What if my enemy is my husband?

[GodIsLoveThisIKnow]

I Really love the psalms because that book outlines greatly how God will come to my rescue and expose my enemies and nothing will come against me with success because the Lord is with me!! It is so powerful, but I have a question to strong believers; what do I do if my enemy is my husband?

He is manipulative and hateful towards me. He bullys me hourly about how awful he thinks I am. He takes for granted every great work I selflessly do for him. He does not see my good works, but calls me names that I am not.

I am a strong woman in Christ and do not believe the lies my husband tells me as I work through the holy spirit and not through the world. However, he is still my husband and every attempt I make (daily) to repair our broken marriage turns into him blaming me that I don't love him, I don't care for him, I want to be single, none of which I have ever spoken or demonstrated to him because those are all lies.

It is a minute-to-minute battle of me trying to stay calm and speak to my aggressive husband in love but I have to admit by 2:00 am he is still coming at me and I often lose it in anger.

I would like some solid, spirit-filled advice on what I might be able to do in my situation? I feel I have exhausted all my options and would prefer to retreat at this point and take a communicative break (which he would never allow). Also I would appreciate any prayers that could be blessed into my marriage. Thank you and God bless you all

 

[GravyTrain2012]

Is your Husband unsaved? I recommend reading this page: http://gracebible.org/sermons/1Peter/GBC60_b28P.pdf
Edit: Or listening to it here: http://gracebible.org/Sermons/1Peter/GBC60_b27A.mp3

It has some incredible advice specifically aimed at winning your spouses salvation, which in turn should help your marriage a great deal. It includes ways to live as a disciple of Christ through your marital struggles.

 

[Ark100]

KEEP PRAYING. Only God changes hearts. No one else

 

[GravyTrain2012]

"In the same way, you wives, be submissive to your own husbands so that even if any of them are disobedient to the word, they may be won without a word by the behavior of their wives, 2 as they observe your chaste and respectful behavior. 3 Your adornment must not be merely external—braiding the hair, and wearing gold jewelry, or putting on dresses; 4 but let it be the hidden person of the heart, with the imperishable quality of a gentle and quiet spirit, which is precious in the sight of God. 5 For in this way in former times the holy women also, who hoped in God, used to adorn themselves, being submissive to their own husbands; 6 just as Sarah obeyed Abraham, calling him lord, and you have become her children if you do what is right without being frightened by any fear." (1 Peter 3:1-6 NASB)

 

[BFine]

I Really love the psalms because that book outlines greatly how God will come to my rescue and expose my enemies and nothing will come against me with success because the Lord is with me!! It is so powerful, but I have a question to strong believers; what do I do if my enemy is my husband?

He is manipulative and hateful towards me.
*When did this type of behavior start?

He bullys me hourly about how awful he thinks I am.
*How is it possible for him to bully you hourly?

You are not obligated to stay in the home and be mistreated/bullied or whatever. Verbal abuse is just as destructive to a marriage
as physical abuse, neither should be tolerated.

He takes for granted every great work I selflessly do for him. He does not see my good works, but calls me names that I am not.

I am a strong woman in Christ and do not believe the lies my husband tells me as I work through the holy spirit and not through the world. However, he is still my husband and every attempt I make (daily) to repair our broken marriage turns into him blaming me that I don't love him, I don't care for him, I want to be single, none of which I have ever spoken or demonstrated to him because those are all lies.

*You alone cannot repair the marriage, he too, has to be willing to seek marriage counseling and make every effort to work on the "issues".

It is a minute-to-minute battle of me trying to stay calm and speak to my aggressive husband in love but I have to admit by 2:00 am he is still coming at me and I often lose it in anger.
*By 2am he is still at it? Why do you continue to live together if
he is this contentious?

I would like some solid, spirit-filled advice on what I might be able to do in my situation?
*If it is possible, as far as it depends on you, live at peace with everyone.

It is better to dwell in the corner of the housetop, than to share a house with a contentious *woman...(you can insert *man in your situation.)

I feel I have exhausted all my options and would prefer to retreat at this point and take a communicative break (which he would never allow). Also I would appreciate any prayers that could be blessed into my marriage. Thank you and God bless you all

*Are you both Christians?

