What I want

[Silver-winged Flyer]

I want my best friend to hold me in his arms so I can just cry until I feel better. I want him to be able to afford a divorce so we don't have to sneak around and I want him to become a christian and to get a good paying job so I don't have to help him out anymore.
I want to be able to afford varsity fees and have enough left over to pay up my credt card and buy a few extras.
I want a job where I can use the information that I'm learning.
I want to buy my own place and get my two labradors and two cats.
I want to be healed emotionally, I am so raw at the moment I don't know how I'm going to get through the next rough day that comes along.
I want a wonderful guy to be able to contact me without worrying that his reputation will be ruined. I want him to forgive me so when he can contact me again he'll want to be friends.
I want somebody that I work with to be healed of cancer and to become a christian.

 

[Amin]

I want my best friend to hold me in his arms so I can just cry until I feel better. I want him to be able to afford a divorce so we don't have to sneak around and I want him to become a christian and to get a good paying job so I don't have to help him out anymore.
I want to be able to afford varsity fees and have enough left over to pay up my credt card and buy a few extras.
I want a job where I can use the information that I'm learning.
I want to buy my own place and get my two labradors and two cats.
I want to be healed emotionally, I am so raw at the moment I don't know how I'm going to get through the next rough day that comes along.
I want a wonderful guy to be able to contact me without worrying that his reputation will be ruined. I want him to forgive me so when he can contact me again he'll want to be friends.
I want somebody that I work with to be healed of cancer and to become a christian.

Hi T,

It sounds a little bit like you're lonely.

Sometimes when we're lonely we think and do things in haste.

Remember you have friends here praying for you. That includes me too.

I'd try to be a little more careful about giving money.
We can get into a habit of asking for help,
and when you like someone it's easy to give too much.

You were saying about money to pay a credit card, remember that you need your money too.

I'm not saying you shouldn't help someone, but if you don't take care of yourself you might find yourself in a bind.

Just some thoughts given in christian love.

Chuck.

I'll be praying for your friend with cancer.

 

[redman7353]

I want my best friend to hold me in his arms so I can just cry until I feel better. I want him to be able to afford a divorce so we don't have to sneak around and I want him to become a christian and to get a good paying job so I don't have to help him out anymore.
I want to be able to afford varsity fees and have enough left over to pay up my credt card and buy a few extras.
I want a job where I can use the information that I'm learning.
I want to buy my own place and get my two labradors and two cats.
I want to be healed emotionally, I am so raw at the moment I don't know how I'm going to get through the next rough day that comes along.
I want a wonderful guy to be able to contact me without worrying that his reputation will be ruined. I want him to forgive me so when he can contact me again he'll want to be friends.
I want somebody that I work with to be healed of cancer and to become a christian.

I want to not be lonely anymore
I want to be confident in myself.
I want to be able to bring my best friend back to Christ
I want to draw nearer to God as I find myself questioning why he does certain things
I want to make some child's life in a 3rd world country a little better
I want to no longer be depressed
I want one of my friends to no longer be in pain and be free from her disease
I want to stop feeling like people are rejecting me

 

[UnitynLove]

You seem to want some very noble things. Trust in God and it shall come to pass because his word can not come back void!

 

[Silver-winged Flyer]

Hi T,

It sounds a little bit like you're lonely.

Sometimes when we're lonely we think and do things in haste.

Remember you have friends here praying for you. That includes me too.

I'd try to be a little more careful about giving money.
We can get into a habit of asking for help,
and when you like someone it's easy to give too much.

You were saying about money to pay a credit card, remember that you need your money too.

I'm not saying you shouldn't help someone, but if you don't take care of yourself you might find yourself in a bind.

Just some thoughts given in christian love.

Chuck.

I'll be praying for your friend with cancer.

Yes, I am lonely at the moment.

Thanks for praying for me and if anybody else out there is also praying, thanks.

He never asks for help. Its not like I'm paying for his holidays, just the basics.
My credit card is nearly at its limit because I've used it too freely mainly for him (which I know wasn't such a good thing) but I believe that God wants me to help and I know He'll provide for me if I get into a bind but I do make sure I've got enough to cover my needs first.

