What flaws and issues did your spouse have that you didn't find out about right away?

[proverbswisdom]

I know no one is perfect so I completely expect whoever I end up with to have some issues that aren't apparent on the surface.

I'm still not sure exactly what issues to expect though. What are some of the ones your spouse dealt with? What are some of the most common?

I want to be prepared. Even if my guy ends up having a porn addiction or smokes weed for example, I'm not going to break up the marriage for that but would instead support him as he works through it. God knows I'm not perfect myself!

 

[Shane R]

One of the most frustrating issues is a wide gap in financial education. Basically, if one partner is good with money and financial planning and the other is not it will cause incredible friction. A serious couple should take a few financial management classes together to get somewhat on the same level in this matter.

 

[CounselorForChrist]

It all really depends. Porn, drugs, lying, not enough attention, doesn't acre about sex, insensitivity, controlling. Obviously the porn one is near the top I'd say. But its good your first instinct isn't to divorce.

A strong couple can work through any issues that comes up. That show me and my fiance are.

 

[seeingeyes]

There may, of course, be 'hidden problems', but you can usually sniff those out while dating (just ask his mother! lol).

The problems that are sneakiest, though, are the traits that you adore about him while you are dating, but that wear thin later on.

For example, you absolutely love how free and unrestricted he is. He's been all over the world and known all kinds of folks. He's adventurous.

So you get married and have a couple of kids and then you can't seem to keep him at home. "He's so exciting!" turns into "He's so unreliable!" pretty darn quick.

 

[LinkH]

It's best to try to find out details before dating. One of the big things I would look for is someone who doesn't believe in easy or frivolous divorce. Read through Matthew 5 and 19 and other passages in the synoptics and I Corinthians 7 together and discuss it. While in I Corinthians 7, find out if your potential partner sees it as important to meet the physical needs of their spouse. What kinds of demands are you both expecting to put on each other.

When you start talking about marriage, you can ask about porn addictions and sexual pasts. Try not to talk about sex in a dark room on a coach though.

Some other things to talk through is what your ideas of a husband and wife's role. Study Ephesians 5, Colossians 3, and I Peter 3, and discuss what you expect this to look like in real life. That's important for both you to know. What are your ideas about handling money?

Find out about life goals and calling.

Then consider whether your potential problem has problems with anger, especially look for any signs of violence. Does he have a problem forgiving? Does he get upset over small things and make a big deal about it?

Ask your mom and dad for help 'interviewing' him.

 

[iambren]

Did you not ask the question---


"What flaws and issues did your spouse have that you didn't find out about right away?" ?

 

[CounselorForChrist]

^what Link said^
If anyone even HINTS at separation is ok I run from them.

 

[Niffer]

I dated a guy for a while who I thought I knew well. He was Christian, we went to church together, he had a great family I had met, etc.
But he had HUGE anger problems; rarely was it directed at me; but if something were to go wrong, like a problem with his truck, or an argument with his dad, he could hardly control his anger and would "hit things".

I got out of that relationship FAST, even though he hadn't ever touched me, he became intimidating when mad - and I would not put up with anyone who would use intimidation when angry.

Know your red flags and don't ignore them.
They won't go away, and its extremely unlikely you'll change them.

Peace,
- Niffer

 

[Hetta]

I know no one is perfect so I completely expect whoever I end up with to have some issues that aren't apparent on the surface.

I'm still not sure exactly what issues to expect though. What are some of the ones your spouse dealt with? What are some of the most common?

I want to be prepared. Even if my guy ends up having a porn addiction or smokes weed for example, I'm not going to break up the marriage for that but would instead support him as he works through it. God knows I'm not perfect myself!

While nobody will be perfect, it's better to find out first whether your guy has a porn addiction or smokes weed. These are very unpleasant, difficult things to handle in a marriage, and the chances are that - if it seems you have accepted these, and they are addictions - your husband may not want to stop them. So, what happens then?

Not everyone is honest during dating. I am not quite saying to hire a private detective, but listen carefully to the things that your bf/fiance says. Watch for his integrity and honesty. If he says "I have so much integrity/I am so honest" - don't just believe his own account - look to his works for proof.

Pre-marital counseling is a must.

 

[dayhiker]

Ya, somethings catch one off guard later in the relationship. I asked my last GF if she was adventurous. To which she said yes. I talked about m adventures and she her travels. But after a while it was clear she wasn't interested in some of the adventures I was interested in. It can be even harder when young. Adventures might seem exciting and even looked forward to, but then when you get time and money one person decides they aren't interested like they thought they would be.

So discussions on the right topic will teach us a lot about a new person in out life. Something one just don't know till you let to live it together. Indeed, they may not know till they live it.