 

[All4HISglory]

Im praying with you sister.

I saw that someone posted the scriptures concerning being a spiritually submissive wife. If you remain inline with those scriptures while you go through this, then you will remain in right standing with God. When you are in right standing with God, you can rest assured that God will right the wrong against you and honor your prayers.

Just as much scripture there is for wives, there are requirements for Godly Husbands. (so the question of his salvation comes up?)

But be mindful that it requires 2 willing participants in marriage to recongize that they need help outside of themselves. You cant make him see the error but you can spiritually fight for God to move on His heart. Its up to your husband to yield to Him when He does press upon Him.

Remember that the fight that you are fighting is spiritual and not natural. You have to continue to fight but fight in the spirit through prayer, praise and worship. Call those things that arent as those they were and let God fight your battle.

Be angey but sin not! In times when frustration and anger come, do all that you can do to brong your flesh under subjection to the word of God and let Him go before you. There are times that the only thing you have to do is be silent. Its not that your weak or saying that what he is doing/saying is right but your position is righteousness and you recongize that God requires more of you and you can do MORE in the spirit then in the natural. In order for God to come in someone has to yield.

Your weapons or warfare are not carnal!

There is a great book called "Beloved Unbeliever" and it is for those that are saved but have unsaved or backslidden spouses. It provides encouragement, stratergy for spiritual warfare and rock solid sound spiritual advice on how to seek God for your marriage and be obedient to His will for you (every marriage is different).

Also "The Power of a Praying Wife" gives good practical praying advice for wives.

Have you and your husband seeked counseling from your Pastor? If he (husband) is unwilling, have you considered counseling with either your Pastor or a strong sister in the Lord that can stand in agreement with you?

 

[CounselorForChrist]

The christian questions is important. If he is a christian then I personally it puts you in a bit of a bind since neither of you can divorce now, or at least aren't supposed to. But sadly lots of men use charm to marry someone then reveal their true selves. >.<

Again assuming hes a christian. Maybe go to your pastor for marriage counesling. DO what you can to save your marriage. Don't end up like my parents. My dad is you in this situation and has to deal with my mom whos become a controlling, bitter and angry person. But they never really got much help so things only got worse.

I'll be praying for you both!

He is manipulative and hateful towards me. He bullys me hourly about how awful he thinks I am. He takes for granted every great work I selflessly do for him. He does not see my good works, but calls me names that I am not.

On a side note you should find out if he does this because he thinks less of you, as in like our his "slave" more or less. Some men think because the women is suppose to be "submissive" they assume that means they can control and torture them. If thats the case he definetly needs to talk to a Pastor or an Elder.

Also I really dislike how men don't give women enough respect. When the hubby works (I know thats not always the case) and the women stays at home, especially with children, she works MUCH harder then he ever will. If not for the women the house, bills, children....everything would be a mess. Men tend to not see just how much their wives sacrifice and do for them.

THankfully I've learned to appreciate my fiance, and shes the bread winner mind you. So I respect and appareciate her even more!

 

[Pal Handy]

I Really love the psalms because that book outlines greatly how God will come to my rescue and expose my enemies and nothing will come against me with success because the Lord is with me!! It is so powerful, but I have a question to strong believers; what do I do if my enemy is my husband?

He is manipulative and hateful towards me. He bullys me hourly about how awful he thinks I am. He takes for granted every great work I selflessly do for him. He does not see my good works, but calls me names that I am not.

I am a strong woman in Christ and do not believe the lies my husband tells me as I work through the holy spirit and not through the world. However, he is still my husband and every attempt I make (daily) to repair our broken marriage turns into him blaming me that I don't love him, I don't care for him, I want to be single, none of which I have ever spoken or demonstrated to him because those are all lies.

It is a minute-to-minute battle of me trying to stay calm and speak to my aggressive husband in love but I have to admit by 2:00 am he is still coming at me and I often lose it in anger.

I would like some solid, spirit-filled advice on what I might be able to do in my situation? I feel I have exhausted all my options and would prefer to retreat at this point and take a communicative break (which he would never allow). Also I would appreciate any prayers that could be blessed into my marriage. Thank you and God bless you all

My take on it is that he has sin in his life and so he is conflicted
with himself and with God and he takes out his fustration on you
as he accuses you to cover up his own problems.