 

[Silver-winged Flyer]

At the moment if my self-control is strong enough I skip meals that I can get away with without people knowing like lunch during the week and I don't eat much over the weekends. I feel like I have to punish myself for something. I don't have an ED but I don't cut anymore so not eating is equivalent for me, it gives me something that I can control.

I went to visit my friend in the hospice last night. She's not doing that badly but she's had chemo and she got a virus so it really set her back so she's just in there to rest and get better.

Sometimes I wonder if I enjoy being miserable.

 

[Amin]

Yes, I am lonely at the moment.

Thanks for praying for me and if anybody else out there is also praying, thanks.

He never asks for help. Its not like I'm paying for his holidays, just the basics.
My credit card is nearly at its limit because I've used it too freely mainly for him (which I know wasn't such a good thing) but I believe that God wants me to help and I know He'll provide for me if I get into a bind but I do make sure I've got enough to cover my needs first.

Even tho people might not do it on purpose, sometimes they become dependent on your giving them money, or anything else.

It could be he might not look very hard for another job if you keep giving him what he wants.

I'm not being harsh, just concerned.

I wouldn't want to see you get hurt.

Chuck.

 

[LINUS___]

I'll pray for you and your friend.

I'm glad you don't cut - that's a big step, and you should be proud of getting this far. Good for you!
Chop that credit card if you can, they are the most destructive money tool there is and it might be part of the reason you feel depressed. You can love your friend with all your heart, and if he is really your friend he will still be there when the credit card is chopped up.
You might try just eating a small portion instead of skipping meals, swinging your metabolism can't help, and probably could be a reason your mood could swing too. I'm not a doctor, just offering a suggestion.

If you can't chop the credit card, give it to someone you trust, that way you have to find them to get the card to use it, and you have all that time in between to decide if you really need to use it.
If you don't trust anyone enough and you have a freezer - freeze the card in the middle of an ice cube - like in a tupperware container - once again you have to melt the ice to get to the card.

God bless and I'll pray for you!

-Ben

 

[Silver-winged Flyer]

Even tho people might not do it on purpose, sometimes they become dependent on your giving them money, or anything else.

It could be he might not look very hard for another job if you keep giving him what he wants.

I'm not being harsh, just concerned.

I wouldn't want to see you get hurt.

Chuck.

I appreciate the concern. Its not easy for a white male to find a job in my country. Females and black people get jobs first. Its a system called affirmative action which tries to make up for apartheid. I'm trying to find him a better job.

 

[Silver-winged Flyer]

I'll pray for you and your friend.

I'm glad you don't cut - that's a big step, and you should be proud of getting this far. Good for you!
Chop that credit card if you can, they are the most destructive money tool there is and it might be part of the reason you feel depressed. You can love your friend with all your heart, and if he is really your friend he will still be there when the credit card is chopped up.
You might try just eating a small portion instead of skipping meals, swinging your metabolism can't help, and probably could be a reason your mood could swing too. I'm not a doctor, just offering a suggestion.

If you can't chop the credit card, give it to someone you trust, that way you have to find them to get the card to use it, and you have all that time in between to decide if you really need to use it.
If you don't trust anyone enough and you have a freezer - freeze the card in the middle of an ice cube - like in a tupperware container - once again you have to melt the ice to get to the card.

God bless and I'll pray for you!

-Ben

Thanks for the advice. I've hardly used my credit card at all except to pay for varsity fees because I didn't want to walk around with lots of cash which is the main reason for getting it. i was supposed to put money into it so I'd have a credit balance to start off with which didn't happen. I got it linked to my debit card so I could draw money on it without having to use it which is why its so overdrawn. I've learned a valuable lesson and I will control my usage of it from now on.

As for the skipping meals thing - lately I've been feeling so depressed that I need to control some aspect of my life just to feel okay.

 

[.chrys.]

I feel like I have to punish myself for something.

Dear one!

