What have you learned?

[slimfish]

This is mainly for the married people out there, but I suppose this could be a relevant question for the daters out there too.

I am curious, what are some of the most important things you've learned while being married?

Thanks a lot, Godbless. Slimfish.

 

[karla]

It's not really 50/50, it's 100/100. Marriage takes a lot of work and you only get out of it what you put into it. It's so easy to go into it with a fantasy of what it will be like, it's not like that fantasy - although on some days it is! If you put your spouses needs before your own and he/she does the same, things can be wonderful.

 

[kimber1]

that God can work miracles in a marriage if you allow Him to and quit trying to "fix" your spouse yourself!!

 

[enslow]

In every failed marriage I've seen so far (including my own) at least one element of respect has been violated.

God calls man to love and honor his wife, and his wife to obey her husband. I understand this to mean that the husband should be free to make wise decisions for the family based on what he sees and hears in his family. In otherwords, honoring his wife means he must listen to her. His wife should feel comfortable talking about decisions knowing that he values her opinion. Because she's married to him, she should feel comfortable trusting his decision and follow it.

If a potential husband and wife feel that their opinions and decisions won't be respected, they don't trust each other enough for marriage. Too bad I didn't understand this 10 years ago.
Enslow

 

[ej]

I'm not married yet. But my relationship is at the stage where I agree entirely with Enslow - trust and respect are imperative.

Neither of us have been at this stage before - we both find it amazing and liberating. However, I still blow it occasionally, when I have slf-obsessed 'fat days' and the like...

 

[Durango]

We talk often around here about how important it is to have effective
communication between both partners in a relationship.

I wonder how often do we sit back and analyze how effective that
communication is though.

Are we not really listening and only hearing what we want to hear?

Do we just yes the other person to shut them up?

Do we make sure that what we are saying has been understood the way it
was
meant to be understood?

Communication is more than just talking.... it is a means of exchanging
thoughts! It is a matter of how effective we transfer these thoughts
and
ideas that determines the effectiveness our communication.

An example.....

When my youngest son was very small he had a habit of playing in the
kitchen.
The wife and I both felt that the kitchen wasn't the safest place for
the
little guy to be playing. . .

We would constantly be chasing him into the living room to play by
telling
him to "go play in the other room" or "go watch tv in the other room".

Then the day came when I asked the little guy to go get me the
newspaper in
the "living room"...

He asked "where is the living room"?

Pointing to the living room I said "you know where the living room is,
it's
right there".

To which he answered "I thought that was the other room".

So, what it all boils down to is this, are you communicating your
thoughts, ideas and emotions
effectively enough to be understood in the manner you meant them to be
understood?

You see, it's NOT always the other person, sometimes we need to look at
ourselves and see if we aren't the one who is wrong.

Coffee cup is empty, so until later, it's something to think about.

Durango

 

[lucypevensie]

After 9 years of marriage we're still learning things about each other. you never stop learning

 

[Knight]

What I've learned from marriage:

1) Communication is key. The more you communicate the closer you become.

2) In a good marriage familiarity is not a bad thing. The better you know each other the better things get.

3) Laughter is important. Always keep a sense of humor.

4) Disagreement over minor issues is not a bad thing. Fighting over them is. Making up is always good.

Finally,

5) No man will ever understand how a woman can fit all that "stuff" into her purse. It's one of the mysteries of the universe. Get used to it.

 

[Zoe]

I have learned:
-Put God first.
-Never go to sleep mad at each other.
-You do have to work hard at marriage.
-Your spouse should be your first priority after God.
-Yes, the bible really does command wives to submit to their husbands.

There are so many more things but these are just a few that popped into my head.

~Andrea

 

[Durango]

5) No man will ever understand how a woman can fit all that "stuff" into her purse. It's one of the mysteries of the universe. Get used to it.

Reminds me of a little story.

My wife lost her keys this morning, she couldn't find them anywhere. . .

Finally she opened her purse and started looking through there,

Well she dumped out the contents of the purse on the table . . . .

Let me tell you I thought she had been packed for a month long trip to Europe
with everything that was in there.

I asked her how she carried that thing around with all that in there, and she
said she manages.

I watched as went through the old gum wrappers and the receipts from Christmas presents bought back in 1984.

She carefully went through everything and she finally ended up throwing out about half the contents in the purse. (By the way she found the keys in there too).

Well this all got me to thinking so I poured a cup of coffee.

Why does she carry all that garbage around and let it make her life miserable?

Then I thought about how we all carry around garbage all day long . . . .

Garbage we can let go of and not carry around all day, making our lives
miserable. . . .

Like all the little things that we have refused to forgive others for . . .

All these trivial little things we clog our minds with, we carry around and
dwell on them . . .

And they make our lives miserable!

But fortunately, the Good Lord has given us a means of getting rid of all that garbage that clogs our thoughts . . .

He gave us the gift of forgiveness . . .

And through the proper use of that gift we can forgive others for the things they've done or said that have hurt us.

Once we forgive someone for their infraction it is one less negative thought we will carry around with us.

Forgiveness, what a wonderful gift!

Just a thought over coffee.

Durango

 

[Mom4Christ]

I have only been married just over a year and a half, but I learned so much when my husband and I separated and were considering divorce.

1. Communication is everything. Be honest with each other. Sometimes it's hard, but talk about whatever it is you need to (but may not want to) talk about.

2. Don't do something you know will upset your partner. It doesn't matter how trivial you think it is, it's a big thing to him/her.

3. Never, ever lie. You'll always get caught and make your spouse feel worthless. Remember, it takes a long time to rebuild trust.

4. Your spouse is number 2 in your life (right after God). Work, friends, even your parents should never come before your spouse.

5. It's okay to disagree. But watch your fights. Don't yell, call names, bring up past hurts, etc. You'll never agree on everything 100%, so don't make each other feel bad.

6. Be affectionate. Hug, kiss, cuddle whenever you can. It doesn't have to lead to sex every time. But sometimes after a long, hard day, a nice, long cuddle with your spouse can do wonders.