What should you do?

If he is unwilling to talk to you about is, give him space and begin to pray for him.

Enlist others to pray for him.

He needs God to bring him to a point of repentance and change.

Pray and ask God to expose any sin against your marriage and the vows he took.

Jesus said that we are to love our enemies and to do good to those
who spitefully use us but He also said that if our marriage partner is unfaithful,
we are not obligated to stay with them.

I am not saying that your husband has committed adultery
but his actions toward you cause me to believe that his heart is dark
and not filled with the love of Christ but is weighed down with sin
and ungodly thoughts.

The devil could be building a case against you and trying to get him
to commit adultery or to leave you.

Pray and ask God to destroy the works of the devil that are coming against your husband.

Your husband's treatment of you is a serious indicator that the devil is trying very hard to
destroy your marriage and that your husband is not fighting the battle against
the onslaught as he should but is instead is taking out his fustration on you.

Pray and ask God to reveal what is wrong in your marriage and
to uncover the sins or wrong attitudes that are destroying your marriage.

You have every right to expect God to bring into the light anything
that is bringing destruction to your marriage.

Remember, the two will become one so whatever is going on in your
husbands life is your business also as nothing should be hidden
that affects your marriage.

Ask God to give you wisdom and to also give you a plan of action
to bring your marriage back to the place God desires it to be.

Draw close to the Lord and do not do anything to give the devil ammo
against you but continue to show your husband love and
by praying for him and not allowing his actions to cause you to
hate or to reject your husband, you will be countering the devils
plan with love.

I have found that writing a letter is one of the best ways to communicate
because it takes the emotions out of it and prevents the one the letter is
written to from interupting you and getting angry at what you are sharing before
you can get all of your thoughts, heart and concerns out.

Tell your husband what you have told us....

Tell him that you love him but that his actions toward you
are not acceptable and not in keeping with Christ's admonishments
that we love one another.

Tell him that he would not have a single friend if he treated them as he has treated you.

Tell him that if he is unwilling to work on the marriage and improve it then to
at least tell you what is behind his unfounded, unjust anger against you.

Of course you need to pray about whatever you tell him.

I have only given you some suggestions but pray and ask God to guide
you and let Him form a plan of action and the words you need speak in love and
most importantly, do not do anything if the PEACE of God is not in your actions.

Let the PEACE of God that surpasses all understanding, emotions and reasonings
for or against peaceful thoughts, be your guide from above because God's peace
cannot be counterfitted.

If whatever you decide doesn't have God's peace upon it, don't do it
but continue to pray and ask God to guide you.

Many time the Lord wants us to do nothing on our own but to simply give
Him our problems and then stand back and allow His to do for use
what we cannot do for ourselves.

Pray, pray, pray and rely on God's peace to guide you.

 

[drjean]

No wife is required to live with an abusive husband. God does not require you to stay.

Your spouse probably doesn't even think he needs to change and won't until you make a bold stand.

Please, if you live in the US, contact your local abused women's shelter or organization for support. They will also help you to get out safely.

Men who abuse do not heal on their own, and most think it's "you" that needs to change, not them. You need someone IRL (not like here virtually) who can give you support and help you stay safe.

IDK if it's gone too far that if you make a stand of tough love if you can be safe doing that or not. If not, then you can leave a letter of your requirements for the marriage to continue.

If you have a pastor or counselor who can meet with both of you ---and someone who doesn't just say let's pray about this and continue living together in the meantime--- then go. Even if he agrees to go, his home behavior may not change (except for a short time but then it may become worse).

Men who are abusive usually accelerate in their abuse...becoming more intense and unpredictable over time. For some, having a wife move out can help shock them into realization that their behavior is not socially acceptable, but then sometimes they fool everyone and once they have the wife back home do the unthinkable.

Sorry, I can't condone abuse at all. Depending upon how intense the abuse it, if it's physical at all I would say get out first, you can try and reason with him and give him ultimatums. Part of that is couple's counseling, and individual in addition if that is also needed, church attendance or other spiritual activity etc. You need others who will help keep him in line while working on this relationship. If the abuse is also physical, make police reports on it, that way when you put your foot down you can have HIM removed from the home rather than you have to leave.

