What exactly is SI??

[Cerulean_Butterfly]

For those of you that might not understand... or just want to know why us 'cutters' (as you might call us) do what we do.

SI, short for Self Injury, is obviously injury inflicted on oneself.

There are many reasons why we do what we do. And I can't speak for everyone... but I can give a few ideas as to some of the reasons why.

Somtimes, pain overcomes coping mecanisms... causing SI or in some cases, sadly, suicide. Not all 'cutters' are suicidal. Actually, only 3% of people that SI are suicidal. But sadly, sometimes people that even aren't suicidal... die, from this horrible disorder.

Another reason: Somtimes... we just... feel numb. We just want to feel something. An example of this would be the verse in this song "When everything feels like the movies, you bleed just to know your alive."

Stress also plays a part in SI. Maybe you're an honor student and you're always being pressured to be perfect. Or maybe your not and your parents are always on your back about it. Maybe your having problems with friends. Whatever it is that causes stress, can be the source of the reason for self inflicting behavior.

Now, for the BIG question. Do we do it for attention? I can't speak for everyone... but as for me... No... i dont. But some do. And that's not always negitive either. There are two different ways to 'flip-flop' the idea of SI for attention.

One way to put it is that, some people feel like no one notices or no one cares about the pain they are expeiriancing... so they wear it on their bodies to tell what words cannot explain. One quote on a friends sig is "Please listen to what I'm NOT saying..." That's one example.

The other way to put it... is dumb people (can I say that?) who dont see the danger in SI and want to look 'cool' or be part of the crowd. Its not cool. Not at all. It's dangerous. It is not something to be fooled around with. Don't ever start. Once I started I was addicted. And the recovery process is long, and hard.

Now, as for the question "Does cutting condemn you into hell?" I don't think so. But then again you're probably thinking "Well, she's a 'cutter' she has to say that." No. I'm speaking for all of us here when I say that God is a merciful God. He sees the pain that is overcomming us. And I'm not saying that's an excuse to pick SI over turning to God. Yes, I realize that God cries everytime I make another mark on my body. But that gives me all the more reason to keep going on this road to recovery. I know God is happy when I go a day without cutting. I know he's proud of me. I know he loves me regardless.

I hope I have answered all of your questions. If not, maybe it would help some if you read some of the posts made by us. Maybe it might explain things a little better.

One thing I'll leave you with is this... If you are injuring yourself in any way, get help. Before it's too late. Yes, It's hard. And No, it doesnt have to be your parents. But trust me... it feels alot better to be free of this than to be caught in it. And this forum is for you to talk, vent, ask questions, get answers and/or prayer. Talk it out... even if you say the same things over and over. Or ask the same questions over and over. It's ok.

If you know a friend, that is injuring themselves... Talk to them. Stay with them. Take them seriously and more importantly... listen. Be their shoulder and open arms. They need you. Even if they say they dont, they know in their heart they do. How do I know this? Well, I've pushed people away before, too. Even when I needed them most.

Spread the awareness.

-Jo.

 

[goldenviolet]

hey extreme sweetie ... you have such a firery flame for SI people... for someone so young you know so many things. this is truelly a gift. and your gift is deffinately in use.
i wanted to add that self harm comes in other forms too. i will not add the details, but it is for the same reasons as the above post states.
it is a learned way of dealling... just like everything in life. it may sound extra scary or confusing... but it is no different from thousands of other ways people cope unhealthily. however this can be very secretive like drugs can be. there needs to be an awearness and education of this before we can address it and begin healling.
we are not suppose to condemn one another...... we are suppose to lift up one another.

 

[Imani]

<H1 align=center>[font=Verdana, Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif]Helpful responses to self-injury

[/font]

[font=Verdana, Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif]Short Term

[/font]

​

• [font=Verdana, Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif]Show that you see and care about the person in pain behind the self-injury.
  
  [/font]
• [font=Verdana, Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif]Show concern for the injuries themselves. Whatever 'front' she may put on, a person who has injured herself is usually deeply distressed, ashamed and vulnerable. You have an opportunity to offer compassion and respect - something different from what she may be used to receiving.
  
  [/font]
• [font=Verdana, Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif]Make it clear that self-injury is alright to talk about and can be understood. If you feel upset by the injuries it may be best to be honest about this, while being clear that you can deal with your own feelings and don't blame her for them.
  
  [/font]
• [font=Verdana, Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif]Convey your respect for the person's efforts to survive, even though this involves hurting herself. She has done the best she could.
  
  [/font]
• [font=Verdana, Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif]Acknowledge how frightening it may be to think of living without self-injury. Reassure the person that you will not try to 'steal' her way of coping. (Also reassure yourself you are not responsible for what she does to herself.)[/font]

[font=Verdana, Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif]Longer-term

[/font]

​

• [font=Verdana, Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif]Help the person make sense of her self-injury, e.g. ask when the self-injury started, and what was happening then. Explore how it has helped the person to survive in the past and now. Retrace with her the steps leading up to self-injury - the events, thoughts and feelings which lead to it.
  
  [/font]
• [font=Verdana, Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif]Gently encourage the person to use the urge to self-injure as a signal - of important but buried experiences, feelings and needs. When she feels ready, help her learn to express these things in other ways, such as through talking, writing, drawing, shouting, hitting something, etc.
  
