. They see us, to the hurt that we once felt, or are feeling now. And in being so vunerable and unprotected, people come to us. They notice us. How awesome could we be if our lives were a walking testimony to the world.
And how overwhelming that thought is.....
We bear the cross of Christ and "his signs" that is how I see it 