The bad part of keeping the home is if you have a mortgage, but the good is that if you have children they won't be uprooted. Another bad part in staying is that he knows where you are. A good thing of having a Women's Shelter assist you is they can advise you of all the warning signs, and give you (and children) a safe place to go that he won't know about.

This is just a brief note... please realize that this is abuse you are experiencing and no decent husband treats his wife this way... and no woman deserves such treatment even if she does get angry and argue back.

(Men, please also note that sometimes it's the wife who is abusive..and my advice is the same for you: get out and be alive while they "work on it".)

 

[GodIsLoveThisIKnow]

Hi GravyTrain, yes my husband is not a believer. That resource looks excellent, I skimmed through it but will print it off and read it in depth. I'm sure God has a great plan to work through me for my husband's salvation and I'm sure this guide will help with that. Thank you so much!!

 

[GodIsLoveThisIKnow]

Thank you Arc100. I have been praying every chance I get and I trust God with everything I have that there will eventually be an amazing change. Thank you!!

 

[GodIsLoveThisIKnow]

Hi BFine,

He is manipulative and hateful towards me.
*When did this type of behavior start?

He has always been quite aggressive, that is a major part of his personality with everyone, but about a year ago he became serious about wanting me to do some sexual things that I am opposed to (going outside the marriage). Since I have said no to that, he has harassed me about it everyday saying that I don't love him because I am not willing to do that it is so important to him and since last summer he says I am a bad christian because I am not submitting to him in that area and I can marry my bible if God means more to me than him, etc. My husband is not saved.

He bullys me hourly about how awful he thinks I am.
*How is it possible for him to bully you hourly?

He emails me at work all day starting from early in the morning, texts me on my lunch hour, doesn't eat dinner with us but texts during dinner, and after the kids go to bed the real attacks start in person with him not being reasonable and verbally aggressive towards me.

You are not obligated to stay in the home and be mistreated/bullied or whatever. Verbal abuse is just as destructive to a marriage
as physical abuse, neither should be tolerated.

I don't know how to make it stop without leaving the home, which is not something I want to do.

He takes for granted every great work I selflessly do for him. He does not see my good works, but calls me names that I am not.
Originally Posted by GodIsLoveThisIKnow


I am a strong woman in Christ and do not believe the lies my husband tells me as I work through the holy spirit and not through the world. However, he is still my husband and every attempt I make (daily) to repair our broken marriage turns into him blaming me that I don't love him, I don't care for him, I want to be single, none of which I have ever spoken or demonstrated to him because those are all lies.

*You alone cannot repair the marriage, he too, has to be willing to seek marriage counseling and make every effort to work on the "issues".

It is a minute-to-minute battle of me trying to stay calm and speak to my aggressive husband in love but I have to admit by 2:00 am he is still coming at me and I often lose it in anger.
*By 2am he is still at it? Why do you continue to live together if
he is this contentious?

I do love this man a lot. Despite all the bad, he has love in his heart and I know deep down he loves me as his wife and he loves our children, which he shows to them. I feel that his own sin has worn him away and although I hate the attacks that are constantly coming at me, I also know how it feels to not have God in life and I was just as blind at one point. I just can't give up on him!

I would like some solid, spirit-filled advice on what I might be able to do in my situation?
*If it is possible, as far as it depends on you, live at peace with everyone.

It is better to dwell in the corner of the housetop, than to share a house with a contentious *woman...(you can insert *man in your situation.)

I feel I have exhausted all my options and would prefer to retreat at this point and take a communicative break (which he would never allow). Also I would appreciate any prayers that could be blessed into my marriage. Thank you and God bless you all

Thank you for your post. I will try to do my best to be a good christian wife and to live peacefully on my part with him. God bless!

 

[vortigen84]

I Really love the psalms because that book outlines greatly how God will come to my rescue and expose my enemies and nothing will come against me with success because the Lord is with me!! It is so powerful, but I have a question to strong believers; what do I do if my enemy is my husband?

This is what St Paul has to say:

1 Corinthians 7:10-16

To the married I give this charge (not I, but the Lord): the wife should not separate from her husband (but if she does, she should remain unmarried or else be reconciled to her husband), and the husband should not divorce his wife.