It sounds like you are a really strong person to be able to at least control this one aspect of your physical being. I admire your will power and your self-control.

The words you'd written about "needing to punish [yourself] for something" have me a bit worried. What is it that makes you feel so strongly that you need to be punished? There is a Christian icon in your profile, so I assume you know that Jesus loves you dearly. Whatever the "something" is that makes you feel the need to be punished, please, take it to Jesus! He is forgiving and is ready to receive you just as you are. There is no need to punish yourself, simply accept His forgiveness and walk into His open arms!

May He bless you today; may your depression be lifted!

~Witness

 

[Silver-winged Flyer]

Thanks ConstantWitness

During this difficult time I am trying to draw closer to God and rely more on Him. Sometimes it feels like people don't like me and some days it feels like I can't do anything right so that's why I feel like I have to punish myself.

 

[Silver-winged Flyer]

It feels like my depression's gone for now. It does come and go. When I'm depressed it feels like it will never go away and I forget that its not a permamnet state and when I'm fine it feels like I'm cured for life.

Just an update on my friend with cancer: she started off with a tumour on her liver which has now spread to her stomach. She had one lot of chemo but now they can't give her anymore because her blood count is too low. Basically there's nothing more that they can do for her.

 

[.chrys.]

Hey TLB!

I'm sorry to hear that there are days when it seems like no one likes you. Those days are rotten! Try to remember that you're not alone though: Jesus is always at your side and you can come in here and find at least one other to sympathize. Then, when you forrm a three-strand cord of friendship, it can't easily be broken.

As for days when you don't seem to be able to do anything right, well...(((((((((TLB)))))))))))...just remember there is tomorrow and it will get better!

I'm so glad your depression is gone for now! Praise God!

Sorry to hear about your friend. I praise God she has a friend in you though! I will keep her in my prayers.

~Witness

 

[Silver-winged Flyer]

Thank you.
Its good to know people do care. I'm alot more open on the forums then I am in 'real-life' which I think is good for me.

 

[Amin]

Thank you.
Its good to know people do care. I'm alot more open on the forums then I am in 'real-life' which I think is good for me.

It is good for you!!!

It's almost like a training area about
handling real life.

Chuck

 

[.chrys.]

Hear hear! I second what Amin says!!

The Internet is a great place to interact with others. I find it to be much more personable than "in real life". People are more open and truly speak more from the heart.

I'm glad you find a blessing from on-line friendships. May we not fail you!

~Witness

 

[Silver-winged Flyer]

You haven't failed me yet and I'm sure you won't. I'm having another bad day. I skipped breakfast and had hardly anything to drink.
I hope my not eating doesn't get out of control.

My life is turning into such a mess.
I'm starting to get scared.

 

[.chrys.]

TLB,

I'm so sorry to hear that today was another bad day. Not eating is one thing; not drinking is something entirely different!

You must have water. Juicing also would be most beneficial!

I mentioned earlier that your willpower to control certain aspects of your life are amazing to me. Stop and consider a moment though exactly what it is you are controlling.

You've already made a giant (I mean HUGE!) leap from controlling cutting to controlling eating. You've stopped the worse behavior and substitued a better one.

But don't stop there! You have the power and the means within yourself to choose a better controlling behavior.

Choose to control your eating in a healthy way. "Punish" if you must, the behavior of hurting yourself--"punish" it by being good to yourself!

I don't know if this is making any sense at all. What I am really getting at is that you have an incredible ability within you that a lot of people don't seem to have. You have willpower and staying-power. You have the means to control your actions and behaviors. Just think of what great things you could do with your stamina!

I sit in awe at the wonderful possibilities that lie ahead for you.

~Witness

 

[Silver-winged Flyer]

My self-control is not good at all in different situations. When I'm told to not contact someone because they are facing a court hearing and any contact could ruin their reputation and I still try to contact them, that is not willpower.
I felt better later and did end up eating normally. Its my really bad days that scare me, what if they carry
on indefintely, how do I get through it?
What you said did make sense, thank you for your comments.