  [/font]
• [font=Verdana, Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif]Support the person in beginning to take steps to keep herself safe and to reduce her self-injury - if she wishes to. Examples of very valuable steps might be: taking fewer risks (e.g. washing implements used, avoiding drinking if she thinks she is likely to self-injure); taking better care of injuries; reducing severity or frequency of injuries even a little. In all cases more choice and control are being exercised.
  
  [/font]
• [font=Verdana, Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif]Don't see stopping self-injury as the only, or most important goal. A person may make great progress in many ways and still need self-injury as a coping method for some time. Self-injury may also worsen for a while when difficult issues or feelings are being explored, or when old patterns are being changed. It may take a long time for a person to be ready to give up self-injury. Encourage her and yourself by acknowledging each small step as a major achievement.[/font]

</H1>

 

[Imani]

the myths and facts about self harm...
​

Myth 1. They just do it for attention

• Facts: To suggest that people only self-harm in order to get attention causes alot more harm than good. Self harm is a coping mechanism.. some examples of when it is used are
  • To escape from feelings of emptiness, depression and feelings of unreality.
  • Relief: When intense feelings build, a self-harmer may feel overwhelmed and unable to cope. By causing outer physical pain, they reduce the level of emotional and internal pain to a bearable one
  • Expression of emotional pain
  • Escaping numbness: many of those who self-injure say they do it in order to feel something, to know that they are still alive.
  • Continuing abusive patterns; self injurers tend to have been abused as children. Sometimes self harm is a way of punishing oneself for being bad
  • Relief from anger: many people who self harm have enormous amounts of rage within. Afraid to express it outwardly, they injure themselves as a way of venting their feelings
  • Exerting a sense of control over one's body
  • To ground in reality, a way of dealing with feelings of depersonalisation and dissociation
  • Expressing or repressing sexuality
  • Expressing or coping with feelings of rejection and isolation
  • A way of managing the effects of trauma
  • An alternative to suicide

Myth 2: Self Harming is a "failed" suicide attempt

• Facts: Self Harm can be understood as a way of coping with life rather than a strategy for ending it.

• Myth 3: Young women who self harm are just crazy

• Facts: Mental health issues are sometimes a factor in young women self harming. However, it is critical to remember that even when mental health is a factor, it is only one reason amongst many others. It is also important to remember that many social factors, including the experience of violence, abuse, discrimination or isolation all impact on the mental health of young women. If you want to know why a women self harms, the most useful way is to ask her!

 

[Ariella]

i think that ... it can be one of the greatest fallacies that people believe ... that SI is for attention; yes it is true of some people ... but for most it is a continual nightmare and often one they are trying to break free of but don't have the resources to know how to ... SI is .... any time someone is deliberately hurting/harming themselves ... so much more than cutting ... and there is a wide spectrum of the severity ... there are some that sadly do it as a fashion statement but it is usually much more that this, and for reasons that ... are often not fully understood; and needs to be dealt with, with great love and care, with grace and not judgement ... thanks for writing on this jo ...

 

[Bevlina]

This is a WONDERFUL thread!! Thankyou!! Thankyou for bringing it to our attention just what causes folk to SI.
Thankyou Jo!! Thankyou Sara!!
Yes ariella, I believe you are right.

 

[alilsa]

I guess I do it for the wrong reasons then. I SI sometimes then try to tell someone because I think that nobody cares and I want to let someone know that I'm really hurting inside. I may feel suicidal or I may feel nothing and not know where the cuts and burns came from or how hot the water was when I burned myself. I have trouble feeling like people really care even when they tried to tell me. I can't seem to see that I'm hurting others since I've not bonded with anybody or let anybody get close to me. I have trouble trusting anybody so I want to see if anybody cared. But honestly, I cut because I feel so alone inside and afraid to let anyone close because people walk out on me and it is safer inside a wall. So I try to hide my cuts and pain and act like I'm alright, I'll make it. But what I really needed was a hug from God and him to tell me he loves me and won't walk out on me. But I don't know how to relate to him and tell him I'm really hurting inside. So, now I come off as not fitting in with cutters either because I cut for the wrong reasons.

 

[els_bells]

There are no right or wrong reasons to cut, we all have our own reasons. Jo was just suggesting some reasons that are common to many people that SI but it was by no means an exhaustive list.
I also find it very difficult to trust people completely because I've been let down in the past. I am scared to let people get too close to me because I know they will just walk away in time. But through a few great friends I am learning to trust again but it takes time.
We all care about you a lot and want to support you.
xxxxxxxxxx

 

[Bevlina]

Ella Pet, I think most feel that lack of trust in people because when you stop to think about it, nothing else on earth will harm you unless it be a deadly animal.
And, I do feel that most people who SI have been treated badly by people they have loved and trusted. The "hurt you and desert you" seems to be a common theme in some people's lives.
So, I cannot blame you for that as I think it's perfectly natural.
However, the time comes when you can meet some you can trust. And, then you are on the road to recovery. It all takes time, baby steps, baby steps.

 

[Cerulean_Butterfly]

Yeah... I didn't list all of the reasons alilsa, because I don't know all of them. You may have your own reasons, that's fine... but I agree with ells_bells there are no right or wrong reasons unless you doing it for a 'fashion trend'.

-Jo.

 

[goldenviolet]

*dee prays* there is so many hurts.....
even the seemingly small ones are big to the person going through them. (good info on this thread... should it be added to sticky?)