To the rest I say (I, not the Lord) that if any brother has a wife who is an unbeliever, and she consents to live with him, he should not divorce her. If any woman has a husband who is an unbeliever, and he consents to live with her, she should not divorce him. For the unbelieving husband is made holy because of his wife, and the unbelieving wife is made holy because of her husband. Otherwise your children would be unclean, but as it is, they are holy. But if the unbelieving partner separates, let it be so. In such cases the brother or sister is not enslaved. God has called you to peace. For how do you know, wife, whether you will save your husband? Or how do you know, husband, whether you will save your wife?​

Unless he's being physically violent, stay with him. Unless he's committing adultery, don't divorce him. Love your neighbour as yourself.

Roman unbelieving husbands weren't much better than 21st century ones. This is your cross to bear, so bear it. This is as close to hell as you will ever get. Read Proverbs to gain further wisdom on how to deal with this situation, that way you can make the most of it and grow in character. Remember, his salvation could be just around the corner. For all you know, he may be testing you to see if what you've got is for real, so don't screw up.

 

[gideon123]

"He is manipulative and hateful towards me. He bullys me hourly about how awful he thinks I am. He takes for granted every great work I selflessly do for him. He does not see my good works, but calls me names that I am not."

This is a tough situation for you.

YES - your hubby is not behaving like a mature adult. He is behaving like a spoiled child.

Unfortunately, one problem that some men have with marriage is that they suddenly start expecting their wife to be a substitute for their mother. This is a common problem, but it can be very harmful to a relationship. That seems to be what's happening with your marriage. The hard part for you - is how to deal with it. I really don't like to give advice that could end a marriage ... but quite frankly if your husband keeps this up indefinitely, you could lose your relationship anyway. Maybe the best idea would be to tell him that you really need to go to marriage counseling. And if he flat out refuses - be prepared for a trial separation. Sometimes it takes a real shakeup in a man's life - before he realizes that his own behavior is petty and self-centered. It's a calculated risk on your part, because if he doesn't shape up then it could end your relationship. But as far as I can see, your hubby needs to get onboard with the idea that marriage is a partnership.

In short then ... I think you need to lay down the law and tell him that you're NOT his mother. And be prepared to back up words with actions!

cheers,
gideon123

 

[All4HISglory]

Hi BFine,

He is manipulative and hateful towards me.
*When did this type of behavior start?

He has always been quite aggressive, that is a major part of his personality with everyone, but about a year ago he became serious about wanting me to do some sexual things that I am opposed to (going outside the marriage). Since I have said no to that, he has harassed me about it everyday saying that I don't love him because I am not willing to do that it is so important to him and since last summer he says I am a bad christian because I am not submitting to him in that area and I can marry my bible if God means more to me than him, etc. My husband is not saved.

He bullys me hourly about how awful he thinks I am.
*How is it possible for him to bully you hourly?

He emails me at work all day starting from early in the morning, texts me on my lunch hour, doesn't eat dinner with us but texts during dinner, and after the kids go to bed the real attacks start in person with him not being reasonable and verbally aggressive towards me.

You are not obligated to stay in the home and be mistreated/bullied or whatever. Verbal abuse is just as destructive to a marriage
as physical abuse, neither should be tolerated.

I don't know how to make it stop without leaving the home, which is not something I want to do.

He takes for granted every great work I selflessly do for him. He does not see my good works, but calls me names that I am not.
Originally Posted by GodIsLoveThisIKnow

I am a strong woman in Christ and do not believe the lies my husband tells me as I work through the holy spirit and not through the world. However, he is still my husband and every attempt I make (daily) to repair our broken marriage turns into him blaming me that I don't love him, I don't care for him, I want to be single, none of which I have ever spoken or demonstrated to him because those are all lies.

*You alone cannot repair the marriage, he too, has to be willing to seek marriage counseling and make every effort to work on the "issues".

It is a minute-to-minute battle of me trying to stay calm and speak to my aggressive husband in love but I have to admit by 2:00 am he is still coming at me and I often lose it in anger.
*By 2am he is still at it? Why do you continue to live together if
he is this contentious?

I do love this man a lot. Despite all the bad, he has love in his heart and I know deep down he loves me as his wife and he loves our children, which he shows to them. I feel that his own sin has worn him away and although I hate the attacks that are constantly coming at me, I also know how it feels to not have God in life and I was just as blind at one point. I just can't give up on him!

I would like some solid, spirit-filled advice on what I might be able to do in my situation?
*If it is possible, as far as it depends on you, live at peace with everyone.

It is better to dwell in the corner of the housetop, than to share a house with a contentious *woman...(you can insert *man in your situation.)

I feel I have exhausted all my options and would prefer to retreat at this point and take a communicative break (which he would never allow). Also I would appreciate any prayers that could be blessed into my marriage. Thank you and God bless you all

Thank you for your post. I will try to do my best to be a good christian wife and to live peacefully on my part with him. God bless!

Just to throw something in to your response here concerning the part about your husband asking you to do something physical that you do not desire to do.

Gods word teaches regarding marriage that the marriage bed is not to be defiled.

Yes we as wives and husbands are to submit are bodies one to another since they do not belong to ourselves but each other. But that does not give the other free reign to make demands that the other is uncomfortable with.

My husband and I attend a church that has a marriage enrichment workshop annually. One year they taught on the marriage bed. In this class I learned that defiling the marriage bed has alot to do with emotions.

There are things that one couple may do that others dont and that in and of itself doesnt mean that the one that does the act that the others dont, has a defiled bed.

If BOTH spouses agree and consent then whatever they deem allowable (within the confines of Gods word) is acceptable. But if one is forced into an act or feels emotionally, spiritually or physically uncomfortable/violated then God is not pleased and you can consider that falling into the catergory of the marriage bed being defiled since it is suppose to be a safe, sanctified place for husband and wife to honor God in body and spirit and be connected closer together.

So your husband has no spiritual right to harrass you into submitting your body to a deed that is ungodly or would cause you to feel violated in any way. **having another person in your marriage bed also robs you of your lawful right to being the only one to be able to "have" your husband** (he doesnt have that right either)

Another way to look at it is like this: nothing or no one shall seperate you from the love God! Your priority should be in this order.

1. God as in salvation- we all must give an account.
2. Your husband or wife- a spouse shouldnt compromise the salvation of the other. In the end we all stand alone. There is no husband or wife in Heaven.
3. Children- shouldnt divide husband from wife. you are responible for training up your child in the manner that they should go. When they grow up and marry they shall leave their mother and father & cleave to their spouse, becoming one flesh.
4. Work/Career- need it in order to meet the need of 3 & 2. provide for family, take care of responibilities.
5. God as in ministry- the work of the ministry shouldnt come before every number above it.

 

[BFine]

Block him from sending you emails at work.
I'm surprised your employer allows their computers to be
used for personal emails...the majority of workplaces
monitor their company's computer emails etc.

Leave your phone in the car...don't be
looking at it through out your work day.

If something happens he can call your office, they
are to accept emergency calls --children sick, hurt going
to the hospital.

Or you can have your husband call another family member or neighbor/friend
to call you if the children are sick/hurt.

 

[GodIsLoveThisIKnow]

Im praying with you sister.

I saw that someone posted the scriptures concerning being a spiritually submissive wife. If you remain inline with those scriptures while you go through this, then you will remain in right standing with God. When you are in right standing with God, you can rest assured that God will right the wrong against you and honor your prayers.

Just as much scripture there is for wives, there are requirements for Godly Husbands. (so the question of his salvation comes up?)

But be mindful that it requires 2 willing participants in marriage to recongize that they need help outside of themselves. You cant make him see the error but you can spiritually fight for God to move on His heart. Its up to your husband to yield to Him when He does press upon Him.

Remember that the fight that you are fighting is spiritual and not natural. You have to continue to fight but fight in the spirit through prayer, praise and worship. Call those things that arent as those they were and let God fight your battle.

Be angey but sin not! In times when frustration and anger come, do all that you can do to brong your flesh under subjection to the word of God and let Him go before you. There are times that the only thing you have to do is be silent. Its not that your weak or saying that what he is doing/saying is right but your position is righteousness and you recongize that God requires more of you and you can do MORE in the spirit then in the natural. In order for God to come in someone has to yield.

Your weapons or warfare are not carnal!

There is a great book called "Beloved Unbeliever" and it is for those that are saved but have unsaved or backslidden spouses. It provides encouragement, stratergy for spiritual warfare and rock solid sound spiritual advice on how to seek God for your marriage and be obedient to His will for you (every marriage is different).

Also "The Power of a Praying Wife" gives good practical praying advice for wives.

Have you and your husband seeked counseling from your Pastor? If he (husband) is unwilling, have you considered counseling with either your Pastor or a strong sister in the Lord that can stand in agreement with you?

Hi HISglory,

Thank you so much for your encouraging words. Thank you for reminding me to follow scripture on my end even when being wronged. I know that this fight is spiritual which is why I have never been inclined to divorce. I actually feel like I am in battle with the enemy himself rather than my husband. I have never engaged in spiritual warfare before on my own but I have been a part of it concerning an issue with my son. I don't feel ready to fight this battle however I know God will equip me to do what He needs me to do. Thank you for the book suggestion, it seems that it would speak straight to my situation. Yesterday, the Lord spoke to me while I was praying about how evangelical I've felt lately. He said if there is only one person you save in your lifetime, let it be your husband. Thank you so much for bringing up spiritual warfare because I am confident that this is what He needs me to do right now. God bless you!!

 

[GodIsLoveThisIKnow]

The christian questions is important. If he is a christian then I personally it puts you in a bit of a bind since neither of you can divorce now, or at least aren't supposed to. But sadly lots of men use charm to marry someone then reveal their true selves. >.<

Again assuming hes a christian. Maybe go to your pastor for marriage counesling. DO what you can to save your marriage. Don't end up like my parents. My dad is you in this situation and has to deal with my mom whos become a controlling, bitter and angry person. But they never really got much help so things only got worse.

I'll be praying for you both!

On a side note you should find out if he does this because he thinks less of you, as in like our his "slave" more or less. Some men think because the women is suppose to be "submissive" they assume that means they can control and torture them. If thats the case he definetly needs to talk to a Pastor or an Elder.

Also I really dislike how men don't give women enough respect. When the hubby works (I know thats not always the case) and the women stays at home, especially with children, she works MUCH harder then he ever will. If not for the women the house, bills, children....everything would be a mess. Men tend to not see just how much their wives sacrifice and do for them.

THankfully I've learned to appreciate my fiance, and shes the bread winner mind you. So I respect and appareciate her even more!

Hi freakazoid (that doesn't seem right to write lol)
I do feel that he looks down on me and does not respect me as the wife. More like a slave to his needs. What I haven't been able to get through to him in an effective way is that I work much better when being supported and nurtured instead of pushed around and put down. I pray that I will be able to effectively communicate to him how much he means to me and that he does not need to bully me to get what he wants! That is amazing that God is at the centre of your relationship and I pray that He blesses it forever!

 

[GodIsLoveThisIKnow]

My take on it is that he has sin in his life and so he is conflicted
with himself and with God and he takes out his fustration on you
as he accuses you to cover up his own problems.

What should you do?

If he is unwilling to talk to you about is, give him space and begin to pray for him.

Enlist others to pray for him.

He needs God to bring him to a point of repentance and change.

Pray and ask God to expose any sin against your marriage and the vows he took.

Jesus said that we are to love our enemies and to do good to those
who spitefully use us but He also said that if our marriage partner is unfaithful,
we are not obligated to stay with them.

I am not saying that your husband has committed adultery
but his actions toward you cause me to believe that his heart is dark
and not filled with the love of Christ but is weighed down with sin
and ungodly thoughts.

The devil could be building a case against you and trying to get him
to commit adultery or to leave you.

Pray and ask God to destroy the works of the devil that are coming against your husband.

Your husband's treatment of you is a serious indicator that the devil is trying very hard to
destroy your marriage and that your husband is not fighting the battle against
the onslaught as he should but is instead is taking out his fustration on you.

Pray and ask God to reveal what is wrong in your marriage and
to uncover the sins or wrong attitudes that are destroying your marriage.

You have every right to expect God to bring into the light anything
that is bringing destruction to your marriage.

Remember, the two will become one so whatever is going on in your
husbands life is your business also as nothing should be hidden
that affects your marriage.

Ask God to give you wisdom and to also give you a plan of action
to bring your marriage back to the place God desires it to be.

Draw close to the Lord and do not do anything to give the devil ammo
against you but continue to show your husband love and
by praying for him and not allowing his actions to cause you to
hate or to reject your husband, you will be countering the devils
plan with love.

I have found that writing a letter is one of the best ways to communicate
because it takes the emotions out of it and prevents the one the letter is
written to from interupting you and getting angry at what you are sharing before
you can get all of your thoughts, heart and concerns out.

Tell your husband what you have told us....

Tell him that you love him but that his actions toward you
are not acceptable and not in keeping with Christ's admonishments
that we love one another.

Tell him that he would not have a single friend if he treated them as he has treated you.

Tell him that if he is unwilling to work on the marriage and improve it then to
at least tell you what is behind his unfounded, unjust anger against you.

Of course you need to pray about whatever you tell him.

I have only given you some suggestions but pray and ask God to guide
you and let Him form a plan of action and the words you need speak in love and
most importantly, do not do anything if the PEACE of God is not in your actions.

Let the PEACE of God that surpasses all understanding, emotions and reasonings
for or against peaceful thoughts, be your guide from above because God's peace
cannot be counterfitted.

If whatever you decide doesn't have God's peace upon it, don't do it
but continue to pray and ask God to guide you.

Many time the Lord wants us to do nothing on our own but to simply give
Him our problems and then stand back and allow His to do for use
what we cannot do for ourselves.

Pray, pray, pray and rely on God's peace to guide you.

Hi Pal,

Thank you so much for your suggestions. I am going to put these words on my prayer list that I can pray everyday. I have felt lost in what exactly to pray for regarding my marriage, other than Lord please help me!! Thank you for giving me these specific things to pray for that will help focus the goal that God wants to achieve through me here. God bless you!!

 

[parsley]

With respect for the scriptural advice, Christian conversations tend to use the submission verse as the trump card; but the Bible is loaded with balanced advice. God knows that humans tends toward corruption and offense.

The average marriage according to statistics is very different from the average marriage in our self-help books and Christian conversations. Idealism glosses over the millions of people seriously abused every day.

In the early days of the Laws of Moses, the community stepped in to enforce injustices, and the woman was not required to handle it all on her own. That was the scriptural provision God put in place, and it is similar to how we have governmental, religious, and community services in place to support the abused. Use them.

When the Law of Moses expected a community response to enforce justice, then situations were shuffled. Offenders were removed and put outside the city walls, or put to death, or were required to pay compensation with interest. We have similar laws in place that deal with oppressors. Use the systems that the community has created to support you, and do not be afraid that they conflict with Christianity. God was the one who delivered the Laws of Moses.

As for living in the same house and praying for improvement, remember that we wrestle not against flesh and blood. The words come out of the man's mouth, but we know that evil forces continually try to work their way into our lives and stop the work of God. If a person gives in to them -- intentionally or not -- the harassment foothold can be used against an innocent person.

You are more than a conqueror through Christ who strengthens you.

If you feel like it is impossible to live in the same house, prepare yourself to go live temporarily with a sister or a family at church. Get your head cleared out, and see other possibilities. That might shake your husband into reality, or into appreciation -- at least shuffle the ruts of interaction that are growing deeper.

Jesus' words: in John 10:10 : The thief comes only to steal and kill and destroy; I came that they may have life, and have it abundantly.

take a communicative break (which he would never allow).

If it is a matter of finances, then talk to your pastor about ways you can get some relief. The church might know of people who have offered their home. Also look into Catholic family services - they establish centers for support, and expect people to use them.

Battered women's shelters will protect your identity and location, and will not even provide their own location to callers. Many verbally abused people do not consider this option because it is such a final declaration. If the spouse is volatile, then they will retaliate and make any form of turning back a very painful experience.

Take a look at your life now, and estimate what it will look like in twenty years. He will not get better unless something changes. The path of destruction has been progressive, and increasingly worse. Like this shape:
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